"Spiritual constipation"

...as the term has been coined by a friend of mine who will admit to the world that he is weird...yet by this very term which I once laughed at has described exactly when I am feeling right at this very moment.

I started to write a really long random blog that was making absolutely no sense, and I deleted it after I came to the conclusion that it read like God needed to shoot some Imodium in my system because it splattered all over the place.

Inappropriate visual graphic, I know. I'm sorry...

But you know what? It just hit me that I'm not ever going to be a cookie-cutter saint. I'm here struggling along with everyone else, making mistakes...learning from them...getting down on myself because my life isn't easy but realizing that life isn't easy for anyone.

People who look like they have it all together just know how to hide their insecurities really well.

Raising my hand...yes, that was me...until a few years ago.

A detailed run-through of my recent past isn't necessary for you to understand that I now know I'm not who people thought I was or wanted me to be. I've had my own share of hurts, but I will tell you that I've also been a cause of pain...a contributor to frustration and misunderstanding...someone who was blind to the fact that my actions unintentionally damaged the trust, hope, and faith that others had in me, in themselves, and in God.

With this awareness, I've learned that you can look at the world in one of two extremes:
1) holding unrealistic expectations - being constantly disappointed that people are not reaching the standards you set for them...unforgiving of their faults because they should know better...never appreciating the journey that they need to take in order to learn the lessons God has in store for them
2) making "we're only human" excuses for everything we do - without any accountability to help the other strive for heaven...forgetting that this is not our home...living for this life alone and not once stopping to reflect on the guidance God offers us through Scripture and through the good and holy people who have overcome their own temptations and continue to fight the good fight.

I guess the important thing here is that I'm learning. I don't have a profound commentary on the points listed above, but I'm beginning to understand that there needs to be a certain degree of balance in the Christian life. Jesus did mention the long and narrow road, but He never mentioned anything about a tightrope. Yet, it's true...we must recognize how important this balance is...finding the midpoint between the two extremes that is compassion, patience, acceptance, and love.

Let's stop here for the night. I don't think I have anything else to say. There is still much, but I have to wait on God for the words...so we'll see. I'm getting a little delirious being up at this hour...

+AMDG+