Renewing my sorrow for past sins...
The Agony - I was asleep. He wanted me to keep watch with Him but I couldn't do it because I didn't realize how much He needed me. It was more important that I took care of my own needs rather than attend to the simple request of my God to pray. When I finally woke up, I saw how much He labored for me...how much anguish He endured because He was going to die just to save me.
Denial - Only concerned with myself, I remembered when I was afraid of what people would think of me...when it was easier to just deny my faith to fit in or to keep from "rocking the boat". Then He looked at me - and I looked at Him - and I knew how unworthy I was to even be in His presence and that of His Mother. But still...they still continued to suffer for me.
The Choice - Jesus or Barabbas? I say I would have shouted for Jesus if I was there in the crowd, but how many times have I rejected the goodness and purity of God for the filth of the world? Contaminated...too blind to see where true Life came from. Why? Because I was threatened by the changes I would have to make in my life if I followed Him. I couldn't do it...
Saving Grace - She called out to me...Magdalena...who reminded me of mercy and conversion...the hand of Christ reaching down to me, fallen and condemned...telling me to go and sin no more. I had never known a love like His before so I sought Him with all my heart because I knew it couldn't be found apart from Him.
The Plea - I heard her voice...Mama...telling me to remind the world of her Son's love so that His death would not be in vain. Her eyes begged me to stay close to Jesus and to remember that I belonged to Him, not to Satan...that I was created for Heaven, not for Hell. She still feels pain...her Immaculate Heart still pierced because we sin...because I do not love as I should.
And so I left with a new resolve to admit my lack of humility...
"Everything gradually has to be taken away from us some day so that we can only cling to God."
- Slawomir Biela, God Alone Suffices
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