Taking a Break

My kids have gone, and it's quiet again...though I must say that I miss them when they're gone. They make me laugh more than they frustrate me, and sometimes it seems like they take care of me more than I take care of myself.

I love being a teacher.

So I just finished some major assignments for my LMU program and I just have to get a final exam in by the end of the week. But at least I get to sleep again... One more year! I really like what I'm learning and I actually enjoy doing the work...it's just hard when you have to juggle school and a full-time job at the same time. In the end, I'm sure it'll be worth it.

Better to get all this out of the way sooner than later.

Good times with my family - Em and I had some quality sister bonding time, and I got to play with Jacob, who gets cuter and cuter every time I see him. It's funny how kids are so entertaining when they're little. As much as they require a lot of patience and sacrifice, the joy that they can bring is invaluable. A part of me wants to have my own child just so I can bring him or her over to Mommy's house to make her happy. I know how much she loves her apos, and that's something I want to give her, too.

Gary came back last night from his trip up north with the baseball team. I was so glad to have him back. Going to church by myself...visiting family...eating dinner...going to sleep without him. It's just not the same. Sometimes I would just lie in bed and tears would start filling my eyes because I would miss him so much...but then he'd somehow find a way to make me feel better by texting me at just the right time. At least he only has one more road trip left. Even if it's hard, it's a good sign that I miss him. If I didn't, I think there would be something seriously wrong with me.

More highlights of the weekend:

• Seeing Jane, Ruby, Christine, April, and Cinch at Kappa Formal
• "I've finally found what I've been looking for!" - Christine going back to church
• "I want to start a Bible study..." - April after reading Purpose Driven Life
• Summer with a 7-month pregnant belly (she's having a girl!)
• The food at Aela's mom's birthday party =)...yummy!
• Rock S.A.L.T. Band during the 5pm LifeTeen Mass at St. Augustine

God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good!

For You

Saying Yes Just Isn't Enough

I heard this song playing on the Fish yesterday as I was driving to the Kappa formal...

"I'm Not Who I Was"
by Brandon Heath

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was.
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was.

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago...
But I never got to tell you so.

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was.

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you...

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was.
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was.

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
...I never did forget your name
Hello...

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about...

******************************

Trying to listen to what He was saying to me...just hearing song after song reminded me of a community that I still have...somehow still connected even if our lives have gone their separate ways. I'm so glad that He has been slowly piecing the fragments of my life back together...because I never really left it all behind me.

What we can do

Risen with Him

A belated congratulations to Yaz and Dani for receiving their Sacraments of Initiation this past Easter Vigil! Praise God for their persistent faith and commitment to the journey towards truth in Jesus Christ. In a world that promotes egotism and self-reliance, it is so encouraging to watch people like them stepping forward wanting to become part of the Catholic Church. The experience of being up there at the altar with Yaz was amazing...and watching the tears of joy fall from the eyes of those who had been working so hard to train this group of elect and candidates...then moving into the waters of the "tomb" with her...absolutely indescribable.

I'm so proud of them and of the RCIA team. They are such a wonderful group of souls, and I pray that with the power of the Spirit their ministry will bear much fruit. It's great to see Emeline serving at St. Pius again, and to come back for Mass to meet all the familiar faces who helped us grow in faith. Good things are still happening there - that I cannot deny. Of course no parish is perfect, but we can only be thankful that lives are being changed and the presence of God is still very much alive in the hearts of the people.

Little Dyogis

Little Gary +

Baby Dyogi #2

People are starting to ask because I'm starting to look it. Yes, it is true...I am pregnant again. We're praying that Baby #2 hangs in there. Just taking it one day at a time. Trust. Faith. Hope. All in His hands. Last November and the months following were hard. I wasn't sure how to react. Life, however, in any circumstance is a gift, no matter how long it is with you.

Here, Gary, are your children...the first was with us for such a short amount of time, but like you said, brought us so much joy. And now we wait once more, turning everything over to God. I'm so glad that I'm living through all of this with you, as painful as it has been at times. But waking up to your smile and knowing how much I am loved makes this all worth it.

I love you.

Without Him

"Oh, what annoying company we are to ourselves when Jesus is not present...but...He is not far away. He is right there, quite near and looking at us. Indeed, He is there begging us to offer Him our sorrow."

BROKEN
To give You my weakness
Is to admit all my sin
And let You heal me

FINGERTIPS
Holding on to hope
At the edge of life's ravene
Waiting for You, Lord

I need to find...

The nearest one is 3.4 miles away from here...but there's a Starbucks on many a street corner. Not complaining, but making a statement. =)

Back in His Arms Again

I heard a song on Sunday night that helped me find a focus for my prayer intention. Certain memories never leave us, and sometimes they come back so vividly where the past almost becomes part of your present. But then you remember that God is the only one who has a far enough reach to grab hold of a heart and call it back to Him. So I prayed. Twenty-four GloryBe's this time, once again asking St. Therese to intercede...though I asked that the rose be given to another, not to me.

Driving home from Mass on Palm Sunday also left me with the revelation that this journey to Heaven is not a competition. I don't know why the thought came to me...maybe I needed it, or I needed to pass it on to someone else...but the concept of Christ's Mystical Body was ever more strengthened in my heart...maybe because I hurt for another soul...when one is lost, we all suffer somehow. This prize of eternal life with God that we all strive for is to be had by everyone. It is not dependent on how much you know or how much you do. Of course it is very important to learn more about our Creator, Redeemer, and Sanctifier and we must live a life of fruitful good works as proof of our love for Him...but we are not to compare our lives to those of other people, or even to the lives we have led in the past. The priest spoke of this in his homily. The standard by which we are to measure ourselves is Jesus Christ Himself.

"Do you love Me?"

Our gift of salvation and the extent that we receive it is dependent on how much we LOVE. We can grow prideful about the knowledge we have or the deeds we have done, but it is difficult to be prideful in true love. The reason is because love is sacrificial. We need to die to ourselves in order to love and this requires the complete opposite of pride - the virtue of humility. If we question our own pride, then perhaps we can examine how much love can be found in our acts and in our quest for knowledge. Are we drawing closer to God in obedience? Are we drawing closer to others in compassion? If the answer is yes, then we are growing in love and opening our hearts more and more to the graces of Heaven. If we find that we are experiencing more selfishness or feeling the need to pass judgment on others, then by the power of His Spirit may we ask for a conversion of heart this day to be different...to be more like Jesus.

I have lately felt the need to pray for the prodigal, whoever he or she may be...but I have also felt the call to pray for the older brother (or sister) who has the opportunity to hope as the Father hopes, and to rejoice as the Father rejoices upon the prodigal's return.

And so I will hurt until the Body is healed. It is a pain I choose to suffer because others had suffered it for me until I, too, came back into His arms again.

"May I know Thee more clearly, love Thee more dearly, follow Thee more nearly, day by day."
– St. Richard of Chichester