Transformed lives

Things are different, Lord...so different than they were years ago. We're not the same people we once were. Ever since we gave our lives to You, we have survived on grace. Sure we still get tempted, but when I looked around the room tonight, I was filled with incredible joy. This is how I want to spend the rest of my life...serving You alongside brothers and sisters who are not afraid to stand up for what is good and holy.

Thank you, Servant's Heart, for allowing me to pray with you tonight. It was so heartfelt...so sincere...so desperate in the sense that we knew we couldn't pull this off without Him. Our community has been through so much, but it's times like this when I just see you all coming together with that "Heart of Worship".

The retreat on Saturday is God's work. He called us to it - hence the name "The Calling" - to encourage other souls to "leave their nets behind and follow Him". We may have our apprehensions and people may have their doubts, but we move in the victory of the precious Name of Jesus. Our message is His message. Like Em said, we didn't make this stuff up. As Jaymee reminds me, we're going toe-to-toe with Satan and all the lies he tries to feed our generation.

The goal of the day: TO HELP GET PEOPLE TO HEAVEN.

They'll know us by the love that we share and the Cross that we bear. Here we go, guys and gals. I say this to you and to myself as well. Do not be afraid. God's got this....

"Be strong in the Lord with His energy and strength. Put on the whole armor of God to be able to resist the cunning of the devil. our battle is not against human forces but against the rulers and authorities and their dark powers that govern this world. We are struggling against the spirits and supernatural forces of evil.

Therefore put on the whole armor of God, that in the evil day, you may resist and stand your ground, making use of all your weapons. take truth as your belt, justice as your breastplate, and zeal as your shoes to propogate the Gospel of peace. Always hold in your hand the shield of faith to repel the flaming arrows of the devil. Finally, use the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, that is, the Word of God." (Eph.6:10-17)

Vessels of clay

Thank you for the phone call, Leo. It was one of those brief I-know-you're-out-there-fighting-the-good-fight kind of "hello" phone calls at one of those weird times...yeah, you know...you always know...and one of these days we'll share stories since, like you said, it's been a while.

Things happen. We often don't understand why, as I was explaining to my boys today, but God always manages to bring about a greater good out of trials and suffering. I told Jay a while ago that had the struggle never been there, we might not have grown as close to Jesus and Mama Mary. That will forever hold true...

"We carry this treasure in vessels of clay, so that this all-surpassing power may not be seen as ours but as God's. Trials of every sort come to us, but we are not discouraged. We are left without answer, but do not despair; persecuted but not abandoned, knocked down but not crushed." (2 Cor 4:7-8)

People are people. We all fall short of the glory of God. We've all made mistakes. We've all had a part in crucifying Christ when we've hurt ourselves and those around us. And others have in one way or another with or without intention crucified us as well. The pain of loss, of rejection, of illness and death...it's all part of our human condition...the effect of Original Sin.

The beautiful thing about it all, though, is the opportunity to accept His mercy...to unite our crosses with His...that after Good Friday comes Easter Sunday...that victory is found in God alone. Out of a lunchtime conversation with Christian came the reminder that if we lived without Him in this life, we'd create hell for ourselves.

It's not worth ditching Calvary.

I'll climb with you, my Lord. All the way to the top. Again and again, as many times as it takes for me to get up each time my face hits the ground. Basta Ikaw, Lord...all this for You.

I gave away my last sacramental today...at least until the young heart is restored...only to be left with the God who lives in my own heart. Lent is a time of letting go of our attachments...of making sacrifices for God and for others only to draw us deeper into the perfect love of Jesus.

Please, dearest Lord, help me empty myself of myself so that I may be filled with only You. Each time I say no to You, I bleed...leaking grace...grace that can no longer be wasted. Time to get patched up again.

Confession tomorrow. I'm sorry, Lord, for not praying as I was made to...

"You are the letter. This letter is written in your inner self, yet all can read it and understand it. Yes, who could deny that you are Christ's letter written by us - a letter written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, carved not in slabs of stone, but in hearts of flesh.

With unveiled faces , we all reflect the Glory of the Lord, while we are transformed into His likeness and experience His Glory more and more by the action of the Lord who is spirit." (2 Cor 3:2-3, 18)

The sun shone through

I saw a rainbow today as I was driving my mom to Dr. Patel's office. I also asked God if He could clear the sky up for just a little bit, and He did. But the biggest blessing today had to have been my visit to St. Joseph's Catholic Book & Gifts. Gaby met my brother for the first time last week, who happened to come in by himself. It took me a few minutes for me to actually believe him...it was surreal. Met a new SPC friend named Ray who I'm sure I'll see again because he said he has something to give me. Miraculous Medals and St. Peter Chanel are always great conversation topics. =)

Worked the assembly line at Servant's Heart, Inc. in the crafts department. Productivity was at its peak tonight. Good on-the-job conversations with coworkers Robby, Calvin, and Alaine...haha. Got promoted to assistant under the supervision of Artistic Director Jaymee King. Thanks everyone for making it so fun!

Random thought...
I looked up and saw dark clouds on my errand run...thought they reflected the state of my heart...only in the sense that they held "Heaven's tears" to fall upon the earth for its own cleansing. I don't know why I'm so afraid of the rainfall...the downpour of my own tears, I mean. But it's true...sometimes you just have to let yourself cry.

"Peace be with you; I give you my peace. Not as the world gives peace do I give it to you. Do not be troubled; do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

He's been holding on

EDUARDO CERON
PER. 4

God, please help me to understand you. Sometimes I question you and don’t believe some of your teachings. The truth is I know it is the wrong thing to believe, and I truly wish that I didn’t feel this way. Help me grow closer to you in order not to drive myself crazy. Help me walk through the right path to faith and away from all questioning. If you are truly there, I know you have heard this and I know that I am being truly sincere. I just hope that you will help me, help me to grow closer to you in love, spirit, mind, heart, and faith. Please, I do want to be a part of your kingdom in heaven if there truly is one, and I want to be a better person in your eyes.
Amen.

Eduardo, I saw you last night and I didn't know what to feel. You were just sitting in my Religion class during 4th period on Monday, and little did I know that the next time I'd see you would be in the hospital with tubes all over you. Throughout the day I'll find myself crying...and then at other moments, I'll be bold enough to beg God for a miracle. Well, you know what? Whether you get better or not, I think we'll get a miracle anyway. It may not be having you come back to school flashing that beautiful childlike smile, but I believe that it just might be the restored faith in God that your life...that your prayer will inspire in your family and friends.

Your doubts and your questions were part of your journey, and they were a part of mine, too. Everyone knew you chose to stop believing in God at one point in time, but I knew you didn't totally leave Him. This prayer we read this morning was a witness to that journey...proof that, as I told your dad last night, even if we feel far away from God, God is never far away from us. Thank you for being one of my most memorable students...the one that I always watched carefully and prayed for...the one who was daring enough to ask because you really wanted to know who God really was.

So now we're waiting for God to make a decision. But whatever He chooses to do with you, we know that He's holding you close and won't let you go.

I have a feeling that I'll see you again sometime. God's mercy is too great to keep a heart as good as yours away from Him.

Until then...

Litany of Faith

JESUS I beg of You to place in my heart next to your heart that I may become one in You.

JESUS let your strength become my strength
your love my love.

JESUS may your mercy become my mercy
your compassion my compassion.

JESUS let your perseverance become my perseverance
your patience my patience.

JESUS let your kindness become my kindness
your forgiveness my forgiveness.

JESUS let your sorrow become my sorrow
your wounds my wounds.

JESUS as YOU come into our lives allow me to come beside YOU.

JESUS place my feet upon Your path and walk beside me.
As I carry my cross let Your strength become as mine.

O' Lord my heart sings for love of You
my life, my JESUS.

O' Lord let Your love come upon me to the very depth of my soul.
Reside within my heart for this then will become my refuge, my salvation.

O' Lord within Your Sacred Heart I shall find the doorway to Heaven
and it is in my heart
I shall always know You.

Lenten reflections

So I was praying that I'd find something to read and meditate on during Lent...something that would nourish my soul and give me the sustainance to carry me through the season...and God answered my prayers through Jaymee, whose blog I'd like to share with you if you don't read it already.

Jaymee's World
Dear Jaymee, thank you for your openness and your willingness to share the insights that Our Lord and Our Blessed Mother inspire in your heart. It is always a pleasure to be in your presence and to read how God is so carefully and lovingly forming your soul...

It's raining outside

I love days like today. I'll be going into work a little bit later, so since I woke up early, I thought I'd just let out some things I've been thinking about lately...

...like how my relationship with God has its ebbs and flows...sometimes full of sweet consolations and other times wrought with desperate dryness. I figured everyone goes though the same thing in one way or another because if we always felt close to Him, we'd be in Heaven.

I want to go to Heaven...but I can't yet. It's not time. I'm not ready. There's still lots to do.

Yes, so much to do.

How limited I am in this body...and I feel the strain...but there is always so much freedom in prayer. I experience that grace in the morning as I'm praying the rosary, during adoration at St. Dominic's, at Mass as I lift up my communion for others in the world, and each night as Gary and I pray for the people in our lives who need our intercession.

God is there. He always has been.

So the slight sadness I was feeling last night because I felt so far away from Him, I now attempt to relate to all the times Jesus must have longed to return to Heaven but chose to continuously say yes to His mission while He was on earth. I try to unite myself to the "holy tiredness" He felt when He was sought after...to His need to leave the crowds for a moment of prayer...to the love that brought Him back to them time and again because He knew they needed Him.

This will all end, and someday I, too, will utter the words, "It is finished." But in the meantime, I ask you, Lord Jesus, to please fill me with Your Spirit so that I can persevere as did the hundreds of thousands who have walked the long and narrow road before me.

It's true...there isn't much I can give them by myself alone. But with You in me, I can give them the greatest gift I have ever received...

...an encounter with God.

"My anguish has turned to peace;
You have retrieved my life from the pit of corruption;
You have cast all my sins behind You.
The living, the living alone can give You thanks and praise, as I do;
fathers will tell their sons of Your fidelity." (Isaiah 38:17, 19)

You are dust and to dust you shall return

Today begins another season of Lent. It seems that with the passing of each year, the sacrifice cuts a little more deeply and the temptations come about with more strength than they have in the past.

40 days. The topic of conversation around this time of year is always the penance that we are imposing on ourselves in order to free us of ourselves. "What are you giving up?" I've heard a number of different things from a number of different people. My own sacrifices during the last few years have been unique to my personal situation at the time because I've been more aware of the things or people I am attached to.

Nothing is to take the place of God as the center of our hearts.

"Good Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?"

"There is still one thing you lack. Sell all you have and give the money to the poor, and you will have riches in Heaven. And then come and follow me." (Luke 18:18, 22)

Let go of comfort and embrace suffering. Give up the pursuit of wealth for the virtues that grow in humble circumstances. Feed the spirit while turning away from the desires of the flesh. Serve rather than be served.

In the state of life that God created us for, we are each called to live the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Dear Lord, can You please show me how? Please make this Lenten season focused on this lesson I must learn. For the vocation You have called me to, I seek to find Your face in the midst of the process. Please help me trust You through it, and give me the courage to accept whatever means You take to teach me.

All that matters is that we end our lives with Him. Praise God for you, Ei. Thank you for reminding me of that.

Here we go...

"As He returned from the Jordan, the Spirit led Him into the desert where He was tempted by the devil for forty days. When the devil had exhausted every way of tempting Jesus he left Him, to return another time." (Luke 4:1-2, 13)

"No true child of Mary is ever lost."

When I saw these words on the back of Gary's prayer book of Our Mother of Perpetual Help, my heart was filled with such great consolation.

It was an answer to a prayer I'd been lifting up for some time now...for those who I had brought to her in intercession.

Thank you. I really needed that message...

"You have remembered me, O God, and have not forsaken those who love You." (Daniel 14:38)

Kappa Interviews

There's a reason for everything, and this part of my life still lies within my heart...with the Greek letters Kappa Psi Epsilon engraved in its special place.

How I responded to Nancy's questions:

1. How do you forsee the future of KPsiE?
I pray that our sisterhood will continue to grow to become a solid organization of young women who believe that there is always hope despite the struggles that we face everyday...women who seek truth and justice...women who work hard to build bridges and break down walls in their relationships with others...women who are not afraid to be who they really are and not compromise the deepest part of their souls.

2. Do you believe you still use the things in your daily life that you've implemented in the mission statement?
Revolution of self is the one thing I think I'm always working on. A caterpillar cannot convince another caterpillar that it will become a butterfly unless it allows itself to be transformed first. You can't give what you don't have. I'm a definite work in progress...asking God to show me more of who He made me to be...to give me a better understanding of how the circumstances of my life have made me who I am today...to learn to love as He does so that tomorrow I can give more of that love than I did today.

3. What was your biggest struggle in forming this organization?
Finding myself in the process and facing some form of rejection because of it from my own sisters. The obstacles were necessary, however, because overcoming them gave me the chance to talk about how one would stay true while still respecting others who are different. Years later there has grown a mutual respect between us all and we appreciate the various paths we have all taken.

4. What has been your greatest accomplishment so far, Kappa or non-Kappa related?
Not allowing my "crosses" to crush me because I depend on grace to help me carry them. Each person, I think, goes through life allowed certain struggles that are a part of the journey. I can't really attribute my accomplishments to myself alone because I pray a lot and God has brought me to the point where I have to depend on Him for everything I do. So I guess the only thing I can take credit for is my "Yes" to Him, but even that He helps me give to Him.

5. What is your advice for my pledge class, who will eventually be the future of this organization hopefully?
Spread the Kappa spirit around to everyone you meet. It isn't limited to those young women who bear the letters. There will be many people in your lives who will never have the opportunity to experience what you are in this sorority, so teach them by your lives what it means to struggle for freedom...to fight against oppression...to find your inner strength.

"May He enlighten your inner vision, that you may appreciate the things we hope for, since we were called by God." (Eph 1:18)

The First Principle and Foundation

from the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola:

The goal of our life is to live with God forever.
God who loves us, gave us life.
Our own response of love allows God's life to flow into us without limit.

All the things in this world are gifts of God, presented to us so that we can know God more easily and make a return of love more readily.
As a result, we appreciate and use all these gifts of God insofar as they help us develop as loving persons.
But if any of these gifts become the center of our lives, they displace God
and so hinder growth toward our goal.

In everyday life, then, we must hold ourselves in balance
before all of these created gifts insofar as we have a choice
and are not bound by some obligation.
We should not fix our desires on health or sickness, wealth or poverty, success or failure, a long life or a short one.
For everything has the potential of calling forth in us a deeper response to our life in God.

Our only desire and our one choice should be this:
I want and I choose what better leads to the deepening of God's life in me.

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength and with all your mind. And you shall love your neighbor as yourself." (Luke 10:27)

Praise report for the day

Thank you so much, Leo, for sharing this. Definitely worth keeping as a sign of God's grace...

It is amazing to experience the Lord's undying grace. Today I was reminded of this grace through a handshake with Leo, leader of Liawanag Filipino Catholic Club at irvine, in which i was given a laminated card that he said was from Mary-Anne. A bit confused, i tried to recall what he was talking about. Then as I read the text on the card, my eyes began to glow and my heart rejoiced in happines. But, to understand the significance of this text, i must revert to an earlier time in the quarter.

Mid-Fall quarter, during one of Liwanag's meeting, Leo's friend, Mary-Anne, came to talk to the club. That night was an unforgettable experience for me. Mary-Anne told us the story of Saint Therese of Lisieux and how she seeked suffering to become truly one with the Lord. I was so shocked by Therese's life because all of us naturally avoid suffering, but maybe we are wrongly running from the desires of our lord. The other part of her speech though and the reason of this entry was concerned with the biblical definition of love. In [1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a] love is defined through this description:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Mary-Anne then told us if we replaced "love" in this definition with "Jesus" that the description would still be very truthful. However, she wondered how truthful the description would be if "love" was replaced with our own name. This question was both humbling and fascinating to me. I realized how there is so much to reach for to truly love the Lord. For days I constantly thought about the definition of love and how I myself fit into the description. Mary-Anne told us that we could print out the definition and try making a memento in which our name is apart of the definition. Through my own laziness and other unimportant thoughts, i never got around to doing this even though I have given this matter so much thought. Oh by the way here is what the card says:

Brenton is patient. Brenton is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. He is not rude, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Brenton does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I was spiritually refreshed and emotionally uplifted to read this card. It knocks me off my feet to see God's love in action. And although i do not think they read this, I want to thank Leo for remebering my value for Mary-Anne's speech and to Mary-Anne for not only making the card, but also for her unforgettable advice.I'm not sure how u guys knew I really needed this and how much I really wanted it (not to mention that i never did it on my own hah) but I am forever thankful for this litttle card that will always be at my side. I promise to do my best to fulfill these admirable words.

Now i ask all my readers to take their own name and replace "love" in the definition. How truthful is the description? I am confident that most of it is VERY true because you are all such wonderful people. But we are all flawed! There is so much we can do to strive towards being a complete definition of this love. I wish everyone self-strength and self-truth. So Much...

For the readers, this card I gave Brenton was printed as an "accident". I was making these cards for each of the seniors for the KAIROS retreat back in November and somehow I made two of the same card (one of our seniors is also named Brenton). Remembering that Leo told me about how Brenton from Liwanag was touched by the message of "being love", I knew that it was no coincidence. So there you have the story behind it all. With God there are no accidents or coincidences...