Not Far From the Kingdom

"Knowledge will make you strong as death. Love Jesus generously. Love Him trustfully, without looking back, and without fear. Give yourself fully to Jesus - He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your weakness. Believe in Him - trust in Him with blind and absolute confidence because He is Jesus. Believe that Jesus alone is life - and that sanctity is nothing but Jesus living intimately in you; then His hand will be free with you. Give yourself unswervingly, conforming yourself in all things to His holy will which is made known to you through your superior.

Love Jesus with a big heart. Serve Jesus with joy and gladness of spirit, casting aside and forgetting all that troubles and worries you. To be able to do all these, pray lovingly like children, with an earnest desire to love much and make loved the love that is not loved...

Am I convinced of Christ's love for me and mine for Him? This conviction is like a sunlight which makes the sap of life rise and the buds of sanctity bloom. This conviction is the rock on which sanctity is built. what must we do to get this conviction? We must know Jesus, love Jesus, serve Jesus. We know Him through prayers, meditations and spiritual duties. We love Him through holy Mass and the sacraments and through that intimate union of love.

What is our spiritual life? A love union with Jesus, in which the divine and the human give themselves completely to one another. All that Jesus asks of me is to give myself to Him in poverty and nothingness."

- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

Knowing but not knowing

"Faith is a knowing beyond knowing. We know that God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, yet this knowledge is also not knowledge. We are so used to dominating what we know and of putting it to use that knowledge which is beyond us makes us uneasy. Faith knowledge is like perfume: we know that it is present but we cannot control this presence, we can only receive. If you turn to the Lord right now, you will know that He is present to you, yet you will not "know" it because He is beyond knowing. Take a moment and gaze on His face. As you let Him purify you, you will see the glory of God shining there."
- from The Paschal Way of the Light meditation

We're not supposed to understand everything nor can we plan each detail of our lives. God has His own territory, and while He makes His graces available to us, there are some things we simply have to leave in His hands. It's hard giving up control but ironically it makes life so much easier. We don't know what's going to happen in the future or whether our tomorrows go according to what we desire for ourselves. We can, however, find comfort in knowing that "all things work for the good of those who love Him."

It is not is God's business to make us suffer, though He allows difficulties in order to bring about some greater good. He does not plan for bad things to happen to us...it is often a result of bad choices on our part or the actions of others...the tendency towards sin that makes our lives miserable. Our God is a God of joy and peace. He is a God of love. He wants to see us smile through both the sunshine and the rain. When we seek to understand everything, we often subconciously cannot accept that we are limited...that we are not God. Many times we just have to accept. Take and receive with the simple heart of a child trusting in the Father's goodness.

Dearest Mama Mary, St. Joseph, and St. Therese whose intercession we ask for every night, please pray that we will always live in the spirit of humility, knowing that it is only in God that every piece of ourselves, of our experiences, have meaning. You had modeled for us complete surrender to the will of God without trying to figure it all out because you knew His plan was beyond anything you could ever imagine for yourselves. Even in your darkest hours, you were still guided by His light...holding on to the hope of His promises. May we remember that He is always here with us...that it is He who works for our good...and that it is up to us to just cooperate with His Spirit, trust in His time, and move in His love.

Merciful Jesus, I trust in You.
Merciful Jesus, I trust in You.
Merciful Jesus, I trust in You.

AMDG + JMJ

"In showing us such kindness in Christ Jesus, God willed to reveal and unfold in the coming ages the extraordinary riches of His grace. By the grace of God you have been saved through faith. This has not come from you; it is God's gift. This was not the result of your works, so you are not to feel proud. What we are is God's work. He has created us in Christ Jesus for the good works He has prepared that we should devote ourselves to them." (Eph. 2:7-10)

The Passion Examen

Renewing my sorrow for past sins...



The Agony - I was asleep. He wanted me to keep watch with Him but I couldn't do it because I didn't realize how much He needed me. It was more important that I took care of my own needs rather than attend to the simple request of my God to pray. When I finally woke up, I saw how much He labored for me...how much anguish He endured because He was going to die just to save me.

Denial - Only concerned with myself, I remembered when I was afraid of what people would think of me...when it was easier to just deny my faith to fit in or to keep from "rocking the boat". Then He looked at me - and I looked at Him - and I knew how unworthy I was to even be in His presence and that of His Mother. But still...they still continued to suffer for me.



The Choice - Jesus or Barabbas? I say I would have shouted for Jesus if I was there in the crowd, but how many times have I rejected the goodness and purity of God for the filth of the world? Contaminated...too blind to see where true Life came from. Why? Because I was threatened by the changes I would have to make in my life if I followed Him. I couldn't do it...



Saving Grace - She called out to me...Magdalena...who reminded me of mercy and conversion...the hand of Christ reaching down to me, fallen and condemned...telling me to go and sin no more. I had never known a love like His before so I sought Him with all my heart because I knew it couldn't be found apart from Him.



The Plea - I heard her voice...Mama...telling me to remind the world of her Son's love so that His death would not be in vain. Her eyes begged me to stay close to Jesus and to remember that I belonged to Him, not to Satan...that I was created for Heaven, not for Hell. She still feels pain...her Immaculate Heart still pierced because we sin...because I do not love as I should.

And so I left with a new resolve to admit my lack of humility...

"Everything gradually has to be taken away from us some day so that we can only cling to God."
- Slawomir Biela, God Alone Suffices

Cutie pie

Ninang Em: Leilani, why are you so cute?
Leilani: 'Cause I'm a kid!

I love my niece.

Best things about her:

• sense of humor
• generosity
• faith
• affection
• all around cuteness

Favorite memories:

• watching Stations of the Cross at Mission San Luis Rey on Good Friday 2003
• going to meet Mother Angelica in 2003 (Feast of Corpus Christi)
• swimming at Sunset Beach in North Shore, Oahu
• sharing our love for the violin guy at Downtown Disney after eating pretzels and ice cream
• all the hugs and kisses before I leave for work

Unforgettable lines:

• "Tita B.anne, why does your car have ears?" (in reference to the sideview mirrors)
• "I can carry a little cross..."
• "I'm kissing Jesus' owies."
• (picking up her play phone) "I'm gonna call Lolo in Heaven."
• (showing me a picture of a little hand with red speckles and a hole in the middle) "Look, Tita B.anne, I drew this myself. It's Jesus' hand. I cut it myself, too. Here, you can have it."

What we love doing together:

• going to Mass at SPC
• playing at the beach
• watching Finding Nemo ("just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...")
• getting boba
• listening to my Jesus story CD on our drives to church

Thank you, Lord, for giving me such a great sidekick. She's the best. =)

Father, forgive them...and me

"I forgive you for doubting me. I forgive you for wishing the worst upon me. I forgive cause a man is not a man until he takes on God-like ways. I forgive but I will not forget." -50 Cent

There is no other way than the path to the Cross. I suppose you can try and run away from it, but it would lead you absolutely nowhere. I would rather climb the road to Calvary than to wander aimlessly for all eternity. Left with nowhere to go...I would define that as hell. Having no destination...no purpose...no home...no nothing.

Pick up your cross and follow Me.

Okay. I don't look for suffering but I accept what You have given me.

To be like Christ means to look up at that hill, not with fear, but with a resilience to be crucified upon it because we know that a greater good will come to us in the end. We don't seek the experience of the Cross but the sanctification that results from it.

When Jesus appeared to His disciples in His glorified body, He bore the wounds that would identify Him as the Crucified Christ.

This is who I am.

I, too, bear the marks, not on my body, but in my heart. Why? Because I also need to be reminded that it was these wounds that brought me closer to Him. Only then can I be grateful. Only then can I truly know who I really am.

I can't forget because to forget would mean to deny part of my life, a part of my own existence.

But I can forgive.

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

You forgive me all the time, so who am I to withhold mercy from those who have hurt me?

If we see each other through Your eyes, how beautiful our relationships would be.

"A real love for others will chase those worries away. The thought of being punished is what makes us afraid. It shows that we have not really learned to love." (1 John 4:18)

What is love?

...and my heart says...

Sometimes you just have to be willing to take risks.

This new chapter of my story has been amazing. I'm happy right now and things are going really well. Nothing less than great so far.

There are days when I'm not as confident, but he makes up for it...times 10...so even when I'm scared, somehow deep down I'm still okay...somehow the smile would still manage to come out.

How is it that this is all happening to me? I don't know, but I'm just glad that it is. I'm glad that he's here...that God decided to wake me up and help me see the beautiful gift that had been in front of me all this time.

Dear St. Joseph, thank you for your prayers. My mom and Fr. Larry knew exactly who to direct me to when they told me to pray to you...and he's everything I've ever needed.

"And this is my prayer, that your love may overflow more and more with knowledge and full insight to help you determine what is best, so that in the day of Christ you may be pure and blameless." (Phil 1:9-10)

In the palm of His hand

"There is a given time for everything and a time for every happening under heaven. He made everything fitting in its time, but He also set eternity in their hearts, although man is not able to embrace the work of God from beginning to end." (Eccl. 3:1, 11)

Always what I need

THE GRACE OF THE RAISING OF LAZARUS

"It is not really a question of trust in God at all, for we want very much to trust in Him; it is really a question of our ultimate belief in His existence and His providence, and it demands the purest act of faith.

For my part, I was brought to make this perfect act of faith, this act of complete self-abandonment to His will, of total trust in His love and concern for me and His desire to sustain and protect me, by the experience of a complete despair of my own powers and abilities that had preceded it. I knew I could no longer trust myself, and it seemed only sensible then to trust totally in God. It was the grace God had been offering me all my life, but which I never really had the courage to accept in full. I had talked of finding and doing His will, but never in the sense of totally giving up my own will. I had talked of trusting Him, indeed I truly had trusted Him, but never in the sense of abandoning all other sources of support and relying on his grace alone. I could never find it in me before, to give up self completely. There were always boundaries beyond which I would not go, little hedges marking out what I knew in the depths of my being was a point of no return. God in His providence had been constant in His grace, always providing opportunities for this act of perfect faith and trust in Him, always urging me to let go of the reins and trust in Him alone. I had trusted Him, I had cooperated with His grace - but only up to a point. Only when I had reached a point of total bankruptcy of my own powers had I at last surrendered.

That moment, that experience, completely changed me. I can say it now in all sincerity, without false modesty, without a sense of either exaggeration or of embarrassment. I have to call it a conversion experience; it was at once a death and a resurrection."

- Fr. Walter J. Ciszek, S.J.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I read this passage tonight, every word cried out of my own heart the truth it had lived. I prayed tonight for the grace to die to myself so that I might sacrifice more than I have been...to make the leap of faith...to acknowledge my spiritual bankruptcy. I had lost faith in my own faith because circumstances have brought me to a place where I reached inside myself and found nothing. What could I trust in now, Lord? I asked. All I had left was Him.

Total abandonment to Divine Providence.

The emptiness that I feel is different from what I experienced years ago when I was searching for You. It does not carry the same aching pain. It's more of a thirst, if anything. I don't feel You as close as I did before, but I know You're there.

The desert...where it's just You and me.

I need to be here because this is where I am the most useful to those who You have given me to love. They need me to stay faithful, even if I don't receive the generous consolations You gave to me in the past.

Em asked me what was wrong and I couldn't tell her because I didn't know. Now I do, at least a little more than I knew before. It's all necessary for me to see. Little by little You show me, and it is me. It's my brokenness that causes me to fear.

So Jesus, I'll trade my heart for Yours. Some time ago, I loved as You did, if only for a while...and then I got scared because I thought it hurt too much. Lo and behold, I discovered that it hurts more to try to love out of my power because I have none of my own.

Please, Lord, help me again. I really need to stick with it this time.

"Then you shall know that I am the Lord." (Is 49:23)

For you

"May He strengthen in you the inner self through His Spirit, according to the riches of His glory;
may Christ dwell in your hearts through faith;
may you be rooted and founded in love.

All of this so that you may understand with all the holy ones the width, the length, the height and the depth - in a word, that you may know the love of Christ which surpasses all knowledge, that you may be filled and reach the fullness of God.

Glory to God who shows His power in us and can do much more than we could ask or imagine; glory to Him in the Church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever. Amen." (Eph. 3:16-21)

Words of wisdom

Love makes things easy. Patience makes everything possible.

The past is the past and you've got to grow up and move on.

It's no use making things more difficult than they have to be.

Ask God for help because you can't do anything by yourself.

Q: What does it mean to love another person?
A: Desiring more than anything that they get to Heaven

That's why You gave me the mother I have and had me come to SPC to meet Danny. Our elders have so much to teach us and remind us of when we forget what we've learned.

The messages were so simple, but it's exactly what I needed to hear.

Thank you...

AMDG + JMJ

This is My Prayer

by Erin O'Donnell

May the sun wake you everyday
With sacred words and time to pray
And listen to your life

Embrace each season as it comes
Always remember where you come from
Giving thanks to God

May you learn to just let go
And leave it in His hands
Find some peace down every road

I, know, I know, I know
That you wonder what your tomorrows hold
But I know, I know, I know
God will never leave you alone
He'll be there
This is my prayer

That you find friends that you can trust
Don't be afraid to fall in love
'Cause love is the one thing

That's sure as the stars are gonna shine
Don't ever leave your dreams behind
Stand up for what you believe

Take the time to see that good
It's everywhere
Find your passion, live in truth

As I breathe the air
I send this prayer
To God above
That you know that you are loved

A reason for everything

All things work for the good of those who love Him.

I love Him...and I fail Him...but He still loves me back no matter what I put Him through...so I keep loving Him no matter what He allows to me.

At this point there's one other soul out there whose presence in my life makes it all come together somehow.

All of that leading up to all of this. I can only be grateful. I don't understand it but I can only accept it. My past, my present, my future...with God...with everyone who has ever walked into my life...with those who are here now...with the ones who are yet to cross my path.

Just gotta keep on going. Giving up is not an option. It never has been. Please, God, that it never will be.

It hurts...

...to know that I've caused so much pain. It is so hard to forgive yourself, but I guess it has to be done.

I'm so sorry.

I never meant to hurt anyone, but I have. So many people over the course of my lifetime...people who didn't deserve it at all. For some time, I was their cross.

The past few days have been really difficult.

God is showing me exactly what I asked Him to show me. He's taking me through a part of my purgatory. I need to know what effect my actions have had, and it's taken me so long to see it. Some of it came this past weekend as I was reflecting back on the past few years, and then the rest eventually followed.

If I could erase it all, I would...but it's not that easy.

So how do I move on from here? I don't know. I think that's what makes it so hard. Maybe someone out there can help me. Prayers would be great...

Trust in His mercy.

That's all I have. Perhaps that's enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I picked up the Magnificat for the first time in a long time and found this meditation for March 1st:

FORGIVENESS
At the heart of community, as we learn to care for our brothers and sisters, there is forgiveness. Reconciliation is at the heart of community. To grow in love means that we become men and women of forgiveness, of reconciliation. The heart of the message of Christ, its fundamental newness, is the promise of an inner strength which comes with the gift of the Spirit, the Holy Spirit, the third person of the family of God living inside of us, so that we can forgive and be forgiven. When I say that forgiveness is at the heart of community, I do not mean we have to learn to simply say, "You're a nuisance but I forgive you." It means discovering that I too am in part the cause of your being a nuisance, because I have dominated you, hurt you, brought fear up in you, or because I haven't listened to you, or was not open to you. Forgiveness is not just saying, "I forgive you because you slammed the door." It's also: "I'm working on changing myself, because I have hurt you." We're all wounded people, and so consciously or unconsciously we can and do hurt each other. At the heart of a caring community is forgiveness, one to another. This is a principle of growth. We are forgiving each other because we yearn to grow and to become like Jesus.
~ Jean Vanier

Transformed lives

Things are different, Lord...so different than they were years ago. We're not the same people we once were. Ever since we gave our lives to You, we have survived on grace. Sure we still get tempted, but when I looked around the room tonight, I was filled with incredible joy. This is how I want to spend the rest of my life...serving You alongside brothers and sisters who are not afraid to stand up for what is good and holy.

Thank you, Servant's Heart, for allowing me to pray with you tonight. It was so heartfelt...so sincere...so desperate in the sense that we knew we couldn't pull this off without Him. Our community has been through so much, but it's times like this when I just see you all coming together with that "Heart of Worship".

The retreat on Saturday is God's work. He called us to it - hence the name "The Calling" - to encourage other souls to "leave their nets behind and follow Him". We may have our apprehensions and people may have their doubts, but we move in the victory of the precious Name of Jesus. Our message is His message. Like Em said, we didn't make this stuff up. As Jaymee reminds me, we're going toe-to-toe with Satan and all the lies he tries to feed our generation.

The goal of the day: TO HELP GET PEOPLE TO HEAVEN.

They'll know us by the love that we share and the Cross that we bear. Here we go, guys and gals. I say this to you and to myself as well. Do not be afraid. God's got this....

"Be strong in the Lord with His energy and strength. Put on the whole armor of God to be able to resist the cunning of the devil. our battle is not against human forces but against the rulers and authorities and their dark powers that govern this world. We are struggling against the spirits and supernatural forces of evil.

Therefore put on the whole armor of God, that in the evil day, you may resist and stand your ground, making use of all your weapons. take truth as your belt, justice as your breastplate, and zeal as your shoes to propogate the Gospel of peace. Always hold in your hand the shield of faith to repel the flaming arrows of the devil. Finally, use the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, that is, the Word of God." (Eph.6:10-17)

Vessels of clay

Thank you for the phone call, Leo. It was one of those brief I-know-you're-out-there-fighting-the-good-fight kind of "hello" phone calls at one of those weird times...yeah, you know...you always know...and one of these days we'll share stories since, like you said, it's been a while.

Things happen. We often don't understand why, as I was explaining to my boys today, but God always manages to bring about a greater good out of trials and suffering. I told Jay a while ago that had the struggle never been there, we might not have grown as close to Jesus and Mama Mary. That will forever hold true...

"We carry this treasure in vessels of clay, so that this all-surpassing power may not be seen as ours but as God's. Trials of every sort come to us, but we are not discouraged. We are left without answer, but do not despair; persecuted but not abandoned, knocked down but not crushed." (2 Cor 4:7-8)

People are people. We all fall short of the glory of God. We've all made mistakes. We've all had a part in crucifying Christ when we've hurt ourselves and those around us. And others have in one way or another with or without intention crucified us as well. The pain of loss, of rejection, of illness and death...it's all part of our human condition...the effect of Original Sin.

The beautiful thing about it all, though, is the opportunity to accept His mercy...to unite our crosses with His...that after Good Friday comes Easter Sunday...that victory is found in God alone. Out of a lunchtime conversation with Christian came the reminder that if we lived without Him in this life, we'd create hell for ourselves.

It's not worth ditching Calvary.

I'll climb with you, my Lord. All the way to the top. Again and again, as many times as it takes for me to get up each time my face hits the ground. Basta Ikaw, Lord...all this for You.

I gave away my last sacramental today...at least until the young heart is restored...only to be left with the God who lives in my own heart. Lent is a time of letting go of our attachments...of making sacrifices for God and for others only to draw us deeper into the perfect love of Jesus.

Please, dearest Lord, help me empty myself of myself so that I may be filled with only You. Each time I say no to You, I bleed...leaking grace...grace that can no longer be wasted. Time to get patched up again.

Confession tomorrow. I'm sorry, Lord, for not praying as I was made to...

"You are the letter. This letter is written in your inner self, yet all can read it and understand it. Yes, who could deny that you are Christ's letter written by us - a letter written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, carved not in slabs of stone, but in hearts of flesh.

With unveiled faces , we all reflect the Glory of the Lord, while we are transformed into His likeness and experience His Glory more and more by the action of the Lord who is spirit." (2 Cor 3:2-3, 18)

The sun shone through

I saw a rainbow today as I was driving my mom to Dr. Patel's office. I also asked God if He could clear the sky up for just a little bit, and He did. But the biggest blessing today had to have been my visit to St. Joseph's Catholic Book & Gifts. Gaby met my brother for the first time last week, who happened to come in by himself. It took me a few minutes for me to actually believe him...it was surreal. Met a new SPC friend named Ray who I'm sure I'll see again because he said he has something to give me. Miraculous Medals and St. Peter Chanel are always great conversation topics. =)

Worked the assembly line at Servant's Heart, Inc. in the crafts department. Productivity was at its peak tonight. Good on-the-job conversations with coworkers Robby, Calvin, and Alaine...haha. Got promoted to assistant under the supervision of Artistic Director Jaymee King. Thanks everyone for making it so fun!

Random thought...
I looked up and saw dark clouds on my errand run...thought they reflected the state of my heart...only in the sense that they held "Heaven's tears" to fall upon the earth for its own cleansing. I don't know why I'm so afraid of the rainfall...the downpour of my own tears, I mean. But it's true...sometimes you just have to let yourself cry.

"Peace be with you; I give you my peace. Not as the world gives peace do I give it to you. Do not be troubled; do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

He's been holding on

EDUARDO CERON
PER. 4

God, please help me to understand you. Sometimes I question you and don’t believe some of your teachings. The truth is I know it is the wrong thing to believe, and I truly wish that I didn’t feel this way. Help me grow closer to you in order not to drive myself crazy. Help me walk through the right path to faith and away from all questioning. If you are truly there, I know you have heard this and I know that I am being truly sincere. I just hope that you will help me, help me to grow closer to you in love, spirit, mind, heart, and faith. Please, I do want to be a part of your kingdom in heaven if there truly is one, and I want to be a better person in your eyes.
Amen.

Eduardo, I saw you last night and I didn't know what to feel. You were just sitting in my Religion class during 4th period on Monday, and little did I know that the next time I'd see you would be in the hospital with tubes all over you. Throughout the day I'll find myself crying...and then at other moments, I'll be bold enough to beg God for a miracle. Well, you know what? Whether you get better or not, I think we'll get a miracle anyway. It may not be having you come back to school flashing that beautiful childlike smile, but I believe that it just might be the restored faith in God that your life...that your prayer will inspire in your family and friends.

Your doubts and your questions were part of your journey, and they were a part of mine, too. Everyone knew you chose to stop believing in God at one point in time, but I knew you didn't totally leave Him. This prayer we read this morning was a witness to that journey...proof that, as I told your dad last night, even if we feel far away from God, God is never far away from us. Thank you for being one of my most memorable students...the one that I always watched carefully and prayed for...the one who was daring enough to ask because you really wanted to know who God really was.

So now we're waiting for God to make a decision. But whatever He chooses to do with you, we know that He's holding you close and won't let you go.

I have a feeling that I'll see you again sometime. God's mercy is too great to keep a heart as good as yours away from Him.

Until then...

Litany of Faith

JESUS I beg of You to place in my heart next to your heart that I may become one in You.

JESUS let your strength become my strength
your love my love.

JESUS may your mercy become my mercy
your compassion my compassion.

JESUS let your perseverance become my perseverance
your patience my patience.

JESUS let your kindness become my kindness
your forgiveness my forgiveness.

JESUS let your sorrow become my sorrow
your wounds my wounds.

JESUS as YOU come into our lives allow me to come beside YOU.

JESUS place my feet upon Your path and walk beside me.
As I carry my cross let Your strength become as mine.

O' Lord my heart sings for love of You
my life, my JESUS.

O' Lord let Your love come upon me to the very depth of my soul.
Reside within my heart for this then will become my refuge, my salvation.

O' Lord within Your Sacred Heart I shall find the doorway to Heaven
and it is in my heart
I shall always know You.

Lenten reflections

So I was praying that I'd find something to read and meditate on during Lent...something that would nourish my soul and give me the sustainance to carry me through the season...and God answered my prayers through Jaymee, whose blog I'd like to share with you if you don't read it already.

Jaymee's World
Dear Jaymee, thank you for your openness and your willingness to share the insights that Our Lord and Our Blessed Mother inspire in your heart. It is always a pleasure to be in your presence and to read how God is so carefully and lovingly forming your soul...

It's raining outside

I love days like today. I'll be going into work a little bit later, so since I woke up early, I thought I'd just let out some things I've been thinking about lately...

...like how my relationship with God has its ebbs and flows...sometimes full of sweet consolations and other times wrought with desperate dryness. I figured everyone goes though the same thing in one way or another because if we always felt close to Him, we'd be in Heaven.

I want to go to Heaven...but I can't yet. It's not time. I'm not ready. There's still lots to do.

Yes, so much to do.

How limited I am in this body...and I feel the strain...but there is always so much freedom in prayer. I experience that grace in the morning as I'm praying the rosary, during adoration at St. Dominic's, at Mass as I lift up my communion for others in the world, and each night as Gary and I pray for the people in our lives who need our intercession.

God is there. He always has been.

So the slight sadness I was feeling last night because I felt so far away from Him, I now attempt to relate to all the times Jesus must have longed to return to Heaven but chose to continuously say yes to His mission while He was on earth. I try to unite myself to the "holy tiredness" He felt when He was sought after...to His need to leave the crowds for a moment of prayer...to the love that brought Him back to them time and again because He knew they needed Him.

This will all end, and someday I, too, will utter the words, "It is finished." But in the meantime, I ask you, Lord Jesus, to please fill me with Your Spirit so that I can persevere as did the hundreds of thousands who have walked the long and narrow road before me.

It's true...there isn't much I can give them by myself alone. But with You in me, I can give them the greatest gift I have ever received...

...an encounter with God.

"My anguish has turned to peace;
You have retrieved my life from the pit of corruption;
You have cast all my sins behind You.
The living, the living alone can give You thanks and praise, as I do;
fathers will tell their sons of Your fidelity." (Isaiah 38:17, 19)