He still calls...

That was the last thing Tito Jess said to me before I left this afternoon. He's right. However, I'm not sure that it's always Him.

There are certain things my heart is moved to do, but there's only so much of myself that I can give. I've also been warned not to give too much...so where do I draw the line?

Ministry, friendships, relationships. "Spreading yourself too thin" is what they call it.

Is it possible to love too much? (random thought) Funny that I should think that when I'd been afraid to love at all for quite some time.

Some of you out there who might be reading this know how I can be. You know what I'm talking about because I've served with you...I've shared my life with you...I've loved you. You watched me pour as much as myself out to others as I could...perhaps even to you.

And then I stopped.

Wow, what an interesting revelation this is right now.

I stopped because I was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt. Thinking that I was too weak. Hearing too many voices telling me to pull back.

And where was Your voice, Lord? Were you trying to tell me that I didn't have to? That I could keep serving, and sharing, and loving but maybe in a better way?

But each time, there seemed to be a change in direction. My focus was pointed elsewhere to serve, share, and love in another place with other people.

I'm sorry that I left you. But somehow I'm still there because you're still here. I carry you in my heart because I don't know where else in my life I can put you. I know it seems crowded in there because there are many of you who share this space, but I pray that someday you'll forgive me for my limitations.

Your voice, Lord...what is it saying?

What are they saying to me from the distant silence? How do they need me to pray?