Life in Christ: CCC #2548
Desire for true happiness frees man from his immoderate attachment to the goods of this world so that he can find his fulfillment in the vision and beatitude of God. "The promise [of seeing God] surpasses all beatitude...In Scripture, to see is to possess...Whoever sees God has obtained all the goods of which he can conceive."
The Lord grieves over the rich, because they find their consolation in the abundance of goods. "Let the proud seek and love earthly kingdoms, but blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven." Abandonment to the providence of the Father in heaven frees us from anxiety about tomorrow. Trust in God is a preparation for the blessedness of the poor. They shall see God.
...lots of waiting. For what?
We ought to be persuaded that what God refuses to our prayer, He grants to our salvation.
Thus says the LORD:
Say to those whose hearts are frightened:
Be strong, fear not! Here is your God, he comes with vindication; with divine recompense he comes to save you. Then will the eyes of the blind be opened, the ears of the deaf be cleared; then will the lame leap like a stag, then the tongue of the mute will sing. Streams will burst forth in the desert, and rivers in the steppe. The burning sands will become pools, and the thirsty ground, springs of water.
(Is 35:4-7a)
Life is beautiful.
Tonight: 1st sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, girls are squirmy. 2nd sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, Lea is rolling around, Therese is squirmier. 3rd sorrowful mystery - I stop in-between to try another hold with Therese, Lea wants me to hold her, too..then starts singing and dancing the "Disco Roll". 4th sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, Lea lies down next to me and strokes my arm singing the "Goodbye" song...halfway through 4th sorrowful mystery, Lea starts praying the Hail Mary's with me for the first time!! 5 in a row - whoohoo!! Then Lea looks tired and I tell her she can go to sleep. 5th sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, both girls are asleep. Praise God! It works (almost) every time. =)
I just got done chatting with one of my former students from St. Paul of the Cross. She found me on Yahoo! and we got to talking...I haven't seen her in 5 years, and she's starting her first year in college! It was a really nice dialogue...very God-centered...and I was so happy to know that she was doing so well.
Prayer. Communion with God. Going to Him for everything...consolation, advice, direction. Sometimes it's hard to remember that we don't have to work too hard to "figure things out"...that it's God who is in control of all the things we're trying to figure out.
"The Lord himself will fight for you; you have only to keep still." That is incredibly encouraging...from the
Exodus story but very relevant to our own lives. We have no power in and of ourselves, so we must trust Him to work miracles and move mountains just like He said He would.
Yesterday's first reading from the book of Jeremiah talks about "the remnant" that the Lord will gather to Himself. I felt my heart smile as I thought of all the friends I had made over the years who had been part of my journey...scattered but being called back so that "none shall be missing." It was so nice to see familiar souls last week as we came together to pray for baby Bella, Mark, and Micah. Tonight we are heading to Holy Family to help the youth group prepare for their rally...later next month it will be LSS...in September we'll be back at SCRC to actually attend talks again (I'm SOOO excited!).
I've also since been in touch with others along the way...sharing and reconnecting...because we need each other...a phone call, an email, a text just to pray and to let each other know that the Mystical Body of Christ is still very much alive.
Praise the Lord!
+AMDG+
Leilani is spending a couple of days with us, and Meleana is having SO much fun with her! She arrived yesterday afternoon with Lyn-lyn, Mommy, and JJ and we had lunch here from Versailles (mmmm...). Before falling too deep into a food coma, we all went to the Bridge and played glow-in-the-dark mini golf at Putting Edge. Leilani hit a beautiful hole-in-one, and so did Gary...but I missed his because I was feeding Therese. They gave Meleana and JJ little putters and golf balls so they could participate, too, and JJ was doing so well with trying to hit the ball into the holes. =) It was so cute watching them playing with each other! I was excited over how everybody's clothes glowed. Leilani asked me what glowed on me, and I told her that only my toes glowed...haha! But the putters and golf balls glowed, and we even got little glow bracelets. Very cool! We had some time to walk around, so we swung by Game Stop for Leilani and Gary, then ended with shakes and smoothies from Ben & Jerry's (mmmm again!).
Back at the apartment, Leilani and Lea spent some time drawing/coloring, blowing bubbles, and playing in the watermelon box-turned-clubhouse that Gary made for Lea a few months ago. Leilani thought that we could decorate the inside, so I printed out pictures of Jesus and Mary, curtains, clouds, and a sun (totally her idea). She cut them all out and we taped them to the inside...complete with a "Home Sweet Home" sign to also put up.
As soon as Gary was finished making dinner, they all sat and ate while I took care of the baby. I eventually fell asleep and stayed asleep (which is why I'm up right now) and they played in the house some more, roasted marshmallows, played again, practiced Lea's ABCs on Starfall, and gave her a bath.
My niece is so sweet. Before Lyn-lyn left, she said Leilani was our third daughter. I said she was my daughter even before I had the two girls. I know Emeline feels the same way. We all helped raise her, and Lyn-lyn was so generous to share her with our whole family. I used to take her out whenever I wanted and we'd hang out - usually at Downtown Disney during the summertime and go to daily Mass during the week nights after I'd pick her up from preschool.
I'm so glad she loves our children, and that Meleana gets along so well with all her cousins. The day after seeing them, she's saying over and over, "Ati, Jacob, JJ! Ati, Jacob, JJ!" They're all challenged to learn to share with each other when they play, but that's just a part of growing up. Most of the time, though, they LOVE to laugh together and have Yo Gabba dance parties in Em and Rob's family room. I have such a great time watching them enjoy the time they have as little kids...and Gary has a blast playing with all of them. It definitely keeps us young. =)
Praise God for family!!!
Life is so precious. For as long as we are here, we need to see it for the gift that it is. We just left All Souls Cemetary for Baby Bella's viewing. When Em told me that she died, I wanted to cry. My heart hurt so painfully for Micah and Mark because I couldn't imagine going through such a loss...thinking that everything was fine for most of the pregnancy and then realizing that you would soon have to say goodbye and let her go. It was hard for Gary and I to lose our first baby too, but we didn't have to plan a funeral for him.
Oh, Lord, we are so grateful for the strength you have given them through their faith and the prayers of their family and friends. Thank you for putting it in my heart to give them the picture of You holding the baby in Heaven. It brought so much comfort to us when we lost little Gary and it just seemed like the right thing to do to pass it on to them. And to be there with the family praying the rosary...to ask for healing as we laid hands on them...because we didn't have the words. No one ever knows what to say but You somehow always show us what we need to do.
Please continue to hold Micah and Mark in the shelter of Your loving embrace, and grant them the consolation in knowing that their little girl is with You loving them with Heaven's love. Amen.
When I was single, I was very selfish with my time. It may not have seemed like it because I was always involved in ministry or some kind of service, and I spent so much time at work. But ultimately, I did what I wanted when I wanted...and when I felt like I needed to get away, I took a long drive...when I wanted to spend time with Jesus, I hopped in my car to go to adoration during late night hours at churches all over SoCal.
"Every revolution, big or small, requires a change of mentality, and even before that, a change of heart, in order to overcome any resistance there might be to the new situation." (p.169 - A Life with Karol)
*****************************
In true appreciation of the journey...
From Altar Server to Bishop (By Bishop Frederick Henry)
I shared a lot of stories with my students last week...about a lot of things...marriage, parenting, life. As I reflect on my own journey and see where God has brought me today, I'm able to appreciate the different ways He has called all of us to use our gifts and live our lives.
And as I spent this past weekend with my family in Las Vegas, I looked around me and noticed a whole lot of goodness in each and every one of them. Again realizing that there really isn't "just one way" to be...that we were all called in our own special ways to follow God's will.
One of my nephews graduated from Serra Vista High School this past week, which is why we were all up there. He's planning on going to a JC for now and his brother is going to be a junior at UNLV. They're both AMAZING young men...very respectful, intelligent, talented, so good with the little kids. I had to complement my cousin and her husband for doing such a wonderful job in raising them. Their lola (my ninang) also plays a huge role in their lives, supporting their education and praying with them every night.
What was so nice was that my cousin-in-law Robert noticed I was teaching Meleana her ABCs, and he smiled. He asked me if I was going to homeschool the kids and I told him that we were planning on it, if Gary and I are able to make the switch down the road. He told us that he saw the graduation for homeschoolers in LV on the news and there were 600 kids in attendance. I was surprised because I didn't expect the numbers to be so high...but it was great to hear that there was a solid community of people who decided to go the "unconventional" route and that the city was taking the time to acknowledge them publicly on TV.
We also went to church out there on Saturday evening at this BEAUTIFUL parish called "St. Joseph, Husband of Mary" (wonderful name, isn't it?). Everything about it was unique - even the artwork and architecture - Byzantine style icons and relief paintings of the saints. The priest was really good, too. He did a great job of reminding us all of who Jesus is to us in the Eucharist...that we unite ourselves more and more to Christ in His Mystical Body whenever we receive Communion. And he also said that we should never be afraid to go out and bring His message to others...to serve them in love.
Gary even said that he felt something "different" there...that it was a truly holy place...that the congregation was sincere in their faith...that it was just special. I think it hit him the most through a young disabled teenage boy who was seated near him, singing with his whole heart and soul, truly participating in every part of the Mass.
Yes, I met Jesus in each moment of this weekend...
God calls us to be faithful to Him. Not everyone is going to agree with the path we take or how we go about living our lives, but it doesn't really matter what the popular opinion is. What matters is that we live in His will because we know HE LOVES US. There isn't anything He asks us to do that will ultimately bring us harm. God ALWAYS brings us to a better place, even if we sometimes have to make temporary sacrifices.
Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.
Once upon a time, I asked Jesus to help me love like Him. I asked Him if He could take my broken heart and replace it with His.
This week I was given the opportunity to truly love so many people in my life.
My husband.
My children.
My students.
Each of them was asking me to love them in so many different ways. All 111 of them. That's a lot of people.
I needed to forgive, to accept, to sacrifice, to hug, to listen, to advise, to even reach back into the darkness of my own past and draw out lessons that would teach them who they really are.
And today happened to be another one of those days that cost me. Like I told Mirella, I love these students of mine so much...I pour out my whole heart and soul into everything I do for them...and when they aren't willing to receive, it hurts. I get frustrated, and sometimes I wonder why I try so hard.
But I can't give them any less than this. Every day I choose to come straight home to my family and spend as much time with them as I can. Every morning I leave my family to serve my students and take care of educating them, forming them in the faith, praying with them, and sitting down to talk when they really need me.
Yes, I'm exhausted.
Yet St. Ignatius tells us not to count the cost.
At the end of the day, I am grateful. I'm grateful that God gave me enough grace to get through and love despite the difficulties. I'm grateful that I can still give even when I'm hurting inside or struggling with uncertainties about my own health. I'm grateful that I can still listen when I myself need to talk, and that I can remember the importance of "taking one day at a time."
I really need it to be June 16th, but I don't want these next few weeks to fly by without appreciating the reasons my students give me to stay at SJS.
What did Jesus do when He was this tired?
He went off by Himself to pray.
Maybe He wasn't married with two kids, but He sure did have A WHOLE LOT more "students" than I do. And they followed Him everywhere He went.
I can't imagine.
So I guess it's not so bad. It just means that I need to take a little more time by myself (or with a sleeping baby in my lap) to pray and REALLY talk with God. I've been too busy asking Him for stuff - mostly for other people - that we haven't been doing much conversing.
To the desert, dear Spirit. Please send me to the desert to pray.
At the end of my day, I find myself replaying every mistake and every blessing...asking myself how I could have done better and being grateful to God for His sustenance and grace. Sometimes I'm weighed down by incredible guilt over little things, and I suppose that can be good if it drives me to change. But I do have to literally cry out the name of Jesus so the bad feelings don't overwhelm me since I'm really good at being hard on myself.
I think in my own mind that even if I was awarded Teacher of the Year, I can do so much better than I have been. It's been so tough lately because in my heart I want so bad to be home with the girls, but after work I still have to grade papers, put together lessons, and make powerpoints. And yet when I'm at SJS I really enjoy helping my students learn about their faith. It was so much easier to be a teacher when I was single because I could devote more time to the school...but if I wasn't working, then I can be more present to my own daughters and care for them the way I think I should.
As God's will has determined, I signed my contract for another year at SJS. I was okay with it since I left it in his hands, and I was happy that I can continue working with my 7th graders as they move on to their 8th grade year. There is so much I want to do with them...so much they haven't yet been exposed to. They like to learn and they remind me every day why I came back to be a full-time teacher three years ago.
Maybe God's allowing me to stay at SJS so Gary is able to build a solid relationship with our kids. When he goes back to work, it will more than likely involve some traveling again and he may not be able to spend as much time with them. So if I look at it that way, I am willing to make the sacrifice right now. At least I have long vacations so I still get my chance to be home for part of the year, which is wonderful. And perhaps through all of this I will be able to better understand how Mommy felt when she was the main breadwinner for our family when Daddy couldn't work.
There is a purpose...actually more than one...and I'm sure God will reveal more to me later on. But like I told my two girls who didn't win the Student Council election, God has a plan and we may just have to wait and see what He has in store.
I'm teaching the Family Life Unit for the 8th graders this week and next...and I'm not using a book because Scripture, CCC, JPII, Jason Evert, Pam Stenzel were better resources than any widely used "Family Life" books that were out there. Thank God EWTN decided to do a review...praise the Lord for Mother Angelica and her people.
The 8th graders wrote down questions for me the other day. After I was done reading and sorting them out, I looked down at Therese in my lap and said, "Wow, baby, these kids asked some really tough questions." Then she smiled at me with her sweet, comforting, chubby-cheeked grin, and it was as if God was trying to tell me that it was going to be okay.
And at that very moment I was SO glad that she wasn't going to be 13 years old any time soon...
Please pray for us! =)
+AMDG+
I showed this video to my 7th graders today.
Like Karina said, you don't really see it as actors in a movie...it's as if you're watching the real thing...all the events unfolding before your eyes...the love of Jesus Christ poured out for every single one of us.
For the May Crowning Mass, I'm supposed to do a short reflection on what Mary means to me as a mother. So many thoughts come to mind... And I chuckle to myself because when I was pregnant, I really had no reason to complain because I never had to sit on the back of a donkey for 80+ miles to travel anywhere.
Mama Mary is AMAZING.
I will pray on this tonight...
Time has healed me, as over the years I have been wrapped in the arms of Jesus. I keep bringing my pain to confession because I've had to dig out the roots of my own shortcomings. It feels wonderful to be able to revisit old memories and not hurt anymore...
And looking back, now I understand.
At Therese's baptism some weeks ago, Fr. Sean said that we parents need to help our children carry their crosses...because if we don't they might be too heavy for them. It was such an eye-opener for me because my responsibility as a mom really hit home. As much as I don't want my girls to suffer or ever see them with a broken heart, I understand that unexpected things happen in life and someday they will know and feel very deeply the sorrow that I want to shield them from. Hearing Fr. Sean's message, I knew that the best thing I could do for them is what my parents did for me: teach them who Jesus Christ is and how He is powerful enough to bear any pain or grief or sadness.
Both my mom and dad taught me how to suffer. Granted that I still find myself complaining when I'm tired or frustrated, I try to remember the grace that they received from the Lord to bear their crosses. When my dad had a stroke, he fought for his life. He tried to stay as positive as he could because he knew he was able to get through it 40 years before. He could have died at the young age of 28, paralyzed and put on his deathbed, but he told himself that God could heal him and he did. Before his health took a turn for the worse in March of 2005, I would attend his therapy sessions and I would watch him work so hard to regain his muscle strength. I remember walking into the hospital, seeing him working with the OT and holding a pencil so he could learn how to write again. It was like he was a little child in kindergarten...my heart fell when I thought about how capable he used to be. But he never gave up, and he was so patient through the training we had to go through just so I could help him get in and out of the car, how to use the bathroom, how to get up out of bed.
Mommy has also gone through so much - losing her husband, her job, and her eyesight - those only being some of the trials she has had to endure over the course of her life. She has taught me how to trust in God...to know that He has a plan for us, even when we no longer have what means so much to us. When Daddy got sick, I watched her care for him at night and on the weekends after working at three different clinics. There was no break, especially when she still had four teenagers to raise. I saw in my mom Mary standing at the foot of the cross...through her love and service, our family was able to survive such a difficult time. The Eucharist was her strength - I knew this because she always told me that when no one else seemed to understand what she was going through, she would always pay a visit to the Blessed Sacrament and turn to Jesus because He would never abandon her.
If it wasn't for the faith of my parents, I wouldn't be where I am right now (literally, in my classroom at SJS). If it wasn't for their prayers, I wouldn't have given my own life to Christ and renewed my relationship with God. It was the foundation that they laid for me and my brother and sisters that allowed us to bear the crosses that we have carried and still carry today.
And so will I do for my own family. Yes, it's hard but what other option are we willing to choose? By His grace alone...through the love we have for one another...
Amen.
+AMDG+
I used to work for March of Dimes a long time ago and would go to junior highs and high schools all over the OC with these dolls. This article makes a really good point...you can read for yourself...
Catholic Schools Rethink the Use of Dolls to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
Especially when I'm back to square one with another newborn baby while trying to figure out how to raise a toddler, I have days when I honestly have to remind myself that children are NOT a burden but the greatest gift anyone could ever have. I hate that I don't always remember that when Gary and I are running off of just a few hours sleep each night...but this is where I've been during the past month and a half.
Don't get me wrong. I LOOOOOOOVE my little girls so much...even when Meleana is in time out and I'm having to hold her poor little screaming body at arm's length so she understands that she cannot talk back or do things she knows she is not supposed to do. I wouldn't trade the experience of being a parent for anything in the world. When I come back to the reason why I wanted to be a mother in the first place...how heartbroken I was when we lost our first baby...how much laughter and love our firstborn brings into our home...how our second daughter smiles at me with her chubby little cheeks...I thank God for all of it. ALL OF IT. Yes, even the hard days.
So basically what I'm saying is that we need to teach our young people who may be parents some day that while parenting is a HUGE responsibility, it is also an incredible JOY. I'm glad I got to read this article before putting my Family Life units together for my students in the junior high. I need all the positive messages I can get because exhaustion makes me...umm...not positive.
I wanted to do an update since the last post, but that'll have to wait for another day. Gotta get home to mi familia...
+AMDG+
Basking in the spirit of Easter...
I haven't been blogging lately for a lot of reasons. One being that my laptop has been at SJS for two weeks, so it's forced me to take more time in silence to face myself without a whole lot of distractions. Do you know how hard that is to do? I'm so used to hopping on the computer whenever I have a free time, and when it wasn't available to me I didn't know what to do with myself at first.
I should've given up the internet for Lent. Given the fact that I was working when the season started, I didn't think it was possible...but I could've limited it to work purposes only and told my friends and family to just call instead of email. That's what I'll do next year (after being inspired by Jenn to plan for Lent 2010). In the meantime, I can at least stay off the computer a few days out of the week and use it when only absolutely necessary on those off-days. I'll figure something out. Feels good to be able to detach...
There's a lot to catch up on, and I don't think I can really cover it all. I think yesterday was most monumental, though, so I'll start there.
Last weekend, I told Gary I needed to talk to an SPC priest. I've been struggling in a number of major areas of my life - mostly in the way that I see myself...being afraid to fail...needing to trust God again...surrendering everything to Him...etc. Initially I planned on seeing Fr. Ed, as I usually do, but I decided that I would just go to confession and talk to any of the priests available. When we got to SPC, the big church was closed for repair so we went to the old church and found out that there was no 6:30 English Mass. The Spanish Mass began at 7:00 and since we were already there we decided to stay and just wait for our baptism class to start afterwards. Fr. Ed's homily was about living a life of holiness and being prepared to die at any time. He talked about the Angels pitcher who just recently passed away at 22 years old and reminded us that the saints were always ready to meet the Lord (that's how far my high school Spanish classes got me!). I was really grateful for the message because it helped me realized that my rut was keeping me from counting my blessings every day and doing the most I could to live the kind of fulfilling life God meant for me to have.
At 8:00, we attended the second baptism class for parents. Danny gave a talk about the 10 duties that Catholic parents have for their children. It was a great follow-up to the lessons I relearned when I was cleaning a couple of days ago (I'll have to post about that another day). I needed to hear again what we need to be doing for Meleana and Therese. As young as they are, they need to me immersed into a life of holiness...not neceesarily being taught extensive theological ideas...but learning what it means to love God through the example that they see from us, through the images that they see in our home, through the type of media we expose them to. We need to protect our children from any bad influences that come from the secular world and form their consciences so that they know truly what is right and wrong in the eyes of GOD. From their youth, we need to prepare them for Catholic marriage and foster any call to religious vocation that may come about. All things that I already knew, but I NEEDED TO HEAR IT AGAIN.
I forget so easily, therefore I get discouraged so easily...which is why I needed to talk to a priest. All the couples had the opportunity to go to confession, and I was so happy to see Fr. Larry to receive the sacrament. I wanted to talk to Fr. Ed, but God's providence always reigns supreme - Fr. Larry it was. As soon as he began advising me, I realized that at the darkest moments of my life, he has been the priest I end up talking to...not because I seek him out, but because he just happens to be there. Fr. Ed keeps me on the right track...Fr. Larry helps dig me out of the hole. Why? Because the first thing he always says to me is "God loves you very much." Now, he probably says this to every person he sees, but it's times like this that I need to hear it.
He went on to give me the encouragement I needed, and he said that I cannot let the devil take away my peace. How profound that statement was. Many years ago, a friend of mine committed suicide and it saddened me for days on end. I was working at Kaiser Bellflower at the time, and one pf the nurses there noticed I was down. Irene was her name, and she was very much like a younger Mrs. Triplett (from Verb). She sat me down and after talking with her for some time, she looked me in the eye and said, "Marianne, do not let Satan steal your joy." The memory is a very powerful thing...we store these treasures in our hearts and remember what is most important for our souls because in times of sorrow and darkness, these moments of grace come back to us when we need them most.
I always understood that we battle with the enemy when we fight against temptation and sin, but I forgot that we also battle with him when our peace and our joy are threatened by discouragement and doubt. I made a commitment not to lose, and I begged God for the grace of His peace...of His joy...of His presence in every aspect of my life.
I need Him to take over again. I really do. My salvation depends on it. The salvation of my family depends on it. The salvation of my students are so greatly affected by it.
At all cost...whatever it takes...we have to get to Heaven.
+AMDG+
It's Holy Week. This has probably been one of the most enlightening Lenten seasons I have ever experienced. My soul went through a deep-cleaning of sorts, and I must say that I'm glad I finally let go of the fear...the shame...the guilt...the pride. I would imagine that somehow there is still some residue left, but when I start to notice the build-up I need to let God give me a good scrubbing.
Confession before Palm Sunday vigil Mass was so refreshing. I always walk out of the confessional feeling so much better than I did when I walked in, but there's something extra-special about participating in Mass and receiving Holy Communion with a clean heart.
Our second daughter, Therese Hope, was also born last March 13 at 3:17pm...another Lenten blessing. She is a beautiful baby and such a wonderful addition to our family. Meleana loves her so much! You can already see her taking on the big sister role: throwing away the diapers after we change Therese, giving her kisses and wanting to hold her. It's so nice to see her enjoying the presence of another child at home. =)
There have been many opportunities for prayers, sacrifice, and self-denial accompanied with abundant graces and blessings that I did not deserve. And so during the holiest time of the year, I renew the offering of my heart - as imperfect as it is - in a recommitment to the Cross so that my children may know who Jesus Christ is in the love that I give them, in the patience that I show them, and in the faith that I share with them.
"Be not afraid..I go before you always..."
+AMDG+
Empty And Beautiful
My past won't stop haunting me
In this prison there's a fight between
Who I am and who I used to be
This thorn in my side is a grace
For because of it the flesh and blood of God
Was offered in my place, my place
You fought the fight in me
You chased me down and finished the race
I was blind but now I see
Jesus You kept the faith in me
Where did my best friends go?
In my defense they disappeared
Just like Your friends did to You, oh Lord
But You were there, You gave me strength
So this little one might come to know
The glory of Your name, Your name
You fought the fight in me
You chased me down and finished the race
I was blind but now I see
Jesus You kept the faith in me
Awaiting, set apart like incense to Your heart
A libation I'm pouring out
Empty and beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
You fought the fight in me
You chased me down and finished the race
I was blind but now I see
Jesus You kept the faith in me
You fought the fight in me
You chased me down and finished the race
I was blind but now I see
Jesus You kept the faith in me
Jesus You kept the faith in me
Savior, You kept the faith in me
"We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials."
I need a place to save these articles. Seven deadly sins...we don't know how easy it is to fall into them...really good read, if you're interested...
Seven Deadly Sins: PRIDE
I especially appreciated this part...
The Virtue: Humility
If we have been honest in answering the questions asked above, we have probably discovered that there is a lot of pride in us. That’s ok, if we’re willing to fix it. So what’s the fix? Humility is the obvious antidote. But how do we attain this humility?First, we need to understand what humility is and what it isn’t. Some people believe that humility is putting ourselves down: saying that we aren’t smart, or aren’t pretty, or aren’t anything good. This isn’t true. We all need to have a healthy sense of self-esteem and be secure in what God made us and the gifts He has blessed us with. So humility is not thinking less of ourselves. Rather it is thinking thinking less about ourselves. Take the focus off us and put it on somebody else, and we’re on our way to being humble.
Another way towards humility is realizing our dependance on God. Without Him, we are nothing. Sometimes the best among us fail to realize this.
One day while Jesus was talking to a bunch of people He set a little child among them and said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). The people He was addressing were His apostles! And these words were in response to a question they asked Him: “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
We all need more humility. I need more humility. The enemy tempts us to pride in so many different ways and we have to truly be on our guard against it - the father of all sins. Scary.
I also thought this passage was so full of wisdom. Makes a lot of sense...
Adam and Eve would never have made the mistake that they made in Eden if they had gone to God for counsel. Eve may not have been able to stop the dialog that she had with the serpent, but the simple act of going to God and asking Him what He thought about what the serpent said would have saved her a lot of grief. Ditto for Adam. And it wasn’t like they didn’t have access to Him. He walked in the garden of Eden with them!
The more we go to God for counsel the more humble we become. The humbler we get, the more child-like we become. Jesus said, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad the road that leads the destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the path that leads to life, and only a few find it” (Matthew 7:13-14). Perhaps only children can find it; after all, if the gate is so small, then only they can get through.
+AMDG+
Driven to absolute frustration, I begged for answers. Consumed by anxiety, I prayed for consolation. God has never failed me, and He pulled through for me during these past two weeks as He always does.
We had a Holy Spirit prayer service in 8th grade Religion yesterday. Some of my kids volunteered to pray over their classmates. Short and simple, yet very powerful. The prayer leaders were touched; the rest of the class felt moved...said it was awesome. They all want to do it again. It was amazing to see this light glowing within them that I hadn't seen before. Better late than never...but compared to my own life's experience, they're way ahead of where I was at their age. Praise God...
Great talks with Gary lately...even if we'd been up until 3 in the morning some days chatting away about life and our relationship, it's been very reassuring...especially since we're facing another huge adjustment in our lives. I'm so thankful that we are able to talk and that he is always extremely understanding of my insecurities and concerns. I love that he is becoming more and more of a best friend. We didn't have a long history together before we got married, but we did have a good friendship starting off. However, it took me a while to get myself to totally open up to him without being afraid of what he would think/say...not because he would react harshly, but because I still needed so much healing to take place inside.
You've brought me so far, Lord. After reading some of my journal entries from 2005, I was so impressed at the progress I've made over the last four years. I had questions about my job...about who I was...about who I'd become...and while the future continues to pose more possibilities, I'm at least able to look back and appreciate where I've been and where You have placed me today.
I want to say so much more, but I think I'll just soak in my heart's gratitude. Thank you so much, dear God, for hearing me and working Your grace and providence in my life.
+AMDG+
About 4 years ago, one of my Kappa sisters gave me a bamboo plant. I told myself that if I could keep it alive, I would be ready to have kids. Why? Because I have successfully almost killed every other plant I have owned, and I figured that it would be quite pitiful if I couldn't maintain a BAMBOO plant.
I'd been doing pretty well with it until last Christmas. We were gone for a couple of weeks and I didn't water it. I don't think I watered it for a month because I was so busy. So there were brown leaves growing out of it. Well...they weren't really growing because the leaves were dead.
I was ready to just let it die.
But I learned from my mom - the gardener - that as long as there were green leaves and the stalks were still alive, all I had to do was cut off the dead leaves and the plant would be fine.
So that's what I did. I cut off the dead leaves. And it's fine.
I was so discouraged by all the brown leaves that I didn't even acknowledge the life still left in my plant. I was totally gonna give up on it. How sad.
Lesson learned: Don't focus on what's going wrong...look for everything that's going right...because it's not over 'til it's over. That's exactly what my bamboo taught me.
Thanks, little bamboo. You've got some years left in you yet. Then maybe I'll upgrade to herbs...hehe =)
*NOTE...this is absolutely RIDICULOUS...
Pelosi: Fewer babies = stronger economy
Charlie Butts and Jody Brown - OneNewsNow - 1/27/2009 6:00:00 AM
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi stirred up a hornet's nest by promoting the idea of spending of millions of dollars on birth control and abortion as part of the economic stimulus package.
"Contraception," argued Pelosi, "will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government." Her comments came on ABC's This Week when asked by host George Stephanopoulos how expanding "family-planning services" to the tune of millions of dollars will stimulate the economy. OneNewsNow sought reaction from Susan Fani, director of communications for the Catholic League.
"It's quite shocking, actually, that the Speaker of the House -- who claims to be Catholic -- would go on national television and claim that contraception would reduce the cost to the government," exclaims Fani. "It's just beyond words, really."
Pelosi has five children and six grandchildren. Catholic League president Bill Donohue finds her comments revealing. "We have reached a new low when high-ranking public office holders in the federal government cast children as the enemy," he offers in a press statement. "But at least it explains their enthusiasm for abortion-on-demand."
Will the spending on "family-planning services" help dig America out of its economic doldrums?
"That's not going to help grow the economy," Fani responds. "It doesn't even make sense as a prospect for helping this country through our economic crisis. So it's wrong on so many different levels, and just shows...a very flawed thought process."
American Life League calls Pelosi's remarks "a betrayal" of her Catholic faith, and the Christian Defense Coalition says it is "unthinkable" that she would try to stimulate the economy by "seeking to reduce the number of children."
America needs to produce 2.1 children per couple to keep up with births to support the population -- and that rate is not being maintained. Economies in Europe have been especially hurt by a drop in birth rates.
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Words cannot express how disappointed - not to mention disgusted - I am with this whole idea. Echoing Jaymee's recent expression...GRRRRRR!!! =(
I wasn't sure what to do for Gary's birthday. Faced with a few different options, I left it up to God and asked Him what would be best. Knowing my husband's fun-loving, "get-my-groove-on" personality, I thought the Freestyle L.A. concert w/Stevie B, Lisa Lisa, Expose, and Debbie Deb would be super-cool to take him to. For about five minutes, I even considered bringing him to an MMA fight! But I felt a nudge...a strong nudge...to keep it simple. We had lunch at Zov's Cafe & Bakery in Tustin (and bought YUMMY deserts to share with Em and Rob to thank them for babysitting Meleana!), hung out at the Moya's for a little while, picked up Lea, went to confession at St. Peter Chanel, then drove to Our Lady of the Angels Cathedral for the Archdiocesan Requiem Mass for the Unborn. It was PERFECT.
At the Mass, all of the music was about honoring the life of each child...of telling this generation about the new generation to be born...the readings brought comfort in knowing how much God loves each person He creates, no mater how long they live...and Cardinal Mahoney's homily spoke gently but firmly about the issues we need to be concerned about regarding abortion policy in this country. He assured us that the pro-life movement would continue to grow in strength despite the actions of any government or political leader because no one can thwart the plan of God. People can try, but God is the one in control. He is all-powerful, and if His people work and pray, His plan will come into fruition. Yes, there will be sacrifices. Yes, at times, it will look like we have lost. But there is always hope in knowing that our fight will see victory as we move in prayer and moral persuasion.
After Communion, a woman gave her testimony with two out of her three daughters about how both of them were born with cystic fibrosis. She was urged to have an abortion if the amniocentesis showed that the third one had the condition. She and her midwife did everything they could to save the life of her child, and she and her daughters standing together in front of the congregation 19 years later was a strong testimony to what choosing life really means. Both of the girls are attending universities and are contributing to the world as the good God intended. At the end of her mother's sharing, the youngest daughter invited us all to witness the presentation of 148 candles lit in honor of the 148 babies who were aborted in Los Angeles today. "At sunrise, they joined us in greeting a new day, and at sunset we had to continue on in this life without them..." The votive candles were brought up and placed around the altar, and 148 seconds of silence were offered in rememberance of them. I placed my hand on my tummy as the baby stirred inside of me, and all I could hear was, "Thank you, Mommy. Thank you, Mommy." I cried, and Gary reached for my hand and for Meleana's.
We needed to be there. This is why...
I have always been pro-life. I have also been misunderstood, criticized, and judged for trying to speak up for children who have the right to live. Since the days of email debates with my friends years ago, I have not been as vocal because I didn't think that arguing with them was worth it. So I spoke up in other ways. I taught my students to value the dignity of every human person. I made sure they understood why abortion was wrong. Every night I prayed for the babies in danger of abortion. And ever since I knew I was pregnant with my first child in October 2006, my voice has grown much stronger. Maybe not louder, but the strength of my convictions has developed so much more because I BECAME A MOTHER.
As most of you know, I lost my first baby. He was five weeks old when he stopped growing in my womb. That didn't rob me of the opportunity of being a parent because he was my son from the moment he was conceived. I fed him, I nurtured him, I talked to him...and after he passed and went home to the Father, he talked to me, too. He still does.
I thank God every day for that pregnancy, even if it did not reach the full term. Nothing about it was a failure...everything about it helped me appreciate life and the blessing I now have in both Meleana and the child whom I carry today. I don't know why God did not allow Little Gary to be born and the other two to live. But the length of their lives is His call, not mine. So when I think about the millions of children who could have lived but were forcefully removed from the womb, I feel so incredibly sad. Last night I had tears welling up in my eyes as I watched Meleana sleeping next to me. She is a miracle...though, yes, she was conceived naturally...she was created out of God's love...made with a soul of her own...a soul that Gary nor I had anything to do with in its coming into existence.
I was impressed by President Obama's charisma and intelligence. I could see how many in this nation looked to him as a symbol of hope for all people. I admired his eloquence and good will. But I could not support his views on abortion. That was the first and foremost issue that determined my vote. Of course I am concerned about the economy. Of course I am concerned about the wars we fight overseas. Of course I want all Americans to know that it is possible to be elected President if you are a person of color. But who is to speak up for the voiceless unborn if we do not?
One day after the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, he lifts the ban on federal funding for international organizations who support or perform abortions. People say this will help the overall outcome of women's health...
"Women's health has been severely impacted by the cutoff of assistance. President Obama's actions will help reduce the number of unintended pregnancies, abortions and women dying from high-risk pregnancies because they don't have access to family planning," said Tod Preston, a spokesman for Population Action International, an advocacy group. (taken from an article I read in Yahoo news today)
I have the greatest best friend in the whole world! Jenn came to SJS today with Ethan, Shane, and her friend Cathy to drop off her birthday present for me. She made me a published book of my MySpace blogs! It's a bound book with cover pictures...in print and everything! I thought it was the coolest gift EVER! I totally wanted to cry when I unwrapped it =*) ...just because I've always wanted to write a book but never had the courage to do so. And even if it's not mass produced and available for sale, it's just as good because I can leave it for my family down the line.
It was so enlightening to read through those entries because I don't really use the site anymore and haven't even thought to go back and see how things have changed. Lots about Gary and my work at Verbum Dei...some stuff about Kappa and the hard lessons I've learned in life. I love it! Thank you so much, Jenn! You're always so thoughtful and you come up with the best ideas! That's why I love you! What a blessing you are to me!!! YAY for you! =) Whoohoo!
On the drive to our ob appointment, we were listening to Christian talk radio and heard a really great talk about how becoming a parent totally changes your life. At first this guy was saying how he and his wife were super-organized people before they had kids, and now that they have two children, they had to let go of their expectations and understand how they need to accept a different dynamic both at home and professionally. Later on in the talk, he made a very profound comment about how we shouldn't see children as an interruption but as our biggest investment in the future. He said that instead of writing a book to change the lives of people, we as parents are writing on a different "tablet"...one that is living and breathing and can go on to do things we could never do.
How wonderful that we can contribute to the world in such a positive way. I used to be scared to bring children into this world because society is so corrupt and morally dangerous, but how is anything going to get better if there are no longer parents who are committed enough to teach their children Biblical values? We might not have millions of dollars to give away to charities, but at least we can raise children who truly care about the poor and will fight for the dignity of every human being. So, yes, our reality - without a doubt - has changed dramatically since we became parents as well...and we will continue to adjust as we are blessed with more children...but with this kind of perspective, we can rest assured that this is what God wants for us and for the world.
p.s. Gary and I decided to start a blog for Meleana because 1) we met a dad working at a gym equipment store last summer who showed us one he made for his daughter, and 2) I don't have the patience to scrapbook. It might take a little while get it going but I'm happy I got it started! =)
+AMDG+
I ditto Rob's entry...Emeline wrote an AWESOME blog entry about the trip to Florida and did a great job capturing all of the highlights. Vacation with family is always so much fun...it was a super-busy two weeks because Gary, Meleana, and I left for San Francisco the day after I got out from school. We stayed with his Auntie Mila for one night, then drove to Vallejo to visit his cousin Nelson and family, watched nephew Neil play for his freshman basketball team, stopped by cousin Robert's house the next day for lunch after Mass at St. Catherine's, went back to the City the next day and met his Uncle Tony from New Jersey, saw Dad and had lunch with Nelden on Monday and visited cousin Janet and family in Danville. Then we drove with Nelden to Merced to see Mom and Papa Ben for a day with chicken tinola, fried fish, and TFC waiting for us, as usual.
We headed back for SoCal on Christmas Eve and took the 101 instead of the 5 because we thought there might be snow on the Grapevine and didn't want to get stuck on the freeway. It took a while, but at least we got home safely at around midnight. On Christmas morning, we got up to help Gary's coworkers prepare food for the homeless on Skid Row and went with them to drop off the plates in Downtown. It was a good starting experience for our family because that's a tradition I always wanted to start during the holiday season. On the way to Mass at St. Anastasia, Gary and I were already planning next Christmas...getting everyone together to cook on Christmas Eve and sending the food out in the morning...we were really excited about it! After Mass, we had to repack for our Florida trip (going from chilly 50/60-degree weather to a warm 75-80 degrees in Palm Coast!)...then we met Em, Rob, Lyn-Lyn, Mike, and the kiddos for dinner with yummy food from Sam Woo's.
We had to leave for the airport at 9:30 so we said our goodbyes and drove back to LAX for our red-eye flight out. If you read Em's entry, she says something about traveling with Santo Nino. This is actually where it all started. My mom insisted that we hand-carry her pink Santo Nino from the BP house and bring it to Florida. We were wondering why she couldn't just bring it with her when she returned to Palm Coast in July, especially since we weren't sure if we'd have enough room for it, but we decided to take it with us anyway and somehow make space for the statue. I kid you not...with all the problems we were saved from, Santo Nino took care of us during the trip across the country, rather than the other way around...even upgrading us to first class on the second flight! I tried to follow the sequence of events in my mind - this happened because this didn't happen because we were sent to this person to talk to that person - but in the end, I just thanked Jesus that the "complications" actually worked out in the end. So when Em, Rob, and Jacob arrived in FL, we told them what happened and said we should always travel with a Santo Nino. There's much more to the story, but we too bought a little pink Divine Child from the Queen of the Universe Gift Shop to take with us whenever we drive or fly.
It really was a great trip. I was brought to tears when we were at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton for Mass because I remember going to the Blessed Sacrament late at night praying to God to tell me what His will for my life was. The last time I was in that church was during the summer of 2003, feeling very confused about the path He had planned. Never did I imagine that I would return with a husband and children five years later. It was the most amazing realization of His goodness and love. Since it was the Feast of the Holy Family, the pastor Fr. Jim told a story in his homily about a stay-at-home mother whose child begged her for more "stuff" like the other kids had. She looked at her son and said, "If you want me to go to work like the other moms just so I can buy you more things, I will...but that means that I won't be here with you anymore to take care of you." The little boy didn't say anything to his mother...he just threw his arms around her and gave her a big hug. We have been discerning lately about the direction to take with our family...not so much what do to but when to take the next step. That homily hit home for me, and I knew that it was God's way of reassuring me that we are making the right decision. Now it's just a matter of trust that things will work out in His time...
Yes, it was a great trip.
Time spent with God...time spent with family...that's just irreplaceable. We had such a good time in each other's company, and I'm very glad that Meleana got to hang out with Jacob. They're so funny, giggling and laughing with each other. I was pretty surprised at how quickly Meleana felt at home in Mommy's house and how fast she warmed up to her Lola, who she hadn't seen in six months. I'd been watching her try to adjust to all these people and places we'd been visiting during our vacation and it would take her at least a day or two to feel comfortable...but it was nice to see her so happy and at ease in Palm Coast. I think the city itself just lends itself to a more relaxed and laid-back attitude.
So here I am, back home with my little girl asleep on my lap...one more day of vacation left. Ah, such is life. And Baby Dyogi is kicking once again telling me to eat something. =) Until next time...
+AMDG+
"The first end I propose in our daily work is to do the will of God; secondly, to do it in the manner he wills it; and thirdly to do it because it is his will."
