All I've got

IN CHRIST ALONE
Brian Littrell

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I’ll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal
To the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone
Is Christ alone

The only thing is that whatever is going to bring me back doesn't seem like it's going to be something I have tried already. Whatever that "magic key" is, it's going to show up someday. Or will it?

Maybe it's simply a matter of me persevering in my prayer. Maybe every night before I go to sleep and every morning that I wake up, I need to pray for the grace to recognize Him in my day...to be able to hear his voice and see His face...to fall in love with Him again.

And maybe if I pray hard enough and I pray long enough, God will grant me His peace and allow me to experience His presence. But maybe not...

I wonder if this is just part of my journey, where I'm being molded and placed on a steeper path that will only strengthen me along the way. Maybe it isn't about the flowers anymore or the sweet consolations I used to receive so frequently.

Maybe this desert I'm walking in is the place where I will finally learn to cling to Him alone.

This isn't about me and a somebody else. It's about me and my God. Because there was a once upon a time that even amidst so many responsibilities, so many friendships, amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life, I somehow managed to make time for Jesus.

I talked about Him all the time. I wrote about Him every night. And throughout my days, I would thank Him for every "little" blessing He gave to remind me of the reality of Heaven.

It was a great relationship.

Now that I'm older and seven or so years have passed since my spiritual rebirth - or conversion experience, if you will - I notice that at times it becomes very routine. The life has gone out of my faith, at least from what I remember it to be.

Once upon a time.

I've never stopped praying...
I've never stopped going to Mass...
I've always been faithful to the Rosary...

...but my prayers are not filled with the confidence they used to have.
...but being in Mass and receiving Jesus in Holy Communion has become a thing to do instead of an encounter with God.
...but Mama Mary has taken her place in the back of my heart where I tend to forget how much she prays for me and for the rest of the world each and every day.

Someday.

Today, though, I just have to pay attention to the little things. God is trying to leave me with a lesson every day, so I need to live with that kind of awareness. It's easy to get caught up in all the things that don't matter in the end.

This might be the last of it......................and I can't predict what He'll tell me or show me along that way. With whatever happens, it's sure to be interesting.

Good nite!