Metamorphosis

At last...a "do nothing" day. I LOVE IT!

Thanks so much, Em, for going to breakfast with me...it was quite yuuuummmy. =) I had a great time hanging out and catching up! We must do this more often and hit more items on that menu...haha

It's been hard staying in touch with everyone lately, but I realized that I shouldn't let too much time pass...especially with family and close friends.

Going back to Days was a blessing. Familiar faces. The disco. I remembered. Thank you, Kuya Jess.

Good times with the Monks...growing up but still staying young. I love my friends. They're the best...that's why we've lasted this long. Eight years. Wow. Funny how Jenn and Chel both got married in the same year...Summer and I are engaged...Shell and Elle are single. Traveling in pairs. We've got a trip planned in October. Yaaay, just like the old days...I'm excited!!!

Alas, I have been spending most of my time at Verb. Work has kept me very busy during this month of August, but at the same time it's where I've had some of my most life-deepening conversations.

I love it that I'm becoming better friends with my coworkers. The family atmosphere that we longed for is growing. What a wonderful feeling it is to be there on that campus.

I love it that we now have Mass every Friday morning before the school day starts. I've always admired Gary for getting to Mass so early in the morning, thinking I'd never be able to get up early enough, but yes, Jesus, you're so worth it.

I love it that God has carried me through one of the most stressful times of the year and preserved the joy in my heart so I can still smile in the end. Faculty/Staff Orientation, Faculty/Staff Retreat, New Families Mass, Student Orientation w/marathon sessions, Fall Sports Retreat, Mass of the Holy Spirit, and Freshman Religion prep. I was tired, but that's why He's giving me this weekend...just to recoup and remember why I do what I do.

It's good to see our boys again.

So much gratitude...that's what it always comes back to.

Thank you, Lord, for my family, for my coworkers, for my students, and for my friends. Thank you for taking care of us...no matter how You allow us to struggle, You've never left us alone. Thank you for my beautiful fiance who manages to make every moment spent with him a cherished one...for filling his heart with an incredible amount of love...for teaching me through him what humility looks like and what faith should really be.

Changing but somehow staying the same person I've always been.

It doesn't matter so much what people think of me. It's not that I don't care. I just put God's opinion above everyone else's. And the fact of the matter is that God loves me. God loves everyone...He really does. So to think that my life - or the life of another person - does not have value is to undermine the very purpose for which we were made. It's true that sometimes we stray...sometimes we're not as close to Him as we were at other times in our lives, but the reality is that He never leaves us.

What's most important is that we keep coming back...that we keep getting up...that we answer the door when He knocks...that we never forget what His voice sounds like.

Yesterday I decided to stop by St. Irenaeus before going home...didn't know they were having Adoration but was pleasantly surprised to see Jesus on the altar...so I stayed. I tried to pray but I didn't have much to say...just wanted to sit there and look at Him...and I realized that my experience of God has become pretty ordinary...not so many "mystical experiences" anymore...thinking to myself, "So this is what it's like for most people," which isn't so bad.

I glanced at the others in the church also praying, knowing that they had loved ones that they were probably lifting up, situations maybe that they couldn't deal with alone.

Then I looked at my ring, and made it part of my own prayer...asking God to take care of our relationship...thanking Him for sending me someone so patient and understanding. Ever since the night that Gary proposed, it has always felt so natural to wear. It was more than what I would have ever expected, and because he chose it and gave it to me as a symbol of his love - of our past, present, and future - it is now a part of me, as much as my medals are...as much as anything else I've ever worn that has meant something to my life's purpose.

As I was telling Em today, I've always had people around me...people to serve, people to teach, people to love. I'll go from one circle to the next and never get tired of watching them grow, as they also help keep my spirit alive and enthusiastic with the evolution of their lives as well. Kappa Psi Epsilon...Servant's Heart...the Monks...Heart of Worship...Verbum Dei...the SPOC family...Liwanag...Days with the Lord...all amazing parts of the Body of Christ.

Yet now I am being called to give of myself in a different way to this man whose presence has added a dimension to my faith that I could not aquire on my own. It was difficult at first because I was afraid of "losing myself" in the relationship, but I found that together we became even more than who we were apart. Gary cares for me in a way that helps me serve, teach, and love better when God does ask me to return to those circles.

This is why I said "Yes".

He helps me deal with the common human experience...to preach the Gospel every day with joy in the midst of trial...to say the words "It's gonna be okay" and truly believe it.

So I get to see him again today. Even if it's always hard to say goodbye whether he's traveling or just going home, it's nice to know that we're getting a little bit closer to "One day..."

+BiL