One soul at a time

A field of daffodils...
A shore of starfish...
A garden of souls...

...stories that teach us how important it is to make a difference one person at at time.

I'm not the best teacher in the world and my classroom is definitely not perfect, but we learn together - my students and I - about the lessons life has to offer. My fellow teachers know this is true every day. Something happens that we can't necessarily see...a molding and forming of heart and conscience...a deepening of faith and an understanding of relationship...opening eyes to new ways of seeing the world in its desperate brokenness...becoming more human in the feelings we let ourselves feel and the thoughts we are brave enough to express. I, along with them, change.

My daughter will someday sit before me and read about the richness of human history, learn about the mysteries of God, inquire about the intricacies of science...and eventually she, too, will enter a classroom and continue to grow in knowledge as she discerns what direction to take in life. How I pray that she will not be afraid to use her gifts...that she will always be encouraged to go where God leads her...that I as her mother will trust the Lord enough to let her stretch her wings and fly someday.

Much is stirring in my mind, dear Jesus. Please help me sort through what I cannot grasp...
conversion...examination...preparation...evaluation...memorization...contemplation... What I do not understand is already understood. What I cannot foresee is already in the works. You have my deepest desires cradled in Your hands, O Lord. And yet, I must gaze intently on the reflection of my own soul...why do I suffer so?

Because I...am afraid.

Caught in a whirlwind of "what-ifs" that threaten to rob me of my peace...and I run to You for shelter, my God of refuge and strength...as no one can know what I am truly experiencing, I should not fear judgment...since You alone know my heart.

Whoever thought that Ebenezer Scrooge could be an instrument of grace?

Past..present...future.

I am a collection of memories...an evolution of events...a consequence of disappointments...but still so much more than just a casualty.

Mother Angelica went through it, too.

Thank you for the pieces, Lord. I'm trying my best to pay attention and I hear You. I hear what You are trying to say. And my baby...little Gary...he speaks to me, too.

"Don't give up, Mommy. Don't give up."

I see his picture on our altar...our first child...and I remember. Everything has a purpose. While we may not see it right away, God allows each given moment - bitter or sweet - to grant us a great blessing.

Thanks be to God.

p.s. I'm taking two subtests of the CSET tomorrow. Believe it or not, reviewing for this test has made me extremely excited to teach this stuff someday. Please pray that I pass!

p.p.s. And I decided to extend my credential program. Why? I got sick last week and missed three days of work. It wasn't realistic for me to cram all that work into a month and a half, on top of May Crowning, Graduation, and closing up the school year. That means I'll be at St. Jerome for another year. God's will be done...

p.p.p.s. (I know, this should just be another entry) I read this today in Raymond Arroyo's bio of Mother Angelica: "These are the kinds of things, honey, that prove God's providence. We never know where the next penny's coming from. That's what I'm trying to get through people's heads: This is an act of God."