Commitment

"Six days before Passover Jesus came to Bethany, the village of Lazarus whom Jesus had raised from the dead." –John 12:1

One Bread, One Body - Reflection for April 10, 2006

Apathy killed Jesus Christ. The Jewish leaders were jealous (Mt 27:18) and Pilate was afraid (Jn 19:8). However, they would not have been able to put Jesus to death except for the thousands of people who didn't show up for the crucifixion. They didn't want Jesus dead or alive. They didn't care. Apathy permitted Hitler to kill six million Jews, and Planned Parenthood to kill many more millions of babies. Apathy lets thousands die each day of starvation, and billions live each day without knowing Jesus.

During this Holy Week, the Lord wants to change apathy to empathy. The word "a-pathy" means "no suffering," while "em-pathy" means "in suffering." Jesus will change our selfishness that avoids people and their sufferings into love that actually suffers with others. "If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it" (1 Cor 12:26).

Mary of Bethany is the perfect model of empathy. She threw herself and her perfume at the feet of Jesus and dried His feet with her hair (Jn 12:3). She was willing to share in suffering because she was in love with Jesus. On the other hand, Judas is the example of apathy. He was more concerned about self and money than people (Jn 12:5-6).

From Presentation Ministries, a lay association of the Catholic Church that focuses on evangelization and discipleship through Bible teaching, daily Mass, the charisms of the Holy Spirit, and Small Christian Community

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"I'm in the ring with you."

Those were words Nelden left with me when he had visited Gary for Thanksgiving and spent the day with our family. I'll never forget them.

I've been asking myself what it means to be committed to Jesus, to my family, to my friends, to my relationship with my husband-to-be, to my Church, and to the people I serve. This statement came to me as the answer.

It's about being involved. Experiencing as best as you can with those who God puts into your life...putting yourself in their shoes...and better yet, walking beside them as you share your life with them and they share their life with you.

Granted that I cannot be with everyone everywhere all the time, I can at least be more present to who I am with, while I am with them. When they are happy, I want to share in their joy. When they are hurting, I want to share in their pain. That's what it means to connect. That's what it means to love your neighbor as Jesus has loved us.

For far too long I have held people at arm's length - even those I love the most - because I was afraid...afraid of getting involved, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing something. As I near the end of my twenties, I realize that most of this past decade of my life has been lived with my guard up. No one has really known me - at least not the free-spirited me - and sometimes I even wonder if that person will ever come out.

Soon, I think. The more I reflect on who I am, the more I can feel all the pieces coming together...and it's no longer an aching in my heart as much as it is an anticipated burst of life waiting to come out again, without the hesitancy I'd known before.

This past week especially has been a time of rediscovery - spurts here and there, to say the least. Maybe it began with the Labyrinth walk...perhaps it was the opening up that nudged me to take a good look at myself and admit how much growing I still need to do. It could have been Mass this morning at SPC when I teared the moment I noticed Fr. John's red vestments in memorial of the beginning of the Passion of Jesus...or when I watched Br. Jeremy cleaning the communion vessels, thanking God for faithful souls like him who boldly answer the call to holiness. Maybe it was the challenge my brother posed to me on the phone when we were talking about potential publishing projects - "...and what about you?" Or maybe it was the time I have spent clearing out my room...getting rid of what I cannot hold on to, acknowledging all of the people and things and experiences that have made me who I am today.

There's so much I still "don't get" about life...my life, in particular...but I don't know that anyone in this world has the clarity that I'm seeking. We just have to try our best with what we've got and trust that God is there guiding us each step of the way.

Who knows what's going to happen at this point. There will be joy, there will be suffering. There will be gain and there will be loss. But all shall be well because there will always be God.

Amen.