Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The wood of the Cross

"If God causes you to suffer much, it is a sign that He has great designs for you, and that He certainly intends to make you a saint. And if you wish to become a great saint, entreat Him yourself to give you much opportunity for suffering; for there is no wood better to kindle the fire of holy love than the wood of the cross, which Christ used for His own great sacrifice of boundless charity."
St. Ignatius of Loyola

Today...was just one of those days...when I look back and wonder what happened to all that time. When I remember the kinds of questions I would ask myself, while I'd roll with the punches of life...taking things as they come and contemplating all the possibilities in front of me.
With experience comes wisdom, and it's something that I've been very grateful for...with all of the great and wonderful things that have been presented to me over the years...along with all of the moments when I could have pulled my hair out trying to figure out what the heck was going on around me.
Highlights of the last 24 hours:
  • talking to Jana about reacting with good humor to what normally would freak us out
  • having Darren check my "pre-wedding temperature"...nice to know he's been watching out since the very beginning
  • trying not to be sad about leaving when I realize more and more what has made me want to stay
  • being excited at the same time for the transitions to come
  • Christian stopping by the office just to say hi...and having to break the news
  • the "stealth-bomber" conversation about what nurtures one's soul, knowing for two years where your heart has always really been
  • feeding Jacob for the first time
  • watching the productive juices flow at the HFYA meeting
  • feeding Jacob for the second time
  • believing as I share with others that God has a plan...though we might not understand it, it's always best to trust it

Thank you, Gary, for calling me. Now my day is complete. =)

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Commitment

"Six days before Passover Jesus came to Bethany, the village of Lazarus whom Jesus had raised from the dead." –John 12:1

One Bread, One Body - Reflection for April 10, 2006

Apathy killed Jesus Christ. The Jewish leaders were jealous (Mt 27:18) and Pilate was afraid (Jn 19:8). However, they would not have been able to put Jesus to death except for the thousands of people who didn't show up for the crucifixion. They didn't want Jesus dead or alive. They didn't care. Apathy permitted Hitler to kill six million Jews, and Planned Parenthood to kill many more millions of babies. Apathy lets thousands die each day of starvation, and billions live each day without knowing Jesus.

During this Holy Week, the Lord wants to change apathy to empathy. The word "a-pathy" means "no suffering," while "em-pathy" means "in suffering." Jesus will change our selfishness that avoids people and their sufferings into love that actually suffers with others. "If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it" (1 Cor 12:26).

Mary of Bethany is the perfect model of empathy. She threw herself and her perfume at the feet of Jesus and dried His feet with her hair (Jn 12:3). She was willing to share in suffering because she was in love with Jesus. On the other hand, Judas is the example of apathy. He was more concerned about self and money than people (Jn 12:5-6).

From Presentation Ministries, a lay association of the Catholic Church that focuses on evangelization and discipleship through Bible teaching, daily Mass, the charisms of the Holy Spirit, and Small Christian Community

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"I'm in the ring with you."

Those were words Nelden left with me when he had visited Gary for Thanksgiving and spent the day with our family. I'll never forget them.

I've been asking myself what it means to be committed to Jesus, to my family, to my friends, to my relationship with my husband-to-be, to my Church, and to the people I serve. This statement came to me as the answer.

It's about being involved. Experiencing as best as you can with those who God puts into your life...putting yourself in their shoes...and better yet, walking beside them as you share your life with them and they share their life with you.

Granted that I cannot be with everyone everywhere all the time, I can at least be more present to who I am with, while I am with them. When they are happy, I want to share in their joy. When they are hurting, I want to share in their pain. That's what it means to connect. That's what it means to love your neighbor as Jesus has loved us.

For far too long I have held people at arm's length - even those I love the most - because I was afraid...afraid of getting involved, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing something. As I near the end of my twenties, I realize that most of this past decade of my life has been lived with my guard up. No one has really known me - at least not the free-spirited me - and sometimes I even wonder if that person will ever come out.

Soon, I think. The more I reflect on who I am, the more I can feel all the pieces coming together...and it's no longer an aching in my heart as much as it is an anticipated burst of life waiting to come out again, without the hesitancy I'd known before.

This past week especially has been a time of rediscovery - spurts here and there, to say the least. Maybe it began with the Labyrinth walk...perhaps it was the opening up that nudged me to take a good look at myself and admit how much growing I still need to do. It could have been Mass this morning at SPC when I teared the moment I noticed Fr. John's red vestments in memorial of the beginning of the Passion of Jesus...or when I watched Br. Jeremy cleaning the communion vessels, thanking God for faithful souls like him who boldly answer the call to holiness. Maybe it was the challenge my brother posed to me on the phone when we were talking about potential publishing projects - "...and what about you?" Or maybe it was the time I have spent clearing out my room...getting rid of what I cannot hold on to, acknowledging all of the people and things and experiences that have made me who I am today.

There's so much I still "don't get" about life...my life, in particular...but I don't know that anyone in this world has the clarity that I'm seeking. We just have to try our best with what we've got and trust that God is there guiding us each step of the way.

Who knows what's going to happen at this point. There will be joy, there will be suffering. There will be gain and there will be loss. But all shall be well because there will always be God.

Amen.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

The journey of an actress turned nun

Dolores Hart (born Dolores Hicks on October 20, 1938 in Chicago, Illinois) is an American Roman Catholic nun and former actress.

Dolores Hicks was the only child of a Catholic actor Bert Hicks, and his wife, who, despite the religious implications, separated and ultimately divorced. Hart was also the niece of singer Mario Lanza. It was actually her grandfather, a movie theater projectionist to whom she turned for comfort in light of her parents' marital problems, whose enthusiasm for films influenced her decision to pursue an acting career. At the age of nine she had a bit part in the film Forever Amber, which was finally released in 1947 following a long battle between the movie's producers and the Catholic censors of the day.

Loving You. Much in demand, she made two more films before playing with Presley again in 1958's King Creole. She has denied ever having had an 'intimate' relationship with Presley offscreen. Hart then debuted on Broadway, winning a 1959 Theatre World Award as well as a Tony Award nomination for Best Featured Actress for her role in The Pleasure of His Company.



In 1960, Hart starred in Where the Boys Are, a teenage comedy about college students on spring break which developed a near cult-like following. She went on to star in four more films, her last opposite Hugh O'Brian in 1963's Come Fly with Me. At this point she had made up her mind to leave the film industry, and after breaking off her engagement to a Los Angeles businessman, the twenty-five-year old actress became a Roman Catholic nun at the Benedictine Abbey of Regina Laudis in Bethlehem, Connecticut, ultimately becoming the Prioress of the Convent. She chants in Latin eight times a day.

Prioress of the Abbey, but has in recent years become the only nun to be an Oscar-voting member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

Filmography
Come Fly with Me (1963) .... Donna Stuart
Lisa (1962) .... Lisa Held
Sail a Crooked Ship (1961) .... Elinor Harrison
Francis of Assisi (1961) .... Clare
Where the Boys Are (1960) .... Merritt Andrews
The Plunderers (1960) .... Ellie Walters
King Creole (1958) .... Nellie
Lonelyhearts (1958) .... Justy Sargent
Wild Is the Wind (1957) .... Angie
Loving You (1957) .... Susan Jessup
Forever Amber (1947) (uncredited) .... Child

Contact
Rev. Mother Dolores Hart, O.S.B., Prioress, Abbey of Regina Laudis, 273 Flanders Road, Bethlehem, CT 06751 USA

Papal preacher condemns spiritual "half-measures"

Vatican, Apr. 07 (CWNews.com) - Catholics must not take "half-measures" in their spiritual lives, the preacher to the pontifical household said in a Lenten meditation on April 7.

Continuing his series of Friday sermons in the Redemptoris Mater chapel, Father Raniero Cantalamessa said that in the souls of many Christians, Christ is not imprisoned, but "free on parole." The Capuchin preacher explained that many believers allow Christ to "move, but within certain defined limits."

Christians, the papal preacher said, tend to place restrictions on what they think God can require of them. He outlined a typical Christian's commitment:

Prayer, yes; but not to the point of losing sleep or rest…
Obedience, yes; but not to the detriment of our own convenience.
Chastity, yes; but not to the point of depriving ourselves of some entertaining spectacle…

Such a collection of "half-measures," Father Cantalamessa said, is evidence of a superficial faith. A deeper faith, he said, acknowledges the reality of Christ's suffering and one's own role in causing it.

"I am Judas who betrayed Him, Peter who renounced Him, the crowd that cried out against Him," the preacher said. "Each time I have preferred my satisfaction, my comfort, my honor to that of Christ, that is what has happened."

Superficial Christianity, the preacher continued, reflects the "hardness of heart" that the Gospels mention: "the refusal to submit to God, to love Him with all one's heart, to obey his law."

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

"If a man wants to be always in God's company, he must pray regularly and read regularly. When we pray, we talk to God; when we read, God talks to us."
– St. Isidore of Seville

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Walking the path

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." - Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet


Releasing and letting go. Following but offering only my life, apart from anyone else's. Yielding, accepting, giving others their space. Tired though I was, much of my energy was spent paying attention to the presence of those around me...somehow I had to be connected...somehow I had a difficult time focusing on just me.
At the end of it all, I could only know that I had finished my journey. I could only pray that those who were still walking their own paths would come to realize the truths God had in store for them. I could only long for the rest in His embrace...and I hoped that at the end of my life I could at last experience the peace of Heaven.
I had stopped looking for answers. I had come to give Him this walk...to let Him lead me...to let Him love me...and I had the hands to hold me as His response to many a question I had asked years ago.
Now I understood what I never could before. His ways are not our ways...nor His thoughts our thoughts. But God always wins out with the best solution...the best plan...the best gifts to give us when we open our hands long enough to surrender everything that keeps us from receiving.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

The heart of a writer

"I cannot see how you can write and not have a broken heart from what you see around you." - Fr. Michael Kennedy, SJ

His words had resonance tonight because I knew he was right on point. We need to allow our hearts to be broken in order to have something of value to say to the world. We all have a story to tell - our own or that of those who have touched our lives. Even we as Christians tell a story of a man who we follow, of a God who loved us so much that He sent Him to die...a story full of struggle and suffering...but exploding with victory at the end of it all.

When you follow the events of a life and the impact it has on others, there is a certain connectivity you have because their story is somehow a part of yours. And others will then watch you, experiencing much of the same thing because your story is a part of theirs.

The need to be vulnerable with people at last has a purpose. It becomes okay to listen and to empathize...to be angry...to be joyful...to be sad...to be excited. We are given permission to share ourselves because it helps someone else tell their story, too.

But a story cannot be told without hope of a happy ending or a moral to be taught. The protagonist is on a journey of truth, seeking to find...something. Unless she opens herself up to the lessons she can learn along the way or the virtues she can acquire, the story has no point because in telling the story, the reader must travel with her and discover what truth the journey will uncover for himself.

That's how it is for us who live in this world. We watch each other, like we follow characters in a novel. We're looking for a good story - one that will catch our attention and give us that "Me, too!" experience. But we're not only looking for someone to identify with...we're looking for characters who will inspire us to greatness. Those who can rise above their conflicts and move us into a place where we never thought we could get to by ourselves.

We're looking for people who are real. People who have the same weaknesses as we do but have somehow overcome them. But the greatest obstacle we have in gaining something from them is our unwillingness to let our hearts go where they have gone...to that point of highest tension when a decision needs to be made about whether to give up or persevere...because we are afraid that we will fail.

Why?

Because that character...that person is not us. They cannot, in our present moments, do anything for us. We live in our own circumstances with our own choices to make...with our own story to write. And we know that other people are watching us as well.

Then what?

You choose your own adventure. You turn the page. You keep going until you've reached the end of your book. You put your pen down and reread what you've written, knowing in hindsight that you had been a character in many other stories in many other books that you may never know about.

All because you let your heart be broken, so much that you finally learned to love.

Hope and Innocence

We are all aware of the fact that media images and reality do not always coincide. In fact, the image that the media presents to us can be the polar opposite of the reality it replaces.

In the year 1508, Pope Julius II ordered a reluctant Michelangelo Buonarroti — who considered himself a sculptor and not a painter — to paint the huge vault of the Sistine Chapel, which, since the time of Sixtus IV, displayed nothing more resplendent than a blue field sprinkled with golden stars. Despite his initial reluctance, Michelangelo soon mastered the difficult technique of painting in fresco and produced the greatest pictorial masterpiece of the Renaissance.

His various frescoes represent episodes from the Book of Genesis. In the center of the ceiling, Michelangelo depicts God the Creator vigorously thrusting the index finger of His right hand toward a reclining Adam, whose own hand withdraws just enough that a gap appears, thus separating the Author of life from His somewhat indecisive recipient. This gap symbolizes the drama of God and man, the divine and the human, the source of life and our hesitation in welcoming it.

But such hesitation or reluctance does not apply to Samuel Alexander Armas. In a photograph which some observers say should be the “Picture of the Decade,” we see the tiny hand of Samuel when he was a 21-week-old fetus reaching up through an incision in his mother’s uterus and grabbing and squeezing the finger of the surgeon who had just performed a life saving, though not life-forming, procedure.


"As the surgery was nearing completion, the tiny fetus reached a fully recongnizable hand through the incision and firmly grasped the surgeon's finger."


After viewing the picture, which has been celebrated as the “Hand of Hope,” Samuel’s mother wept for days. “The photo reminds us my pregnancy isn’t about disability or an illness,” she said, “it’s about a little person.”

Little Samuel had been diagnosed in 1999 as having spina bifida, doomed to an early death unless operated on while still in his mother’s womb. Abortion was not an option for Samuel’s parents. During the operation, Dr. Joseph Bruner exteriorized the uterus via C-section and made a small incision to operate on the unborn child. As the surgery was nearing completion, the tiny fetus reached a fully recognizable hand through the incision and firmly grasped the surgeon’s finger. Dr. Bruner was reported as saying that when his finger was grasped in this way, it was the most emotional moment of his life, and that for an instant during the procedure, he was frozen and totally immobile.

The operation was a complete success: Samuel was born in perfect health. When Michael Clancy, the photographer who took the celebrated picture, related the extraordinary event that had just transpired to an attending nurse, she replied, rather matter-of factly, “Oh, they do that all the time.”

A few years later, Sen. Sam Brownback, Republican from Kansas, sponsored a Senate hearing to highlight advances in fetal surgery. Witnesses included Samuel’s parents, photographer Michael Clancy, maternal fetal-medicine specialist Dr. James Thorpe, and Samuel himself. During the hearing, Sen. Brownback pointed to the “Hand of Hope” picture and asked Samuel if he knew who it was. Easy. “Baby Samuel.” The senator then asked if he knew what had been done to him. Samuel, now three years of age, said, “They fixed my boo-boo.”



Samuel Armas and his mother today


While residing in his mother’s uterus, little Samuel was a moral/legal/political paradox. There was no doubt on the part of his parents that their child, despite his tiny frame and spina bifida, was a human being endowed with the right to go on living. Abortion, though legal, was out of the question. Dr. Bruner, law and politics aside, recognized the humanity of his patient and so did the insurance company that covered the bill. Yet some politicians and lawmakers would see nothing immoral about snuffing out Samuel’s life in the womb.

It may be that we sometimes want to derive more from what is symbolic than what is warranted. It is tempting to contrast the grateful finger of Samuel with the reluctant finger of Adam, and draw the conclusion that a child shall lead us. Yet, in this case, the symbols are not mere creations of the imagination. They are firmly grounded in fact. We adults, stricken as we are by a thousand anxieties, often allow our enthusiasm for life to wane. We slide, however slowly and imperceptibly, from being pro-life to being pro-life-without-too-many inconveniences. The tiny child in the womb knows no such anxieties. He is entirely for life, since life is all he knows. He represents life uncompromised. He is our pro-life role model.

Why would Dr. Bruner find the curling of a fetal hand around his finger to be the “most emotional moment of his life”? A medical doctor who is schooled in science and skilled in surgery is usually not given to sentimental indulgence. Did Dr. Bruner touch the root of life, life in its purity, life uncontaminated by the doubts of a self-indulgent adult world? Did he feel, for that brief moment, like a god whose creature, unlike Adam, welcomed his life-giving touch?

Photographer Michael Clancy said, “Samuel Armas made more of an impact on this world before he was born than most of us make in a lifetime.”

This is a humbling thought for most of us. It is not our achievements that count so much as our love for and dedication to life. A child, indeed, shall lead us. The life of the living is paramount. Little Samuel, by a simple gesture, put this point back into focus for us. And this is why his hand is appropriately called the “Hand of Hope.”

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
DeMarco, Donald. "Hope and Innocence." Lay Witness (January/February 2006): 10-11.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Holding my hand

He's moving me along. The prompting in my heart to pursue the nagging desire led me to a place I never knew existed. And somehow it just fits.

By no means am I running away from anything. It's a bittersweet feeling to have to leave people you have shared so much with...to leave places that have come to mean so much. Everywhere I've ever been has somehow been "home" to me. Everyone I've ever met has somehow become "family".

But maybe somehow in my walking away and going towards, in my taking with me and my letting go, I am in some way embracing the world and learning more this way than I ever could before.

How I have wished I could have kept certain friends and lived closer to certain family members over the years. I've longed for the lazy days of hanging out with the girls and going to movies. I've missed the Sunday morning talks on my bed with my sisters. And my kids...how I've wanted to see them grow up...to know how they would be inspired over the years...to be there for the special landmark moments, especially when they'd be looking for answers in regards to their faith. Prayer meetings and Kappa meetings, PCN practices and music min practices. All memories of times I know I'll never have again.

And today I look forward while glancing back, well aware of the sadness I will feel and the excitement of what awaits me in the coming months.

So much change all at once. But it's going to be okay. Actually, it's going to be good for me and those He will give me to love and to serve.

I wanted to be able to trust God completely with every aspect of my life, and now here is my opportunity. He carries it all so close to His heart because He does that with everybody. He has a plan for each one of us and it's something that we need to believe and have faith in. I will go where He wants me to go, and where He wants me to go seems to be very clear.

Continuing to question myself at times is a weakness I struggle with, but it appears that when He deems necessary for our lives to move in a particular direction, He will make the path straight, though narrow it may be. I have to trust that. I have to know that He will be there...that He is here now...and that He will be there for everyone I leave behind.

That's just how it has always worked out.

So I give this all to You, dear Lord. Embracing my present and the day I now live in with the people You have placed in my life. Please hold me in Your hand and be my support...my courage and my strength. But first and foremost, please be my Love, so that I will cherish the moments You give me and treasure all the lessons learned.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Chosen

"Whenever the divine favor chooses someone to receive a special grace, or to accept a lofty vocation, God adorns the person chosen with all the gifts of the Spirit needed to fulfill the task at hand."
- St. Bernadine of Siena

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You sometimes have to question in order to find the answers. It might take some time to realize that you're in the right place doing the right thing, but once you arrive there for yourself, peace will fill your soul.

Yesterday at Mass, I knew that I had stopped looking for the experiences and started looking for my God. No longer was it about the consolations and the feelings...those have been long gone. I couldn't hold on to the graces He had given me years ago because those gifts were only for that particular time in my life with those particular circumstances.

Now I just want to know that I am doing His will.

About a month ago, I was seriously reflecting on my place at Verbum Dei, wondering if I was done with my mission and needed to move on. When I asked myself, I thought my job was finished. When I asked God, He said otherwise.

I had to pay attention to the moments when I knew He was speaking to me. The four days I spent subbing for Br. Kim's class. The conversation I had with Dominique in my office. The blessed "coincedence" of meeting Jeff BB in the Conference Room during last Thursday's dinner break. The assurance I had given Douglas at my table in the gym. The thanks I received from the parents that night. The entire Faculty & Staff retreat that exploded with the confirmations I had been seeking since December.

It wasn't up to me...but then it was.

I had to make the choice. No one was going to force me to stay. No one was going to force me to leave. I just had to discover the reasons for doing whatever I would choose to do. And they had to be His reasons, not mine.

Our day at LMU was wonderful. Absolutely filled with grace. At least that's what it was for me because I have never experienced a Faculty & Staff retreat as a participant. Fr. Jim and Fr. Wayne Negrete did a great job with putting it all together. I only had to get drinks, do the opening prayer, and lead my small group. The teamwork I had been longing for allowed me to really take in for myself what God wanted me to hear.

And I heard a lot.

Fr. Wayne began the day with a talk about the baptism of Jesus and how He had to leave everything behind to fulfill His purpose. Fr. Jim had pointed out the powerful imagery in the talk that made me understand that Jesus, too, was subject to the will of His Father just like we were. In His baptism, John the Baptist immersed Him under water, with no air, no light, no power in Himself to come up until John decided He was ready to do so. Although Jesus was God, as one of us He was not above God. He also had to surrender so that the Plan could be carried out in His life. A great lesson to be learned for us all.

After Fr. Wayne gave his testimony about his leaving during college to study abroad and pursue different callings as he walked away from the familiar, Nic followed to share those moments in his life when he allowed God to work and guide him along his own path. He spoke of those who he held close to his heart because they were the ones who mentored him and made sure that he stayed faithful. Despite his own desires and ambitions, God still found a way to bring him where he needed to be - and where others needed him to be as well - because there was something that had to be done in their lives through his. The only way that he was able to do this was to remember that he was giving to his students a piece of each person who had loved him...each person who had made him the man he is today. If he let himself get in the way of that, all of his issues would interfere and he would not be able to get it done.

I had to thank him for that. It was the perspective I needed to move through my own self-doubt. The light bulb went on...the fire had reignited...because I remembered who I would be coming back to and the wisdom that they had passed on to me. By myself I didn't have a whole lot. But looking back at the people who helped shaped Marianne, I had a gold mine.

We broke up into small groups and shared our own family backgrounds - what had molded us and influenced us in our faith. It was so enlightening to hear stories from my coworkers, especially since most of my group was new to the staff this year and I didn't know much about where they came from. That time we shared was incredibly valuable since we don't really have the opportunity to visit with each other too often when we're at work.

Lunch time was spent talking to Hector about white rice, Lenten meals, and the importance of family time. I had a great time with him because he's just one of those people that loves to laugh and loves to share - someone you know you can have a real heart-to-heart talk with or just joke around with depending on the mood of the moment.

Brief glances around the Xavier Hall Library gave me the chance to soak in the joy of the people I have worked with all year. I told Fr. Jim that I loved how the day was going, and truly appreciated the work he had put into it.

Br. Rich then shared with us the history of the school and how his order - the Divine Word Missionaries - had started the apostolate, not even being an education ministry. He had been there for 16 years and had seen the ups and downs...hills and valleys...of both the administration and staff and the students. From what he had told us, the campus and student body have improved drastically...and there is hope. It is a great blessing that the archdiocese did not close the school because the community in South Central LA looks to Verb with pride, at least those who do understand our mission. I also felt the love growing within me, so grateful for the legacy that the SVD's had passed on to us.

Then came Mrs. Mingo - our librarian - who I have always known to have a beautiful spirit. She told her story about coming to Verbum Dei and how much work she has done to make the library not only a resource for the students but a place of refuge and solace. In this age of modern technology, most teenagers do not appreciate reading books like they used to, so they may not tap into the wealth of knowledge found in the library, but the woman who runs it definitely offers to them the treasures she carries in her own heart.

"You all love the students - I can see it," she said. "When I watch you coming out of your offices and classrooms, I can tell how much love you have for them. And just imagine that if each of us has even just a teensy bit of love in our hearts for them, if you put us all together, that's a whole lot of love."

Wow. It was then that I took a good look at those faces, who work so hard and sacrifice so much for our guys...who walk on to the campus of that little high school in Watts and offer their time, their talent, and their lives no matter how difficult it might be on any given day. It was then that I said, yes...I want to stay.

Though it may not always seem like it, we are doing amazing things at Verbum Dei. Yes, it is harder to work there than it is at most other places, but the rewards are well-worth it. I can't see them yet, for I've only been there for two years...but I can trust in the words of Br. Rich, Mrs. Mingo and Nic. I can trust in their hope and their faith and their love for the school. And I can know that for this next year of my life, I will also ask God to help me to continue serving well and serving strong. I will go back into the classroom and give a piece of my father, my grandparents, of my own mentors to them. How rich I really am because I also have the chance to receive pieces of those who have contributed to the lives of the men and women surrounding me every day.

And when in doubt, it is always God's saving grace to remind us how much we are loved by Him. How He looks upon us and says, "You are my beloved children with whom I am well-pleased."

As I close this entry, I come back to the statement made by our IT guy John in our small group: "If we only realized how much we are truly loved by God, we would all be great saints."

Amen. =)

Monday, March 13, 2006

"Occupy your minds with good thoughts, or the enemy will fill them with bad ones. Unoccupied, they cannot be."
– St. Thomas More

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Pope says commitment of Lent is listening to Christ as Mary did

Vatican City, Mar. 13, 2006 (CNA) - During his weekly Angelus prayer on Sunday, Pope Benedict XVI told a group of thousands, gathered below his study window in St. Peter’s Square that Christians are not called to always live in glorious, mystical experiences, but rather, to humbly listen to the voice of Christ, just as the Blessed Virgin Mary did.

The Pope, who had just finished a week-long spiritual retreat, said that his recent days were spent “completely dedicated to listening to the Lord, Who always speaks to us, and who expects us to pay the greatest attention, especially in this period of Lent."

He went on to comment on Sunday’s Gospel reading, in which, the Transfiguration of Christ on Mount Tabor, is recorded in Mark. He said that "when we have the grace of undergoing a profound experience of God, it as if we experienced something similar to what happened to the disciples during the Transfiguration.”

“For a moment” he said, “we enjoy a foretaste of what will be the joy of heaven.”

He said that "these are usually brief experiences that God sometimes grants, especially prior to severe trials,” but also quickly pointed out that, “it is given to no one to live 'upon Tabor' while they are on this earth.”

“Human life is, in fact,” he said, “a journey of faith and, as such, progresses more in the shadows than in full light, and is not without moments of obscurity or even of complete blackness.”

“As long as we live in the world,” the Pope pointed out, “our relationship with God consists more in listening than in seeing; and even contemplation comes about, so to say, with eyes closed and thanks to the inner light lit within us by the Word of God."

Calling to mind the example of the Virgin Mary, Benedict recalled that, "advanced in her own pilgrimage of faith day after day," she meditated on the Word of God, both through the Scriptures and through events in the life of her Son "in which she recognized and accepted the mysterious voice of the Lord.”

He said that "This, then, is the commitment of each of us during Lent: to listen to Christ as Mary did.”

Specifically, he encouraged the faithful to “listen to Him in His Word, conserved in Holy Scripture…listen to it in the events of our own lives, seeking to read therein the messages of Providence,” and finally, “to listen to it in our brothers and sisters, especially in the smallest and the poorest, towards whom Jesus Himself calls for a concrete display of our love.”

The Holy Father concluded by saying that “Listening to Christ and obeying His voice…is the Way, the one Way that leads to the fullness of joy and of love."

Thursday, March 09, 2006

A Sign...literally

"Love What You Do"...it had a rose next to it...off the 91 fwy coming back from Redondo Beach. How timely...

You have to pay attention to what God is trying to tell you through the people who are in your life. What might seem like a burden or an inconvenience may actually be an answer to a question you've had burning in your heart for some time. So it's really important to take the time to listen.

Every song has a story. In order to sing it well, you need to tell it from your heart...this story set to music. Do I have enough faith to share it with the world? Can I do it again? It looks like I'm headed in the right direction.

St. Anthony really does help you find things that are missing.

And last but not least, it's wonderful to be loved this much. I wouldn't trade it for all the riches in the world.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Now I know...

Bless the Broken Road
by Rascal Flatts

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rollin home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God Blessed the Broken Road
That led me straight to you
That God Blessed the Broken Road
That led me straight to you

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Honor

Life in Christ: Catechism #2158
God calls each one by name. Everyone's name is sacred. The name is the icon of the person. It demands respect as a sign of the dignity of the one who bears it.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

If a little flower could speak

"It seems to me that if a little flower could speak, it would tell simply what God has done for it without trying to hide its blessings. It would not say, under the pretext of a false humility, it is not beautiful or without perfume, that the sun has taken away its splendor and the storm has broken its stem when it knows that all this is untrue."
- St. Therese, Story of a Soul


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Dear Jesus,
I pray for the grace to share the goodness You have given me in a way that considers the various paths walked by my family and friends. Sometimes I find myself afraid of offending others, but how can they take offense when Your message is presented to them with love? I do not speak for the sake of speaking but for the sake of souls...that they, too, will have the chance to know how wonderful You are.

Since I have been engaged, I have been asked many times how the planning has been going. I tell my friends that the events of the wedding continue to evolve, with God directing each detail. The honeymoon, however, it taken care of and nothing is left to be done.

As it is in my walk with You, Lord.

On our wedding day, Gary and I will leave the single life and devote our married life to each other and to You. In the moment when we make our vows, nothing else will matter but the spoken words of the covenant between us. God will have brought us to that point and cleared the path for which He has planned and for which we have chosen. The "How" in the getting there only having been orchestrated by His design.

And so I live also trusting that the day will come when He will call me from this place and bring me into union with Him. The Divine Will in place and each circumstance used to draw me closer to Him. Heaven will be waiting for me, as there is nothing more I can do but hope for it and look forward to finally being with my Creator - the Love that has poured Himself into everything and everyone I have ever cherished on this earth. At last, I will be complete.

Singing of Your mercies, as St. Therese does so unashamedly, I say, "Thank You" for blessing me so. Too few people in this world rejoice in the treasures they have received. I want to follow You and be that flower...the little one that silently gives You glory...the one that is looked upon with a smile as only those who are in tune and paying attention will stop to notice.

Yet even if no others can see me, You do. I will simply live my life reaching up to You, my Jesus - my Sun - and offer You my presence.

Amen.

"When virtue is present , we imitate it; when it is absent, we long for it; It is crowned in eternity for having triumphed in the blameless struggle." (Wisdom 4:2)

Take My Hand

by KRY
I know there are times
your dreams turn to dust
you wonder as you cry
why it has to hurt so much
give Me all your sadness
someday you will know the reason why
wih a child-like heart
simply put your hope in Me

Chorus:
take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on Me alone
don't you say why were the old days better
just because you're scared of the unknown
take My hand and walk

don't live in the past
cause yesterday's gone
wishing memories would last
you're afraid to carry on
you don't know what's comin'
but you know the one who holds tomorrow
I will be your guide
take you through the night
if you keep your eyes on Me

take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on me alone
don't you say why were the old days better
just because you're scared of the unknown

just like a child
holding daddy's hand
don't let go of mine
you know you can't stand on your own

take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on me alone
don't you say why were the old days better
just because you're scared of the unknown
take My hand and walk

Hebrews 11

The Good Lord's Mercy

"I find myself at a period in my life when I can glance on the past; my soul has matured in the crucible of interior and exterior trials. And now like a flower strengthened by the storm, I can raise my head and see the words of Psalm 22 realized in me: 'The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want; he makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul. Even though I was through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for thou art with me...' To me the Lord has always been 'merciful and good, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love' (Ps 102:8)"
- St. Therese of Lisieux, Story of a Soul

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It is time that I read again, five years later, the words that once changed my life...for now, different passages call out to my soul. In 2001 I was able to appreciate St. Therese's deep desire for God's love. Today, I can relish in her trials and the lessons that had come out of them. The beauty of purification is insurmountable. We cannot expect to live like Christ and not suffer some hardship. No, I would not trade my crosses for someone else's...nor would I wish that their weight was lighter...for God has used every bit of pain to draw out the truth of who I am. This no longer is something I can shut my eyes and my heart to because to deny it is to deny the very Spirit who lives within me. As the Jews revere the only Wall left standing of their once glorious Temple, I must look to the remnants of my faith...of my own once-upon-a-time...and hold fast to what He has given me. All is not lost. It never has been.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

A Plan and a Purpose

Why I Choose to Teach at a Catholic School

A paper mache crucifix made in Art class that has been a prop for many a retreat talk. An origami nun I have kept in my checkbook for four years. A Miraculous Medal I have worn around my neck since 2002. Rose petals found that have served as reminders to hope in the prayers we persistently offer up through the intercession of the Saints. Letters, notes, drawings, and cards placed in my hands to tell me that I am in the right place.

I teach at a Catholic school because these gifts are the fruit of lessons in Scripture, prayer in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and discussions centered on the universal call to holiness. Five years ago, I thought I ended up as a Catholic school teacher by chance. My students have proven that there is no such thing. God ordains every step and provides every opportunity to know Him, love Him, and serve Him in some of the most unexpected ways. So when I came to understand why these children needed me, I discovered what St. Teresa of Avila meant when she said that Christ has no hands on earth but ours. That is when I adopted Jesus as my Master Teacher.

Learning the ways of the Lord in His teaching ministry helped me go beyond textbook knowledge and bring the curriculum to life. Many of my students began to realize that their grades and test scores were not the ultimate end but the means to where they needed to go – that heaven was their goal and everything they did, no matter how seemingly insignificant, would lead them closer to it or farther away.

I will never forget a conversation I had with one of my boys, Nick, who could not get motivated enough to do his homework but would draw me pictures and write beautiful prayers about his deep love for God. He said he wanted to be an architect, so I reminded him that there was a reason for what was necessary to accomplish. This was important because one day, God might need him to build a beautiful church so others could pray and worship Him. Somehow, that clicked. Nick finally saw a glimpse of the big picture.

I found such joy in guiding young souls to the truth of who they really were as children of God – children who would grow into adults that made a difference in the world around them. It was most encouraging to know that the kids were going home and teaching their younger brothers and sisters how to pray the Rosary and leading the prayers when close relatives would pass away. Parents would approach me with light in their eyes and smiles on their faces, as their faith was also being renewed through the witness of their own young boys and girls.

This I can only attribute to the grace and mercy of God. I gave my “Yes” but He has done the rest. It has been my greatest privilege to share in the lives of my students and their families…to laugh with them and cry with them…to watch them grow and see them off in hopes that they will someday pass on what I gave them to those who need it the most.

Had I never been chosen by Him to feed His sheep, my heart would not be so full nor would my life be this rich. +AMDG+

- Ms. Marianne Soratorio

Monday, February 13, 2006

It All Starts with God

Re-reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

"...focusing on ourselves will never reveal our life's purpose."

"You could reach all your personal goals, becoming a raving success by the world's standard, and still miss the purposes for which God created you."

"You may choose your career, your spouse, your hobbies, and many other parts of your life, but you don't get to choose your purpose."

Point to Ponder: It's not about me.

Verse to Remember: "Everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him." (Col 1:16b)

Question to Consider: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

My response:
I think I would make a mess of my life if it was totally up to me. Hmm...let me make that a more positive statement. I think God truly saves me from A LOT. A lot of heartache, a lot of despair, a lot of bad situations that I could potentially make much worse. Though I believe that I've had my share of hardships, He is the reason why I still can open my heart to love people...why I get up in the morning to go to work...why I can watch the news and read about the world's horrific events with some glimmer of faith that somehow some good is coming out of it all.

As far as my purpose...I don't know that I fully understand that yet. Day One says that we should look to the Bible and ask God what our purpose is. The chapter ends with saying that I'm about to walk into the light. At various times in my life, I thought I knew. When I walked off the campus of St. Paul of the Cross and onto the grounds of Verbum Dei, I thought I knew. When I served at St. Pius, I thought I knew. When I shadowed the Carmelite life, I thought I knew. But it is only God - not me - who can see the Big Picture.

So what am I doing reading this book again?

I need to be reminded, especially now. Especially when I have days like I have had lately when I question what I'm doing here and I doubt that it makes much of a difference. I need to be consoled with the fact that I was placed in this world on purpose...with purpose...for somebody...or a Bigger Someone...to do something great.

But first I need to understand who it is what really loves me before I wholeheartedly can love Him back. My seeking His face is my act of worship. That's something I learned as I taught the Judaism unit for Freshman religion. For the Jews, studying the Torah was an act of worship to the Lord. They wanted to know His laws like the back of their hand, and so they spent hours upon hours poring over the scrolls of the revealed Word of God. For me, I will search for His presence until I find Him in my family, my friends, my students and coworkers. This searching is what I can offer to God. Recognizing Him in them is the least I can do because when He died, Jesus looked at me and only saw a treasure worth buying with His own blood.

Yes, this is not about me. It's all about you, Jesus.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Who she was

"The little flower transplanted to Mount Carmel was to expand under the shadow of the cross. The tears and blood of Jesus were to be her dew, and her Sun was His adorable Face veiled with tears... I understood what real glory was. He whose Kingdom is not of this world showed me that true wisdom consists in 'desiring to be unknown and counted as nothing.' "



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Thought for the day:
What once was will always be and never be the same again. But at least I have now...this moment spent in the presence of God who surrounds me with His love and fills me with the grace to go on.

"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy and my burden light." (Mt 11:28-30)