Better days

I believe You have every moment held in Your hands. As I fell asleep last night, I couldn't help but cry out to You to take it all from me and pour Your grace into my life, my relationships, my pregnancy, my job. The cross...it's been heavy lately...but it's times like these that remind me how tightly I need to cling to You.

I've learned not to attach conditions to the trust I place in You. I've learned to accept each blessing and each heartache...even when I'm tempted to say that there is a limit to my openness...I can't tell You that I will stop believing and stop trusting if certain things go wrong.

You love me, Lord, and You love every person who has ever walked this earth. So when we need You...when anyone needs You, You're there. You always have been. I asked You today at Mass if You hear me, and You said You do. You know what I need. You know what must happen and what You will allow to me in order for this life to be fruitful. I don't understand it all, but at least I can find comfort in knowing that I am loved.

It's Pentecost on Sunday. The gifts...they're not dead. The Spirit...He dwells here within us and among us, sustaining our faith and upholding our Church. Jesus, You left us with the consolation that you would be with us until the end of time...as the world passes away...

The parting words of Christ:
"Behold, the hour is coming and has arrived when each of you will be scattered to his own home and you will leave me alone. But I am not alone, because the Father is with me. I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world." (John 16:32-33)

In the midst of real life

People get mad. They say things that hurt each other. Trust is broken. Friendships end. Those involved go their separate ways. It happens.

And then what?

I think that's when God uses circumstances in our lives to bring us back to either face the wounds or work to reconcile with the people whom we have left.

Our hearts were not made to be hardened and He knows that better than anyone else.

So sometimes He'll break us down. Sometimes He'll do whatever it takes to chip away at the walls.

When I see my kids get caught up in each other's conflicts, I can only imagine how much more difficult it will be for them down the road. Because I remember what that was like, not too long ago...

There has to be a better way.

"As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
- Jesus

You cannot be half a saint. You must be a whole saint or no saint at all.
– St. Therese of Lisieux

I have to stop:

• complaining...
• worrying...
• not putting my trust in the providence of God.

Avoiding sin doesn't cut it anymore. He's calling me to a deeper relationship...something I knew once upon a time...when He was...

EVERYTHING.

Be grateful. Believe that He knows what He's doing. Have faith that somehow life will work out because He loves me.

Can you do that, Marianne?

Can you help me, God?

What gets me through the day

Eucharist - I could be feeling horrible, weak, tired, or sad and somehow God's power works through the very presence of Jesus entering into the very depths of my soul. I wait for Him each morning and without fail, He always gives me what I need. There is no greater gift...no greater source of nourishment for both the body and soul.

Gary - I am so in love with my husband. I know it's not really like me to sound mushy, but I am. =) Even if I get to sit beside him in Mass for just a couple of minutes out of Ellie's generosity ("Go sit next to your hubby!"), those moments bring so much peace to my heart. It was the best feeling to see him yesterday realize how my tummy has grown and reach out with a smile on his face. He's going to be an amazing dad...

My kids - They're just awesome. I have loved every student I have ever taught at every school I have been in. These are no exception. Maybe my appreciation grows as I get older and more experienced, but everything about where I am fills me with an indescribable amount of inspiration and strength. I landed in a good place. I guess you can't go wrong when you walk into a school and the first thing you see are the words, "Let all who enter experience the love of God."

Ho-hum

Hi. I'm just waiting for my husband to come home...sitting here as my uterus is stretching...hahaha.

Jenn and I have come to the conclusion that a baby is going through growth spurts when you feel your most tired. That was her yesterday, and that is me today. I woke up at 9am, ate breakfast, fell asleep again and didn't get up until 1:30. Wow.

During my brief break from grading papers, I read a children's book that I have called Moses: When Harriet Tubman Led Her People to Freedom. It was so inspiring and very spiritual. I never really knew much about her or remembered what I learned maybe once upon a time, but I'm glad I picked it up because it reminded me of how God can really use one person to make such a huge difference in the lives of people who are oppressed. Hers is a story of victory. She never said she wouldn't or couldn't. She just did it.

You should read this book, too. It's pretty awesome.


I want to have faith like she did. I want courage like that. I want to be able to trust that as impossible as a task may seem, God will give me the grace to complete it.