One word to describe yourself - "INTENSE"

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. It's just the way my life is...the way my spirituality is. I just read Romans 9:20-23 and it infers that we should accept the way God has created us individually...not to compare ourselves to others...because no matter whether we are made for beauty or for menial use, He made us all to be "vessels of mercy". That's so awesome.

And to those of you who are out there, thank you for supporting me. Thank you so much...

He still calls...

That was the last thing Tito Jess said to me before I left this afternoon. He's right. However, I'm not sure that it's always Him.

There are certain things my heart is moved to do, but there's only so much of myself that I can give. I've also been warned not to give too much...so where do I draw the line?

Ministry, friendships, relationships. "Spreading yourself too thin" is what they call it.

Is it possible to love too much? (random thought) Funny that I should think that when I'd been afraid to love at all for quite some time.

Some of you out there who might be reading this know how I can be. You know what I'm talking about because I've served with you...I've shared my life with you...I've loved you. You watched me pour as much as myself out to others as I could...perhaps even to you.

And then I stopped.

Wow, what an interesting revelation this is right now.

I stopped because I was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt. Thinking that I was too weak. Hearing too many voices telling me to pull back.

And where was Your voice, Lord? Were you trying to tell me that I didn't have to? That I could keep serving, and sharing, and loving but maybe in a better way?

But each time, there seemed to be a change in direction. My focus was pointed elsewhere to serve, share, and love in another place with other people.

I'm sorry that I left you. But somehow I'm still there because you're still here. I carry you in my heart because I don't know where else in my life I can put you. I know it seems crowded in there because there are many of you who share this space, but I pray that someday you'll forgive me for my limitations.

Your voice, Lord...what is it saying?

What are they saying to me from the distant silence? How do they need me to pray?

Come Holy Spirit

The Catholic Experience of Renewal
Fr. Thomas Foster, S.J.
St. Joseph's Catholic Community (Church), Capitola, CA

On the last and greatest day of the feast, Jesus stood up and exclaimed, "Let anyone who thirsts come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as scripture says: Rivers of living water will flow from within him." He said this in reference to the Spirit that those who came to believe in him were to receive. There was, of course, no Spirit yet, because Jesus had not yet been glorified. (John 7:37-39)

One of many spiritual renewals within the Catholic Church, the Catholic Charismatic Renewal started in 1967 when a handful of students and university theology professors from Duquesne University got together for a retreat weekend. From this small and inconspicuous beginning, by 1990 the movement had grown to include more than 72 million Catholics world wide (over 15 million in America).

It has official organizations in 120 countries around the world. Many believe that this renewal is a direct result of Vatican II and Pope John XXIII's prayer: "O Holy Spirit...pour forth the fullness of your gifts...renew your wonders in this our day as by a new Pentecost.”

The Catholic Charismatic movement is not simply a renewal of the charisms found in the first letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians (Chapter 12). It centers on the renewal of individual commitment to the person of Jesus Christ.

This commitment has been the center of every authentic renewal in the history of the Church. The commitment begins by the re-anointing with the presence of the Holy Spirit; what is sometimes called "The Baptism in the Holy Spirit." This occurs when individuals ask Jesus Christ, who is the one who gives the Holy Spirit, to stir up the gift of the Holy Spirit within their hearts. St. Paul admonished Timothy: "I remind you to stir into flame the Gift of God that you have through the imposition of my hands." (2 Timothy 1:6)

This is primarily a renewal of the gifts received in the sacraments of baptism and confirmation. The results are many. Along with the reception of the charisms, people who have experienced this renewal in the Holy Spirit talk of a new and deeper personal knowledge of Jesus. They find new power in prayer, a new love of scripture, and a new and deeper appreciation of the Church, of the liturgy, and of the sacraments. These characteristics of the Charismatic Renewal have led both POPE PAUL VI and POPE JOHN PAUL II to actively encourage the faithful and the clergy to become involved in the Charismatic renewal.

This approval was first dramatically demonstrated by POPE PAUL VI in 1975. He, personally, invited the renewal to hold its annual conference in Rome. In a special session during that conference the Pope stated: “ Nothing is more necessary to this more and more secularized world than the witness of the `spiritual renewal' that we see the Holy Spirit evoking in the most diverse regions and mileux... How then could this `spiritual renewal' not be a `chance' for the Church and for the world? And how, in this case, could one not take all the means to insure that it remains so.”

POPE JOHN PAUL II, following the lead of Pope Paul VI, has also met with groups of charismatic people and, at one such encounter, said: “Remain in an attitude of constant and grateful availability for every gift that the Spirit wishes to pour into your hearts.”

Encourage by the leadership of Pope Paul VI and John Paul II, the Catholic bishops of the United states, Canada, and many bishops in South America and Europe, have written pastoral statements supporting and encouraging the renewal. THE BISHOPS OF THE UNITED STATES, in their pastoral letter to the American Church on the Charismatic Renewal, wrote the following in 1984:

“...The charismatic renewal is rooted in the tradition of the gospel tradition: Jesus is Lord by the power of the Spirit to the glory of the Father.”

“Insofar as the Charismatic Renewal makes its own this primary reality of the Gospel, it witnesses to elements of the Good News that are central, not optional: the covenant love of the Father, the Lordship of Jesus, the power of the Spirit, sacramental and community life, prayer, charisms and the necessity of evangelization.

Insofar as the renewal makes its own what is central to the enduring reality of the Gospel, it cannot be dismissed as peripheral to the life of the Church. Clearly the charismatic Renewal is in and for the church, not alongside the church.

Because the Charismatic Renewal is at the heart of the Church, it also has a role in parish renewal.

We wish those in the Charismatic Renewal to know that we make our own the view of Yves Congar: `The Charismatic Renewal is a grace for the Church.' We assure those in the Charismatic Renewal of the support they enjoy from the bishops of the United States, and we encourage them in their efforts to renew the life of the Church.”

Perhaps a few words about the charisms are in order. VATICAN II echoes St. Paul in stating:

" It is not only through the sacraments and church ministries that the same Holy Spirit sanctifies and leads the people of God. He distributes special graces among the faithful of every rank...."The manifestation of the Spirit is given to everyone for profit." (I Corinthians 12:7) These charismatic gifts, whether they be the most outstanding or the more simple and widely diffused, are to be received with thanksgiving and consolation, for they are exceedingly suitable and useful for the needs of the Church." (L.G. 12)

So the gifts, supernatural and ordinary, are not gifts to individuals, but to the community. These gifts are given to build up God's people, and the Holy Spirit distributes “them individually to each person as he wishes.” (I Corinthians 12:11) Hence, they do not indicate the sanctity of the individual. The gifts that are found in the Charismatic Renewal are outlined in St. Paul's first letter to the Corinthians (Chapter 12):

“To each individual the manifestation of the Spirit is given for some benefit. To one is given through the Spirit the expression of WISDOM; to another the expression of KNOWLEDGE...to another FAITH...to another gifts of HEALING...MIGHTY DEEDS (miracles) ...PROPHECY...DISCERNMENT OF SPIRITS...VARIETY OF TONGUES...INTERPRETATION OF TONGUES.”
(I Corinthians 12:7-10)

Hence, the list includes gifts through which God gives understanding about himself and the Christian walk; wisdom, knowledge, and discernment. Gifts through which God acts
in his community; faith, healing, and miracles. And gifts through which God speaks to his people; prophecy, tongues, and interpretation of tongues.

The following is a brief description of these gifts:

• WISDOM: The gift by which the Holy Spirit directs a person to make the right decision or judgment and to live a true Christian life. Generally most Catholics acknowledge this gift by praying for the Light of the Spirit.
• KNOWLEDGE: The gift by which the Spirit gives a person a deeper understanding of a Mystery of Faith or specific knowledge about a person or situation that could not be known, unless God revealed it. Many priests experience this gift in the sacrament of reconciliation.
• FAITH: This gift inspires a person to pray with God given confidence. Knowing that what is asked for will be granted. This should not be confused with the virtue of faith (believing Christian truths). Jesus told his disciples that “whoever says to this mountain, `be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he said will happen, it shall be done for him.” (Mark 11:23)
• HEALING: This is one gift which Catholics accept in the lives of the saints, but find it difficult to accept in the lives of ordinary Christians. This gift speeds up the natural healing powers of the body. Jesus healed many who came to him, for example, Peter's mother-in-law.
• MIRACLES: This gift is different from healing in that it does not depend on the laws of nature. An example of a miracle, or mighty deed, is the raising of Lazarus from the dead.
• PROPHECY: This is a gift by which God, through a person, speaks a message to an individual or to the whole Christian community. It is God making use of someone, to state what He thinks about the present situation, what His intention is for the future; or what He thinks they should know or be mindful of right now. It is not primarily nor necessarily a prediction of the future. St. Paul says, “One who prophesies does speak to human beings, for their building up, encouragement and solace.” (I Corinthians 14:3)
• DISCERNMENT OF SPIRITS: Through this gift one senses the presence of good or evil spirits. Many experience a form of discernment when meeting people. Some people come across as loving and good; others radiate negative aspects. Primarily, this gift discerns the presence of the Holy Spirit.
• TONGUES: Catholic Charismatics believe that God gives the gift of praying in an `unknown tongue' to anyone who seeks it. The person is able to speak this new language of praise of God, even though the individual does not understand what is being said. Actually, it is the Spirit of God within the heart praying. In the book of Romans, St. Paul says, “The Spirit too comes to the aid of our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings. And the one who searches hearts knows what is the intention of the Spirit, because it intercedes for the holy ones according to God's will.” (Romans 8:26-27) This gift of tongues is mentioned 57 times in the New Testament!
• INTERPRETATION OF TONGUES: Occasionally, a member of the assembly will speak out some message in tongues. This utterance will be accompanied by an interpretation of its contents. Tongues and interpretation, St. Paul tells us, are the equivalent to the gift of prophecy.
  

Collectively, these gifts are for the building up of God's people. They have existed in one form or another throughout the history of the Christian church. For example, the Orthodox Communions have them listed in their canon law, and many of the monks exhibit them.

PRAYER GROUP
At the present time in the Catholic Church, these “charismatic” gifts are usually experienced in the context of a prayer meeting. The main purpose of prayer meetings is to give glory to God our Father through our Lord Jesus Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit. Most of the meeting consists of praising God with spontaneous prayers and with singing. These periods of prayer will be punctuated by scripture reading, sharing, and prayers for the particular needs of individuals.

During the meeting the charisms will be exercised, although they do not always play a part. The typical meeting follows St. Paul's directive: “When you assemble, one has a psalm, another an instruction, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Everything should be done for building up.” ( I Corinthians 14:26) In another place, St. Paul charges the Christians: “Be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and praying to the Lord in your hearts, giving thanks always and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father.” (Ephesians 5:18-20)

Finally, in one of his earliest writings, St. Paul exhorts Christians to “Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophetic utterances. Test everything; retain what is good. Refrain from every kind of evil.”
( I Thessalonians 5:16-22)

What You try to tell me everyday

ALWAYS YOU AND I
98 degrees

Oh, oh, girl…
It’s so hard to say
How a love could end this way
The one that used to care for you
Just turns and walks away
And it’s so hard to find
To leave the pain behind
When all the things you’re looking for
Your heart can’t seem to find

I’ll be the air that you breathe
I’ll give the strength that you need
I’ll be the light in your eyes
When hope becomes hard to see
I’ll be your shining star
To guide you wherever you are
And I promise that I’ll be by your side
Always you and I

No, you’re not alone
Without a love to call your own
‘Cause I’ll always be right there for you
To help you carry on
A heart that’s always true
Girl, I’m giving mine to you
And everything you’ll ever need
I promise I will do

Girl, you know I’ll stay beside
I will be right there for you
With a hand to hold
A heart to see you through
‘Cause each and every night
I will make you right
When life feels so wrong
‘Cause in my arms is where you belong

oh… oh, girl… oh always you and I

Before I lose it all...but please God that I don't

Hold me close / let Your love surround me / bring me near / draw me to Your side / and as I wait I'll rise up like the eagle / and I will soar with You / your spirit leads me on / by the power of Your love

*******************************

Covered by your love divine
Child of the risen Lord
To hear you say "This one's mine"
My heart is spoken for

Now I have a peace
I've never known before
I find myself complete
My heart is spoken for

*******************************

I will offer up my life in spirit and truth / pouring out the oil of love as my worship to You / in surrender I must give my every part / Lord, receive the sacrifice of a broken heart

Oh my words could not tell, not even in part / of the debt of love that is owed by this thankful heart

*******************************

Sometimes you just have to receive. It was my turn to sit there and pray with open hands and an open heart. Maybe I could have gotten what I did tonight if I was up there on stage with all of you, but I knew I was exactly where I needed to be.

So for everything you did for me tonight, Heart of Worship, I thank you. Thank you for praising Him and singing the love songs my own heart has so dearly missed...for letting His light shine through you into my own dark corners where I refused to let Him in.

It was also the most beautiful thing to be sitting in between two amazing answered prayers - Gary and Dani - who have introduced Love in a new kind of way to me and Emeline.

Dear God, You really are so good.

"There is a light in this world, a healing spirit more powerful than any darkness we may encounter. We sometimes lose sight of this force when there is suffering, and too much pain. Then suddenly, the spirit will emerge through the lives of ordinary people who have a call and answer in extraordinary ways."
- Mother Teresa

Hey, guess what? I'm human!

I can see Em rolling her eyes now..."Hello, B.anne, I could have told you that."

Well, I'm a little slow, you know. =)

I don't have much time to write at the moment, but I just have to say that lying in bed sick the last couple of days has forced me to accept the fact that I'm not invincible. You would have thought I'd have this all figured out by now since I've had my face split open by a brick wall when I was 12, had surgery in '97 for a cyst, gotten diagnosed with an autoimmune disease 2 years ago, and cried myself to sleep I don't know how many nights in my life over heartaches that I have since healed from (though I have 3 teddy bears on my bed to keep me company through the crying spells nowadays).

In that sense, I'll always be "just like everyone else". I'll always be vulnerable physically and emotionally but how I respond spiritually will make all the difference in the world. I saw in my mind's eye my Jesus kneeling in the garden of Gethsemane with His head in His hands praying for grace, just as I was. My cross felt heavy, but it will never compare to His. This was the revelation given to me at 3 o'clock in the morning last Sunday as I was walking under the star-studded sky of Escondido. Even God was not exempt from personal suffering. So I get it. Again as if for the first time and for the millionth time...I get it.

God is going to fill me with something. This always happens...this emptying myself of self...whenever He has more grace to pour into my heart. It prepared me to read Dr. Schuller's book Turning Hurts into Halos...and it is getting me ready to accept whatever message He will speak tonight at HoW's event. How do I know this? I already saw His smile on the faces of two of my favorite people in the world - Emeline and Robby - who passed by earlier for just a few minutes to pick up my brother's painting. They don't know how much comfort that moment brought me, even if I just saw them for just a short while.

So I'm sure tonight will be GREAT. Praise God...

Christ Frees Us from Fear

Pontifical Household Preacher Comments on Sunday's Readings
ROME, JUNE 17, 2005 (Zenit.org).- In a commentary on this Sunday's readings, Capuchin Father Raniero Cantalamessa, the preacher of the Pontifical Household, proposes that Christ is key to overcoming fear.

* * *

Have No Fear!

The Gospel's dominant theme this Sunday is that Christ frees us from fear. Like illnesses, fears can be acute or chronic. Acute fears are determined by a situation of extraordinary danger. If I am about to be run over by a car, or begin to notice that the earth is moving under my feet because of an earthquake, I am gripped by acute fears. As they arise unexpectedly and without warning, so they disappear as soon as the danger is over, leaving perhaps only a bad memory. They do not depend on us and are natural. More dangerous are chronic fears, those that live with us, which we carry from our birth or childhood, which become part of our being, and which sometimes we end up being attached to.

Fear is not an evil in itself. It is often the occasion to reveal unsuspected courage and strength. Only someone who knows fear knows what courage is. Fear can really become an evil that consumes and does not allow one to live, rather than being a stimulus to react and a spring for action, it can become an excuse for inaction, something that paralyzes. When it is turned into anxiety: Jesus named man's most common anxieties: "'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'" (Matthew 6:31). Anxiety has become the illness of the century, and it is one of the main causes for the multiplication of heart attacks.

We live in anxiety, and that is why we do not live! Anxiety is an irrational fear of an unknown object. To always be afraid of everything, to systematically expect the worst and to always live in a palpitation. If there is no danger, anxiety invents it; if it exists, anxiety magnifies it. The anxious person suffers evils twice over: first in the anticipation and then in the reality. What Jesus condemns in the Gospel is not simple fear so much or just concern for tomorrow, but precisely this anxiety and disquiet. "Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day," he said.

But let's stop describing our fears of different sorts and let's try, instead, to see what remedy the Gospel offers us to overcome our fears. The remedy is summarized in one word: to trust God, to believe in Providence and in the heavenly Father's love. The real root of all fears is that of finding oneself alone, like that continuous fear of the child of being abandoned.

And Jesus assures us precisely about this: that we will not be abandoned. "For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me up," says Psalm (27:10). Even if all were to abandon us, the Lord would not. His love is stronger than all.

We cannot leave the topic of fear, however, on this point. It would be less than close to reality. Jesus wants to free us from fears and he always frees us. But he does not have only one way to do so; he has two: he either takes away the fear from our hearts or he helps us to live with it in a new way, more freely, making of it an occasion of grace for ourselves and for others.

He himself wished to live this experience. It is written that, in the Garden of Olives "he began to feel sadness and anxiety." The original text even suggests the idea of a solitary terror, as of someone who feels removed from human association, in an immense solitude. And he wished to experience this precisely to redeem this aspect of the human condition also. Since that day, living in union with him, fear, especially fear of death, has the power to uplift us instead of depressing us, of making us more attentive to others, more understanding, and in a word, more human.

What color Lightsaber do you have?

You have a Purple Lightsaber.

Purple is associated with wisdom, dignity,
independence, creativity, mystery, and magic.
Purple denotes high spirituality and religious
aspiration. Purple also represents Peacefulness
and Purification. It also has a sense of
intuitive understanding and a feeling of
intimacy with the world.

Wake-up call

What I know is useless until it is justly applied. How much knowledge do I possess that has yet to be made into action? There is so much...

"But suppose you call yourself a Jew [Christian]: you have the Law as foundation and feel proud of your God. You know the will of God and the Law teaches you to distinguish what is better, and so you believe you are the guide for the blind, light in the darkness, teacher of those who do not know, instructor of children, because you possess in the Law the formulation of true knowledge. Well, then, you who teach others, why don't you teach yourself?

...the heart's circumcision belongs to the spirit and not to a written law; he who lives in this way will be praised, not by people, but by God." (Rom 2:17-21a, 29b)

The Living Word of God - VERBUM DEI

"I long to see you and share some spiritual blessings with you to strengthen you. In that way, we will encourage each other by sharing our common faith." (Rom 1:11-12)

It's so important to have friends who love God and can share in your joy of loving Him, too. I think that's what's missing for me at work. I know Jesus is there present in the hearts of my coworkers and students, but the smiles that come because we praise and thank Him for all the good that comes to us...somehow it's in my unwritten job description to help my Verb family discover and experience Him in that way.

But it all starts with me. You can't give what you don't have. That's why I feel so drained...it feels like I'm drawing out of an empty well.

That's what the summer's for. I'll still be connected to the campus and the people because I'll be teaching summer school, but the time I have away from Verbum Dei in the afternoons and weekends needs to be spent nourishing my spirit for me and for them.

I said I didn't want to be in charge of anything ever again. Little did I realize that I'm now in charge of more than I ever have been before. Ironic, isn't it?

Director of Spiritual Formation
Verbum Dei High School

Responsibilities include but may not be limited to:

• Adult Faith Formation Program - including Ignatian Formation (2x/month)
• Cristo Rey Network AFF Representative
• California Jesuit Province AFF Representative
• Christian Service Program Coordinator (3-4 Saturday projects/month)
• Monthly liturgies
• 4 Class retreats - Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, and 3-day Senior KAIROS
• Board retreat
• Faculty & Staff retreats (1 per semester)
• 3 Sports retreats - Fall, Winter, Spring
• Prayer services - Faculty & Staff Orientation Week, Stations of the Cross; others on an as-needed basis (i.e., Eddie's death, Papal election...hopefully cases like these won't come up again anytime soon)
• Bible Study
• Mentoring support
• Baccalaureate Mass and Graduation
• 2 Religious Studies classes (which will be reduced to 1 next year)
• Administration Team Member
• Leadership Team Member

It's overwhelming to look at this list but in some strange way it also brings some comfort because I know that if I give it all to God and allow the Holy Spirit to move and take over, some amazing things will be happening at our school. It's going to take some time to establish the programs and build our "spiritual culture", especially in our ecumenical community efforts, but it has been a great year considering that many of us were new on the job.

"For though we cannot see Him, we can at least discover Him through His works; for He created the world and through His works we understand Him to be eternal and all-powerful, and to be God." (Rom 1:20)

My job isn't to simply get things done, per say. I'm in the business of drawing souls into the heart of God...to help them come to know Him and love Him because He is real, because we need Him in everything we do at the school and in every aspect of our lives. So now that I know how to go about making it all happen, I can take this next year and really focus on our relationship with Him. Who is God to Verbum Dei?

He brings us our students, our teachers, and our staff. He inspires us to get up every morning and drive into the inner city where most people are afraid to live and work. He gives us the strength to get through the difficult days...to be patient with the boys and with each other because we know that we all have a purpose in being there. God provides job opportunities for each one our students through the generosity of the corporate sponsors who believe in our mission as a Cristo Rey school. He moves the hearts of donors who give freely so that we can grow and develop as a campus. He holds things together when we feel that they're falling apart. He holds us close in our pain when we suffer the loss of one of our own. He motivates us to serve the children we tutor and the homeless we feed...to clean the beaches not many people care about and build homes for the less fortunate across the border. He dwells in the middle of our grounds as He waits in the tabernacle of our chapel for us to remember that He's there physically - Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity - to be the source and summit of our Christian lives.

God is everything to Verbum Dei.

Without Him, we would not have survived this long. With Him, our school has known the meaning of Resurrection...of hope...of transformation and new life. Miracles happen everyday to keep it alive and we often take it for granted, myself included.

Thank you, Lord. That's all I needed to see.

At the End-of-the-Year Luncheon w/Susan, Irene, and Ana

Fr. Scott Santarosa, SJ (Chaplain, partner and "Kuya") and Fr. John Weling, SJ (Verb President)

Seniors at OLA Cathedral Verbum Dei Graduation '05 - Jason, Dwayne, Marcus, Joe, Donald, Justin, Andre and Vince

"Through Him, Jesus Christ, our Lord, and for the sake of His Name, we received the grace and mission in all the nations, for them to accept the faith. All of you, the elected of Christ, are part of them...called to be holy..." (Rom 1:5-6)

Basta Ikaw

Theme from "The Cardinal"

Should my heart not be humble, should my eyes fail to see
Should my feet sometimes stumble on the way, stay with me
Like a lamb that in springtime, wanders far from the fold
Come the darkness and the frost, I get lost, I grow cold

I grow cold, I grow weary, and I know I have sinned
And I go seeking shelter and I cry in the wind

Though I grope, and I blunder and I'm weak, and I'm wrong
though the road buckles under where I walk, walk alone
Till I find to my wonder every path leads to Thee
All that I can do is pray, "stay with me, stay with me."

******************************
Some time ago, three friends of mine invited me to a retreat that became one of many turning points in my life. I spent three days emptying myself of everything that stood in the way of my relationship with Jesus. The experience broke me down in a way that none other could...to the point where I knew I was nothing without Him. It hurt, but then it healed me.

I remember climbing down the ladder from the loft in the middle of the night and being drawn into the disco to Kuya Jess. Yes, it seemed that the staffers were keeping vigil, but in reality, He was keeping vigil over us.

That weekend I knew that I was loved. I had known before, but this time it was different. He still seemed so far away, as if He was not allowing me to get attached to any kind of feeling per say. Yet His presence slowly permeated my heart. Permeated. My sister really likes that word, so I thought I'd use it in a sentence for her. =)

For the invitation, I will always be grateful. Dorothy, Jei Franxis, and Leo - you were the "angels" who joined me in the world of sorrow that enfolded me throughout the Days experience. You shared a treasure that rescued me from that darkness...the darkness that I had to face and leave at the foot of the Cross in order to see the light of the Resurrection.

And to those who wrapped their arms around me and held my hand along the journey - Noreen, Eileen, Francia, Dianne, Emily, Arlene, Mina, and my sisters of Batch #29: Angie, Flo, Marites, Kathy, and the rest - whether you ever get to read this or not - I lift my prayers up to the heavens for you. I learned from you that everything I was given and all that will ever receive is to be taken with open hands and an open heart.

Basta ikaw, Lord. All for you. All for you...

Anima Christi

Soul of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Water from the side of Christ, wash me
Passion of Christ, give me strength
Hear me, Jesus, hide me in Thy wounds
And never leave my side
From all the evil that surrounds me, defend me
And when the call of death arrives, bid me come to Thee
That I may praise Thee with Thy saints forever.

- St. Ignatius of Loyola

You can only be you

You will never be a duplicate of another human being nor will another human being be a duplicate of you. When asking God who He made you to be, He will not answer you with the name of a saint who has already lived. Their mission is done. You, on the other hand, have a mission of your own to fulfill. He will not ask you to change your personality and demand that you fit into a cookie cutter "holy person" mold. All He will ask of you is that you love Him as you are from where you are.

All it takes

Where it all began


...and continues today


...to the Days with Kuya Jess


...along the winding road of life


...to where I was called to trust


...and know where I came from


...so that I could find hope again


...in order to realize the amazing beauty in my life

Rules for Living

If you open it, close it.

If you turn it on, turn it off.

If you unlock it, lock it up.

If you break it, admit it.

If you can't fix it, call in someone who can.

If you borrow it, return it.

If you value it, take care of it.

If you make a mess, clean it up.

If you move it, put it back.

If it belongs to someone else and you want to use it, get permission.

If you don't know how to operate it, leave it alone.

If it's none of your business, don't ask questions.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

If it will brighten someone else's day, say it.

If it will tarnish someone else's reputation, keep it to yourself.

******************************

PICTURE OF THE DAY


Leilani, Ahlauna, and Elijah - Maui 2004

The roses that grew out of the thorns

1. God allows us to make our own choices...
2. ...but He speaks through: circumstances, wiser more experienced elders in the Church or in your family, the peace that fills your heart.
3. Sharing your spirituality with someone is a very intimate exchange - it's like baring your soul before another person, not knowing how they'll react once you do.
4. What your mind learns may be forgotten, but what your heart learns remains forever.
5. There is a type of friendship that can be experienced among people that moves beyond this world. You might not understand it at first, but you are not the first to receive it. However, there are boundaries that must be made aware of and kept at all times to avoid complications.
6. As your knowledge grows, there comes along what are called Tests...or opportunities to apply what you have learned in real-life situations.
7. When all else fails you, there is always God.
8. Do not put anyone on a pedestal. It's cruel and unjust to have unrealistic expectations of another human being. God would rather have us lay prostrate on the ground, so please don't in your own mind put them in a place they were never meant to be.
9. When tempted to judge another person in their sin or failing, remember when you also fell and turned away from God in your weakness. Everyone is given the chance to start over, so when tempted to condemn, pray for their conversion/reversion.
10. Mercy and forgiveness are two of the most beautiful gifts you could ever give to someone.
11. Sometimes it's best just to stay silent and not defend yourself.
12. We don't have a right to any one person in this world. They are given to us as gifts to be borrowed for some time and must be returned after use to the original Owner with as little damage as possible.
13. Funny how a short play could be so cleansing (thanks, IR cast and crew!).
14. For any major decision or situation in life, a million and one different opinions will surround you. You have to go where or how God is drawing you to serve.
15. Time heals all wounds.

Questions

Of course there are answers to all the things we wonder about ourselves and our path in life. When sharing these questions with others, they often very freely volunteer their "what I would do if I were you" solutions. What can be difficult, however, is figuring it all out yourself, especially when your mind and your heart are saying two totally different things...or when some of the answers aren't as clear...or when you're praying and you think it's God's voice but you're afraid that it could really be you saying what you'd want to hear.

I've been blessed with people in my life who always seem to have everything together. I rarely see them make a mistake or feel afraid or discouraged. These people inspire me because they have such great faith and confidence in God that there isn't much of anything that they worry about. Sometimes I think outsiders see me this way as well, but in recent years, I've chosen to reveal a little more to the ones who have walked closely with me and for their own understanding needed to see that I am human, too. See, I never wanted anyone to know that I had fallen or failed in any way because it hurt too much to be laughed at or criticized so harshly. So I tried to play "perfect" for so long...and it worked for most people believed it...but when I desperarately needed help, when I needed someone to be there and listen...to tell me that it was okay to be where I was at because I was going to learn something from it...that didn't come until I let people into my heart - into the brokenness of my soul - and allowed them to see how I have struggled through my days.

So at this moment, I'm thinking how I fell in love with Jesus many years ago. I'm remembering why I was so moved when I first went to the Shroud Center and saw how tortured and humiliated He was...a man, our God, who never deserved any of it. That visit changed the way I saw the world, bringing into focus the stark reality of human nature...of sin. It was the same feeling I had when I walked the grounds and into the cells of Auschwitz...when I understood how cruel people can be if you are not what they see as acceptable.

And then I saw glimpses of my own darkness...times when I was not charitable or compassionate...when I refused to treat people with the dignity they deserved, blind to the God I said I loved who lived in each of them. Moments come back to me when all I chose to think about was myself and the kind of world I wanted instead of stepping out of my box and into the lives of those who silently cried out in their sadness and personal pain.

I look at myself in the mirror and whisper the word that Jesus used to describe the Pharisees who could not humble themselves for the sake of others.

Hypocrite.

Praise God for those who choose to see good in me. But right now I must dare to acknowledge my own pride and selfishness...the two vices from which all my sins past and present have come from. If I do not see what it is that I am fighting against in myself, I will never develop the opposite virtue. I cannot believe that I don't have any flaws. I cannot believe that I am already a saint. Sometimes Satan leads me to think that I'm so good that I don't need God's mercy...that I don't have to depend on Him for anything because I'm the one who keep myself holy by the things I have said or done.

I need Jesus as much as the serial killer on death row.

He died for me, too. He's my Savior. There's nothing I could ever do to save myself.

"Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs." (Luke 12:1-3)

Random

Just got this from Fr. Fernando...I thought it was pretty funny. =)

Sometimes we don't realize what we're actually made of until someone has the insight to look beyond the outside.

...and of course, a very Happy Birthday to my beloved BiL Robby Moya!!!