The Struggle

"It's hard to be holy, huh, Ms. Soratorio?"

"Yes, it is, Alex...you can't do it by yourself. That's why you need God's help."

I gave them a snippet of what I used to be like, and I realized how much I've changed. But lately, I've been so aware of how much farther I have to go.

We try our best, we really do.

We can only give God who we are and let Him work with what we've got. He doesn't expect us to run faster than we're able. If we fall, we just have to get back up.

"But what if you keep struggling with the same sin?"

"Then you go back to confess it again. If you keep going to Confession, eventually it won't become a problem anymore. It takes time, and you have to be patient with yourself."

Patience. It's such a difficult virtue to learn because it's almost easier to get stuck in the frustration and move towards giving up.

What are we doing here, again?

God created us because He needed to have relationship. He is love and love by its very nature wants to give. He needed someone to give to.

So that means we are here to receive His love, just because He wants to love us. When we mess up, He still loves us, and He still keeps giving to us. When we receive His love, we develop that love relationship with Him and out of that love, we want to give Him our love in return.

How do we do that?

By wanting to be with Him...living our lives to please Him...doing all we can to make Him happy. Our love becomes self-giving as well. Not selfish.

Wow, that's convicting.

I honestly don't live every day of my life waking up thinking about Him. I wake up thinking about what I have to do because it needs to get done, but I don't think about who I'm doing it for. Periodically I'll do things consciously for myself, for my fiance, for my family, or for my friends. Do I say to my Lord, "I'm doing this for You"?

Not really.

I guess I just assume that He knows and I don't have to think about it.

But I want to.

I want to be as intentional with my actions for God as I am with everything else I do for other people.

Maybe I just need to acknowledge more often that He's actually with me throughout my day. Yes, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep and also through the night into the next morning. Maybe then it'll come more naturally.

Maybe then I won't offend Him anymore because I'll be conscious of His presence...of how much He loves me and how much I really do want to please Him.

Maybe then it won't be so hard to try to be holy.

Our faith and our relationship with Him is the greatest blessing we have. I pray that I'll grow to appreciate it as much as the saints did when they truly had God as their everything.

"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world."
- Bl. Mother Teresa