New meaning to the question "Why?"

BANDA ACEH, Indonesia - Mourners in Sri Lanka used their bare hands to dig graves Tuesday while hungry islanders in Indonesia turned to looting in the aftermath of Asia's devastating tsunamis. Thousands more bodies were found in Indonesia, dramatically increasing the death toll across 11 nations to more than 52,000.

But the ministry said it had not yet counted deaths along the inundated and shattered towns of Sumatra's western coast, which soldiers and rescue workers were unable so far to reach — including the district of Meulaboh, where earlier the head of another agency estimated that 10,000 people were killed.

"Is this the fate that we had planned for? My darling, you were the only hope for me," cried one man for his dead girlfriend — his university sweetheart — as Buddhist monks held prayer nearby.

In Sri Lanka, more than 300 people crammed into the Infant Jesus Church at Orrs Hill, located on high ground from their ravaged fishing villages. Families and childres slept on pews and the cement floor.

"We had never seen the sea looking like that. It was like as if a calm sea had suddenly become a raging monster," said one woman, Haalima, recalling the giant wave that swept away her 5-year-old grandson, Adil.

Adil was making sandcastles with his younger sister, Reeze, while Haalima sat in her home Sunday morning. Haalima said the girl ran to her complaining that waves had crushed their castles, then came screams and water entered the home. "When we looked, there was no shore anymore and no Adil," she said.

Amid the devastation, however, were some miraculous stories of survival. In Malaysia, a 20-day-old baby was found alive on a floating mattress. She and her family were later reunited. A Hong Kong couple vacationing in Thailand clung to a mattress for six hours.

A blond two-year-old Swedish boy, Hannes Bergstroem, found sitting alone on a road in Thailand was reunited with his uncle, who saw the boy's picture on a Web site.


Rich and poor...the known and the unknown...all have been affected. The communal struggle continues as many lie in wait for aid to come. Thousands are still missing or unreachable. Nevertheless, many have been spared.

This puts your "whys" into perspective, doesn't it? Yes, this tragedy is doing the same for many other souls around the world. You who have chosen to unite yourselves with the remaining survivors at last see your own worries and concerns as nothing but a trifle compared to what your Southeast Asian brothers and sisters now have to face.

It is always good to be drawn out of yourself and reflect on the crosses of others. You will never again be selfish or ungrateful if in one way or another you attempt to help those who need more than you do.

Everyone has their stories of suffering and triumph. You have yours. They will have theirs. Just know that there will be more opportunities. Why? You said it yourself some time ago...you must plant thorns in order to get roses.

You're praying for miracles, little one, and they are being granted this very moment.

Trust and believe. The roses will bloom.

Drawing the world together

"The United States dispatched disaster teams and prepared a $15 million aid package to the Asian countries, and the 25-nation European Union promised to quickly deliver $4 million. Japan, China and Russia were sending teams of experts.

Egeland said he expected hundreds of relief airplanes from two dozen countries within the next 48 hours. "

When one part hurts, the whole body suffers. Yet there is always a greater good that comes out of deep pain and brokeness. This help is prayer answered. The world is not all bad because people still care enough to reach out. Not everyone may believe what you do, but God is nevertheless using them to bring hope and healing to those in despair. Compassion is ingrained in the human heart. Immediate action is the result of complete unselfishness without thought of the weight of sacrifice.

So keep praying. Pray that the relief teams are given the courage to face the magnitude of suffering they will encounter...that they will be the hands, the feet, and most of all the heart of Jesus to every soul they meet. Pray that this experience will change their own lives as they serve, and when they return home, that they will have a much deeper appreciation for what they have and who they have been blessed with.

And you, little one - do not waste your time on trivial things. You need to be free enough to move graces around the world...to also pray that more people will join you as intercessors...that the entire world will be moved to turn to God in this global heartache. Death and loss are never easy, and when it occurs in such extreme cases, it is only the grace of God that can carry the survivors through their grief.

For all the souls who have entered purgatory, O Lord, deliver them.

AN ANGEL HAS BEEN THERE
Into each life some tears much fall;
Our hearts may sometimes break.
And sorrows come to one and all,
For all must give and take.
But God never leaves us hopeless;
He listens to each prayer,
And when we're filled with peacefulness,
An Angel has been there.
- Clay Harrison

Carrying the world in your prayers

COLOMBO, Sri Lanka - Legions of rescuers spread across Asia Monday after an earthquake of epic power struck deep beneath the Indian Ocean, unleashing 20-foot tidal waves that ravaged coasts across thousands of miles and killed more than 13,340 people and left millions homeless in the fourth-largest temblor in a century.

People are dying every day. Today, it was over 13,340 all at the same time. There you are sitting in your warm bed, with your family safe and healthy. For so many others, it is not the same case.

Pray...that the Indian and Indonesian people will find comfort in their suffering...that those who have lost loved ones will have peace in their grief...that all will be drawn closer to God in the aftermath of this disaster.

If it were you, it would not be as easy. If this happened in California and you survived, how would you feel? Complete horror. Shocked to the point of numbness. Everything lost, including family and friends...gone.

Would you still hold on to your faith?

You cannot be there to help, but you can pray for restoration. It will take time...much time. You have always been called to intercede for those who cannot find it in their hearts to pray, so here is your job. There are many right now who are finding it very hard to turn to God.

Stand in the gap. Graces will flow. It doesn't matter how far away you are. You will be doing more good than you know.

Begin now. Nine days. For the good of those you have never met. They will be there to thank you someday.

Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary

You don't know what to say because there is nothing to say. You just give...offer...surrender...sacrifice. Take your heart and simply place it in the hands of Mary so that she will generously pass it on to Jesus. She does not hold anything for herself, and in this is your great example.

This is what you are doing for young Jeremiah. It is what you shall do for every single person in your life.

The most beautiful act of charity is bringing a soul to Christ. Here God has granted you a way in which you can do so with anyone you wish. Use it. Propogate it. Teach others about it so that they, too, will reap the Fruit of the Tree. Pray that many people will find the value, consolation and joy in belonging to Jesus and Mary.

It is very appropriate that your date of consecration is Christmas Day because it is a gift you give to the two most wonderful people who ever lived. You are coming back to its true meaning by celebrating the Celebrant and honoring the Woman whose "Yes" made it all possible.

There is still much work to do in your heart, as you have been feeling discouraged by your own failings, but know that you are resting in the mercy of God. When Peter approached Mary in sorrow for his denial of Jesus, he was giving himself to her so that he may come back to Him. You will make mistakes. You will not always love as you should. But every time you, too, approach Mary with a contrite spirit, she will help you overcome the disappointment you have in yourself...the heavy sadness that tempts you to feel you cannot ever be a saint.

The key to all this, little one, is prayer. Prayer, remember, is simply lifting your heart to God with all its hopes and aspirations...with all its joys and sorrows...successes and apparent failures. When you pray, God cannot help but hear you because He loves you. He will never be deaf to your cry. The Father most especially looks upon you with so much joy when you remember Him and His goodness.

Be patient with yourself, and be patient with others. You know what you were all made to be but only God knows what each soul needs to be purified. Temptation and sin are very real. The spiritual battle over souls wages on. But trust and believe that even as you are wounded...even when you are lost...He lays His claim on you.

Virtue is your weapon, your shield, your inspiration, and your prize because in attaining virtue you reach Christ and fight valiantly for Him.

You try your best and that's all you can really give. Criticize yourself less and praise Him more. Be mindful of your sins and root them out, but always fill the holes with the great love He has for you. Do not give the enemy room to plant more weeds.

The fastest way he extinguishes the light of God in your soul is to make you believe that it isn't there.

There is only one Truth and it is Christ. You belong to Him and His Mother. You were made by a God who has given you more than anyone in this world ever can. You are supported by all the faithful saints who have gone before you...who journeyed as you are in the grace of God through this pilgrim country to the eternal Homeland.

Your strength is in your God. Your consolation is in His Mother. Your power is in His Spirit. Your destination is His dwelling place. Each step of the pathway is your "fiat".

AMDG +JMJ

Eucharist in Mary and Through Mary

"Finally, we must do everything for Mary. We take Mary for our proximate end, our mysterious intermediary and the easiest way of reaching him. Relying on her protection, we should undertake and carry out great things for our noble Queen. We must defend her privileges when they are questioned and uphold her good name when it is under attack. We must attract everyone, if possible, to her service and to this true and sound devotion. As a reward for these little services, we should expect nothing in return save the honour of belonging to such a lovable Queen and the joy of being united through her to Jesus, her Son, by a bond that is indissoluble in time and in eternity."
- from True Devotion to Mary (265)

This preparation culminates in the Blessed Sacrament with Mary as the Tabernacle...Jesus as the fruit with Mary as the tree...He as the sacrifice and she as the hands that offered Him up. Are you ready to receive...to commit...to lift up...to die...to rise...in them, with them and for them?

I ask again, how is your heart? What are you thinking and experiencing right now? You notice that you don't feel much of anything. You actually are not supposed to either way. By now you understand that making the choice to give yourself to someone isn't about the feelings at all. It's like you said, the proof of someone's love for you will be the choice they make to pick up your cross and help you carry it. There isn't much value for "falling head over heels in love". The evidence will be their joining you along your passion because you will also choose to join them along theirs.

The same stands for your relationship with Christ. He wants to know as He asks you, too - "Do you love Me?" Your words and sentiments will surely make Him smile, but it is your presence with Him on Calvary that brings the most joy to His heart. Mary is not noted in Scripture to say very much, but she is there at the major milestones of salvation history: the fall of Man, the life of Christ, the death of Christ, the resurrection of Christ, the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on Pentecost, the growth of the early Church. And she will be there in the end, which will mark the birth of the new Jerusalem, as it is called. She lives her Fiat. So should you, little one. This will be your soul's greatest fulfillment - to move in the holy will of God throughout your entire life.

There is still much formation and purification necessary, for you have not yet learned all there is to know about love and true Christian service. Thus it is best that you open your eyes to the lessons that come to you each day with every encounter you have and situation you are allowed. If you are not paying attention, you may miss them, so pray that you will be in tune to the whisper of God at all times.

Just do what needs to be done, and whatever is out of your control, give back to Him...for it may be there for you to learn simply that you can't control everything.

"My heart is ready, O God! I will sing praise and make music. Awake my soul!" (Ps. 108:2)

To leave thy beloved for thy Beloved

"Love Him, and keep Him for thy friend, who, when all go away, will not forsake thee, nor suffer thee to perish in the end. Some time or other thou must be separated from all, whether thou wilt or no. Keep close to Jesus both in life and in death, and commit thyself unto His faithfulness, who, when all fail, can alone help thee."
- from Imitation of Christ

You were just talking about this tonight...having Him as number one...as the center of your life. He is, but not all the time yet. There are still things and people you put above Him in one way or another, and it is these you must continue to surrender through the hands of Mary. It is useless to depend on that which withers away, for you know full well that it is Christ alone who will never leave you. Things lose their value and relationships change as seasons do. There is no secure guarantee of anything except in the presence and love of God.

Mary knew this because each day of her life was lived in Him. She did not worry about what would be taken away from her or what she may never have. She only accepted what was given to her. Her future was left completely in His hands.

Instead of asking: "Will I see my mother and father again?"
she allowed them to leave her at the Temple because she knew who she truly belonged to.

Instead of wondering: "How will Joseph understand my pregancy?"
she trusted that God would do the explaining somehow.

Instead of insisting: "Jesus must not leave Nazareth...I need Him"
she issued forth the command for His first miracle, thus beginning His public ministry for the people who needed Him more.

Instead of desperately crying: "How could you do this to Him?"
she resigned in absolute silence to the Father's plan of salvation.

"We must examine and meditate on the great virtues she practised during her life, especially: 1) Her lively faith, by which she believed the angel's word without the least hesitation, and believed faithfully and constantly even to the foot of the Cross on Calvary. 2) Her deep humility, which made her prefer seclusion, maintain silence, submit to every eventuality and put herself in the last place. "

There was no time for her to fear or doubt. Her mission was too important.

And so is yours, little one. Waste no time asking questions. Just serve wherever you are with whoever has been given you. But first and foremost, you must love Him and it is out of the love that has been placed in your heart that you will share.

Hold on to nothing but Him who you cannot grasp...who cradles you in the palm of His hand.

"The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. The one who finds it buries it again; and so happy is he, that he goes and sells everything he has in order to buy that field."
(Mt. 13:44)

A slave of Jesus in Mary

ST. LOUIS DE MONTFORT'S PRAYER TO JESUS

O most loving Jesus, deign to let me pour forth my gratitude before Thee, for the grace Thou hast bestowed upon me in giving me to Thy holy Mother through the devotion of Holy Bondage, that she may be my advocate in the presence of Thy majesty and my support in my extreme misery. Alas, O Lord! I am so wretched that without this dear Mother I should be certainly lost. Yes, Mary is necessary for me at Thy side and everywhere: that she may appease Thy just wrath, because I have so often offended Thee; that she may save me from the eternal punishment of Thy justice, which I deserve; that she may contemplate Thee, speak to Thee, pray to Thee, approach Thee and please Thee; that she may help me to save my soul and the souls of others; in short, Mary is necessary for me that I may always do Thy holy will and seek Thy greater glory in all things. Ah, would that I could proclaim throughout the whole world the mercy that Thou hast shown to me! Would that everyone might know I should be already damned, were it not for Mary! Would that I might offer worthy thanksgiving for so great a blessing! Mary is in me. Oh, what a treasure! Oh, what a consolation! And shall I not be entirely hers'? Oh, what ingratitude! My dear Saviour, send me death rather than such a calamity, for I would rather die than live without belonging entirely to Mary. With St. John the Evangelist at the foot of the Cross, I have taken her a thousand times for my own and as many times have given myself to her; but if I have not yet done it as Thou, dear Jesus, dost wish, I now renew this offering as Thou dost desire me to renew it. And if Thou seest in my soul or my body anything that does not belong to this august princess, I pray Thee to take it and cast it far from me, for whatever in me does not belong to Mary is unworthy of Thee. O Holy Spirit, grant me all these graces. Plant in my soul the Tree of true Life, which is Mary; cultivate it and tend it so that it may grow and blossom and bring forth the fruit of life in abundance. O Holy Spirit, give me great devotion to Mary, Thy faithful spouse; give me great confidence in her maternal heart and an abiding refuge in her mercy, so that by her Thou mayest truly form in me Jesus Christ, great and mighty, unto the fullness of His perfect age. Amen.

You will be granted your soul's greatest desire. Remain faithful. Strive for humility. Submit in obedience. Love, little one. Just simply love.

"Set me as a seal on your heart, set me as a seal on your arm. For love is strong as death; its jealousy lasting as the power of death, it burns like blazing fire, it blazes like a mighty flame. No flood can extinguish love nor river submerge it. If a man were to buy love with all the wealth of his house, contempt is all he would purchase." (Sg 8:6-7)

Why are you afraid to take up the cross?

In the cross is...

• salvation
• life
• protection from your enemies
• heavenly sweetness
• strength of mind
• joy of spirit
• the highest virtue
• perfect holiness

When you make with your hand the Sign of the Cross, you are praying in the Name of the Blessed Trinity. Through it, you unite yourself to all three Persons who are your God and you offer the deepest intentions with the expectation of being heard by them.

Do not be afraid of the cross...of your cross, as you had said you were. You pretend that it does not bear down upon you - that its weight does not frighten you - but when God handed it to you, He also gave you the grace to carry it.

Look, little one, at all the beautiful gifts that come along with it. Granted that you do not accept it for the gifts but simply for accompanying Jesus on the road to Calvary...however, there is consolation in the Lord's unfailing goodness especially during times of great suffering.

What appears to be "failure" in the world's eyes was Heaven's greatest victory. Our Lord's death defeated all sin and reclaimed the souls of the just. You share in that triumph when you, too, are crucified...when you willingly get up on that cross and tell Jesus that you will remain beside Him for as long as He needs you to.

Do not be afraid. There are many who have expressed their desire to help you along your own "passion". These are the "Simon of Cyrenes" in your life. Your mother. Fr. Ed. Fr. Larry. Your brothers and sisters who intercede on your behalf every day. Their prayers and counsel are the hands that lift the splintered wood from your shoulders. You know that they will be with you as you climb that hill...that they will not mock you from their crosses but rather stand at the foot of yours when you get to the top and are ready to die to yourself.

Do not be afraid. Every saint has chosen this path...

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If you want to follow Me, deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Me. For whoever chooses to save His life will lose it, but the one who loses his life for My sake will find it. What will one gain by winning the whole world if he destroys himself? There is nothing you can give to recover your own self.' " (Mt. 16:24-26)

Vanity of vanities, and all is vanity

"He who follows me does not walk in darkness." (Jn 8:12)

Has the pain become so unbearable that you cannot go on loving, little one? What is it? Allow the roots to be exposed in order for the weeds to be pulled out of the soil in your soul. Let it out. Just let it all out.

I look around and I say that it isn't fair, but I look at the Cross and realize that His death wasn't, either. Judgments made...reputations ruined...relationships broken. But then, I, too, at one point in time have contributed as well. Maybe I'm so sad because I see pieces of me out there in the people I care about. I'm put to shame by the faults I so easily recognize.

Perhaps I can't come to grips with the fact that this world, these people, and I myself are all imperfect. False idealism. Wanting everything to be peachy when unfortunately it never will be. At least not in this world. The optimistic idealist vs. the realistic pessimist as Fr. Shannon had described it. Life as I know it will never be fair because I hold within my own heart my partialities, preferences, and prejudices. We all do in one form or another.

But God calls us to rise above and beyond what we know so that the depth of our vision will penetrate into the tabernacle of each soul. All is vanity when seen through Heaven's eyes. Nothing has value apart from God, but found in Him used for the purpose of salvation and sanctification, all created things and creatures become priceless.

I still believe in faith, hope, and love. I still believe that Our Lord's presence is so evident all around me. I still believe that we can continue claiming more of the kingdom for God.

So what exactly do I have to change?

I have to keep letting go of attachments. I really have to. Daily acts of self-denial. It has to happen, otherwise certain things will keep distracting me and prevent me from seeing the face of Christ wherever I go. Let it all go...

"He holds the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind. The ear surely can test the words as the tongue tastes the food; wisdom is found in the old, and understanding in great age; in God however is wisdom and power; His are counsel and understanding.

What He tears down, none can rebuild; the one He imprisons, none can release. If He withholds water, there is drought; if He lets it loose, there is flood. In Him are strength and perception; deceived and deceiver are in His power. He leads counselors away stripped and makes fools of judges. He loosens the belt of kings and ties a loincloth about their waist. He leads priests away, barefoot, and overthrows those in power. He compels advisors to keep silent, and strips elders of their discernment. He puts princes to shame; He unties the girdle of the strong. He makes a nation rise and fall, a people to grow and to dwindle. He deprives leaders of their judgment, leaving them to roam in a trackless waste. Without light, they grope in the dark and stagger like drunkards." (Job 12:10-25)

Your Will Be Done

Everything you have learned up to this point must be tested and tried. Much of it has been already, but it is a continuous purification so that you will truly experience all that you have been taught.

Holy indifference. Seeking Him in the desert. Love for the sake of God alone. Submission to the will of the Father. Absolute obedience. Joy in suffering as a victim soul. Wholehearted intercession. Unceasing prayer.

Quite the challenge, yes...but you know there is no other way for you.

As Leilani just said a minute ago, "When you pray, you lift it up...like Eucharist." "It" oftentimes encompasses more than you think you can handle. But remember who your strength is. He is the reason for your soul's very existence.

How much do you really want all that He has waiting for you? Grace abounds. Would you like some? No, you will not always feel it working but through faith you know it upholds you.

You are not completely free, as something still weighs down on your heart. What is the true source of your sadness? Use the Holy Name of Jesus to dispel the dark spirit that seeps you of your joy. Think back to the time when you were so generous with Him. What led you to that state? What did you say to yourself as you made the choice to offer all that you had to the Father with no reservation? Return to that place...to that time...to those experiences that pushed you forward into His arms.

Go back, little one...go back to your Gethsemane.

"And Yahweh says, 'When you call on me I will listen. You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart.' For Yahweh says, 'I will let myself be found by you and I will gather you from among the nations and from all the places where I have driven you and bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.' " (Jer. 29:12-14)

Jesus Christ is the Alpha and the Omega

All things begin in Jesus and all things should end in Jesus. It is the same for your life, little one. You were created in Him and everything you do must end in Him. But to be found wholly in Christ, you must wholly belong to His Mother. You cannot separate the two. So during prayer as you implore the mercy of God, you move through Mary...you beg through Mary, and you will receive through Mary. As you seek to serve God, it is best that you ask her to look with favor on your offerings of the body and soul...that she may help purify your intentions and ask her Spouse to burn away all impurity in order to present the sacrifices worthy of acceptance by her Son.

Approach the throne of your Savior-King with the heart of His Queen. Ask for all that she was and is...she who was formed in the school of Jesus. Mary is the perfect saint-model. At every opportunity, she said yes to God, whether it was the great Fiat at the Annunciation or the quiet solitude that remained her witness for thirty years. It is in your imitation of Mary that your imitation of Christ will reach its fullness during your life on earth. For her lips to utter the Holy Name of her child gave such sweet worship to the Lord. For her hands to carry the bundled baby from the manger and the same bloodied body from the Cross, there was no greater act of trust than for God Himself to surrender Himself to the care of this woman.

Her mission began in Him and it ended in Him. Jesus was Mary's Alpha and Mary's Omega. And you, child - what about you? Is He your Omega as well? Has your love for Christ been growing over the years, as the days pass and you journey closer to the end of your world? Will each action...each devotion...all of your life, really...will it all end with as much "gusto" as it began? Pray, little one. Pray that it will. That you will experience a continous outpouring of grace to persevere...to be filled with all that the Father wants to give you.

Day by day
O dear Lord, three things I pray
To see Thee more clearly
To love Thee more dearly
To follow Thee more nearly
Day by day

"So, my friends, we are assured of entering the Sanctuary by the blood of Jesus who opened for us this new and living way passing through the curtain, that is, His body. Because we have a high priest in charge of the House of God, let us approach with a sincere heart, with full faith, interiorly cleansed from a bad conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.

Let us hold fast to our hope without wavering, because He who promised is faithful. Let us consider how we may spur one another to love and good works. Do not abandon the assemblies as some of you do, but encourage one another, and all the more since the Day is drawing near." (Heb. 10:19-25)

Mary, Queen of All Hearts

Your heart...how is your heart doing? It is full of hope, I see. You're starting to believe again because you are now more aware of the presence of Jesus and Mary in your life and in the lives of others as well. There is much - so much - to be thankful for. More and more gratitude will lead you to a deeper state of humility. This is actually a "little path" towards developing this virtue that many forget is available to them. It is more pleasant, though not necessarily easier, than asking for humilitations. More pleasant because you taste the Lord's goodness. Not easier because it is most easy to forget what you normally take for granted. But when you are grateful, those "fallen", pride-shattering moments do not hurt as badly because even those you will be thankful for.

The Blessed Mother gave a beautiful example of this in her Magnificat and it would serve you well to go back to praying it every day as you used to. Thank God for everything...for every cross...for every blessing...for every person and every circumstance. In doing so, you will acknowledge your nothingness and your total dependence on Him. And Mary, as your Queen, will meanwhile do all she can to share with you her gratitude to the God who gave her such an honored place in Heaven.

"And Mary said: 'My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, my spirit exults in God my savior! He has looked upon His servant in her lowliness, and people forever will call me blessed. The Mighty One has done great things for me, Holy is His Name! From age to age His mercy extends to those who live in His presence. He has acted with power and done wonders, and scattered the proud with their plans. He has put down the mighty from their thrones and lifted up those who are downtrodden. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. He held out His hand to Israel, His servant, for He remembered His mercy, even as He promised our fathers, Abraham and his descendants forever.' " (Luke 1:46-55)

Wonderful Effects of This Devotion

1. Knowledge of your unworthiness
2. A share of Mary's faith
3. The gift of pure love
4. Great confidence in God and in Mary
5. Communication of the spirit of Mary
6. Transformation into the likeness of Jesus
7. The greater glory of Christ

It will take some time to see the fullness of the effects of your devotion to Mary in your heart, as it is most important that you humble yourself before her and God so that all obstacles - especially the road blocks of self-love and pride - will be removed. You must begin with yourself. This is why the renunciation of the spirit of the world and knowledge of self were the prerequisites for knowledge of Mary and Jesus. There is much being brought to light in your soul and you cannot deny your faults and weaknesses any longer. They're there and you cannot possibly "ignore them away".

"By the light which the Holy Spirit will give you through Mary, his faithful spouse, you will perceive the evil inclinations of your fallen nature and how incapable you are of any good. Finally, the humble Virgin Mary will share her humility with you so that, although you regard yourself with distaste and desire to be disregarded by others, you will not look down slightingly upon anyone."

To face yourself as you are is to accept truth...to see yourself as God sees you...as His beloved and as dust. Do not be afraid. It may hurt and you will feel shame but it will only lead you closer to Christ because you will acknowledge the power of His grace sustaining you...the depth of His mercy saving you...and the immensity of His love embracing you.

"I bless the Lord who counsels me; even at night my inmost self instructs me. I keep the Lord always before me; for with Him at my right hand, I will never be shaken.

My heart, therefore, exults, my soul rejoices; my body too will rest assured. For You will not abandon my soul to the grave, not will You suffer Your holy one to see decay in the land of the dead. You will show me the path of life, in Your presence the fullness of joy, at Your right hand happiness forever." (Psalm 16:7-11)

Smooth, short, perfect and sure way to Jesus

"It is a road we do not wander from, or because we walk along this road with greater ease and joy, and consequently with greater speed."
- from True Devotion to Mary

You seek the simple and uncomplicated, and here you have been given Christ through the heart of His Mother. When you met St. Therese a few years ago, you were drawn to the Little Way because of the same reason...you wanted to take the "elevator of love" to get to the heart of the Father. Many others try to create their own way, and eventually they may reach their goal, but it is best for you to follow in the footsteps of your sister, Therese, and your mother, Mary. You will suffer but they will sweeten the pain. The chalice is still yours to drink of but it will not be as bitter as if you do not commend yourself to their intercession. All was done in their lives out of complete love for God. Even their very deaths were acts of love. These are your examples to follow, little one. Do not look elsewhere lest you be led astray.

"Dearly beloved, build your life on the foundation of your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit. Remain firm in the love of God, welcoming the mercy of Jesus Christ, our Lord, which leads to eternal life." (Jude 1:20-21)

Give yourself to Mary to belong entirely to Jesus

This devotion consists in giving oneself entirely to Mary in order to belong entirely to Jesus through her. It requires us to give:

• Our body with its senses and members
• Our soul with its faculties
• Our present material possessions and all we shall acquire in the future
• Our interior and spiritual possessions, that is, our merits, virtues and good actions of the past, the present and the future.

In other words, we give her all that we possess both in our natural life and in our spiritual life as well as everything we shall acquire in the future in the order of nature, of grace, and of glory in heaven. This we do without any reservation, not even of a penny, a hair, or the smallest good deed. And we give for all eternity without claiming or expecting, in return for our offering and our service, any other reward than the honour of belonging to our Lord through Mary and in Mary, even though our Mother were not - as in fact she always is - the most generous and appreciative of all God's creatures.

- from True Devotion to Mary

Do you live your life, little one, as if you belong entirely to Jesus and Mary? Is there anything that you say or do that is not in total conformity with their hearts? Ultimately you want your whole day - every waking moment - to be offered as a sacrifice to God. Any gift that comes from you would be received more perfectly if you passed it on to your Blessed Mother so that she may give it to her Son. Jesus will only bless it and hand it to the Father because it came from the hands of His Mother.

Nothing is your own. All of who you are and all of what you have has been granted and allowed by God. It is in this spirit of gratitude that you should live because He has been so good to you. Why is it that you withhold portions for yourself? Yes, it is because you forget Him and take Him for granted, which is quite easy to do with all that the world offers to distract you. Do whatever it takes to remind yourself that He is first. Ask Him to show you where He is throughout your day. Let your life be your prayer...talk to Him...let Him talk to you. Go to Mary for everything as you would to your own mother when you were a child. This is a great grace to be able to say, "Totus tuus. All is yours." Beg for it and it will be given to you.

"Blessed be God's name forever and ever, for His are wisdom and power. He changes times and seasons; He sets up and disposes kings. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals things deep and hidden; He knows what lies in darkness; for the light dwells with Him. I give thanks and praise to You, O God of my fathers. You have given me wisdom and power; You have shown me what we asked for - You have made known to us the dream of the king." (Daniel 2:20-23)

Interior, trustful, holy, constant, disinterested

Little heart, are you truly devoted to Mary? You say to yourself that you still have a long way to go. Aware of your weaknesses and faults, more so now than you ever have been, you are very unsure of many things. And that's okay. Your confidence should be in God and in all that He had placed in Mary. When you look to her and see how blessed she was...how guided and inspired she was...how God sustained her in every moment of her life, you can know that the graces she received from Him are reserved for you, too.

There is no use in trusting yourself and your own abilities. This is why you find no satisfaction in your accomplishments...that while you may be tempted to seek the approval of others, you are left wanting to know only if you had accomplished the will of God. All else is empty...like Mother Luisita says, "a puff of smoke".

Pray for an increase of Mary's virtues in your own life:

• deep humility
• lively faith
• blind obedience
• unceasing prayer
• constant self-denial
• surpassing purity
• ardent love
• heroic patience
• angelic kindness
• heavenly wisdom

Notice that each virtue is extraordinary. Not just humility but DEEP HUMILITY. Not just patience but HEROIC PATIENCE. It must go beyond the common niceness and courtesy that the world expects. All of this takes a COMPLETE DYING TO SELF. Difficult? Yes, but not impossible. You have help at all times, remember that. Mary prays for you, the Holy Spirit empowers you, the saints root you on.

Reflect on what these mean to your life. Never seeking recognition or praise. Giving God all the glory for everything He does through you. Being excited about Jesus and sharing the faith with everyone you meet. Not being afraid to witness to the power of God and the transformation He brings about every day. Not asking any questions whenever summoned to service or accepting some change in your life, especially when you don't understand why certain things are happening. Living your life as an ongoing conversation with God, allowing Him to speak to you in your circumstances, in the people you encounter each day, in the silence of your heart. Putting others before you. Being more concerned about their needs than you are about your own, in all things spiritual, emotional and physical. Avoiding all that draws you away from God and letting periods of great or small suffering be the means to cleanse and purify your soul in whatever way He deems best. Giving way to the fire of the Spirit that burns in your heart, being unable to contain His love for yourself alone. Bearing the crosses of others who cannot seem to carry them alone. Seeking to understand their weaknesses and refusing to judge their hearts, even when they cannot seem to meet you with patience in return. Pouring out the sweetness of Heaven in each conversation you have and in every smile you offer to those whose spirits need that lift. Seeing all people as temples of God Himself dwelling within them. Acknowledging their value, especially when they cannot see it for themselves.

Be prepared in these coming weeks for the Blessed Mother to teach you as you are tested. You can only acquire these virtues in the school of Mary, facing arduous trials as she did but personally orchestrated for your life. She did not live in fear because she trusted in God, and when she was tempted (for she had to have the opportunity to continue to say yes to Him and no to Satan) her immediate response was Truth, just as it was for Jesus. She knew her God intimately because she spent her whole life seeking to serve Him. You must do the same. His grace is sufficient for you to learn and to do. Are you ready? Will you accept the challenge for the love of God?

True devotion to Our Blessed Mother

First type of devotion

• fulfilling your Christian duties
• avoiding mortal sin
• acting more out of love than fear
• praying to Our Lady every now and then
• honoring her as Mother of God
• no special devotion to her in particular

Second type of devotion

• more perfect feelings of esteem and love, of confidence and veneration for Our Lady
• join Confraternities of the Holy Rosary and of the Scapular
• recite five or fifteen decades of the Holy Rosary
• honor Mary's images and altars
• publish her praises and enroll in sodalities

Third type of devotion

• giving one's self entirely and as a slave to Mary, and to Jesus through Mary
• do all that you do through Mary, with Mary, in Mary and for Mary
• choose a special feast day on which you give, consecrate and sacrifice to Mary, voluntarily, lovingly and without restraint, entirely and without reserve... + EVERYTHING YOU HAVE AND EVERYTHING YOU ARE +

Dear soul, which devotion do you choose? For all that she has done for you, she deserves far much more than you can ever offer, but she so gladly accepts even just one Hail Mary uttered with great sincerity. This devotion, however, is not meant to give her glory...that is not her intent. She wants to lead you closer to the heart of Christ. She wants to give you more of her Son...more of the graces that await you as you grow in knowledge of the actions of the Holy Spirit in her life. Mary desires to show you the Way, the Truth, and the Life because she knows more than anyone what joy fills a heart in love with God. Yet this joy is not complete until it is shared, as you have come to learn recently. So seek with all your being - mind, body, and soul - to allow your devotion to Mary and to any of the other saints to transform your heart into the heart of a servant...humble, obedient, kind, patient, accepting, forgiving, generous, without expectation. Only then will you have the fullness of joy...of life...of love.

His mother stored up all these things in her heart

How did she feel knowing that she was kissing the face of God? This child who got cold, was hungry, felt pain...this was her Lord. He chose her to be His mother. It was through her body that He would enter the world. There could not have possibly been any words to describe it all.

Yet she was reminded every day that He did not belong to her. They needed Him. She did, too, but He came to die for all humanity. Look at how they sought Him out. So much hunger for salvation. The shepherds...the wise men. Simeon and Anna had waited so long. Later on it would be the multitudes of sinners.

There is a longing in the human heart to be in the presence of God. They may not have fully understood who He was, but they wanted to be around Him. And Mary...what privilege and responsibility she had.

But the secret would be kept for thirty years...hidden. Until it was time...

What does this say to you, little one? How are you to imitate Mary in this way? Your heart holds Jesus very close, but you are now starting to understand that you cannot keep Him to yourself. Just like Mary, you are to share Him with the world around you. The intimacy of your relationship with Him must be preserved in all its sacredness, but as you find the fruit of His Spirit growing within you, do not forget that you are His...to be used at His disposal, not the other way around.

Especially today there is still a need. They still seek Him out...in you, in your family, in your friends, in your church. People want to know...who is this Jesus that you follow? Are you any different because you say you love Him? No life is really complete until a soul meets Him in spirit and in truth. Jesus Christ is the greatest gift you can give to anyone in this world. Mary knew this for herself. Ask her to help you to do as she did...without fear...without hesitation.

"Wonderful are your decrees; my soul cannot but keep them. As your words unfold, light is shed, and the simple-hearted understand. I gasp in ardent yearning for your commandments that I love. Turn to me then and be gracious as to those who love your name. You promised to direct my steps; free my path from evil. Rescue me from human oppression, and help me keep your precepts. Favor me with your smile and teach me your statutes. My eyes shed streams of tears for those who disobey your law. I call upon you, save me and I will do your will. Before dawn I rise and cry for help; all my hope is in your word. I lie awake through the night to ponder on your promises. Hear my voice, in your unfailing love; in your justice, O Lord, preserve my life." (Psalm 119:129-136, 146-149)

The reward of renunciation

Let it all go. It will be all right. You know that there is freedom in not possessing that which you may feel you have a right to. Everything you have and everyone you know belongs to God. He only allows them to you for a while in order to reveal His great love for you...to test your faith...to purify you of inordinate desires...to give you the opportunity to love as He did.

Jesus left this world the same way we all do...with nothing. Everything was taken from Him. His clothes. His mother. His own dignity. Yet He faced death with more acceptance than anyone who had ever lived.

You, too, are called to give everything up for the love of God. What must you surrender at this time? Lots. Name them one by one and release them into the hands of the Father.

Family. Friends. Health. Job. Students. Intellect. Will. Reputation. Pride. Spiritual consolations in prayer and in relationships with God and other souls. Love for all created things. The ability to simply love alone.

Why? Because in the end it'll be just you and Him. No one and nothing else will accompany you on the day of judgment. So what you have with Him has to be pure. It really has to be. Uncontaminated by disordered attachments to people and things.

This doesn't mean you stop loving or caring about those around you. It means that you are to love more deeply so that nothing of your love is selfish...not being disappointed if you lose them in one way or another. Knowing that He can use you as He wills...that He can use the people in your life in whatever way He deems best.

"Sell all that you have and give your money to the poor." Even if you follow all the commandments, God summons you to another level of holiness. This is an opportunity to really show your love for Him...if there is absolutely nothing standing in the way of you and Jesus. Making that choice to leave everything behind just to follow Him.

Asking yourself if it's worth it, but trusting in His promises. Choosing to let God raise the standard for you and begging Him for the grace to meet it.

In this way, you will see every "loss" as a definite gain.

"Come to terms with God and make peace; in this way you will prosper.
Listen to His teaching and keep His words in your heart.
If you return humbled to the Almighty,
if you drive injustice form your tent,
then you will look on gold as dust,
gold of Ophir as pebbles from a stream.
For the Almighty will be your gold and your sparkling silver.
For then you will delight in the Almighty and lift up your face to God.
You will pray to Him and He will hear,
and you will fulfill your vows.
You will succeed in your decision,
and light will shine upon your way.
For God brings down the proud and saves the downcast.
He who rescues the innocent man,
will rescue you too if your hands are clean." (Job 22:21-30)

We are merely servants

Do not lead others astray. Correct your brothers and sisters, but if they continue to do wrong against you and come back sorry, you must forgive them. Acknowledge that you do no more than your duty because you are called by God to serve with your whole heart.

He asks for still yet more room...more time in your heart. More today than yesterday. Never asking for more or less than your best, God wants you to give Him your all...everything you have right now. Even in your inadequacies, He still does not want you to hold back. Be generous with Him, child. Be generous.

Lord, that I may see!

"We may not trust too much to ourselves; for grace and understanding are wanting in us; there is but little light and this we may soon lose by negligence. Oftentimes we are quite unconscious how blind we are. We often do amiss, and do worse in excusing ourselves. Sometimes we are moved by passion, and think it zeal. We blame little things in others and overlook great things in ourselves. We are quick enough in perceiving and weighing what we bear from others; but we think little of what others have to bear with us. He that should well and justly weigh his own doings would find little cause to judge harshly of another."
- from Imitation of Christ, Book 2, Chapter 5

This means something to you, doesn't it? Pray, little one, that you will not become a cross for another by your sins and rash judgment. If you are sent into the lives of others, you are to be a blessing, not a curse. Over time, you have seen yourself go from one spectrum to another...your life in the world vs. your life in Christ. You have been feeling the pull back into your former self in how you deal with yourself and with some of your closest relationships as well.

Please do not allow this to progress any further than it already has. Your ways and God's ways are very different. If you trust in yourself, you will surely fall, as you have in the past. If you trust in God and ask Him to give you His eyes, His ears, and His heart, you will make yourself available to an entirely new way of being. You know this because you had this. You remember. Now you remember.

You can pretend to think and speak and act like everyone else, but your spirit will die. You are different because you have to be different. You are different because you were made different. Jesus was considered a revolutionary because He was different, too. See, I told you that you weren't alone. So if you let Him live in you, there is no way that you can not be different. This means you cannot be who you were. You must change, each day growing more and more in holiness. It is only He within you who remains the same, as you were telling Maurice.

Jesus, the same yesterday, today, and forever. Always.

"Remember the first days when you were enlightened. You had to undergo a hard struggle in the face of suffering. Publicly you were exposed to humiliations and trials, and had to share the sufferings of others who were similarly treated. You showed solidarity with those in prison; you were dispossessed of your goods and accepted it gladly for you knew you were acquiring a much better and more durable possession. Do not throw away your confidence that will be handsomely rewarded. Be patient in doing the will of God, and the promise will be yours." (Heb 10:32-38)

We need Mary in order to die to ourselves

"We must see as if we saw not, understand as if we understood not and make use of all the things of this world, as if we made no use of them at all... If we do not die to ourselves, and if the holiest devotions do not incline us to the necessary and useful death, we shall bring forth no fruit worth anything, and our devotion will become useless."
- from True Devotion to Mary

There she is - the answer is found in Mary. Of course you can't do it alone. Your Mother walks with you and she prays for the virtues to be cultivated in your soul. Know that you must persevere just as she did, for virtue must be developed in difficult circumstances. You learn forgiveness when you are hurt by those you love the most. You learn patience when you are pushed to impatience. You learn hope when you are tempted to despair. You learn humility when you want so badly to protect your own pride. You learn obedience when you want to push for your personal agenda but are called to give that up for the will of God or the well-being of another person.

All of this happens as you live your day-to-day life. You don't have to dwell behind convent doors in order to develop virtues. For you, the world provides enough opportunities to challenge you in all the ways particular to the needs of your soul. Examine how you live among your family...how you are with your friends and your coworkers...how you interact with your students...how you acknowledge the presence of Christ in strangers.

You hear Jei Franxis saying to you now, as he said last night to you all at rehearsal: "If you are a good actress, your environment shouldn't matter. You are able to become that character wherever you are." The same is true for seeing Jesus all around you. It shouldn't matter where you are. Granted that there are some places that are more holy and places that are downright evil...but wherever you end up experiencing Him should not be limited to the church building alone. At the same time, you should depend on the Spirit within you to allow you to be Jesus to anyone you meet, regardless of who they are or where they have come from.

"They were faithful to the teaching of the apostles, the common life of sharing, the breaking of bread and the prayers. A holy fear came upon all the people, for many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. Now all the believers lived together and shared all their belongings. They would sell their property and all they had and distribute the proceeds to others according to their need. Each day they met together in the Temple area; they broke bread in their homes; they shared their food with great joy and simplicity of heart; they praised God and won the people's favor. And every day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved." (Acts 2:42-47)

The obedience of a humble heart

There is much to be improved in this area. Reflect on what obedience really is. "Do whatever He asks," Your Mother says. Whatever He asks. He has asked much of you, but what stands in the way? Pride. It overpowers His voice so much that you can't hear Him. So that's where it begins. You need to learn to listen again. Remove the distractions and go quiet. Dump all of your sins at the foot of the Cross and trust in His mercy. Give Him room. Give Him time. Give Him your whole heart and ask Him to help you come back to Him with childlike simplicity. Do you remember? Yes, that word again. Remember.

Everyone struggles with something, little one. You are not alone in this. The beautiful thing is that grace is abundant. It never runs out...endlessly being poured upon the world from Heaven. But you must predispose your soul in order to receive it well for every moment that must be filled with it. Only then will you become like the handmaid at the foot of your King, patiently waiting His next command.

Be completely honest with yourself. Don't feel that you need to expose everything interior to the world around you, for much of it is unexplainable. Sit with Him. Tell Him what happens in your heart, and for what you cannot speak about, simply offer it up and let the Spirit translate for you. In due time, He will give you instructions as to how you are to bring Him into the lives of others...those to whom He has sent you.

In the meantime, just grow with Him. As the flowers reach towards the sun, seek His face and go where He is. Deprive yourself of nothing if it brings about good fruit. It is just as important then to avoid all that brings about darkness and death to your soul. It is much more difficult to revive a dying plant than to keep a healthy plant well-nourished.

"Blessed is the man whom God corrects; reject not, therefore, the lessons of the Almighty." (Job 5:17)

Ask, seek, knock

Whatever God has willed that you have asked for, you have been given. What do you ask for now? What do you seek? When you raise your hand to the door of the Father's heart, what is it that you hope He will give you?

Himself.

There is still a part of you that does not remain 100% focused, and so you want to be led back on the straight and narrow path.

Whatever you ask in His Name, He will grant you. You may not know exactly what you need, but the Spirit does. Let Him pray in you and communicate to the Father your most desperate needs.

PATIENT ENDURANCE
"We experience daily just how difficult it is to promote the kingdom of God in our personal lives by fulfilling His will in every aspect. No one who has tried seriously to live each day in this way will say it is an easy task. It can only be done with the help of God's grace. That grace is always given to us, but we must learn to recognize it in the people and circumstances presented to us by God's providence, in the thoughts and inspirations that tug at our minds and our hearts. We know that we do not always respond to God's grace, for His grace always demands of us sacrifice, renunciation of self-will, effort, and an untiring spirit of dedication - and the practice of these things does not come easily to the young, or the tired adult, or the old. Yet that is what the kingdom of God is all about.

Knowing how little of grace is accepted and realized in our own personal lives, we can imagine how much of his grace is spurned or rejected by those around us. In this way we come to understand, too, why there, yet exists so much evil, sin, violence, wars, hatred, immorality, persecution of religion, and denial even of God Himself in the world today. These things must follow, so long as men refuse to accept God's grace and do His will. The kingdom of God, reintroduced among men by the incarnation of Christ - who came to set us a most perfect example of a man totally dedicated in all things and at all times to the will of the Father - cannot and will not be established until all men live each day of their lives according to His example."
- Fr. Walter Ciszek, S.J.

Set always before thee the image of the Crucified

When you notice the fault in another, practice the opposite virtue in your own life. It would profit you much more, as well as the one you may have rashly judged, to be more aware of yourself than you are of others' weaknesses. Imagine the face of your Mother when she sees you praying fervently and going to Mass frequently. Then picture how her eyes would be filled with tears when you become too busy to visit Our Lord. She watches you dig yourself into a deeper hole of sin as prayer and penance become less and less important to you.

Look at Him, there on the cross, dying for you. Mindful of what He went through before He even got there, Jesus had every reason to be angry and unforgiving. He did not deserve to be tortured and crucified. Since His very birth, people wanted Him dead. But there from the cross, He pours out His mercy and utters, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Each time you fail to love and thus fail to obey, He cries out the same for you. "Father, forgive her. She has no idea how this is affecting her soul and those of the people around her." Grace is showered upon you on Calvary. The Spirit comes upon you and convicts you, helping you say, along with the Roman soldier who pierced the side of Jesus, "Truly this man is the Son of God." You accept that you had a part in it all, but also that it was all done for you.

"God makes us righteous by means of faith in Jesus Christ, and this is applied to all who believe, without distinction of persons. Because all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God; and all are graciously forgiven and made righteous through the redemption effected in Christ Jesus. For God has given Him to be the victim whose blood obtains forgiveness through faith." (Rom 3:22-25a)

Do now what you would do

Tottering between hope and fear...that has been your interior climate for some time. How far do you lean towards hope? Towards fear?

Labor is necessary for struggle. Fight, little one, against the things within you that keep you from God...from hearing His voice and seeing His face. Act as though you had the courage, strength, and faith that you pray for. Love as though you already were given the heart of Christ. What are you waiting for? Live what you are asking for and you will be given tenfold in return for your perseverance.

Fear is your prison and despair is your shackle. These do not belong to you nor you to them. You belong to God. You are free... In Jesus, anything is possible. You want to be a saint...so think like the saints, act like the saints, live like the saints, and die like the saints. But know that Jesus promises suffering. The Blessed Mother told St. Bernadette that true happiness would come not in this life but in the next.

Every single person who seriously pursued sanctity had a cross to carry. If you don't want the cross and the humiliations that come with it, then you cannot walk through the gates of Heaven. Jesus has offered eternal life to you through it. Will you take and receive suffering as openly as you take and receive the Eucharist? Will you kiss the wood with as much love as you would the most precious person in your life?

Make your choice, dear child...

"When I was with them, I kept them safe in Your Name, and not one was lost except the one who was already lost, and in this the Scripture was fulfilled. But now I am coming to You and I leave these words in the world that My joy may be complete in them.

I have given them Your word and the world has hated them because they are not of the world; just as I am not of the world. I do not ask You to remove them from the world but to keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world; consecrate them in the truth - Your word is truth." (Jn 17:12-17)

When I was straying far from Thee, Thou brought me back again that I might serve Thee

Do you see now how your heart cannot contain all that God has to give you? You had many things to write about, and now you feel as though they have all left you. Each passing moment is filled with so much richness that you cannot remember all the things spoken to you throughout your day. It is all, however, engraved upon your soul because these words from God move like hands molding clay, leaving fingerprints and indentations of grace.

You were right in saying that you are not the same person you once were years ago. Certain aspects about you have remained, but you are much more aware of things you never paid much attention to before. It seems a little baffling to you that you have grown into the spirituality you have now...as a child grows into bigger clothes and finds different toys of amusement as he gets older. Do you remember when you were not so much interested in learning about the history of the Church and her foundations? You did not give much attention to the lives of the saints or to the role of the Blessed Mother. You simply fulfilled your obligations and did whatever gave you the temporary spiritual consolations - which served their purpose well in the beginning to help you fall in love with Christ.

As you were drawn closer to the heart of God, your main concern was to rid your life of mortal sin. Praise the Lord you were open enough to His help in order to do so. On occassion you would find yourself saying no to Him again, but the call to the religious life made you crack down on yourself. You knew that if you were going to marry Jesus Himself, you would have to make the necessary preparations to do so. Fr. Ed gave you no room to mess around. He came into your life at just the right time. Even though it was painful for Papa Jon to let you go as his spiritual daughter, He knew that you needed the discipline.

St. Peter Chanel provided the environment for your soul's roots to plunge deep into the soil of humility, coupled with the call to faithful obedience. It was there that you learned how to accept your weakness as a human and not rely on your own knowledge and strength to get to Heaven. The priests taught you about the saints, the Eucharist, and the Blessed Mother. They encouraged you to make use of the Sacraments regularly. It was there that you felt for the first time more at home than you felt at home.

You have thought that you do not deserve such acceptance, for the Oblates have taken you in with open arms knowing how much you had struggled to hold fast to the standards of Christ. But what they gave you...what they continue to give you...is the love of a merciful God. Look how after two years of formation under the Carmelites and the Oblates you have been led to serve the Lord. A few hundred souls have been placed under your care, whether to teach directly in the classroom or seminar...or to stand in the gap as intercessor. You wanted your life to be a prayer and God has given you the opportunity to make it as such. Now it is time to live that reality in all its fullness.

"We know that our old self was crucified with Christ, so as to destroy what of us was sin, so that we may no longer serve sin - if we are dead, we are no longer in debt to sin. But if we have died with Christ, we believe we will also live with Him. We know that Christ, once risen from the dead, will not die again and death has no more dominion over Him. For by dying, He is dead to sin once and for all, and now the life that He lives is life with God.

So you, too, must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Do not allow sin any control over your mortal bodies; do not submit yourself to its evil inclinations, and do not give your members over to sin, as instruments to do evil. On the contrary, offer yourselves as persons returned from death to life, and let the members of your body be as holy instruments at the service of God. Sin will not lord it over you again, for you are not under the law, but under grace." (Rom 6:6-14)

Fire tries iron

Upon the onset of any temptation, you have at your disposal prayers to your Mother. Use them frequently to ward off the arrows of the devil. He seeks to first distract your soul and then throw you into the pit of sin. You must know yourself well, acknowledging your weaknesses so that you can ask Mary and your guardian angel to help defend your soul. When you are tired...overworked...not praying...you notice the difference, don't you? When you don't take the time to read, go to Mass during the week because you allow yourself to get too busy...when you don't make room for the people in your life who encourage your faith...you forget who you are and who He is.

Fr. Fernando spoke of the good thief and the bad thief both residing within you. You knew this to be true because you recognized the voice of the bad thief when he described him. "If you are really who you say you are, save yourself and the rest of us! GET ME OFF OF THIS CROSS!" That stung, didn't it? You knew that in all the moments when you wanted to be relieved of your pain, you were crying out the same thing. "You're God...can you do something about this?"

And whispering from the "other side of your heart", the good thief understands that whatever suffering you go through is necessary for the sanctification of your soul. You know you belong on that cross, and you are honored to be there beside Jesus on His cross. You also know that His suffering is much worse than yours and that He's done it all for you...just so you could be with Him in Paradise.

Yes, you. You have the cross for now. You will be tempted to get off of it. Or at least to not want to be there anymore. That's your humanity speaking. But the joys that last forever are incomparable. And that's what gives meaning to the rest of your life. You've seen the purpose in the hard times, when you didn't think things would ever get better. Look at where He has brought you...closer to the reality of His Passion. That's a beautiful thing, my dear. You're getting there...to that place of wisdom where you see in hindsight that it all had to happen the way it did. The sequence of events...the circumstances...the bouts of sitting in darkness, just waiting on Him.

When you study the life of Christ, you'll see that He fully participated in the human condition. But the important thing to remember is that He surpassed it. So did Mary...and all the saints. They went beyond being men and women of the earth and recognized that they were citizens of Heaven. You are in constant awe over the priests at St. Peter Chanel and the Carmelite Sisters because you see this in them as well. Men and women, born as you were...but formed by God into HOLY PEOPLE. Those who have immersed themselves in the heart of Jesus have transcended their humanity and tapped into the presence of the Divine as temples of the Holy Spirit.

The challenge for your life is remaining in the world as a lay person and dealing with the temptations and struggles that come with your state of life. Remain obedient and faithful, and God will reward you. Of course, you don't do it for the reward...obedience and faithfulness come from the love He put in your heart for Him.

Dependence on God is priority in order to pull this off each day of your life. Keep asking for the daily bread. Do not tire of the spiritual sustainance you are given as the Israelites had when provided manna from Heaven. They wanted variety because they were bored of the food. Eventually they wanted to go back to the "good ole' days" of slavery in Egypt because they felt their lives were better back then. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN. God gives you what you need...first and foremost, the EUCHARIST. Other treasures are the Holy Rosary, the written Word of God, daily prayer and song (as Fr. Ed had talked about tonight). Would you really want to go back?

"We have a great High Priest, Jesus, the Son of God, who has entered Heaven. Let us then hold fast to the faith we profess. Our high priest is not indifferent to our weaknesses, for He was tempted in every way just as we are, yet without sinning. Let us, then, with confidence approach the throne of grace; we will obtain mercy and, through His favor, help in due time." (Heb 4:14-16)

No one is so perfect and holy so as sometimes not to have temptations

This is a fact you must accept. Temptation will always be part of your life somehow. Do not belittle yourself because you continue to face it, and please do not beat yourself up because you succumb to it in your own weakness. Jesus has died to free you from your sins. Trust in His mercy and know that He is there to pull you back up. You simply have to reach for His hand, as Peter did when he lost his faith and his focus. Holy men and women have struggled in the fight against temptation and overcome it by the grace of God. It is enough...His grace. Sufficient for you, right?

You now feel a different kind of pain when you fall spiritually. It hurts deeply, doesn't it? Your own pride is shot down because you are able to see the offense almost immediately after you commit it...and you feels as though you're crumbling to the ground. The "temple of self" you were building was set on quicksand and you find your own ego sinking fast. It wouldn't have been able to withstand the pressures of the world anyway. Start over. Let God be the Master Builder and move over so He can restore His temple.

Christ can be your king only when you are honest with Him and with yourself. If you do not worship Him, you are sadly an idolator...serving other gods that have no power in and of themselves. So it is important that you admit that you have replaced Him with substitutes. Whatever suffering you are allowed, acknowledge that you do deserve worse for what you have contributed to His crucifixion. This is the justice and the mercy of God given to you at the same time. Yet the hardships that may be seen as punishments are actually gifts because they draw closer to the One who loves you. Only good things come from the hand of the Lord.

"If you love me you will keep My commandments; and I will ask the Father and He will give you another Helper to be with you forever, that Spirit of truth whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. But you know him for He is with you and will be in you." (Jn 14:15-17)

You have lost your first love

This is true. What fervor you had in the beginning when you first met Jesus as a child and grew up with Him in the safety of your home and your school. There were people all around you who inspired love for His sacraments, His word, and His works. When you were removed from the familiarity, you felt as if you lost yourself because you didn't hear about Him as often. Life got busy...and distracting. This was your story for many years, continuing on during junior high and high school...onto college...where anything and everything stood between you and Him.

Then all of a sudden, you noticed that you didn't have anything left. According to the world's standards, you had it all. You were admired. People followed you and listened to your every word. They wanted your life. But none of it satisfied you. There was a hole in your heart that ached to be filled. And you found out soon enough that the emptiness within you could only be filled with God.

"It might be boring at first," they told you. You didn't care. Anything was better than feeling that interior pain of wanting something that you couldn't find. So you went and you loved it because for the first time in your life, you experienced a taste of God's love...God's personal love for you. Theoretically, you knew He loved you, but it was different now. You shared that joy you had seen many times in your sister's eyes when she spoke of Him and all he was doing in her life. What seemed so far off and unattainable was real...so real that you couldn't help but be changed.

Then the question came...

"Mommy, how come people want to be doctors and lawyers and engineers when they grow up, but no one ever says they want to be a saint? If we all can be saints, shouldn't they want to be one?" (pause) "I want to be a saint."

She chuckled and said, "You can be a saint."

You replied, "No, I can't. Someone has to kill me for my faith first."

"No, it's easy to be a saint. Read the autobiography of St. Therese. You'll see that all you have to do is do little things for God. I thought you had to do something great, too, but the way she puts it is so simple."

And that changed EVERYTHING.

Your mother is a wise woman, and you have received much from her that has worked miracles in your soul. She is like Mary...she doesn't say much, but when she does, it is quite the profound statement.

Go back and remember. Remember. You have heard that word repeated many times thus far because to remember is to re-member...to once again rejoin to yourself what was apparently "lost". Your Papa Jon called them "Life's milestones". He said to go back to these moments because they will remind you of how God has moved and transformed you. Your path is filled with many of them. Go back. Be not afraid of the past. It has much to teach you.

"But how can they call upon the name of the Lord without having believed in Him? And how can they believe in Him without first having heard about Him? And how will they hear about Him if no one preaches about Him? And how will they preach about Him if no one sends them? As Scripture says: How beautiful are the feet of the messenger of good news." (Rom 10:14-15)

Poor in earthly things but rich in grace and virtues

You don't have to "keep up", for what are you keeping up with? Reflect on what is really important to God and let those things things be important to you.

salvation + all that leads you to Heaven = eternal joy with Him

Accept whatever comes to you. If it is allowed by God, He wants to grant you graces through it. If it is a blessing, do not be afraid of receiving it out of selfishness. If it comes in the form of a cross, do not abhor it or run away from it. Our Lord seeks to form you and bring you into a deeper trust in Him through everything in your life. Even the bad choices you make can be transformed into lessons of humility, for all things work for the good of those who love Him.

Poverty...Chastity...Obedience

Make these vows your own. Lift up your heart and allow God to fill it with the strength to live them out. In your current state of life, He seeks to be your everything. In this life, accumulate only what is necessary. Rid yourself of excesses, so that you are trusting all to the providence of God. Be pure of heart, never giving room to anything that contaminates your soul. When the Father draws you into the desert, listen in silence as Elijah did for the gentle breeze. You are not alone, therefore there is no reason to feel lonely. God is with you. God is always with you.

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, naked shall I return. Yahweh gave, Yahweh has taken away. Blessed be His Name!" (Job 2:21)

Thou art my glory

You know this passage well because you have lived very near to it. Detachment for the sake of being left alone with God. You didn't understand it at first and it took you a while to accept it. Now you realize what it means and are beginning to make it more a part of you and your relationship with the world. It is hard, I know. It has been a struggle for you because you love your family and friends so much that you easily get attached to them. But you have reached the place where love must be redefined.

Love is...

sacrifice.

You die to yourself so that others may live. This is not about you...it's about Him. It's about saving souls. It's about the kingdom of God reigning supreme over all the earth. Right now, you are being torn in two as the tug-of-war continues over your soul. Self...let go. Let go completely.

His strength.

His Name.

His work.

That's all that really matters. Everything you do and everything you are must point to Him. Show the others the way to Him in prayer. Please quit being so mean and cold-hearted. Think back to the salt that lost its flavor. Useless, right? As you are when the witness you give is nowhere near the real truth. What is it that you really offer people? If you point them to yourself, they will be left knowing more about you. Then the question remains: have you brought them steps closer to God?

That they may no longer see you but Christ.

How it would be if the light was withdrawn...

You are starting to understand how much the hand of God upholds you. His grace saves you from much harm done unto your soul, protecting you from the snares of the devil. If He did not hold you so closely, you would be tormented every minute of every hour and pulled into the depths of despair. At every temptation you would fall, and your sins would weigh heavily upon your heart. Beset in darkness, you would know no hope and eventually lose your faith.

Oh, but how you are loved.

When you acknowledge your nothingness, you acknowledge His greatness. You go through a torrent of changes and feel as though the norm for your life exists in the state of chaos. But He - Jesus - is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He never changes. You will. You have your ups and your downs...never feeling that your world will ever be still. Just trust that He who has given strength to the weary, sight to the blind, and consolation to the afflicted now grants you everything any great Saint ever received.

Find your peace in Him. Yes, you seek rest. Go to Him. Remember how He waits for you...

"But You, Yahweh, You know me and see me; You search my heart - it is close to You." (Is 12:3)

Judge not and you shall not be judged

What good is it to point out the faults of others? Has it ever helped you when others put you under the microscope and scrutinized your every word and deed? Seek to understand them, little one. Show them kindness as you have learned it from those who truly love you. What have you needed?

compassion
patience
understanding
acceptance
encouragement
forgiveness
loving reproach

So give away freely and abundantly all that you have received from God. At the end of his life, each will be judged accordinging to love. It is not your responsibility to determine the state another's heart. You don't know his motives, nor are you fully aware of all the circumstances that lead him to his decisions. You are not called to interpret the actions of your brothers and sisters, thus bringing condemnation upon them.

But you are called to love. Every moment in this life is a thread in the fabric of life being woven by God to add to the beauty of the human tapestry. Your role in the lives of others is simply to remind them that they are loved by the Father, saved by the Son, empowered by the Holy Spirit, sustained by grace, and supported by Mary and the Saints. Be a help rather than a hindrance. The road is long and narrow, and it is definitely not easy. You will need as much of all that LOVE is as you travel together on this pilgrim journey.

And pray! Whatever you lack, God will supply. He will not leave you empty-handed. Give Him your nothing and He will provide you with everything. He hears your every plea and cry. Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened to you. Notice, however, that you are the one who must initiate. Our Lord will not force Himself into your life. You must invite Him in each day. Yes...each and every day. In all that you do...in all that you say...in all that you feel and think about. He wants to be there with you all the time. Who has ever adored you so much that they have shown you such attention? He only asks that you let Him love you...that you take in the many ways He reveals His presence to you.

Please don't shut Him out anymore. Please don't ignore Him when He tries to talk to you. Please don't leave Him waiting outside the door of your heart. Lately, you've preferred the company of others to Him. You've entertained distractions that have deafened your ear to His voice. There was a time when you used to talk to Him all the time, but it's been a while. He misses you. What do you think? Would you like to try again?

Be perfect as your Father in Heaven is perfect

Years ago you had heard this come as prophecy to another soul very close to your own. Many of you were aware of this and have used it as a measuring stick for his actions both seen and heard of. But what about you, dear child? This word was not just for one but for all. How do you measure up? God does not call you to compare yourself to others, saying, "I am not as bad as she or he is." Your standard is Christ who is the perfect revelation of the Father. All fall short of the glory of God. A seemingly impossible bar to reach as we all make mistakes but a definite reality if one immerses himself in the love of God and the power of the Spirit.

This passage speaks of humility although the word is never mentioned. Pray in silence behind closed doors, using few words uttered to God. Why so? He knows what you need even before you ask. Less talking on your behalf leads to a greater openness to what He has to say to you and what He wants to do in your heart. When serving the Lord, do not proclaim the works that you do. Your example alone will bring glory to the name of the Lord without you having to say anything. This is His kingdom that is to be built, not your own. Move quietly and you will move mountains. Remember, your name will save no one, but when you do speak, if you witness to the miracles of Jesus Christ and the redemption He offers to all mankind, you will live your life populating Heaven.

Holy as He is holy means being filled with...

• love (1 Corinthians 13)
• obedience
• humility
• justice and righteousness
• mercy

To oppose this standard means being filled with...

• impatience, jealousy, envy, anger, rash judgment
• disobedience and rebellion
• pride and self-sufficiency
• oppression of others, gossip and slander
• resentment and unforgiveness

"Lovers of your Law have found great peace; nothing can make them stumble, not even distress." (Ps 119:165)

Blessed are you...

poor in spirit - the kingdom of heaven shall be yours
meek - shall possess the land
mourn - shall be comforted
hunger and thirst for justice - shall have your fill
merciful - shall receive mercy
clean of heart - shall see God
peacemakers - children of God
suffer persecution for justice' sake - yours is the kingdom of heaven

The world persecuted the prophets before you. They were misunderstood and judged. Mocked and killed. Much like they did to Jesus. In one form or another, this same future is destined for you. This is not to say you are to live in fear...that you are not to enjoy the life that God has given you. Our Lord wants you to live a life filled with joy so that you may be that light for Him here on earth. You must realize, however, that your days are fleeting and eternity is awaiting you.

There are many forces in society that work to pull people away from God - do not be blind to them. It is tempting to be drawn into living the comfortable life, placing your security in material things...in your youth...in your family and friends...in anything but Jesus. Remember what Fr. John said during his homily last Sunday. The Jews put their faith in their beloved Temple, but God allowed it to be destroyed where no brick was left on top of another. Sometimes, as you have seen in your own experience, that for our own good, things and loved ones are taken away so that we will find nothing standing but our God.

So let them go...one by one...and do not let sadness overcome you when He calls you to give them up. The greatest source of security and happiness can only be found in Him. May you meet Him in your heart with gladness, knowing that He will never leave you.

"I have told you all this, so that in Me you will have peace. You will have trouble in the world; but, courage! I have overcome the world." (Jn 16:33)

All of a sudden things changed

It had been so long since you really listened to Him. Two years. Yes, it has been that long. You've prayed for hours in that same chapel but each time you visited Him, you were looking for answers. Tonight, you were simply looking for Him. After just a short visit, you left changed because He changed you. You felt something different...something gone and something regained. Your days are still difficult, but your perseverance keeps you open to the grace that sustains you.

God in All Things

How many times have you walked by a person and totally missed the fact that you were witnessing a miracle? Have you ever pondered the fact that you yourself are a walking mystery? Think about it...

Look in the mirror. You may cringe a little because your hair's a mess and your clothes are wrinkled, but take some time to look into your own eyes. Acknowledge the miracle that YOU are. God created you with so much love...with so much care...knowing that you had the potential to do great things with your life and the gifts that He gave you. Just as a gardener plants a seed into the ground with the excitement in his heart blooming with the flower that springs forth, the Father smiles as He watches you grow...as He sees you choosing Heaven in the daily decisions that you make.

Okay so I cried

Today was probably one of the best days I've had in my life. Busy yet simple. I love it that things are like this for me now. They just have to be.

Venice Beach Cleanup with the Verbum Dei boys - One of my guys asking me if I would help him with his spiritual questions and me responding, "I'll try, but it's up to you to believe what I say." Then he says, "Oh, come on, Ms. Soratorio...you have to tell me 'YES, OF COURSE I'LL HELP YOU!' Say it with confidence!" Man, was that a wake-up call. =) So when he asked me again, I laughed and I gave him the answer he needed the way he (and I) needed me to say it.

St. Paul of the Cross Fiesta - Being greeted with so many hugs from my kids, getting silly string sprayed all over me, and being thrown in jail as soon as I got there totally made my day. Lyn-Lyn, Leilani, and I stayed for the talent show, and just like last year, it was so great. I was really missing everyone, especially my old students. Sitting there in the lunch area watching so many of them get up on stage made me so grateful for the three years I was blessed with. They really don't know how much they changed my life. Always giving me a reason to smile...

Watching 50 First Dates at Em and Rob's - We laughed at ALL the same parts...that's the greatest thing about watching romantic comedy with my sisters, especially Em because she has a loud laugh and I don't feel dumb laughing out loud, too. There are very few people I really laugh with and she's one of my favorites in that category. And yeah, okay so like I said, I cried...I was laughing at myself because I couldn't stop it even if I wanted to. So many thoughts diving deep down into my heart. That's exactly how I needed to end my day.

Something I'm learning to do is to live simply with as much peace as possible. I really thank Jaymee in particular for being the other half of my smile...for believing...for hoping right along with me. And I thank You, Lord (even if I thanked You yesterday, you deserve to be thanked every day)...I thank You for teaching me how to recognize my blessings and cherish the moments I'm given in the time I do have left here. There's so much to look forward to, and yet even in the NOW, there's so much to appreciate. I call it "treasure-hunting"...looking for the good in things at all times...seeking His face in all situations...finding His presence in all people...fun stuff, I must say. =)

Alrightee, I have to go and get some sleep. But yes, today was - without a doubt - a great day. Praise God.

A.M.D.G. + J.M.J.

He reminded me of St. Maximilian Kolbe

I think it was the glasses...but when I watched him giving out communion tonight, Fr. John just made me think of the priest martyr who gave his life in place of another in Auschwitz about 60 years ago. There is no greater love than to lay down your life for your friends. These men who serve at St. Peter Chanel - that's exactly what they do every day for us. If they were to be arrested just as St. Max was, there would be no hesitation to follow his example and give themselves as living sacrifices so someone else can live.

But God doesn't call all of us to die for him in that way. For most of us, we live a daily martyrdom...taking opportunities for self-denial and living for God alone. As far as the SPC priests are concerned, if they're not sleeping, they're busy hearing confessions, saying Mass after Mass, teaching catechism classes, visiting the sick, officiating weddings, encouraging couples to get married in the church, baptizing babies, doing funerals, tending to the needs of the poor in the community, going on retreats, guiding the laity in spiritual direction. I am so awestruck by the commitment they all have to their vocation, and they serve with an incredible amount of peace and joy because that's exactly what God made them to do.

Fr. John said in his homily that we don't know how long we have to live. "Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today. And today we need to live to become saints." He's right. That's what the Father hopes we realize. Time is not at our disposal. I'm just trying to get things straight in my own life so that I don't waste any of it doing things He doesn't want me to do. It's not the easiest thing in the world to carry out, I'll admit that, but when by His grace I'm brought back to the God whom I love, He starts showing me (like He did today) where I can find Him again in the simple, ordinary things and people right in front of me.

SO I MET JESUS TODAY...

- in all the parishioners at SPC during Mass tonight...seeing their reverence, knees bent and rosaries in hand...it's always amazing and humbling at the same time. Nothing brings me greater joy than going there to worship God with all of them even though we only know each other by face.

- in all of you, my friends, during my prayers for you...each and every one of you who I've been lifting up because you've asked me to pray. You've requested nothing more than my faithfulness to communicate to God the needs of your heart and soul...needs I am not fully aware of but nevertheless place in the Hands of Jesus with the hope He has sown in my own little heart.

- through the conviction sent to me by His Spirit that moves me towards daily conversion because every day I find myself needing to come back to Him and renew my commitment after failing to trust, love, believe, hope, serve, and give as He calls me to.

I'm sorry, Lord, for doubting You at times...for not having faith in what You can do...for complicating what is meant to be so simple...for not being able to see past my own pride and falling into thoughts and actions that cause me to drift away from You...for having too much confidence in myself without taking into account the limitations that are necessary for my well-being. Thank You for keeping me safe...for giving me people to guide me and walk with me, especially when it gets hard to stay on the path. Thank You for Your love, Your mercy, and Your grace.

Thank You for accepting me just as I am, but loving me enough not to leave me here. Thank You for Your correction...for Your enlightenment...for saving me from myself. Thank You for helping me be the smile I often do not see in myself and those I love so much when challenges come around. Thank You, most of all, for Your peace because it's something that I'd like to share with those who are having some difficulty finding it.You've never let me down, Lord.

You've never left anyone I know totally abandoned. You're GOD. That means You're everywhere...You're all-powerful...victorious...compassionate...merciful...all-knowing. There isn't anything or anyone above You. From the beginning of time to its end, You have and will continue to work miracles among us and within us. I'm counting on You, Lord, because You promised You'd always be with us.

So Kuya Jess, I'm getting out of Your way so You can do Your thing. READY, SET, GO...

A.M.D.G. + J.M.J.

AWW...BUT YAY! (a.k.a. "finding joy in God's plan")

I'm still laughing about a check-up conversation I had last night w/Leo cuz he called me a B2-Bomber...hahaha =) It's quite the challenge being an idealistic realist. That's such an oxymoron...total contradiction...but that's how I've turned out, being that God made me a very hopeful person...always trying to look for the silver lining on dark clouds, rainbows after the storms, the potential butterfly in the caterpillar...but a couple years of SPC formation has trained me to be cautious. Not scared (though the temptation towards fear does get to me sometimes), but more along the lines of prudence so I'm not going against the will of God.

The pull of the world is strong, and I totally know what Fred's talking about when you sometimes feel like compromising your values and standards to keep up and get in "good" with everyone else, but I always ask myself if it's worth it. Then I go back to recent conversations I've had with Jaymee and Maurice about staying focused...deepening one's spirituality through prayer and your surrounding environment...and I remember, the ultimate goal is Heaven. That is the only joy promised to last forever. Really, it is.

My students asked me if they party in Heaven. I thought that was funny. I said, "Well, that all depends on what you mean by that. Are you asking if they have fun there? I'm sure they do!" And James asks, "Hey, Ms. Soratorio, will you party with me in Heaven when we get there?" haha...my kids are so cute...okay so they're 15-year-old guys and everything, but they still crack me up. =)

I'm extremely grateful for my life right now...just how it's been going, no matter whether it seems good or not so good...God's still in it all. I know I've been saying that lately, but honestly, I pray that I'll feel this way every day. Praise the Lord! Rob's blog totally echoes what's in my heart, and I'm happy, too, that he's experiencing this as well. When I was at the Moya house the other night, I noticed that he had that joyful presence I'd been hoping to see...very at peace with things. Not that you haven't been that way over the years, Robby, but it's great that the light of God is shining through the way it is in you now. I think it's the ukulele...hahaha =)

I'm glad you're my brother, Rob. I remember Em telling me in Maui: "All that's going to matter in the end, B.anne, is your family and the guy who loves you"...words flowing from her heart as my sister and your wife. So here you are with our family and I thank God that He made you a part of it.

Leilani, my sidekick, is another one I am SO super-thankful for. We share a lot of funny moments together...different adventures...normal everyday happenings...and it's always so great. Yesterday, as we were driving to SPC for Mass, she wanted to listen to the Jesus story on the way there and she asked me if we could go back and look at the Pope's stuff (she'd gone to the Vatican exhibit twice...hehe). I told her they had to take the "Pope's stuff" back because they belonged in his house. Then she got all excited to see Uncle Jay...no matter where he is in the church, she always seems to find him and point him out. Her face also lit up when she saw Tita Jenevee there, too. When we got home, she wanted to call Tita Jaymee so she could talk to Ahlauna on the phone. Lyn-lyn and I overheard their conversation and we couldn't stop laughing because she just took my cell phone and was going on and on. Haha...how cute! For the past four years, she's been the one who's held us together as a family ever since Daddy died. Definitely our little angel...

I love my family. Kings, that includes you, too. Jaymee gets extra credit because she can bake the best desserts...(with Mo's uh...supervision?) hehehe =) My mom is always there to pray and talk and listen. Abie is so full of practical advice. When we get "sister time", both Em and Lyn-lyn offer so much support in whatever it is I do. Each person is so awesome because we're all shooting for God's potential in our lives. He's always part of our conversation somehow. When someone's stressed out, someone else is there to say, "Just trust in Him. He'll take care of you." When everything's going well, we're thanking God together for His blessings.

But, really, all of you are the greatest because when I'm with you, I know who I am and can be me at all times. Sure, we've gone through lots of ups and downs...but having you here with our relationships turning out that much stronger just proves to me that His grace is truly the glue that binds us in spirit. For all the things that Love is in 1 Corinthians 13...patient, kind, without envy, not boastful or arrogant, not ill-mannered or self-seeking, overcoming anger and forgetting offenses, not taking delight in wrong, always rejoicing in truth, excusing everything, believing all things, and enduring all things...you all have shown to me.

I don't deserve all this, Lord, but I do thank You for who You've given me to love and to serve. I may not show my appreciation all the time, but I do pray that You'll show them how much You love them through what You can do in me. Amen.