It's been a long time...for a lot of things. To say the least, this has been a pretty crazy school year. Not just because things have actually been hectic at work, but because a slew of other unexpected events have sprinkled our lives with more difficult days than we could manage.
I've meant to pick up my journal...or blog...to get some of my thoughts out. There just hasn't been the time to do it. Two weeks ago, I got one sentence out in my journal. One sentence.
When I don't write, I feel like I'm suffocating. And since I have a spare moment before this next week of graduation hits, I have to try - even for a little while - to let myself breathe.
So I will say that I've been frustrated. But it's been easier to turn to God a lot sooner than I usually do. I've wanted to take control of my own situation. But I've been learning that there are things I simply cannot dictate. I've been tempted to default to auto-pilot because I've been so tired. But He always calls me back to prayer so I can listen to the ways He wants to direct me.
After doing my "formal" prayers to and from work, I've been listening to the letters and meditations of Venerable Mother Luisita. She's the foundress of the Carmelite Sisters of the Sacred Heart - the same community that I was going to join some years ago. She's also a candidate for sainthood. I'll play the CD over and over and over again because my heart and my mind need to be fed with messages of faith and trust and surrender. As the world around me falls apart bit by bit, I come back to her words and am reminded that though things are bad, life can be much worse. And even amidst the trials, God is here - caring for us in every moment and every circumstance.
I'm thankful to God for sustaining me and my family in these days...for keeping us afloat...and for always drawing us closer to His heart. And I'm also grateful that He is teaching us many lessons about ourselves...about our relationships with each other and those around us. We're discovering how He is calling us to serve "in the mission fields" He has placed us in...and we're becoming more aware of His purpose for our lives.
If nothing else, we're learning about LOVE: what it is, how to show it, when it is present. This is now directing our life paths and keeping us faithful to His work. I shared this quote with Abie today:
Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything.
He nodded and said, "Yup. That's it."
The huge "something" that I felt coming on last August...it's happening. I just had to stop long enough to pay attention to it again.
"Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of Your faithful, and enkindle in us the fire of Your divine love..."
+AMDG+
