Holding my hand

He's moving me along. The prompting in my heart to pursue the nagging desire led me to a place I never knew existed. And somehow it just fits.

By no means am I running away from anything. It's a bittersweet feeling to have to leave people you have shared so much with...to leave places that have come to mean so much. Everywhere I've ever been has somehow been "home" to me. Everyone I've ever met has somehow become "family".

But maybe somehow in my walking away and going towards, in my taking with me and my letting go, I am in some way embracing the world and learning more this way than I ever could before.

How I have wished I could have kept certain friends and lived closer to certain family members over the years. I've longed for the lazy days of hanging out with the girls and going to movies. I've missed the Sunday morning talks on my bed with my sisters. And my kids...how I've wanted to see them grow up...to know how they would be inspired over the years...to be there for the special landmark moments, especially when they'd be looking for answers in regards to their faith. Prayer meetings and Kappa meetings, PCN practices and music min practices. All memories of times I know I'll never have again.

And today I look forward while glancing back, well aware of the sadness I will feel and the excitement of what awaits me in the coming months.

So much change all at once. But it's going to be okay. Actually, it's going to be good for me and those He will give me to love and to serve.

I wanted to be able to trust God completely with every aspect of my life, and now here is my opportunity. He carries it all so close to His heart because He does that with everybody. He has a plan for each one of us and it's something that we need to believe and have faith in. I will go where He wants me to go, and where He wants me to go seems to be very clear.

Continuing to question myself at times is a weakness I struggle with, but it appears that when He deems necessary for our lives to move in a particular direction, He will make the path straight, though narrow it may be. I have to trust that. I have to know that He will be there...that He is here now...and that He will be there for everyone I leave behind.

That's just how it has always worked out.

So I give this all to You, dear Lord. Embracing my present and the day I now live in with the people You have placed in my life. Please hold me in Your hand and be my support...my courage and my strength. But first and foremost, please be my Love, so that I will cherish the moments You give me and treasure all the lessons learned.