The love of God has come to me...

"...I want to pass it on."

That's part of a song I heard sung by the choir at SPC on Friday night during communion that made me cry. They sang it again today during the 11:30 Mass while I was talking to Fr. Ed in his confessional. How timely, I thought to myself.

I cried because I realized how loved I was at that church. I don't say this selfishly. It was just this deep realization that love is the best gift anyone can give you because when people really love you, they are giving you God. In SPC's case, you are given God and in that is how they express their love.

Fr. Larry was saying that Friday night Mass. There's always something about him...perhaps the presence of God the Father that is revealed to me through him...the way he lifts up the Eucharist and says, "The Body of Christ, Marianne"...how he would tell me over and over again, "God loves you so much"...all of which I'm sure he does with many other parishioners, but when it all enters my heart, his love is received as if it was reserved just for me.

Just like God...loving us all as much as He loves Jesus but pouring Himself into each one of us so very personally.

But it's like the song says, "Once you have experienced it, you want to pass it on..."

The only way I will ever be able to love another person is for me to fully accept myself as a child of God. As I've said before, I'd been searching for who I was, and throughout my life I've held so many labels: daughter, sister, friend, student, leader, teacher, girlfriend, mentor...all of which had their expectations for what I was to give. This one, however, begins as a relationship that is sustained by the ability of the child's heart to receive the gift of the Father. Nothing is required but open hands and an open heart.

It's so simple yet so difficult to do sometimes.

What has amazed me recently is the way He had been preparing my heart for probably one of the best gifts He has ever given me. This story is so multifaceted that I wouldn't even know where to begin. I am starting to see how all the threads of my experiences are being woven together into the tapestry of my life. Jenn was the one who pointed it out to me today. None of it made sense before our conversation but after we talked, it dawned on me.

"Maybe we're living out His plan?" he asked. Yeah, I think so. More and more "not-so-random events" are making it quite obvious, to say the least.

The Carmelites...St. Peter Chanel...PAC...Kappa Psi Epsilon...St. Paul of the Cross leading to Verbum Dei...all related through another life created for the purpose of tying it all together. I'm still filling in puzzle pieces for those who need me. Danny is my one big reminder of that at the moment as the spiritual father-daughter line continues. But maybe sooner than later is God handing me the part of my picture that Jesus has kept veiled under His cross.

I had always loved the saying that goes something like,"The weight of the cross bears down upon your shoulders, but its grace helps you carry it."

So I meet Jesus time and again through Gary, who embodies the three theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity. I guess I just had to be willing to embrace my own cross in order to find that the shoulders that would share the burden were right beside me all this time. So true is St. Therese's famous quote: "ALL IS GRACE."

"May peace and love with faith from God the Father and from Christ Jesus the Lord, be with the brothers and sisters. And may His blessing be with all who love Christ Jesus, our Lord, with undying love." (Eph 6:23)