Dialogue and ecumenism

I met a Muslim today and we had a great conversation. He had shuttled me back to airport parking when I flew in from St. Louis and was just asking about my flight, etc. I told him that I spent the whole 3 1/2 hours reading a book about the Jesuit order of priests. He was inquiring about our beliefs as Catholics and I began to tell him about Jesus as our Savior. Then He began to share what he believed about Jesus and told me a very interesting story about Jesus and Mary.

I thought it was beautiful that he held Jesus and Mary in such high regard from the perspective that he had in the context of his religion. I wish you could have seen the depth of respect in his eyes and heard it in his voice. No antagonism whatsoever. He knew his faith and he loved it. He asked about my faith and he respected it.

Granted that there are some similarities in beliefs, the fundamental differences are quite drastic. I still enjoyed the dialogue, however - as did he - because I was just allowing him to share so that I could understand. It was not my opportunity to try to preach the truth to him, but our opportunity to meet on a bridge between Christian and Muslim.

So I tried to give him a tip but he refused. He said he was just grateful for the conversation. This particular encounter inspired me because this man spoke with more love from his heart for God to a stranger than I do to my dearest friends.

Thank you, Lord God, for that "appointment". As brief as it was, I think we both left a little bit better off...

"Man's mercy is for his neighbor but the compassion of the Lord reaches all people." (Sirach 18:13a)

Dear Daddy

"There You'll Be"
by Faith Hill

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

Ten years ago today you fell asleep and woke up in the arms of Jesus. Thank you for living a life worth following - a life of hope and faith...of perseverance and love. You'll always be my hero.

love,
b.anne

By the way, Lord...

I wanted to thank You for welcoming me to St. Anastasia yesterday, as well. No one else was there for most of the time except for me and You, but I really appreciate the "at-home-ness" that I always feel whenever I walk into a church and sit in front of the tabernacle.

If only everywhere we went gave us that much peace...

I've run into many a wall lately when visiting with friends and family. I think I probably have mine up, too. Hesistancy is easy to spot when you know it so well within yourself. Whatever the reason (for I am as clueless as the next person), I just want everything to be okay.

We know not how to pray, and so we turn our spirits over to His Spirit who prays within us for what we cannot comprehend.

Inspired by Jaymee's Healing talk, I pray:

Dear Lord,

Please heal in us whatever is broken and wounded. Heal our relationships with each other, with ourselves, with You. Send your refining fire and consume us with the power and grace poured forth from Heaven...from Your Sacred Heart through the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Life was never meant to be this painful, so I know You desire to lift us into Your arms and enfold us with Your comfort to make us one again in You.

Amen.

AMDG+JMJ

It's hot

Dear God,

Can you please turn up the AC a little?

Love,
me

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I'm taking a brief paper-grading break. Tomorrow is our last day of the Freshman Summer Progam. I must say that I had a great time teaching these kids. They're really nice boys. We even have one going into the 11th grade who brings his harmonica, banjo, and guitar to school and just plays in the quad. His name's Ronnie and he was in my 4th period class. He's from Louisiana so he has that sweet Southern accent, not to mention a heart of gold.

I don't think I ever want to leave the classroom completely. It's the most fulfilling experience to teach...to get the kids to come up with their own questions and to seek answers by stretching their brains a little. There's nothing else like it. Definitely not a lonely job, I'll tell you that much. And when you can be there for them in their successes and challenges, praying with them and supporting them, you feel like you've just been given the greatest gift of all - a love that goes beyond just knowledge but rather binds you together through relationship.

This is the real world...what life is all about. We're establishing our careers and trying to put to practical use all the lessons we learned in college. Yesterday we took some of the guys on an LA Walking Tour to show them the buildings they'll be working at. I looked up at the US Bank building and said to one of the students, "My cousin works up there." My youngest sister and my best friend are both married...Leilani will be 5 next month...decisions are being made and futures are being built. I'm looking into the next few years of my own life wondering where God's going to take me next.

Pretty exciting.

I'm here because of not only the choices I have made in life but also because God had a lot to do with bringing me to this point. I worked for my degree and accumulated experience, but He gave me my job and every opportunity that led up to it. I held my standards high, but He brought my boyfriend to me and gave me the grace to say yes to this relationship. I tried to learn as much as I could about my faith, but He was the one who kept me faithful to Him.

So whatever is coming up for later on, God has it all in His hands. I'm happy where I am, but He's not going to keep me here. Someday I may move on to another job...Gary and I may take that next step...and eventually when it's all over, He'll carry me into Heaven.

Always changing...always moving...but with always the same Love surrounding me and filling my heart with joy.

In the long run, however, this isn't all just for me. He takes me where He wants me to go because there are others who He'd like me to bring along the journey as well. Just gotta keep walking and they'll happen to be going in the same direction looking for some companionship.

Yes, it is pretty exciting.

"Let each of us bring joy to our neighbors helping them for the good purpose, for building up. May God, the source of all perseverance and comfort give to all of you who live in peace Christ Jesus, that you may be able to praise in one voice God, Father of Christ Jesus, our Lord." (Romans 15:2, 5-6)

Children of the Light

Mass. Confession. Can't do without it. Why was I even trying to give Him less than what I know I can offer Him?

It was great to be back at SPC. Sorting through...questioning...sometimes even doubting my own relationship with Him...but it's all part of the process. The faith journey is never a perfectly paved road. I was never going to leave Him. I just needed to know how He wants me to live out everything I've learned. Not just the laws but the love as well.

I need to stay grounded because the pull of the world is strong. Yet it's the people in the world that I have been given to grow with and learn from. No, it isn't always me ministering to them. I need them just as much. Who am I to believe that I have all the answers in life?

We are a pilgrim people and and we're all traveling together.

Though there are some that I just cannot reach from where I am. So I PRAY. I pray with all my might that God's hand always be upon them. That the worst my imagination can conjure up will never come to fruition. There are souls who are seeking God...souls who have completely walked away from Him...souls who are racked with more pain than I could ever handle in a lifetime. I pray because people prayed for me and continue to do so. That's what "church" is all about. When one part of the body is missing, the whole suffers. We cannot function as we were meant to be.

I can't give up because there were those blessed few who never gave up on me.

God forbid that I should throw my hands in the air and just say that there's absolutely nothing I can do. There is much work to be done and much good that is possible when you believe.

Dear Lord, I ask You...no, I BEG You for the virtue of faith. Please fill my heart with hope for the world, for my brothers and sisters, for my own ailing soul that desires only to please You. As each day passes, we draw closer to the end...to Your coming than where we were yesterday. Today is all we have because tomorrow is never guaranteed. Please, dear Jesus, may we experience Your abounding mercy before it's too late.

I have since lost that sense of urgency. I have not kept Heaven as closely in sight as I should have been. In seeking to be comfortable, I have become complacent. This world...it's not my home. Neither is it yours...

Where am I storing my treasures?

"You know what hour it is. This is the time to awake, for our salvation is now nearer than when we first believed; the night is almost over and the day is at hand. Let us discard, therefore, everything that belongs to darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. As we live in full light of day, let us behave with decency; no banquets with drunkenness, no prostitution or vices, no fighting or jealousy. Put on, rather, the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not be led by the will of the flesh nor follow its desires." (Rom 13:11-14)

Attitude adjustment

"The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives."
- Louise Hay

It's so interesting to see how people view life's circumstances so differently. The course of one's life can either take a positive turn or a negative one depending on how they choose to think. Which canvas does your life look like?

A Vision for Catholic Schools

In response to Jason's question: "Why would kids who are non-Catholic go to a Catholic school?"...

Taken from the LA Archdiocese website: (the BIG picture of what a Catholic school should be)

An Advantage for Life
Jesus Christ is the foundation for our community, the Catholic Schools in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. His call to teach is our inspiration; His image the model for our students. In partnership with parents, we prepare our students to become full and active members of the Catholic Church, to serve others, and to make a difference in the world. We commit our schools to provide a quality education so that a Catholic Education is an Advantage for Life.

• BUILD A COMMUNITY OF FAITH - We exist to enrich the Catholic community, and invite everyone to become active disciples of Jesus Christ.
• UNDERSTAND THEIR GIFTS - We encourage all students towards excellence, but most importantly to use their gifts and talents in service to others.
• INTEGRATE THE TEACHINGS OF THE CHURCH - We provide a unique opportunity for students to experience the gospel of Jesus Christ, and to bring Catholic beliefs and values into their lives and the world.
• PROMOTE PARISH LIFE - We actively work to enhance the lives of Catholic parish communities.
• FOSTER RESPECT - We teach respect for self and others, qualities that develop into discipline and good behavior.
• LEAD BY EXAMPLE - We are spiritually committed and professionally prepared so that we can lead by example, and also show our special concern for each student.
• APPRECIATE PARENTS - We recognize parents as the primary educators of the students in our care; we encourage their active role in our schools and parishes, and we appreciate their support.
• SHARE GOVERNANCE - We seek community participation from those who share our vision, mission and goals.
• OFFER OUR SCHOOLS - While we exist first for the Catholic community, we open our schools to all children who can benefit and to the extent that resources allow.
• EXPRESS CONCERN FOR OTHERS - We have a special concern for the poor and disenfranchised.
• INVEST WITH CARE - We use our resources wisely to ensure quality, and to be affordable to parents and our Church.
• SEEK FINANCIAL CONTRIBUTION - We continue to challenge the Catholic community and others to provide the resources that allow us to continue our work.

©2004 The Roman Catholic Archbishop of Los Angeles.

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So our non-Catholic families are seeking to provide the best private school opportunity to their kids that they can afford. Here in Watts, the high school dropout rate is about 70%. That means if we had a freshman class of 100, only 30 of them would graduate with a diploma. Many may end up either on the street or struggling through life, earning close to minimum wage for much of their lives. However, because we are who we are with the education, programs and services the school offers, almost all of our graduates are accepted into college and leave Verbum Dei with a corporate resume.

The population of our community is about half Black and half Latino. Some go to church on Sundays, very few attend Mass. But they're here because they need to be. For some of them, it's about survival. Our identity clearly comes from our service to the underserved, and so we accept those who are open to learning about the Catholic faith and are willing to participate in Catholic spiritual formation.

There are definite benefits to a Catholic education and I can understand why people of various faith backgrounds would be attracted to it. I have yet to encounter students who are belligerently opposed to our Catholic beliefs and practices, but honestly because of our very thorough screening process I don't think that will be much of a problem. Everyone is pretty respectful of each other's differences on campus and for me, it's my greatest joy when I have a non-Catholic student ask me to explain why Mass is so important...how one becomes a saint...what purgatory is...not because he's trying to argue but because he REALLY wants to know. What makes me even happier is seeing him think about it, nod to himself and say, "Oh, okay, that makes sense."

I think this is a challenge to us - as it is to all Catholic schools around the world - to preserve the riches found in our religious tradition not only in our parishes but in our schools as well. It is easy to find deficits in the Catholic school system, especially in Religious Education, where many of the graduates don't know what being Catholic really means. As a Catholic educator myself, I ask myself what kind of an education I would want to give my own children someday. Would I send them to a Catholic school? And if I choose to homeschool, would I walk away from the system altogether? Would I ever think about returning to it professionally when my kids are older?

I struggle with my own questions, coming from a very "conservative" parish and working in a somewhat "liberal" environment. I've met people from both extremes and have decided for myself that I want to be able to cross the bridge somehow...to help them remember that Jesus is the one who holds us all together, that there is such thing as an absolute Truth but that it needs to be shared in love. So I love the fact that I'm learning a lot about the different viewpoints in among Catholics. Do I agree with all of them? No...to do so would be impossible since many of them are conflicting. I still follow what is taught from the Vatican and will do so for the rest of my life. What I seek, however, is to try to understand others...to reach out to them as people...because I have learned that you can preach and defend as much as you want but if that heart isn't open to receiving the message, then you've just spit a lot of wasted words into the air.

I realize that this entry may not be completely addressing the question. Just had a lot on my mind lately, so you're getting some of that right now. But I'm glad you asked what you did, Jason, because it's helping me appreciate what's happening here and what kind of potential for dialogue and faith sharing we can have at our school.

Catholics are to be "leaven in the world". That's what my professor said yesterday. Immersed in the world but affecting it instead of being affected by it. Non-Catholic Christians are expected to be no different. If Catholic schools provide the environment that fosters that kind of growth where both groups are working side by side, then I think we're making strides in the breakdown of age-old prejudices that have separated us as brothers and sisters in Christ.

There is yet much to be said (and still learned) about this subject. You may have your own thoughts on it as well. Feel free to share, by all means...

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PERSONAL NOTES...

Taken from the New Advent Catholic Encyclopedia (on EDUCATION)

The Catholic position may be outlined as follows:

• Intellectual education must not be separated from moral and religious education. To impart knowledge or to develop mental efficiency without building up moral character is not only contrary to psychological law, which requires that all the faculties should be trained but is also fatal both to the individual and to society. No amount of intellectual attainment or culture can serve as a substitute for virtue; on the contrary, the more thorough intellectual education becomes, the greater is the need for sound moral training.
• Religion should be an essential part of education; it should form not merely an adjunct to instruction in other subjects, but the centre about which these are grouped and the spirit by which they are permeated. the study of nature without any reference to God, or of human ideal with no mention of Jesus Christ, or of human legislation without Divine law is at best a one-sided education. The fact that religious truth finds no place in the curriculum is, of itself, and apart from any open negation of that truth, sufficient to warp the pupil's mind in such a way and to such an extent that he will feel little concern in his school-days or later for religion in any form; and this result is the more likely to ensue when the curriculum is made to include everything that is worth knowing except the one subject which is of chief importance.
• Sound moral instruction is impossible apart from religious education. The child may be drilled in certain desirable habits, such as neatness, courtesy, and punctuality; he may be imbued with a spirit of honour, industry, and truthfulness -- and none of this should be neglected; but if these duties towards self and neighbour are sacred, the duty towards God is immeasurably, more sacred. When it is faithfully performed, it includes and raises to a higher plane the discharge of every other obligation. Training in religion, moreover, furnishes the best motives for conduct and the noblest ideals for imitation, while it sets before the mind an adequate sanction in the holiness and justice of God. Religious education, it should be noted, is more than instruction in the dogmas of faith or the precepts of the Divine law; it is essentially a practical training in the exercises of religion, such as prayer, attendance at Divine worship, and reception of the sacraments. By these means conscience is purified, the will to do right is strengthened, and the mind is fortified to resist those temptations which, especially in the period of adolescence, threaten the gravest danger to the moral life.
• An education which unites the intellectual, moral and religious elements is the best safeguard for the home, since it places on a secure basis the various relations which the family implies. It also ensures the performance of social duties by inculcating a spirit of self-sacrifice, of obedience to law, and of Chrisitian love for the fellow-man. The most effectual preparation for the citizenship is that schooling in virtue which habituates a man to decide, to act, to oppose a movement or to further it, not with a view to personal gain nor simply in deference to public opinion, but in accordance with the standards of right that are fixed by the law of God. The welfare of the State, therefore demands that the child be trained in the practice of virtue and religion no less than in the pursuit of knowledge.
• Far from lessening the need of moral and religious training, the advance in educational methods rather emphasizes that need. Many of the so-called improvements in teaching are of passsing importance, and some are at variance with the laws of the mind. Upon their relative worth the Church does not pronounce, nor does she commit herself to any particular method provided the essentials of Christian education are secured, the Church welcomes whatever the sciences may contribute toward rendering the work of the school more efficient.
• Catholic parents are bound in conscience to provide for the education of their children, either at home or in schools of the right sort. As the bodily life of the child must be cared for, so, for still graver reasons, must the mental and moral faculties be developed. Parents, therefore, cannot take an attitude of indifference toward this essential duty nor transfer it wholly to others. They are responsible for those earliest impressions which the child receives passively, before he exercises any conscious selective imitation; and as the intellectual powers develop, the parents example is the lesson that sinks most deeply into the child's mind. They are also obliged to instruct the child according to his capacity, in the truths of religion and in the practice of religious duties, thus co-operating with the work of the Church and the school. The virtues, especially of obedience, self-control, and purity, can nowhere be inculcated so thoroughly as in the home; and without such moral education by the parents, the task of forming upright men and women and worthy citizens is difficult, and if not impossible.

"I promise to be true..."

Happy belated anniversary, Em & Rob... =) You have much to be grateful for and many more blessings awaiting you in the years to come. May God continue to guide you and care for you so that your love will be a witness to those who have lost hope...to those who no longer believe in a lifetime of commitment and fidelity. In celebration of your first year together, I drew a picture of you. Just kidding...haha...I just happened to find this and it reminded me of you...

Love you guys. Have fun at the Alamo!

A different kind of wealth

"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way."

Life's Work

Wake up. Get ready. Go to work.

About 60 students pass through my classroom everyday. As one of their teachers, I only have 50 minutes at a time to help them develop skills that will hopefully be of some use to them later on in life. The objective of my day is to leave them wanting to learn more, feeling inspired, knowing that they walked out with a little bit more than they walked in with.

Sure I can be better at what I do. I need to be corrected and given constructive criticism. There will be days when this threatens to discourage me, but that's when I have to be humble enough to know that there's a lot of growing and learning that I still need to do. Being teachable keeps you bouyant in this world. If you think you're perfect, you're in for a big disappointment.

Today came and went. It's the middle of the day right now and I'm quite tired. Not exhausted. Just somewhat drained. But I meant it when I told my 4th period class that they make me want to go back to teaching. No, I'm definitely not the best there is. This, however, is a challenge that I'd like to take on again someday, possibly at the elementary level again. It would take a lot of self-management on my part, but it would be nice to have a class of my own like I did before and play such a big part in their lives at such an impressionable age.

We'll see what God has in store.

For now, I'm happy with my place here at Verb. It has its own benefits and challenges, and I share the joys and sorrows with everyone else on campus. One of my students asked me what Mass was because he's never been exposed to one. So here I have the greatest privilege to practice true ecumenism - to share the beauty of the Catholic faith with those who grew up in other churches and build bridges instead of walls between different types of Christians.

There are more good days than bad.

When I think about what I want to spend my life doing, no one particular occupation comes to mind. I simpy have the following list that guides the direction I take:

• love God
• serve others
• help people get to heaven

That's it. So the opportunities presented to me have allowed me to do exactly that. This is why I shouldn't take my job for granted. Other people would give anything to be here...not because it pays a whole lot, but because it's great work. Stressful at times, yes, that's for sure. But if I never got the chance at this, I'd probably be wishing that I had.

Lord, please help me be excited instead of scared about this upcoming school year. We've got a lot of great students joining us in the fall, and I just pray that You'll guide me and show me how to make their encounter with You here at Verbum Dei an experience that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

"Whatever your life's work is, do it well. A man should do his job so well that the living, the dead, and the unborn could do it no better. If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, like Shakespeare wrote poetry, like Beethoven composed music; sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven and earth will have to pause and say, "Here lived a great street sweeper, who swept his job well."

Dec. 3, 1956-Montgomery, Alabama, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

FIAT

Do you remember the first time you gave your "yes" to God? Your wholehearted fiat that said you fell in love with Him so deeply that you were willing to leave the world behind and follow Him at any cost? It took blind faith...the moment when you made that commitment not realizing the amount of sacrifice you would choose to accept that came with your humble and obedient reply. The only requirement was complete trust in the Lord. It might have been easy at first because it seemed you, too, were filled with grace...maybe not the same way Mary was...but enough that it surpassed the fear and doubt that threatened to hold you back.

It started becoming difficult when you realized that you now had to make a daily choice...when the pull of the world seemed to entice you again as life before you met Christ seemed easier and less burdensome. You told Him some time ago that you would not take back your "yes". Have you? Because of your woundedness, have you taken a step back from your Love and said it was too much to ask? Your shoulders were not made to carry that much weight, you thought to yourself, so you began to walk away.

But look at her. Look into her eyes...into her heart. When she was faced with that daily choice, what did she answer her Lord? Did she complain that it was too hard? Did she regret the response she gave to the angel Gabriel at the Annuciation? Did she ever say to herself, "If only I had said no..."?

Did she allow sadness to overwhelm her heart and cause her to compare her life to what appeared more attractive in the lives of those around her?

Poverty. Chastity. Obedience. Those vows do not only belong to the religious. They are to be incorporated into our lives as well. Our Blessed Mother was married to St. Joseph. They ran their own household and raised in it a Child of their own. And yet they still depended on God for all their temporal needs. They treated each other with the highest dignity deserving of a human being made in the image and likeness of God. There was no will in their hearts above that of the Father. These vows were never formally made but they were very actively practiced.

And you, little one...what about you? What happened to your "yes"? to your fruits? to your trust?

Lord, I give you my heart
I give you my soul
I live for you alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord, have your way in me.

"I beg you, dearly beloved, by the mercy of God, to give yourselves as a living and holy sacrifice pleasing to God: such is the worship of a rational being. Don't let yourselves be shaped by the world where you live, but rather be transformed by the renewal of your mind. You must discern the will of God: what is good, what pleases, what is perfect." (Rom 12:1-2)

Order out of chaos

Cluttered. My mind, my room, my life...I've been trying to clean it all up, but I get so tired very easily these days. That's why I fall asleep if given the opportunity (sorry, Em...haha...it's true). I can't handle as much as I used to, so I've been MIA for a while now. Just figuring out what to keep and what to let go of - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Ever since I got sick, I've had to slow down, and honestly it's been a real drag. That's my pride talking because I've had a hard time accepting that I can't run around like I'm Superwoman anymore (that's the nickname the Kappas gave me when I was on their cabinet and PAC cabinet). But like Mommy always tells me, part of learning humility is knowing your limits and sticking to them.

I remember the days when I used to hang out all day and all night with my friends...talk until the break of dawn and watch the sunrise over the ocean...party 3-4 nights a week (which I do not recommend for anyone)...work two jobs as a full-time college student with meetings to run, events to go to and PCN practices to coordinate. Do I wish my life could go back to that? Nope...not hardly. I'm getting used to living the life of a turtle. =) Besides, turtles live longer than hares (which are rabbits, in case you didn't know).

So nowadays I get up at 5am and I'm at work by 6:30 or 7...teach my four classes of Reading in the Freshman Summer Program at Verb...go home and sleep for a few hours...and work on random things here and there, possibly fitting in a friend hangout every once in a while if Gary's not in town. Then it's journaling to keep conversation going between me and God, and to end the night I call Mr. Dyogi to catch up and pray before going to sleep. That's it. Not very exciting to most people, but I must say that it's quite peaceful. I do need to get back to going to Mass again during the week. I just get really tired in the afternoon that once I'm home, it's hard to get me out again.

It's nice when I can fit in a prayer meeting at least once a week. I still have yet to join my sisters again for HoW, but the SH prayer meetings that I've gone to lately have been very helpful, not to mention incredibly inspiring.

I do apologize to all of you who I haven't seen in a while. Spontaneous headaches or the sudden onset of extreme fatigue sometimes keep me from being faithful to my social commitments. Just so you know, I'm not being flakey on purpose. I really miss you!

Once I get this whole "BALANCE" business under my belt, hopefully I'll be around more. Until then, please keep me in your prayers and I will definitely keep you in mine, yeah? =)

Praise God in all things...AMEN!

Healing isn't complete until you get to Heaven...

Awesome, awesome, AWESOME talk by Jaymee last night at prayer meeting. I learned so much and was reminded of a lot of things that my mind couldn't contain it all...so hopefully I can get her notes. =)

We took half the freshman class to MOCA today. Very interesting what "art" can be. Actually it inspired the creative side of me and now I want to go museum hopping just because I learned a little bit more about how to look at artwork. Usually I'll just walk by and say..."Hmmm, that's umm, nice." But I'll never talk the time to allow the artwork to speak to me. So, yeah, it's good to think outside the box!

I must also say that I'm really happy. Why? I just am. Gary and I have had some really great talks lately and I deeply appreciate the way we've been able to communicate. I guess we've come to the point in our lives where we understand that there's a lot at stake here...that being in a relationship is a huge risk that we both decided to take (as it is for most people)...and when you have something you never expected to have, it becomes extra-special. So because this is extra-special to me, I'm extra-happy! =)

My heart is more comfortable giving more than I was. At first it was mostly him...it just had to be because I needed to be sure he wanted this. On Valentine's Day this year he made a KAI cd for me and one of the songs describes the kind of giving he's been pouring into "us":

A MILLION MORE

What can I do, how can I prove
That I'm serious about this love
What should I say in this different way
To make you realize I won't leave your side Lady
Over and over I'm holding you close
And I'm telling you I'll never let go

If a million days are never enough to know you
And a million words won't let you be sure
In a million ways I've given my love, I'll show you
I'll open another door and find a million more

For half of your tears you don't know I hear
All of the nights you've cried, or you're left behind
I'll take the pain, wash it away
If you just put your trust in the two of us

Whatever went wrong it's not gonna hurt you anymore
I'll keep holding on, I believe in this love so until you're sure

Listen to me, whatever I gotta do to prove my love,
And when my words don't let you be sure
I'll open your heart and open another door
To a million more

He was "chosen by grace" (Rom 11:5-6).

Which book of the Bible are you?
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He always leaves me smiling

How did I end up with someone so great?

Last Thursday marked six months with Gary, and I continue to be left amazed by this relationship. He's absolutely wonderful. Things that most guys would run away from, he's faced head on. Accepting every single part of me along with the normality that will never exist has been his piece of cake. And for six months, I've wondered why. What made this all possible? There is only one answer that comes to mind...

God.

God can take you with all of your weaknesses, faults and failings and transform your life into a masterpiece so beautiful that you can become the joy in the life of another person who is also filled with their own shortcomings.

He brought us together, and the prayers of everyone around me definitely helped it along without either of us knowing it.

I wasn't ready for anything more than a friendship when I met him, but I knew that he was being introduced into my life for a reason. But because I shut myself inside the prison of my own heart, I couldn't figure out why he was there. Months went by and people would ask...

"He's really nice," I would tell them. "But that's it." I couldn't let him in. There was nothing I felt I could give him...or anybody else for that matter...

We were "pen pals" from June-December '04, writing each other often but seeing each other pretty rarely...talking on the phone even less than that. I replied to his emails because his initiation and responses were full of a lot of thought and heart. Very sincere. This was your typical "nice guy". Nevertheless, even despite his goodness, I didn't expect it to turn into this.

Why not?

He was different from all the other guys I knew. He was a Zeta so we had mutual friends from college, though not once did we meet or notice each other even if we were at the same places and events. We shared leadership experience, as well as time in "the scene". From the first prayer meeting I invited him to, I found out that he loved the rosary and had a very simple prayer life. Sounds fine, doesn't it? He was a cross between my old PAC/Zeta brothers and my new family in SH. I honestly didn't know how to react to it because there was no strain in him as far as feeling torn between two worlds. He seemed to adapt well with life and I really admired this. But I had completely left everything that I was years ago and assumed that we just wouldn't be able to relate.

Surprisingly, something kept him around. I didn't get it.

Now I do.

After some time, I recognized the depth of brokenness in my spirit stemming from my childhood - a fragmented state of being that I seemed to learn to live with. I never really felt stable because I was always trying to find a place of peace where I could be accepted and feel fulfilled. This partly explains why I had so many different types of friends and went out with guys of different personalities (that sounds like they were schizophrenic - no, that's not what I mean...haha).

Very comfortable with being single, I was well-settled into my prayer community at SH and making a new home at St. Peter Chanel, allowing God to mold me into a new person that wanted only to love and serve Him. I refused to date around and just kept my associations to the friends who kept me both happy and accountable. Gary was still there but I didn't know exactly how he fit in to the big picture.

Come December, my heart softened a little...at least enough to let him take me out to watch Les Miserables...a birthday/Christmas package that made its impression in a way that only Gary could leave. Anyone could have done the same thing, but he had this unique flair about him. The way that he did things was just like his emails. He put his whole heart...his whole self into every little detail.

Funny that I was so used to being a giver in life that I didn't know how to receive. Being that I also didn't play the "dating game", I didn't know how to read all this or respond to him. As much as my friends and family told me that there was something to it, I didn't give it much thought. I just didn't think I'd be the one he was looking for. At that point I was way too damaged that he'd only be asking for a cross to carry.

And funny that my cross is what he wanted.

It was just like Leo said it would be some time ago. There would be someone who would be more than happy to share the load and pick up my cross. He would do it with so much joy because he loved me. Another prophetic foreshadowing of the man who would give everything just to "win my heart".

If I wrote about all the ways Gary has shown his willingness to make the long and narrow road the most beautiful journey for me, I'd be up all night. I think I finally had to tell part of the story myself just so I can acknowledge my own reality. He could have walked away. I could have just as easily kept him at a distance. But there was something much stronger than any fear either of us could ever have.

Love.

Any obstacle that has threatened to get in the way has been conquered by this love...and it is only the love of God poured into his heart that helps me each day grow into a whole person again.

I know it's not going to be easy, and it will definitely not be perfect. But at least I know that there are great possibilities for us if we keep Him in the center of our relationship.

The lessons I'm learning with him are unbelievable. Again, I wish I could write it all down, but I think the more important thing is that I live it out.

This is so exciting... =)

"The Lord God says this, 'I shall pour clean water over you and you will be cleansed. I shall give you a new heart, and put a new spirit in you. I shall remove the heart of stone from your bodies and give you a heart of flesh instead. I shall put my spirit in you. You shall be my people and I will be your God." (Ezek. 36:22-26)

Mary, Mother of God

Dear Amelia,

Hello there. It's interesting that you should leave such a question/comment on my tagboard. I'm not sure if you'd really like the answer or if you are simply trying to make a statement. But nevertheless, I will address your thought in case anyone else out there was wondering the same thing. =)

Q: Why would anyone pray to a mere mortal, such as Mary? Mary was hardly spoken of in the Bible other than being the vessel that bore the Son of God. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me".

My Response:
Before giving you a reply to your question, I must first touch on your latter comments. No one ever claimed that Mary was divine (a goddess) - not Jesus or even Mary herself. The First Commandment as included in your comment is true. We should not have other gods before the Lord. She was mortal, yes. She was human, created just as you and I were, but with one exception: Mary was conceived without sin. God was preparing His vessel to be pure and holy so that He who is pure and holy could be born through her.

The New Testament covenant fulfilled was JESUS, not Mary. So only what is necessary is mentioned in Scripture. We see her present at important key events during the life of Christ:

• the Annuciation (Luke 1:26-38)
• the Visitation (Luke 1:39-45, incl. the Magnificat in Luke 1:46-56 )
• the Birth of our Lord (Luke 2:4-7)
• the Presentation/prophecy of Simeon (Luke 2:34-35)
• the Flight to Egypt (Matthew 2:14-15)
• the Finding in the Temple (Luke 2:40-52)
• Jesus Expands His Following (Mark 3:31-35)
• the Wedding at Cana - 1st miracle of Christ (John 2:1-10)
• at the Foot of the Cross w/John (John 19:26-27)
• at Pentecost - the coming of the Holy Spirit and birth of the Christian Church (Acts of the Apostles 1:12-14, 2:1-4)

Just because she does not appear as much as Her Son in the written Word, this does not mean she did not participate with Him in His life on earth nor does it diminish her significance in the plan of God. And now looking at the above references where Mary is directly mentioned, I would hesitate to say that she is hardly spoken of.

I must add that there are a number of biblical passages that prefigure Mary in the Old Testament, meaning that a story or character is a prelude or symbol for an event or character in the New Testament.

(see the following)

• When God speaks to the serpent after the Fall of Adam and Eve, we learn in Genesis 3:15 of the promise of a Redeemer from the woman, "I will put enmity between you and the woman, between your offspring and hers, He will crush your head, while you strike at his heel." Eve herself, "the mother of all the living [Genesis 3:20]" prefigures Mary.
• The Matriarchs of the Old Testament also foreshadow Mary and Elizabeth in the New Testament, as Sarah and Hagar, Rachel and Leah, and Hannah and Peninnah. Hagar the Egyptian maid had Ishmael [Genesis 16:15] by Abram, and Sarah had Isaac [Genesis 21:2] when he was called Abraham, after God established his Covenant with him, making him a father of a host of nations. Rachel and Leah were the daughters of Laban, and Leah had six of Jacob's twelve sons, but it was Rachel who had his eleventh son Joseph [Genesis 30:24]. Peninnah had many children for Elkanah, but it was the barren Hannah who bore Samuel [1Samuel 1:20]. The hymn of Hannah in the First Book of Samuel 2:1-10 is clearly a source for the Magnificat of Mary.
• The books of Esther and Judith portray two heroines of Israel. Each of these women, with their sense of survivability and indestructible spiritual strength, personify Israel itself. In fact, woman and Israel become interchangeable in the Book of Hosea, where the marriage of Hosea to his unfaithful wife is symbolic of God's Covenant of love with the unfaithful people of Israel [Hosea 11:1-9]. The rich background in the Old Testament predisposes one to understand the whole history of Israel looks to its fulfillment in the Messiah.
• Mary, the young Jewish virgin, becomes a symbol for Israel herself, the one that bore Jesus, the Messiah. Pope John Paul II in Redemptoris Mater confirms Mary as "daughter Zion" [Isaiah 54:1-10, Zephaniah 3:14, Zechariah 2:10] in the New Testament.

She is also included in Isaiah's prophecy regarding the coming of the Messiah.

• "Behold, a virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and his name shall be called Emmanuel" (which means, God with us) [Isaiah 7:14].

There is a woman in the Book of Revelation who is none other than Mary, the Mother of our Lord. She is the New Ark of the Covenant, the New Eve, the Mother through whom new life came to the world.

• "Then God's temple in heaven was opened, and the ark of his covenant could be seen in the temple. There were flashes of lightning, rumblings, and peals of thunder, an earthquake, and a violent hailstorm. A great sign appeared in the sky, a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars. She was with child and wailed aloud in pain as she labored to give birth. Then another sign appeared in the sky; it was a huge red dragon, with seven heads and ten horns, and on its heads were seven diadems. Its tail swept away a third of the stars in the sky and hurled them down to the earth. Then the dragon stood before the woman about to give birth, to devour her child when she gave birth. She gave birth to a son, a male child, destined to rule all the nations with an iron rod. Her child was caught up to God and his throne. The woman herself fled into the desert where she had a place prepared by God, that there she might be taken care of for twelve hundred and sixty days." (Revelation 11:19-12:1-6)

Now to answer your question, I will post the following reflection by Thomas Merton. Perhaps you can gain some insight from it...

WHY CATHOLICS PRAY TO MARY

This is often forgotten by Catholics themselves, and therefore it is not surprising that those who are not Catholic often have a completely wrong conception of Catholic devotion to the Mother of God. They imagine, and sometimes we can understand their reasons for doing so, that Catholics treat the Blessed Virgin as an almost divine being in her own right, as if she had some glory, some power, some majesty of her own that placed her on a level with Christ Himself. They regard the Assumption of Mary into heaven as a kind of apotheosis placed in the Redemption would seem to be equal to that of her Son. But this is all completely contrary to the true mind of the Catholic Church. It forgets that Mary's chief glory is in her nothingness, in the fact of being the "Handmaid of the Lord," as one who in becoming the Mother of God acted simply in loving submission to His command, in the pure obedience of faith. She is blessed not because of some mythical pseudo-divine prerogative, but in all her human and womanly limitations as one who has believed. It is the faith and the fidelity of this humble handmaid, "full of grace" that enables her to be the perfect instrument of God, and nothing else but His instrument. The work that was done in her purely the work of God. "He that is mighty hath done great things in me." The glory of Mary is purely and simply the glory of God in her. and she, like anyone else, can say that she has nothing that she has not received from Him through Christ.

As a matter of fact, this is precisely her greatest glory: that having nothing of her own, retaining nothing of a "self" that could glory in anything for her own sake, she placed no obstacle to the mercy of God and in no way resisted His love and His will. Hence she received more from Him than any other saint. He was able to accomplish His will perfectly in her, and His liberty was in no way hindered or turned from its purpose by the presence of an egotistical self in Mary. She was and is in the highest sense a person precisely because, being "immaculate," she was free from every taint of selfishness that might obscure God's light in her being. She was then a freedom that obeyed Him perfectly and in this obedience found the fulfillment of perfect love.

The genuine significance of Catholic devotion to Mary is to be seen in the light of the Incarnation itself. The Church cannot separate the Son and the Mother. Because the Church conceived of the Incarnation as God's descent into flesh and into time, and His great gift of Himself to His creatures, she also believes that the one who was closest to Him in this great mystery was the one who participated most perfectly in the gift. When a room is heated by an open flame, surely there is nothing strange in the fact that those who stand closest to the fireplace are the ones who are warmest. And when God comes into the world through the instrumentality of one of His servants, then there is nothing surprising about the fact that His chosen instrument should have the greatest and most intimate share in the divine gift.

Mary, who was empty of all egotism, free from all sin, was as pure as the glass of a very clean window that has no other function than to admit the light of the sun (Son). If we rejoice in that light, we implicitly praise the cleanness of the window. And of course it might be argued that in such a case we might well forget the window altogether. This is true. And yet the Son of God, in emptying Himself of His majestic power, having become a child, abandoning Himself in complete dependence to the loving care of a human Mother, in a certain sense draws our attention once again to her. The Light has wished to remind us of the window, because He is grateful to her and because He has an infinitely tender love, it is certainly a great grace and a privilege, and one of the most important aspects of this privilege is that it enables us to some extent to appreciate the mystery of God's great love and respect for His creatures.

That God should assume Mary into heaven is not just a glorification of a "Mother Goddess." Quite the contrary, it is the expression of the divine love for humanity, and a very special manifestation of God's respect for His creatures, His desire to do honor to the beings He has made in His own image, and most particularly His respect for the body which was destined to be the temple of His glory. If Mary is believed to be assumed into heaven, it is because we too are one day, by the grace of God, to dwell where she is. If human nature is glorified in her, it is because God desires it to be glorified in us too, and it is for this reason that His Son, taking flesh, came into the world.

In all the great mystery of Mary, then, one thing remains most clear: that of herself she is nothing, and that God has for our sakes delighted to manifest His glory and His love in her.

It is because she is, of all the saints, the most perfectly poor and the most perfectly hidden, the one who has absolutely nothing whatever that she attempts to possess as her own, that she can most fully communicate to the rest of us the grace of the infinitely selfless God. And we will most truly possess Him when we have emptied ourselves and become poor and hidden as she is, resembling Him by resembling her.

And all our sanctity depends on her maternal love. The ones she desires to share the joy of her own poverty and simplicity, the ones whom she wills to be hidden as she is hidden, are the ones who share her closeness to God.

******************************

So, Sister Amelia, I will say that I pray to Mary because I need help becoming like Jesus. I know she can help me because she knows Him best. It is through her prayers that I learn to forget myself as she did...to surrender myself to the will of the Father...and to adore our God with a heart very much in love with Him.

It is my prayer that someday you, too, will experience her love and the grace that accompanies her intercession.

I would also like to thank you so much for posing your question because I really needed that reminder of who she is for me. In your curiosity, you have taken me back to the reason why I'm here and what He asks me to do each day in service to Him.

God bless you...

So I'm here at work...

...and it's a good summer distraction for me. The guys are great. But I'm not totally awake yet. Had a rough couple of nights, so if you're reading this today, please pray for me so I make it through this Friday.

Gracias. =)