Loving the things of Heaven

...though it isn't my life's purpose to remove myself from the world when He calls me to stay active in it.

Four years ago I wanted to join the convent because I'd get to spend my entire day praying, dressed in a habit that would constantly remind me of who I belonged to, working actively for the Kingdom.

Would it have been easier?

I'll never know.

Living as a lay person does have its challenges. We're more prone to being attached to people and to things...to the experiences that we cherish and everything we get to do. But most people are called to remain in mainstream society, and those like us who choose to follow Christ - we're here to bring the grace found in churches, convents, and monasteries out into the world.

Praise God that I'm remembering this now.

As I was singing tonight, my heart was so at peace that I was ready to leave this life and be with God. But there's so much more to what I perceive as His plan.

Leilani just walked in my room to give me a hug good night.

We're all here for each other...for as long as He allows us to be...to show each other His love...to help each other grow in virtue...to inspire each other to be holy.

The minor irritations of daily life must not turn into catastrophic tragedies. It's not worth walking around angry or bitter or hurt. People will fail us. Things will go wrong. Life isn't fair.

But God is.

He loves us all the same...wanting us to wake up and realize what He put us here for.

I'm running away from the emptiness of my own sin into the Father's arms of mercy. I'm tired of being lukewarm. I'm tired of compromising my beliefs and His truth for the sake of political correctness. I want to serve with the passion of the Saints and live not just one, but ALL of the Beatitudes. I need to be broken down...humbled enough to know how great God really is.

My mom returned to me a vial of blessed oil.

Remember when we used to lay hands on each other and pray for healing of body and spirit? Remember when we would spend hours talking about the miracles God was working in our lives? About the conversions that were happening within and around us? Remember when we had such fervor to learn and to serve...to give and to receive the blessings He had waiting for us? Do you remember the nights in silent adoration...seeking His presence because we believed He was there waiting for us to come to Him?

I remember.

Some of the people I experienced all of this with are still here in my life to some extent. There are also friends who joined the journey a little later on and some more recently. A few I don't see or talk to anymore, but I think they remember, too.

I think we all remember, at least once in a while, that we were all made for Heaven.

A couple of years ago, this thought made me sad. It seemed like much of what we had together was lost because we weren't together anymore. Yet somehow I still have hope...not so much for a restoration of past relationships but a revival in our relationships with God. It will be different from what they once were, of course, since we're older now and have gone through a lot personally.

But He doesn't ever stop calling us back to Him.

My "yes" today is not the same "yes" it was when I was 21. As the years go by, it's more sacrificial as I come to understand more and more what my "yes" is going to cost me. It still, however, is worth the reward of love and mercy, joy and eternal life that Jesus holds out to me every day. It's a discovery that we all embark upon when we open our hearts and our minds up to the gifts and the grace that He offers us.

Things have changed, but I'm not as sad about them as I used to be.

Why?

Because there's always HOPE and there's always GOD.

Someday we'll get there...just not yet. We've still got a lot of work to do.