Is this somebody else's movie?

We're still in the very surreal state...

Exactly 14 more hours to go.

It's like we're getting ready for some other person's event. Watching a movie...feeling like you're there with the character...in the character's shoes...feeling what they feel...thinking what they think...seeing what they see...but it's not you.

That's what this feels like.

My mom was laughing because she said two years ago we didn't even know each other.

Now look at us. =)

I cried in Mass today because Leilani was praying next to me. It was another cleansing. Confession helped a lot. So did seeing everybody's smiling faces at the rehearsal. They're all so happy for us. This is absolutely amazing.

Favorite sight of the night: Elijah being super-excited to walk down the aisle. He was so ready to go!

And Leilani wrote on her whiteboard: VERY 100% HAPPY. That's how excited she is about the wedding, too, she said. She drew a picture of herself under it with pigtails, just like she'll have it in the wedding.

I need to stop. There are people I need to talk to. Slowly, B.anne. Just take it all in...

Go to sleep...

I know, I know. I'm caught up doing little things that I shouldn't put off because they'll keep me up tomorrow and Friday. Might as well make the sacrifice now, I figured.

Everytime I find myself dragging my feet through something, especially if it has something to do with the wedding planning, I always find myself saying inside, "This is for Gary. I want this to be special because he's that special to me."

The spirit of "Basta Ikaw"...it never really leaves you.

Once a Dazer, always a Dazer. Though I'm still kind of a newbie, I really appreciate how it's becoming more integrated into my life. It helps that Gary had gone through the retreat as well because since his batch, I seem to be reminded even more than ever before of the love Kuya Jess has for me and everyone else in this world.

Fourth Day frustrations aren't so bad anymore.

Things come up that could be potential "mountains made out of molehills" but it feels like - especially recently - that He's carrying me through those moments.

Three more days.

I promised to give myself permission to feel. Too distracted because I've been so busy. I want to feel something about all of this...moving out...giving my life to my husband-to-be...seeing friends and family praying with us during Mass...embarking on a new adventure...spending two weeks in Hawaii. There's so much going on and, like I keep saying, I don't want it to just pass me by.

Dear Lord, if there was a way you could slow things down a bit, that would be great...just like you did the night he gave me the letter and the day he proposed...just like you have when we've taken a whole afternoon to ourselves just to hang out and talk.

I want to be able to remember and experience every moment.

The dreams - are they done yet? Can they be? I think I'm done. They've taken so much of my energy...I want to be able to give all my attention to where it belongs...to you and to him alone...that's all.

Thank you, Lord. It's all behind me now.

Good night...............