For You

Saying Yes Just Isn't Enough

I heard this song playing on the Fish yesterday as I was driving to the Kappa formal...

"I'm Not Who I Was"
by Brandon Heath

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was.
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was.

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago...
But I never got to tell you so.

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was.

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you...

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was.
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was.

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
...I never did forget your name
Hello...

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about...

******************************

Trying to listen to what He was saying to me...just hearing song after song reminded me of a community that I still have...somehow still connected even if our lives have gone their separate ways. I'm so glad that He has been slowly piecing the fragments of my life back together...because I never really left it all behind me.

What we can do

Risen with Him

A belated congratulations to Yaz and Dani for receiving their Sacraments of Initiation this past Easter Vigil! Praise God for their persistent faith and commitment to the journey towards truth in Jesus Christ. In a world that promotes egotism and self-reliance, it is so encouraging to watch people like them stepping forward wanting to become part of the Catholic Church. The experience of being up there at the altar with Yaz was amazing...and watching the tears of joy fall from the eyes of those who had been working so hard to train this group of elect and candidates...then moving into the waters of the "tomb" with her...absolutely indescribable.

I'm so proud of them and of the RCIA team. They are such a wonderful group of souls, and I pray that with the power of the Spirit their ministry will bear much fruit. It's great to see Emeline serving at St. Pius again, and to come back for Mass to meet all the familiar faces who helped us grow in faith. Good things are still happening there - that I cannot deny. Of course no parish is perfect, but we can only be thankful that lives are being changed and the presence of God is still very much alive in the hearts of the people.

Little Dyogis

Little Gary +

Baby Dyogi #2

People are starting to ask because I'm starting to look it. Yes, it is true...I am pregnant again. We're praying that Baby #2 hangs in there. Just taking it one day at a time. Trust. Faith. Hope. All in His hands. Last November and the months following were hard. I wasn't sure how to react. Life, however, in any circumstance is a gift, no matter how long it is with you.

Here, Gary, are your children...the first was with us for such a short amount of time, but like you said, brought us so much joy. And now we wait once more, turning everything over to God. I'm so glad that I'm living through all of this with you, as painful as it has been at times. But waking up to your smile and knowing how much I am loved makes this all worth it.

I love you.

Without Him

"Oh, what annoying company we are to ourselves when Jesus is not present...but...He is not far away. He is right there, quite near and looking at us. Indeed, He is there begging us to offer Him our sorrow."

BROKEN
To give You my weakness
Is to admit all my sin
And let You heal me

FINGERTIPS
Holding on to hope
At the edge of life's ravene
Waiting for You, Lord

I need to find...

The nearest one is 3.4 miles away from here...but there's a Starbucks on many a street corner. Not complaining, but making a statement. =)

Back in His Arms Again

I heard a song on Sunday night that helped me find a focus for my prayer intention. Certain memories never leave us, and sometimes they come back so vividly where the past almost becomes part of your present. But then you remember that God is the only one who has a far enough reach to grab hold of a heart and call it back to Him. So I prayed. Twenty-four GloryBe's this time, once again asking St. Therese to intercede...though I asked that the rose be given to another, not to me.

Driving home from Mass on Palm Sunday also left me with the revelation that this journey to Heaven is not a competition. I don't know why the thought came to me...maybe I needed it, or I needed to pass it on to someone else...but the concept of Christ's Mystical Body was ever more strengthened in my heart...maybe because I hurt for another soul...when one is lost, we all suffer somehow. This prize of eternal life with God that we all strive for is to be had by everyone. It is not dependent on how much you know or how much you do. Of course it is very important to learn more about our Creator, Redeemer, and Sanctifier and we must live a life of fruitful good works as proof of our love for Him...but we are not to compare our lives to those of other people, or even to the lives we have led in the past. The priest spoke of this in his homily. The standard by which we are to measure ourselves is Jesus Christ Himself.

"Do you love Me?"

Our gift of salvation and the extent that we receive it is dependent on how much we LOVE. We can grow prideful about the knowledge we have or the deeds we have done, but it is difficult to be prideful in true love. The reason is because love is sacrificial. We need to die to ourselves in order to love and this requires the complete opposite of pride - the virtue of humility. If we question our own pride, then perhaps we can examine how much love can be found in our acts and in our quest for knowledge. Are we drawing closer to God in obedience? Are we drawing closer to others in compassion? If the answer is yes, then we are growing in love and opening our hearts more and more to the graces of Heaven. If we find that we are experiencing more selfishness or feeling the need to pass judgment on others, then by the power of His Spirit may we ask for a conversion of heart this day to be different...to be more like Jesus.

I have lately felt the need to pray for the prodigal, whoever he or she may be...but I have also felt the call to pray for the older brother (or sister) who has the opportunity to hope as the Father hopes, and to rejoice as the Father rejoices upon the prodigal's return.

And so I will hurt until the Body is healed. It is a pain I choose to suffer because others had suffered it for me until I, too, came back into His arms again.

"May I know Thee more clearly, love Thee more dearly, follow Thee more nearly, day by day."
– St. Richard of Chichester

“Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. " - Yoda

Most important one

I gave this book to Leo as a graduation present a couple of years ago, and last year I asked for it from my Kris Kringle. If you want a simple book that helps you with life's greatest questions, this is a keeper. It isn't religious per say but for those who wonder whether or not they are following the will of God, it gives you a very practical yet humble way of looking at your purpose in life. I've always been one to plan where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, but circumstances have taught me that this moment is most important. Who you are with at that moment matters the most, and nothing else.

I guess this entry comes from the fear that in waiting for Heaven here on earth, so many opportunities to "meet Jesus" would pass me by. I long to be a very "now" kind of Christian who appreciates what has happened and what is to come yet doesn't allow the past or the future to rob me of the present.

This makes me think of an Augustinian priest - a friend of Fr. Kevin's - who visited for a short time and gave really cool talks with really cool pictures. He spoke of these matters and reminded us that we shouldn't get too caught up in everything we have to do and everything we want to plan. It's those times when I truly relished in the moment...like on my wedding day...that I felt as through I was really LIVING life.

On another note, last night at confession, the priest told me to have a conversation with myself, asking myself why I fall into particular sinful tendencies. When I thought about it, the answers came immediately and from an "outsider's" viewpoint, it didn't make sense. So I had a talk with me. It was a good short talk. Not lengthy at all. It was very practical and straight to the point. I will always struggle with imperfections, but if I take more time to sit with Jesus...if I take more time to think about my actions...if I take more time to pray...and if I ask for more and more humility and grace, God will help me.

I just want to be simple...

"The greatest greatest honor God can do for a soul is not to give it much, but to ask much of it."
~ St. Therese of Lisieux

By His stripes we are healed

V. We adore you, O Christ, and we bless you.

R. Because by your holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Not the first to struggle and definitely not the last. Others have fought and won. Many have tried and lost, but I look to the ones who have gained victory through you. When I look upon your holy wounds, I dare not say that my life is too hard or my cross to heavy. I cannot cry out and blame you for anything I have suffered. There is no reason to walk away...there never has been. How can I bear the name "Christian" and live in this world serving myself? This life...it doesn't even belong to me. When it's over, what will be left but my soul searching for its true home? This path...you have paved it for me and placed along the way some obstacles, some challenges, some thorns...but how many roses have I picked that have blessed my life with beauty?

I'm hungry

...and this is what I want to eat.

I know, I know. Not your typical Lenten entry. Let's try again...

Water for the spirit

Without prayer nothing good is done. God's works are done with our hands joined, and on our knees. Even when we run, we must remain spiritually kneeling before Him.
– Bl. Luigi Orione

Much to do while much is being done. Never enough time but now always seems to be the best moment to stop and appreciate what He has given to us.

Jana and I talked a lot about a lot of things. But what most interesting were those brief pauses of silence in the conversation that were filled with peace. That's when you know you have made at true friend...when it's quiet and you're still comfortable. I also found it comforting that we think of each other...like a reaching out for the other when they are not there. She's a very special spiritual friend. Spiritual friends are hard to come by. Of course you have those you worship with and serve with, but there are those few whom you seek out when you're straining to hear the voice of God or those who really let you know that you're not crazy. Of those two years I spent passing through Verbum Dei on to the rest of my life, she is one of the people who has stayed with me. I said that I wondered what our conversations would be like ten years from now, but what I really can't wait for is the eternity I will spend with friends like her, sharing the lessons we learned while we were on earth.

It's kind of hard to fathom that, but...not really.

Thanks, Jana. Here's to not being "normal". =) I love you, my friend.

Cost of Discipleship

Whoever wishes to carry the cross for his sake must take up the proper weapons for the contest, especially those mentioned here. First, diligence; second, distrust of self; third, confidence in God; fourth, remembrance of Passion; fifth, mindfulness of one's own death; sixth, remembrance of God's glory; seventh, the injunctions of Sacred Scripture following the example of Jesus Christ in the desert.
– St. Catherine of Bologna

Lessons from the weekend...

• He loves me
• ...therefore, I must love myself as He loves me.
• I don't have to do anything to earn His love or get more of it...I just have to be me.
• There is nothing I experience that He cannot understand.
• If I were a first-century catechumen carrying the amount of fear that I have today, someone would have to challenge me and remind me that baptism could equal death.
• As a baptized Catholic, I must pray for the courage of the early Christian martyrs.
• If I was called to be a prophet, apostle, or teacher, I must remember: Blessed are those who are persecuted in My name...Take up your cross and follow Me...Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.
• Jesus did not come here to be liked by everyone; He came here to speak the Truth.

"I remind you to stir into flame the gift of God that you have through the imposition of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control. So do not be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord, nor of me, a prisoner for his sake; but bear your share of hardship for the gospel with the strength that comes from God." (2Tim 6-8)

Padre Pio, pray for us

"Pray, hope, and don't worry."

We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials.
– St. Teresa of Avila

The journey continues

"Through your suffering, God is expanding your heart so that He can pour more of His love into it."

"It hurts me to see you hurting, but I know that you wouldn't choose any other way."

"You'll have good days and you'll have bad days. Whether you're single or married...whether you're a priest or a nun, there will always be difficulties. But God will be there every step of the way."

I'm so grateful to the friends I have. I'm grateful for the love that surrounds me every day that I haven't been able to appreciate as I should have.

My family and I were sitting around the table for lunch on Sunday, having the annual "What are you giving up for Lent?" discussion.

I thought about giving up meat. I realized yesterday that I need to give up myself. I need to sacrifice the pain from the losses that I have held on to for so many years. I need to sacrifice my pride that keeps me from offering myself more fully to others. I need to sacrifice the fear and the discouragement - the way of thinking that has kept me imprisoned...immobilized...stuck.

I need to give to Jesus my love. I need to give to my students the joy that comes from being faithful to God. I need to give to my family the support and prayers that only family can give. I need to give to my husband my heart...all of it...not just a portion of it but the whole thing.

No, I'm not giving up. I'm giving more.

So willingly I go, forty days with Him among the people.

By grace. AMDG.

Unstoppable

"In the year of drought it shows no distress, but still bears fruit." –Jeremiah 17:8

...A disciple of Jesus is one who imitates Jesus in His character and His ministry. Disciples of Jesus follow Him wherever He leads, whether that path leads to the cross of Calvary or the glory of His resurrection.

A mature disciple of Christ will necessarily bear fruit for Him (Jn 15:16), "make disciples" (Mt 28:19), and disciple them in season and out of season (see 2 Tm 4:2, KJV). Nothing can stop disciples of Jesus from bearing fruit and making more disciples. Throughout Church history, persecution strengthens rather than weakens disciples. Disciples still bear fruit in the "year of drought" (Jer 17:8), for sorrows and difficulties lead us to the cross of Jesus, from Whom we draw our strength. God uses our failing health to make more disciples (see Gal 4:13). Even killing us can't stop the fruit of discipleship, because the blood of martyrs has always been the seed of Christians. "In all this we are more than conquerors because of Him Who has loved us" (Rm 8:37).

Historically, disciples of Jesus have only been stopped by themselves. When disciples "grow lazy" (Heb 6:12), take their eyes off Jesus (cf Heb 3:1; 12:2), and start treasuring the things of the world, they then paralyze themselves. Therefore, disciples of Christ, pick up your daily cross, die to yourself (Lk 9:23), make no provision for the desires of your flesh (Rm 13:14), and ask Jesus for more of the Holy Spirit. Be invincible and unstoppable. "Make disciples of all the nations" (Mt 28:19).

From One Bread, One Body - Reflection for February 11, 2007

Coming to the Rose Bowl near you

Save the Date!

MAY 19, 2007

6:00-9:00pm

Community like you've never experienced before...

http://www.rosarybowl.org/home.html