Hey, guess what? I'm human!

I can see Em rolling her eyes now..."Hello, B.anne, I could have told you that."

Well, I'm a little slow, you know. =)

I don't have much time to write at the moment, but I just have to say that lying in bed sick the last couple of days has forced me to accept the fact that I'm not invincible. You would have thought I'd have this all figured out by now since I've had my face split open by a brick wall when I was 12, had surgery in '97 for a cyst, gotten diagnosed with an autoimmune disease 2 years ago, and cried myself to sleep I don't know how many nights in my life over heartaches that I have since healed from (though I have 3 teddy bears on my bed to keep me company through the crying spells nowadays).

In that sense, I'll always be "just like everyone else". I'll always be vulnerable physically and emotionally but how I respond spiritually will make all the difference in the world. I saw in my mind's eye my Jesus kneeling in the garden of Gethsemane with His head in His hands praying for grace, just as I was. My cross felt heavy, but it will never compare to His. This was the revelation given to me at 3 o'clock in the morning last Sunday as I was walking under the star-studded sky of Escondido. Even God was not exempt from personal suffering. So I get it. Again as if for the first time and for the millionth time...I get it.

God is going to fill me with something. This always happens...this emptying myself of self...whenever He has more grace to pour into my heart. It prepared me to read Dr. Schuller's book Turning Hurts into Halos...and it is getting me ready to accept whatever message He will speak tonight at HoW's event. How do I know this? I already saw His smile on the faces of two of my favorite people in the world - Emeline and Robby - who passed by earlier for just a few minutes to pick up my brother's painting. They don't know how much comfort that moment brought me, even if I just saw them for just a short while.

So I'm sure tonight will be GREAT. Praise God...