Making it work

When I was single, I was very selfish with my time.  It may not have seemed like it because I was always involved in ministry or some kind of service, and I spent so much time at work.  But ultimately, I did what I wanted when I wanted...and when I felt like I needed to get away, I took a long drive...when I wanted to spend time with Jesus, I hopped in my car to go to adoration during late night hours at churches all over SoCal.

Yet parenting has to be one of the greatest opportunities to grow in virtue. Now that I am a mom, I find myself making sacrifices all the time, and I cannot do what I want when I want.  I must meet the needs of my children, make them happy, dry their tears, entertain them when they are bored, feed them, clothe them, change their diapers, and take them with me almost everywhere I go.

A drastic change from what my life was like just less than two years ago.

I complain sometimes (when I really shouldn't) and I get frustrated when days (or nights) don't go as smoothly as I would like them to.  But Gary brought up a really good point last week when I was having a hard time with the kids.  He said that all animal children stay with their mothers until they are ready to venture out into the world.  The mother carries them on her back (or in her pouch)...or for the water-dwellers, the young are found swimming right alongside their mommas...as natural as can be.

I needed to hear that again because I have had to readjust to being at home for summer vacation.  Gary spends most of his time with the kids when I am at work.  So they (especially Meleana) gravitate toward him more then they would to me.  Therese actually enjoys his shoulder much more than mine.  But over the last couple of weeks, Meleana has been very attached to me and it kind of took me by surprise.  I've always been the kind of person that needs "space", so I had to get used to all the attention she was giving and wanting from me.

When I had the conversation with Gary about animal babies and their mothers, I asked God to give me the grace for the kind of mothering I needed to give my girls.  Made in the image and likeness of God, we - more than any animal - have the capacity to love our children the way He loves us.  

I've had to beg for even more grace during Mass when my little toddler wants to run off and play outside rather than sit quietly next to me.  Last Sunday, I spent almost the entire Mass outside with her because she just couldn't hold it together inside.  But I remembered the advice my cousin Jaymee gave to take the kids to daily Mass to help them get used to the routine.  Daily Mass last week was a struggle still since it really depended on whether we were able to get a nap in, but I told Gary that we needed to keep going and taking the kids no matter how difficult it was because the day would eventually come when Meleana would sit there quietly and we would be able to participate.

So today - Sunday - we decided to take another shot at going to SPC.  We were anticipating another challenging Mass because Meleana was constipated and couldn't sleep on the way there.  I read the Mass readings and Gospel on the drive so at least I knew what I might be missing and prayed super-hard for patience in the next hour with her.

You wouldn't believe...

She was PERFECT.  I held her in my arms...she laid on my lap...she watched the kids behind us...and found things in my purse to quietly play with.  When it was time for communion, she held my hand and waited for our turn to go up.  No squirming, no crying, no whining about how uncomfortable she was.

After receiving the Eucharist, I thanked God profusely for keeping her calm and for allowing me to be there in the church the whole time.  As soon as Mass was over, I thanked Meleana for being so well-behaved.  She clapped for herself because she seemed to understand that she did a good job and it meant a lot to me.  I know not every Sunday from here on out will be like today, but I'm so glad I didn't have to wait another 3 years to see it happen.

Day by day...I'm learning how to be more self-giving and loving...less selfish and impatient.  I love my children - I really do - but I have to keep reminding myself that in order to truly love them, I have to deny myself and do for them what my parents did for me.

So yes, I really am enjoying my time off being able to spend so much time with my family because I know that in September I will be sad to leave them again.

+AMDG+