A reason for everything

So many people don't understand why we are the way we are...but then so many more actually do.

He changed. I changed. However we changed just made us a good fit. It made sense to us to then make decisions that reflected who we were as a couple.

Especially about the wedding.

No reception. No time, no energy, and not a whole lot of money. Our resources didn't seem to be working for us...but we've been blessed in other ways.

Our focus then became the Mass and the preparation for the marriage.

Reading The Handbook for Engaged and Newly Married Couples. Answering questions. Meeting with Tita Lira for four months. Praying. The day retreat at St. Linus. Opening up. Natural Family Planning. Being doubted by some, and encouraged by others. Fertility counseling...doctors appointments. More blood tests, more vitamins, more hope that maybe we can actually have a family. And definitely more trust in God.

Lots of conversations.

I met his family in San Francisco for the first time last month. They're a lot like mine. Saw where he lived and went to school, and I listened to the stories as we drove around the City. Finally his life was more real to me because I was there where it all happened.

Where - hundreds of miles away - God was molding him for me.

Just for me.

But then not really just for me.

Gary was sent into my life so he could help other people I knew. Finding Summer and Allan's engagement song...giving Esperanza a chance to talk to my mom and Fr. Kevin again...restoring the faith my girlfriends had in the opposite sex...proving that chivalry really was very much alive.

Very few people know how much this man has changed my perspective of the world.

Tito Tom was right when he said today that I disappeared. Maybe it seems that way to those who saw me often...who knew how available I made myself to be to them.

But little do they realize that in so many ways, I've come back.

The smile has returned, and so has the laughter. The willingness to love. The belief in goodness, most especially God's goodness.

So even if I'm not around as much, I'm still very much alive and praying for everyone like I've never prayed before.

...because that's all I can do.

When I can't walk, I get scared. And then I try to remember to offer it up for those who need the grace somehow. It's temporary. Each time it gets a little easier because I'm familiar with the symptoms and I know I'll be okay after a few days.

Then later on someday when it doesn't get better, I know that I will have people offering up their sufferings for me, too. I know that because some already do.

That is true generosity to me.

All we wanted was to keep life simple, and this is what has come of it.

So, no - maybe some will never see our reasons behind who we are and what we do. Maybe even we will never really see His reasons behind why He is directing us this way. But at least we will continue on together with peace in our hearts and in our relationship.

We're going to Engaged Enounter this weekend. Please pray that we'll be open to more of the lessons God has in store for us.

Riding on a cloud of prayers...that's how this is all working. It would not be possible without Him.

Praised be our God. Amen.