How it would be if the light was withdrawn...

You are starting to understand how much the hand of God upholds you. His grace saves you from much harm done unto your soul, protecting you from the snares of the devil. If He did not hold you so closely, you would be tormented every minute of every hour and pulled into the depths of despair. At every temptation you would fall, and your sins would weigh heavily upon your heart. Beset in darkness, you would know no hope and eventually lose your faith.

Oh, but how you are loved.

When you acknowledge your nothingness, you acknowledge His greatness. You go through a torrent of changes and feel as though the norm for your life exists in the state of chaos. But He - Jesus - is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He never changes. You will. You have your ups and your downs...never feeling that your world will ever be still. Just trust that He who has given strength to the weary, sight to the blind, and consolation to the afflicted now grants you everything any great Saint ever received.

Find your peace in Him. Yes, you seek rest. Go to Him. Remember how He waits for you...

"But You, Yahweh, You know me and see me; You search my heart - it is close to You." (Is 12:3)