Yes, Mass was great, and I left smiling, too. On the eve of this feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes, I felt something change within me. Last night was a "marker" for me, as Papa Jon calls them...important events that leave an impression on your life experience and, therefore, on the growth of your soul. Just like conversion, healing is not a one shot deal. It is a time-honored process. Like Fr. Andrew said to me tonight, events come in waves... He described to me exactly what I had been experiencing in my relationship with God...in my reaction towards life...brought me back and helped me see as I prayed in front of the Blessed Sacrament no longer the scars that I'd been carrying, but now all of the joys I had been allowed. "Hold on to the consolations," he told me, "for they will help you through many of your trials." And so I immediately thought of what made me smile...what once brought so much joy to my heart. When I approached Him in adoration, He made it all the more clear to me, and I remembered. Some of the very things I had lost in recent months had been recalled with memories of pain, but God somehow removed those attachments and showed me once again the beauty of Carmel...of family...of friendships...of community...of life...of love. He revealed the richness each of these brought to my soul and reminded me that all was necessary in order to bring me into a deeper state of strength and resilience. So I take the small wooden cross placed in my hands last night by Brother Augustine and reflect on its meaning...for while its weight bears down upon us, its grace sustains us in every step.
THE HEART OF THE PURE
"My own concerns no longer concern me: from now on I must belong entirely to God, and God alone. Never to myself.
Mary sacrificed all, and God alone took the place of all. Following her example, from now on, the Lord alone will be my lot. Why have I come here, if not to love our Lord with all my heart. As a proof of my love for Him, I must follow the example of Mary, suffer and generously sacrifice all to Him. Courage my soul, prayer is all powerful, the heart of Jesus is there, let us knock.
O Divine Jesus, engrave in my heart the love of your cross and let me imitate that love of your cross, like him who said that, if after having served you for a hundred years you would grant him to suffer just one hour for love of you, he would believe all his services well rewarded.
O virtue little known, but how sure!
O Jesus and Mary, grant that all my consolations in this world may be to love you, serve you, and suffer for sinners.
O Jesus, teach me to understand how exclusive is heavenly love. Free, draw, and raise all my affections. May my crucified heart be buried forever in yours, in the mysterious wound opened by the sword.
O Jesus, I would rather die a thousand times than be unfaithful to you.
O Mary Immaculate!... O glorious Saint Joseph, and you Saint John, beloved disciple of the Divine Heart, teach me the great science of love. May I be strongly drawn towards it! That I may take flight and lose myself, be united and hidden in the adorable heart of Jesus, Jesus crucified, source of charity, of purity, of annihilation, and of perfect submission.
Continually dying to myself, peacefully supporting trials, I work, I suffer, and I wish to have no other witness but His heart. He who is not prepared to suffer all for the beloved and do His holy will in all things, is not worthy of the sweet name of friend.
For here on earth, love cannot live without suffering.
It is through loving the cross that we discover His heart, for divine love never lives without loving."
- St. Bernadette Soubirous
"Blessed be God, the Father of Christ Jesus our Lord,
who in Christ has blessed us from heaven with every spiritual blessing.
God chose us in Christ before the creation of the world
to be holy and without sin in His presence.
From eternity He destined us in love
to be His sons and daughters through Christ Jesus,
thus fulfilling His free and generous will.
This goal suited Him:
that his loving-kindness which He granted us in His Beloved
might finally receive all glory and praise.
For in Christ we obtain freedom, sealed by His blood,
and have the forgiveness of sins.
In this appears the greatness of His grace,
which He lavished on us.
In all wisdom and understanding,
God has made known to us His mysterious design,
in accordance with his loving-kindness in Christ.
In Him and under Him God wanted to unite,
when the fullness of time had come,
everything in heaven and on earth." (Eph 1:1-10)
"May the God of Christ Jesus our Lord, the Father of Glory, reveal Himself to you and give you a spirit of wisdom, that you may know Him.
May He enlighten your inner vision, that you may appreciate the things we hope for, since we were called by God.
May you know how great is the inheritancce, the glory, God set apart for His saints; may you understand with what extraordinary power He acts in favor of us who believe." (Eph. 1:17-19)
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