Beloved

Life is beautiful.

Family...friends...opportunities...talking about falling so deeply in love with Jesus...accepting our imperfections...forgiving mistakes...transformation...reconciliation...something happening in the Church.

Lots to contemplate, and even more to appreciate.

I'm also praying for a baby named Niko to meet the world with a loud, healthy cry...for his mommy to lift up every minute of labor and childbirth out of love for this child God has given to her. 

These are good times.  So much to look forward to! =)

+AMDG+

Bedtime routine

Tonight: 1st sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, girls are squirmy. 2nd sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, Lea is rolling around, Therese is squirmier. 3rd sorrowful mystery - I stop in-between to try another hold with Therese, Lea wants me to hold her, too..then starts singing and dancing the "Disco Roll". 4th sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, Lea lies down next to me and strokes my arm singing the "Goodbye" song...halfway through 4th sorrowful mystery, Lea starts praying the Hail Mary's with me for the first time!! 5 in a row - whoohoo!! Then Lea looks tired and I tell her she can go to sleep. 5th sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, both girls are asleep. Praise God! It works (almost) every time. =)

Grace is flowing like a river

I just got done chatting with one of my former students from St. Paul of the Cross.  She found me on Yahoo!  and we got to talking...I haven't seen her in 5 years, and she's starting her first year in college!  It was a really nice dialogue...very God-centered...and I was so happy to know that she was doing so well.

Funny thing that I mentioned Gary working at LMU and she was floored because that's where she wanted to go...also to be an athletic trainer!  So I suggested that they talk so she can learn more about the different routes she can take.   It was just weird how I was just thinking of her the other day, and she said she was thinking of me, too...then all of a sudden she gets in contact with me!

It's been such a blessed summer.  So many things have happened...to the point that it's been almost overwhelming in a good way.  Making rosaries...teaching a couple of my students and a grandma...knowing that they want to continue and show others how to make them...coming back to SJS and seeing kids loving to learn during VACATION!...being inspired by friends...learning to dance for GOD...anticipating new additions to the family...

But alas I must go to sleep now,  More rosary making plus a doctor's appointment in the morning, and hula practice at night...so we're up for another long day.

Good night! =)

+AMDG+

Conversation

Prayer. Communion with God. Going to Him for everything...consolation, advice, direction. Sometimes it's hard to remember that we don't have to work too hard to "figure things out"...that it's God who is in control of all the things we're trying to figure out.
"The Lord himself will fight for you; you have only to keep still." That is incredibly encouraging...from the 
Exodus story but very relevant to our own lives. We have no power in and of ourselves, so we must trust Him to work miracles and move mountains just like He said He would.
Yesterday's first reading from the book of Jeremiah talks about "the remnant" that the Lord will gather to Himself. I felt my heart smile as I thought of all the friends I had made over the years who had been part of my journey...scattered but being called back so that "none shall be missing." It was so nice to see familiar souls last week as we came together to pray for baby Bella, Mark, and Micah. Tonight we are heading to Holy Family to help the youth group prepare for their rally...later next month it will be LSS...in September we'll be back at SCRC to actually attend talks again (I'm SOOO excited!).
I've also since been in touch with others along the way...sharing and reconnecting...because we need each other...a phone call, an email, a text just to pray and to let each other know that the Mystical Body of Christ is still very much alive.
Praise the Lord!
+AMDG+ 

Ati and Lea

Leilani is spending a couple of days with us, and Meleana is having SO much fun with her! She arrived yesterday afternoon with Lyn-lyn, Mommy, and JJ and we had lunch here from Versailles (mmmm...). Before falling too deep into a food coma, we all went to the Bridge and played glow-in-the-dark mini golf at Putting Edge. Leilani hit a beautiful hole-in-one, and so did Gary...but I missed his because I was feeding Therese. They gave Meleana and JJ little putters and golf balls so they could participate, too, and JJ was doing so well with trying to hit the ball into the holes. =) It was so cute watching them playing with each other! I was excited over how everybody's clothes glowed. Leilani asked me what glowed on me, and I told her that only my toes glowed...haha! But the putters and golf balls glowed, and we even got little glow bracelets. Very cool! We had some time to walk around, so we swung by Game Stop for Leilani and Gary, then ended with shakes and smoothies from Ben & Jerry's (mmmm again!).

Back at the apartment, Leilani and Lea spent some time drawing/coloring, blowing bubbles, and playing in the watermelon box-turned-clubhouse that Gary made for Lea a few months ago. Leilani thought that we could decorate the inside, so I printed out pictures of Jesus and Mary, curtains, clouds, and a sun (totally her idea). She cut them all out and we taped them to the inside...complete with a "Home Sweet Home" sign to also put up.

As soon as Gary was finished making dinner, they all sat and ate while I took care of the baby. I eventually fell asleep and stayed asleep (which is why I'm up right now) and they played in the house some more, roasted marshmallows, played again, practiced Lea's ABCs on Starfall, and gave her a bath.

My niece is so sweet. Before Lyn-lyn left, she said Leilani was our third daughter. I said she was my daughter even before I had the two girls. I know Emeline feels the same way. We all helped raise her, and Lyn-lyn was so generous to share her with our whole family. I used to take her out whenever I wanted and we'd hang out - usually at Downtown Disney during the summertime and go to daily Mass during the week nights after I'd pick her up from preschool.

I'm so glad she loves our children, and that Meleana gets along so well with all her cousins. The day after seeing them, she's saying over and over, "Ati, Jacob, JJ! Ati, Jacob, JJ!" They're all challenged to learn to share with each other when they play, but that's just a part of growing up. Most of the time, though, they LOVE to laugh together and have Yo Gabba dance parties in Em and Rob's family room. I have such a great time watching them enjoy the time they have as little kids...and Gary has a blast playing with all of them. It definitely keeps us young. =)

Praise God for family!!!

In Your arms

Life is so precious. For as long as we are here, we need to see it for the gift that it is. We just left All Souls Cemetary for Baby Bella's viewing. When Em told me that she died, I wanted to cry. My heart hurt so painfully for Micah and Mark because I couldn't imagine going through such a loss...thinking that everything was fine for most of the pregnancy and then realizing that you would soon have to say goodbye and let her go. It was hard for Gary and I to lose our first baby too, but we didn't have to plan a funeral for him.

Oh, Lord, we are so grateful for the strength you have given them through their faith and the prayers of their family and friends. Thank you for putting it in my heart to give them the picture of You holding the baby in Heaven. It brought so much comfort to us when we lost little Gary and it just seemed like the right thing to do to pass it on to them. And to be there with the family praying the rosary...to ask for healing as we laid hands on them...because we didn't have the words. No one ever knows what to say but You somehow always show us what we need to do.

Please continue to hold Micah and Mark in the shelter of Your loving embrace, and grant them the consolation in knowing that their little girl is with You loving them with Heaven's love. Amen.

Making it work

When I was single, I was very selfish with my time.  It may not have seemed like it because I was always involved in ministry or some kind of service, and I spent so much time at work.  But ultimately, I did what I wanted when I wanted...and when I felt like I needed to get away, I took a long drive...when I wanted to spend time with Jesus, I hopped in my car to go to adoration during late night hours at churches all over SoCal.

Yet parenting has to be one of the greatest opportunities to grow in virtue. Now that I am a mom, I find myself making sacrifices all the time, and I cannot do what I want when I want.  I must meet the needs of my children, make them happy, dry their tears, entertain them when they are bored, feed them, clothe them, change their diapers, and take them with me almost everywhere I go.

A drastic change from what my life was like just less than two years ago.

I complain sometimes (when I really shouldn't) and I get frustrated when days (or nights) don't go as smoothly as I would like them to.  But Gary brought up a really good point last week when I was having a hard time with the kids.  He said that all animal children stay with their mothers until they are ready to venture out into the world.  The mother carries them on her back (or in her pouch)...or for the water-dwellers, the young are found swimming right alongside their mommas...as natural as can be.

I needed to hear that again because I have had to readjust to being at home for summer vacation.  Gary spends most of his time with the kids when I am at work.  So they (especially Meleana) gravitate toward him more then they would to me.  Therese actually enjoys his shoulder much more than mine.  But over the last couple of weeks, Meleana has been very attached to me and it kind of took me by surprise.  I've always been the kind of person that needs "space", so I had to get used to all the attention she was giving and wanting from me.

When I had the conversation with Gary about animal babies and their mothers, I asked God to give me the grace for the kind of mothering I needed to give my girls.  Made in the image and likeness of God, we - more than any animal - have the capacity to love our children the way He loves us.  

I've had to beg for even more grace during Mass when my little toddler wants to run off and play outside rather than sit quietly next to me.  Last Sunday, I spent almost the entire Mass outside with her because she just couldn't hold it together inside.  But I remembered the advice my cousin Jaymee gave to take the kids to daily Mass to help them get used to the routine.  Daily Mass last week was a struggle still since it really depended on whether we were able to get a nap in, but I told Gary that we needed to keep going and taking the kids no matter how difficult it was because the day would eventually come when Meleana would sit there quietly and we would be able to participate.

So today - Sunday - we decided to take another shot at going to SPC.  We were anticipating another challenging Mass because Meleana was constipated and couldn't sleep on the way there.  I read the Mass readings and Gospel on the drive so at least I knew what I might be missing and prayed super-hard for patience in the next hour with her.

You wouldn't believe...

She was PERFECT.  I held her in my arms...she laid on my lap...she watched the kids behind us...and found things in my purse to quietly play with.  When it was time for communion, she held my hand and waited for our turn to go up.  No squirming, no crying, no whining about how uncomfortable she was.

After receiving the Eucharist, I thanked God profusely for keeping her calm and for allowing me to be there in the church the whole time.  As soon as Mass was over, I thanked Meleana for being so well-behaved.  She clapped for herself because she seemed to understand that she did a good job and it meant a lot to me.  I know not every Sunday from here on out will be like today, but I'm so glad I didn't have to wait another 3 years to see it happen.

Day by day...I'm learning how to be more self-giving and loving...less selfish and impatient.  I love my children - I really do - but I have to keep reminding myself that in order to truly love them, I have to deny myself and do for them what my parents did for me.

So yes, I really am enjoying my time off being able to spend so much time with my family because I know that in September I will be sad to leave them again.

+AMDG+