WHAT?!?!

*NOTE...this is absolutely RIDICULOUS...

Pelosi: Fewer babies = stronger economy
Charlie Butts and Jody Brown - OneNewsNow - 1/27/2009 6:00:00 AM

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi stirred up a hornet's nest by promoting the idea of spending of millions of dollars on birth control and abortion as part of the economic stimulus package.

"Contraception," argued Pelosi, "will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government." Her comments came on ABC's This Week when asked by host George Stephanopoulos how expanding "family-planning services" to the tune of millions of dollars will stimulate the economy. OneNewsNow sought reaction from Susan Fani, director of communications for the Catholic League.

"It's quite shocking, actually, that the Speaker of the House -- who claims to be Catholic -- would go on national television and claim that contraception would reduce the cost to the government," exclaims Fani. "It's just beyond words, really."

Pelosi has five children and six grandchildren. Catholic League president Bill Donohue finds her comments revealing. "We have reached a new low when high-ranking public office holders in the federal government cast children as the enemy," he offers in a press statement. "But at least it explains their enthusiasm for abortion-on-demand."

Will the spending on "family-planning services" help dig America out of its economic doldrums?

"That's not going to help grow the economy," Fani responds. "It doesn't even make sense as a prospect for helping this country through our economic crisis. So it's wrong on so many different levels, and just shows...a very flawed thought process."

American Life League calls Pelosi's remarks "a betrayal" of her Catholic faith, and the Christian Defense Coalition says it is "unthinkable" that she would try to stimulate the economy by "seeking to reduce the number of children."

America needs to produce 2.1 children per couple to keep up with births to support the population -- and that rate is not being maintained. Economies in Europe have been especially hurt by a drop in birth rates.

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Words cannot express how disappointed - not to mention disgusted - I am with this whole idea. Echoing Jaymee's recent expression...GRRRRRR!!! =(

The Gift of Life

I wasn't sure what to do for Gary's birthday. Faced with a few different options, I left it up to God and asked Him what would be best. Knowing my husband's fun-loving, "get-my-groove-on" personality, I thought the Freestyle L.A. concert w/Stevie B, Lisa Lisa, Expose, and Debbie Deb would be super-cool to take him to. For about five minutes, I even considered bringing him to an MMA fight! But I felt a nudge...a strong nudge...to keep it simple. We had lunch at Zov's Cafe & Bakery in Tustin (and bought YUMMY deserts to share with Em and Rob to thank them for babysitting Meleana!), hung out at the Moya's for a little while, picked up Lea, went to confession at St. Peter Chanel, then drove to Our Lady of the Angels Cathedral for the Archdiocesan Requiem Mass for the Unborn. It was PERFECT.

At the Mass, all of the music was about honoring the life of each child...of telling this generation about the new generation to be born...the readings brought comfort in knowing how much God loves each person He creates, no mater how long they live...and Cardinal Mahoney's homily spoke gently but firmly about the issues we need to be concerned about regarding abortion policy in this country. He assured us that the pro-life movement would continue to grow in strength despite the actions of any government or political leader because no one can thwart the plan of God. People can try, but God is the one in control. He is all-powerful, and if His people work and pray, His plan will come into fruition. Yes, there will be sacrifices. Yes, at times, it will look like we have lost. But there is always hope in knowing that our fight will see victory as we move in prayer and moral persuasion.

After Communion, a woman gave her testimony with two out of her three daughters about how both of them were born with cystic fibrosis. She was urged to have an abortion if the amniocentesis showed that the third one had the condition. She and her midwife did everything they could to save the life of her child, and she and her daughters standing together in front of the congregation 19 years later was a strong testimony to what choosing life really means. Both of the girls are attending universities and are contributing to the world as the good God intended. At the end of her mother's sharing, the youngest daughter invited us all to witness the presentation of 148 candles lit in honor of the 148 babies who were aborted in Los Angeles today. "At sunrise, they joined us in greeting a new day, and at sunset we had to continue on in this life without them..." The votive candles were brought up and placed around the altar, and 148 seconds of silence were offered in rememberance of them. I placed my hand on my tummy as the baby stirred inside of me, and all I could hear was, "Thank you, Mommy. Thank you, Mommy." I cried, and Gary reached for my hand and for Meleana's.

We needed to be there. This is why...

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(Gary's email regarding political choices debated among his friends - sent Summer 2008)

Thanks for those questions to consider. I have thought about those situations before, and I have talked to Marianne about those situations, "What if our baby was born with a dysfunction or disfigured" and we found out early in pregnancy. Or "What if your life is at risk?" And the answer to when the mother's life is at risk is in the life of St. Gianna Beretta Molla.

St. Gianna was a doctor, a normal mother of 3, and married to a wonderful husband. On her fourth baby, she found out from her doctor that she had fibroma of the uterus. She had three options: 1) an abortion, which would saver her life and allow her to have more babies, 2) a hysterectomy, which would save her life but take away the unborn baby's life, or 3) remove the fibroma, in which the baby may survive with the risk of complications for her or the baby. Through her Faith and prayers and talks with her husband, they decided to have the baby. Gianna believed that the baby's life was more important than her own and told the doctors prior to delivery to save the baby's life. Her exact words were, “If you must decide between me and the child, do not hesitate: choose the child - I insist on it. Save him”. The baby was born April 21, 1962 and her name was Gianna Emanuela. 7 days later Gianna died inspite of treatments. In pain, her last words were, "I love you, Jesus. I love you, Jesus." Today Gianna Emanuela is a doctor, just like her mom. Gianna was beatified on Mother's day in 1994 and on May 16, 2004 she was canonized a saint by Pope John Paul II. She is the first canonized woman, physician, and professional. She is a saint for mothers and parents; a model of virtue, holiness, motherhood, professionalism, and devotion.

It's a beautiful story of a parent's sacrifice and faith for the love of a child's life no matter what the cost. St. Gianna's husband did become a single parent, did not remarry, and raised 4 kids of on his own. But they all grew up to be good people, especially Gianna Emanuela. And they all lived to see her canonized a saint.

To answer what if "more likely than not" be born with a brain that had missing parts thus making it's life very difficult and dysfunctional?"If a baby is born with part of his brain missing which leads to dysfunction?"

That's a tough one and confusing. Well, if a baby is born with an incomplete or a partly functioning brain, does that mean the brain or body will not function? No. The brain will function, but not that well. The extent of difficulty for the brain to function is different from case to case. But there is the option of therapy for brain-injured kids. Marianne bought a set of books authored by Glenn Doman, who pioneered the treatment of brain-injured children and babies born with dysfunction. He successfully helped these babies and kids become more functional than their previous state. These kids may not ever be 100% like you or me, but they are functional, as to walk, talk, or grip a glass. Glenn Doman founded the Institute of Human Achievement in 1955 in which he treats his patients and helps normal kids become more physically and mentally intelligent with the same therapy. If we were to reference to our Faith, in the Catechism of the Catholic Church pp. 2274, "Since it must be treated from conception as a person, the embryo must be defended in its integrity, care for, and healed, as far as possible, like any other human being. Prenatal diagnosis is morally licit, "if it respects the life and integrity of the embryo and the human fetus and is directed toward its safeguarding or healing as an indivudual...It is gravely opposed to the moral law when this is done with the thought of possibly inducing an abortion, depending upon the results: a diagnosis must not be equivalent of a death sentence." And don't forget the fifth commandment, "Though shall not kill."

St. Gianna sacrificed her life for the greater good of her baby's life. Jesus showed care for the tax collector, protected the prostitute, healed the sick, and died for the sins of mankind. What if my baby, Meleana, was born mentally retarded; mentally deficient - slow, lack of motor skills, lack of sensory skills; blind; deaf; paralyzed; no arms; no legs; or with more limbs? Would I love her any less? Would I, as a parent, not try to help and care for her until I can't anymore? Marianne is 31, but if she were to sacrifice her life so that Meleana can be born, wouldn't that be the greatest gift she can give to Meleana? What if Meleana was in an accident and became brain-injured, would I not want to care for her until she is totally brain-dead? Most importantly, wouldn't Meleana want to try to be as healthy as possible, no matter how difficult the path may be?

These are the views of the Catholic Church.

These next lines are my thoughts:

Sacrifice is one of the greatest actions or expressions of love. As a parent, I would want to not only express my love through hugs and kisses, but deeply through sacrifice, even if it means sacrificing my own life. I'm sure Marianne feels the same. If it's a monetary sacrifice to keep my baby healthy, we'll do it. If it's a physical sacrifice, we'll do it. Healthy or not, holding your baby in your arms is one of the greatest gifts God can give you. Even with our miscarriage the year before Meleana was born, Marianne and I were torn. But we know that since the day of his conception he was loved. And he was a great gift too, even if he was not born to live a long life. I say "He" because Marianne heard his voice say "It's ok, mommy. It's ok!" as the miscarriage happened. It was a little baby boy's voice. To this day, we call him, Little Gary. We believe that he sacrificed so that Meleana can be born.

If a parent is not willing to sacrifice for a baby, let alone for an unhealthy baby, I would want that parent to give the baby up for adoption so that a loving family (or just someone willing to care) can care for him. We may diagnose baby disorders, deficiencies, and dysfunction, but we do not know the outcome of a life lived. A baby's poor health can be difficult for both the baby and parents, but why then not try to have the baby and see what happens? Is a financial burden stopping the birth? Is physical disfigurement or dysfunction stopping the birth? Is this what the baby wants? Remember Special Games. It's not that God tests us with damaged babies, but He allows us to choose to love no matter what the cost. Who knows, He may choose us because he knows that we can care and love unhealthy babies. The question is, "do we have the faith and courage to find the strength and hope to be that kind of parent?" and Do we have the right to answer for those without a voice or who is unheard?"

As far as raped victims, I answered that in a previous e-mail. My aunt is a living example.

Bill Clinton passed the bill that allowed the partial abortion procedure. George Bush passed the bill to reverse the partial abortion law. Abortion is in the back of everyone's mind because everyone is concerned about our dead soldiers. But there is a study that calculated through the years that abortion (both legal and illegal) deaths total more than any war. (There's a Canadian Study on Youtube, hopefully it's not a sound byte). I'm not saying that the next president will pass a bill to allow it again, but it can be a possibility. And the sad thing is, that we do not include faith in our education system, except for Christian Schools and other religious schools, to truly understand how and why a life lived is okay. And how often are we reminded of St. Gianna or the views on abortion and the positive option of life and how we can successfully live it? This topic seems like such a small deal nowadays compared to the war and the economy, which are big deals in our minds right now.

Sometimes we make decisions for the sake of convenience. Can abortion be convenient?

Which politicians can we trust to defend the unborn babies? I know there is a clinic in Long Beach that does procedures. Tough choice.

This is why we pray for the babies being aborted, for our world leaders to make the right decisions, for parents to have the strength, hope, courage, and love, and the healing of the sick and handicapped.

...I don't usually evangelize, but if He calls me to share His Truth, then I must choose to. From Him through my fingers. Not for me..............

Have a blessed week,
Gary

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Happy birthday, Gary... God definitely knew what He was doing when He brought you into my life! I love you SO MUCH!!! =)

always,
Marianne

a p.s. to those reading...the baby in the first pic is Gary, not Meleana! See how much of a "junior" she is! =)

A Voice for the Unborn

I have always been pro-life. I have also been misunderstood, criticized, and judged for trying to speak up for children who have the right to live. Since the days of email debates with my friends years ago, I have not been as vocal because I didn't think that arguing with them was worth it. So I spoke up in other ways. I taught my students to value the dignity of every human person. I made sure they understood why abortion was wrong. Every night I prayed for the babies in danger of abortion. And ever since I knew I was pregnant with my first child in October 2006, my voice has grown much stronger. Maybe not louder, but the strength of my convictions has developed so much more because I BECAME A MOTHER.

As most of you know, I lost my first baby. He was five weeks old when he stopped growing in my womb. That didn't rob me of the opportunity of being a parent because he was my son from the moment he was conceived. I fed him, I nurtured him, I talked to him...and after he passed and went home to the Father, he talked to me, too. He still does.

I thank God every day for that pregnancy, even if it did not reach the full term. Nothing about it was a failure...everything about it helped me appreciate life and the blessing I now have in both Meleana and the child whom I carry today. I don't know why God did not allow Little Gary to be born and the other two to live. But the length of their lives is His call, not mine. So when I think about the millions of children who could have lived but were forcefully removed from the womb, I feel so incredibly sad. Last night I had tears welling up in my eyes as I watched Meleana sleeping next to me. She is a miracle...though, yes, she was conceived naturally...she was created out of God's love...made with a soul of her own...a soul that Gary nor I had anything to do with in its coming into existence.

I was impressed by President Obama's charisma and intelligence. I could see how many in this nation looked to him as a symbol of hope for all people. I admired his eloquence and good will. But I could not support his views on abortion. That was the first and foremost issue that determined my vote. Of course I am concerned about the economy. Of course I am concerned about the wars we fight overseas. Of course I want all Americans to know that it is possible to be elected President if you are a person of color. But who is to speak up for the voiceless unborn if we do not?

One day after the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, he lifts the ban on federal funding for international organizations who support or perform abortions. People say this will help the overall outcome of women's health...

"Women's health has been severely impacted by the cutoff of assistance. President Obama's actions will help reduce the number of unintended pregnancies, abortions and women dying from high-risk pregnancies because they don't have access to family planning," said Tod Preston, a spokesman for Population Action International, an advocacy group. (taken from an article I read in Yahoo news today)

I can't swallow this. There is another way, America. Killing our children is NOT the solution to difficult circumstances that women today may face - whether medical, financial, emotional, or what not.

God help us... If we don't listen to Him, what will become of our society? What will become of our world?

"For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world."
+AMDG+

Best Friend Jenn

I have the greatest best friend in the whole world! Jenn came to SJS today with Ethan, Shane, and her friend Cathy to drop off her birthday present for me. She made me a published book of my MySpace blogs! It's a bound book with cover pictures...in print and everything! I thought it was the coolest gift EVER! I totally wanted to cry when I unwrapped it =*) ...just because I've always wanted to write a book but never had the courage to do so. And even if it's not mass produced and available for sale, it's just as good because I can leave it for my family down the line.

It was so enlightening to read through those entries because I don't really use the site anymore and haven't even thought to go back and see how things have changed. Lots about Gary and my work at Verbum Dei...some stuff about Kappa and the hard lessons I've learned in life. I love it! Thank you so much, Jenn! You're always so thoughtful and you come up with the best ideas! That's why I love you! What a blessing you are to me!!! YAY for you! =) Whoohoo!

Making a difference

On the drive to our ob appointment, we were listening to Christian talk radio and heard a really great talk about how becoming a parent totally changes your life. At first this guy was saying how he and his wife were super-organized people before they had kids, and now that they have two children, they had to let go of their expectations and understand how they need to accept a different dynamic both at home and professionally. Later on in the talk, he made a very profound comment about how we shouldn't see children as an interruption but as our biggest investment in the future. He said that instead of writing a book to change the lives of people, we as parents are writing on a different "tablet"...one that is living and breathing and can go on to do things we could never do.

How wonderful that we can contribute to the world in such a positive way. I used to be scared to bring children into this world because society is so corrupt and morally dangerous, but how is anything going to get better if there are no longer parents who are committed enough to teach their children Biblical values? We might not have millions of dollars to give away to charities, but at least we can raise children who truly care about the poor and will fight for the dignity of every human being. So, yes, our reality - without a doubt - has changed dramatically since we became parents as well...and we will continue to adjust as we are blessed with more children...but with this kind of perspective, we can rest assured that this is what God wants for us and for the world.

p.s. Gary and I decided to start a blog for Meleana because 1) we met a dad working at a gym equipment store last summer who showed us one he made for his daughter, and 2) I don't have the patience to scrapbook. It might take a little while get it going but I'm happy I got it started! =)

+AMDG+

Happy New Year!

I ditto Rob's entry...Emeline wrote an AWESOME blog entry about the trip to Florida and did a great job capturing all of the highlights. Vacation with family is always so much fun...it was a super-busy two weeks because Gary, Meleana, and I left for San Francisco the day after I got out from school. We stayed with his Auntie Mila for one night, then drove to Vallejo to visit his cousin Nelson and family, watched nephew Neil play for his freshman basketball team, stopped by cousin Robert's house the next day for lunch after Mass at St. Catherine's, went back to the City the next day and met his Uncle Tony from New Jersey, saw Dad and had lunch with Nelden on Monday and visited cousin Janet and family in Danville. Then we drove with Nelden to Merced to see Mom and Papa Ben for a day with chicken tinola, fried fish, and TFC waiting for us, as usual.

We headed back for SoCal on Christmas Eve and took the 101 instead of the 5 because we thought there might be snow on the Grapevine and didn't want to get stuck on the freeway. It took a while, but at least we got home safely at around midnight. On Christmas morning, we got up to help Gary's coworkers prepare food for the homeless on Skid Row and went with them to drop off the plates in Downtown. It was a good starting experience for our family because that's a tradition I always wanted to start during the holiday season. On the way to Mass at St. Anastasia, Gary and I were already planning next Christmas...getting everyone together to cook on Christmas Eve and sending the food out in the morning...we were really excited about it! After Mass, we had to repack for our Florida trip (going from chilly 50/60-degree weather to a warm 75-80 degrees in Palm Coast!)...then we met Em, Rob, Lyn-Lyn, Mike, and the kiddos for dinner with yummy food from Sam Woo's.

We had to leave for the airport at 9:30 so we said our goodbyes and drove back to LAX for our red-eye flight out. If you read Em's entry, she says something about traveling with Santo Nino. This is actually where it all started. My mom insisted that we hand-carry her pink Santo Nino from the BP house and bring it to Florida. We were wondering why she couldn't just bring it with her when she returned to Palm Coast in July, especially since we weren't sure if we'd have enough room for it, but we decided to take it with us anyway and somehow make space for the statue. I kid you not...with all the problems we were saved from, Santo Nino took care of us during the trip across the country, rather than the other way around...even upgrading us to first class on the second flight! I tried to follow the sequence of events in my mind - this happened because this didn't happen because we were sent to this person to talk to that person - but in the end, I just thanked Jesus that the "complications" actually worked out in the end. So when Em, Rob, and Jacob arrived in FL, we told them what happened and said we should always travel with a Santo Nino. There's much more to the story, but we too bought a little pink Divine Child from the Queen of the Universe Gift Shop to take with us whenever we drive or fly.

It really was a great trip. I was brought to tears when we were at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton for Mass because I remember going to the Blessed Sacrament late at night praying to God to tell me what His will for my life was. The last time I was in that church was during the summer of 2003, feeling very confused about the path He had planned. Never did I imagine that I would return with a husband and children five years later. It was the most amazing realization of His goodness and love. Since it was the Feast of the Holy Family, the pastor Fr. Jim told a story in his homily about a stay-at-home mother whose child begged her for more "stuff" like the other kids had. She looked at her son and said, "If you want me to go to work like the other moms just so I can buy you more things, I will...but that means that I won't be here with you anymore to take care of you." The little boy didn't say anything to his mother...he just threw his arms around her and gave her a big hug. We have been discerning lately about the direction to take with our family...not so much what do to but when to take the next step. That homily hit home for me, and I knew that it was God's way of reassuring me that we are making the right decision. Now it's just a matter of trust that things will work out in His time...

Yes, it was a great trip.

Time spent with God...time spent with family...that's just irreplaceable. We had such a good time in each other's company, and I'm very glad that Meleana got to hang out with Jacob. They're so funny, giggling and laughing with each other. I was pretty surprised at how quickly Meleana felt at home in Mommy's house and how fast she warmed up to her Lola, who she hadn't seen in six months. I'd been watching her try to adjust to all these people and places we'd been visiting during our vacation and it would take her at least a day or two to feel comfortable...but it was nice to see her so happy and at ease in Palm Coast. I think the city itself just lends itself to a more relaxed and laid-back attitude.

So here I am, back home with my little girl asleep on my lap...one more day of vacation left. Ah, such is life. And Baby Dyogi is kicking once again telling me to eat something. =) Until next time...

+AMDG+

"The first end I propose in our daily work is to do the will of God; secondly, to do it in the manner he wills it; and thirdly to do it because it is his will."

– St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

It's that time of year again...

...flu season, I mean.

I just took a shower after 3 days (gross) because since Thursday/Friday I've been soooooo super-sick. First muscle aches, then chills, then 103 fever, and more chills, with a wonderful migraine throughout the whole thing. And Tylenol was not doing the job. I was about to go to the emergency room yesterday, but Gary was able to get my fever down to 101 with ice packs and lots of cold water to drink. Good thing because I was getting worried about the baby. My temp just got back to normal today after sweating it all out. Interesting how the body has its own thermoregulation system.

I haven't felt this bad in a long time. Now I just feel like I survived a train wreck. Nevertheless, I feel 100 times better right now than I did yesterday. Thank you SO MUCH for your prayers!!!

Lupus, I can put up with...but the flu is not my friend.

So I am currently quarantined in our bedroom and am only able to listen to Gary and Meleana playing in the living room. =( They'll come in every so often to see if I need anything, and she'll climb up onto the side of the bed to say hi. But she can't touch me because I'm sick. Please God, I hope neither of them catches this bug from me. Better me than them.

I'm taking the day off tomorrow just to make sure I'm all better before coming back to school...for everybody's sake.

While I've been resting, the little one inside has been moving around a whole lot. He/she is even more active than Meleana was. The punches, kicks, and somersaults are definitely reassuring, especially since I've been more sick this time.

I pray this next week is a better week. At least we'll be on vacation soon...

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On another note, I'd been reading the blog of the Carmelite Sisters and I'm so inspired by how much of Christ's Light they live their lives with. It's hard sometimes to be so grateful for everything you experience - both good and bad - as you can see from my entry above. I'm just so glad that I can always look to them to remind me of the gracious spirit that we should all carry within us.

Carmelite Blog

Happiness is...

...not comparing your life to anyone else's.

There will always be people in this world "better off" than you are, and there will always be people in this world "worse off" than you are. What's interesting is that the people you think are "better off" often struggle in ways that you are unaware of...and the people you think are "worse off" might have more to be thankful for than you do.

Just a thought sparked from a conversation that I had with my sisters a few days ago.

If you're constantly looking at everything other people have that you don't, you'll feel very unsatisfied with your own life. If you're constantly looking for everything that's wrong in everybody else's lives, you'll have a false sense of esteem for what you think you do have.

Moral of the story: Live your life as best as you can according to God's will for you. The only person you can really compare yourself to is the person He made you to be. The "best version of yourself", as Matthew Kelly says.

You can't even want to be the person you used to be since time and experience has changed you. But in the circumstances you find yourself, you can ask God how you can be more grateful and loving and generous and kind...more faithful and committed and honest...more like Him among the people He has placed in your life.

Another random thought: It always takes me a really long time to make Kris Kringle lists. I no longer like to accumulate things, and as time goes by, I've realized that I only buy what I really need. So when I have to make a list of things that I "want for Christmas", I have a hard time. Hmmm...

Meleana wasn't feeling well today. She puked all over Gary twice and looked horrible when I got home. Her tummy wasn't agreeing with the whole milk. It took a while for her to get better, but you should have seen her just laying there on his chest. So sad. Thank God that she was eventually up and about again after a few hours, running around saying, "Hiiii....!!"

=)

Happy Gobble Gobble!

People send the funniest mass text messages on Thanksgiving. =)

I'm sitting at my mom's house waiting for my corn casserole to bake, so I thought I'd blog a bit. We split up the menu because there just wouldn't be enough time to cook all the dishes ourselves. So Gary and I picked the menu, printed out the recipes, bought the ingredients, and distributed everything among my family.

Here's what we're going to eat tonight...

• Turkey
• Apple and Pecan Stuffing
  
• Spinach-Green Bean Casserole
• Corn Casserole
• Pumpkin Gooey (kinda like pumpkin pie)
  
• Em's Pumpkin bread

We got the Corn Casserole and Pumpkin Gooey from Gary's friend Janina when his friends got together for their annual Thanksgiving potluck earlier this month. They were so good, we had to share them with the family. I'm so not the cook, but my husband definitely inspires me to try a few new things because HE'S so excited about the food. =)

A part of me is sad that our family is not complete tonight. In a perfect world - at least from my perspective - things would be different. But I can only say a prayer that one day, we'll all be celebrating together in the heavenly Banquet prepared for us by the Lord.

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On another note, I finally got to see Dr. Wallace yesterday for an appointment. He's the doctor who wrote The Lupus Book, recommended to me by one of the mom's of two of my former students. I was hesitant to contact him because my case isn't extremely serious, and I figured he'd be super-busy, but my coworkers reminded me that I need to get whatever care it takes to get me back to 100% - especially since I'm pregnant.

So Gary, Meleana, and I drove to his office across from Cedar-Sinai, and there wasn't even a wait! I was shocked, simply because my last specialist was always overbooked and I had to wait at least 45 min to an hour just to see him for 10 minutes all the way in Santa Ana. Particularly impressive was the fact that he did a FULL exam, and I was able to get my blood drawn right there in the office. Apparently he treats Paula Abdul and a few other celebrities struggling with rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and fibromyaligia - so he's gotta be the best of the best in his field.

I felt really good leaving his office because he definitely knows what he's doing. Praise God...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Word of the Day: "Doggie"

I was reading to Lea today, and I pointed to a puppy in one of the pictures. "Doggie," I said to her. "Doggie," she repeated back. Then she flipped through the pages of the book and had me come back to the page with the puppy. She took my finger and had me point to it again. "Doggie." That was the only word she would say. I'd point to other things and say their names: kitten, ant, worm, dress...she'd just look at them...but whenever I came back to the puppy, she would say it again, "Doggie."

I was sharing with my 6th graders today that we all struggle with various temptations throughout our lives, and that I continue to fight against my own temptations every day - especially when I am frustrated with a person or a situation and I just want to vent instead of praying about it and giving it to God. So last night, I was talking to Gary about someone that I was losing my patience with, using a tone and an attitude that was not very Christian-like. In the middle of the conversation, Meleana happened to reach under the futon where we keep her reading cards, pulls one out, and walks over from the living room to hand it to me in the dining room. I take the card from her and tell her what it says..."JESUS". In that moment, the Lord brought me back to a previous lesson I had shared with my kids about how we need to understand that "whatsoever you do to the least of My brethren, that you do unto Me." And so I decided to stop my ranting. It was a good reminder...

My child can talk!

"Lea..."

"Mama..."

"Daddy..."

This is what I've been waiting for! I LOVED having conversations with Leilani when she first started talking, and now here Meleana is actually beginning to say words! She still has a ways to go as far as putting sentences together, but she'll at least repeat words that we say to her (especially when we're showing her reading cards). And when we say, "Thank you," she utters her own version of "You're welcome"!

Her favorite books are The Story of Mary (still!) and Goodnight Moon, both given by my sisters. When I ask her to find those books, she knows exactly which ones to pick up. And last week at the school Mass, she was raising her hands with us as we prayed the Our Father. My kids caught me laughing because it was the first time we'd ever seen her do that! I was also sharing with Jenn and Lyn-lyn that on Monday night, she was imitating one of the couples doing the fox trot on "Dancing with the Stars"...I think there were three moves she picked up...haha!

It's SO amazing to watch kids grow up. When I see Leilani reading to the little ones, Jacob singing with his mommy, JJ playing the ukulele, and all the King kiddos behaving so well every time we see them at Mass, it makes me so grateful that I'm able to share the experience of being a parent among family members who celebrate motherhood and fatherhood.

It's so sad that people look at having children as a burden - an unfortunate event that encroaches on your personal freedom. If anything, being a mother or a father opens up your life AND your heart to a world of innocence and purity that we once knew long ago. You can't get this kind of joy any other way. That's why I was so happy to run into one of my friends recently who was able to adopt 2 beautiful little girls after suffering her own series of miscarriages. There's this space within each and every one of us that not only needs to be filled with love, but wants so badly to share that love with children who depend on us for everything.

My last entry was begging God for an experience of His love. I thought I was looking to receive it, but He knew that I needed to be the giver this time. Shortly after writing that post some weeks ago, Meleana got sick. It wasn't serious and it didn't last very long, but Gary and I had a couple of really rough nights with her where we hardly slept during those 48 hours. I remember holding her in my arms, praying that she would be okay...not so I could get rest, but so she wouldn't have to suffer. I wanted to make the sacrifice because I loved her. It was then that the longing was fulfilled, and my spirit was able to rest in the comfort of knowing that God was calling me to something deeper than what I thought I needed for myself.

Emeline has been writing about a new revelation in her own spiritual life, and I feel like I am going through something similar but in a different kind of way. The one thing I do share in her journey is a renewed sense of faithfulness and commitment to the every day duties placed before me, in every aspect of my life. No, it's not about the spiritual highs anymore. Granted I do get excited when I see God working, but life has settled down into such a state of serenity - even in all the busyness of our schedules. There is a peace...a calm...a wonderful "knowing" that God is in control...

Maybe this has something to do with the fact that I can also feel Dyogi baby #3 moving around a lot more these days. Or maybe it was that we also got to hear Bill Cosby speak live and in person about the road he traveled to get where he is today. Or could it have to do with my once again hearing the stories and saw the faces of the students at Verbum Dei, reminded of the good work being done that so many people take for granted? Or maybe because we were able to attend a full seminar given by Dominic on life after death that truly put this all in perspective. Or could it have been the opportunity we had to watch my SJS boys during their football game because God really did tell me that we'd be able to see them play? It could also be the faith and courage of one 8th grader who led the rosary for his family who was mourning the loss of a cousin killed in front of his own girlfriend. Not to forget the phone conversation I had with one of my coworkers/parents who is recovering from a major surgery, as she envisioned Jesus standing over her among the doctors and nurses who cared for her at such a vulnerable time.

Blessings abound. Blessings always abound, even in our broken world. I don't think God ever runs out of ways to show us that He's here.

Sure, tomorrow holds many hopes and dreams and a million possibilities. But today there's so much to be thankful for.

"Please don't waste the Blood of Jesus"

Precious words from an amazing homily I heard today at Mass.

There is a spiritual aching in my heart for more...more of Him...a thirst for His love and consolation...a desire to keep Him first. It hurts so much that it feels like a form of suffering...so much that I can't even cry the tears hidden behind the mask I wear...and something weighs my spirit down, making me so incredibly sad.

I don't know what else to do except to ask Him for what I need...because I can't even tell what that is...what will fill me up and help me reconnect.

My relationship with Him is strong, but not strong enough. I don't want to just reach out for His hand and feel His grip around my wrist. I want to fall into His arms and experience the depth of His love.

So even this aching...I will offer up to Him,
and pray that He will hear the cry of my heart.

Amen.

+AMDG+

"God gave Himself to you: give yourself to God."

– Bl. Robert Southwell

God's greatest gift

Yay! =)

Yes, it's been hot...but it's days like today that I'm kinda glad we live out in the Westside because it's even hotter in BP.

Anyway, I just want to say thanks to my familia for hanging out at the Ukulele Festival this past weekend. It was SOOOO great!!! Very reminiscent of Hawaii where we were sitting under a big tree in the park listening to live Hawaiian music. What was even better was seeing all the folks walking around with their ukuleles, just hanging out and going to all the workshops. Not a huge crowd but I really liked the experience. I also learned different strumming patterns and picking exercises from the instructor who taught Jake in Hawaii! Gary even ran into the moderator of LMU's Hawaiian Club who he knew when he was in college. Super-excited about the electric tuner we bought. I'm so motivated to get more hours of practice in! =)

On a side note, I've come to the conclusion that I really like the month of October. We celebrate the feast of St. Therese on the 1st, the Guardian Angels on the 2nd, St. Francis of Assisi on the 4th, Our Lady of the Holy Rosary today, Meleana's birthday on the 14th, the feast of St. Teresa of Avila on the 15th, and St. Paul of the Cross on the 20th. My parents also got married on the 18th, which makes it even that much more special. It's a little crazy at work with ITBS testing and Parent Conferences, but there's just a spirit of calm amidst the waves I guess you can say. I was stressed out a few days ago, but things are better now. The prayer routine I have with the kids, daily Mass at SJS, and those spontaneous conversations with Jesus help tremendously.

I noticed that some days my tummy looks big and on other days, it doesn't. Very slow weight gain this time around compared to the pregnancy with Meleana. I've only put on 4 pounds since the very beginning. I guess that's good because it's very controlled. Being married to Gary has given me a great appreciation for good food, but I've been disciplined enough not to eat too much of it! I'm determined to keep my sugar levels low enough so that Dr. Baggot doesn't cut EVERYTHING out of my diet like he did last time! I'll have to get some tips from Jaymee... =)

Okay, enough rambling... TTFN!

Where has the time gone?

I just realized that I should let you know (b/c some of you don't)...

I'm 13 weeks pregnant with Kid #2! (well, actually #3 counting Little Gary) Lots of mixed emotions surrounded the first couple of months after finding out - for various reasons - but I've been very grateful ever since we found out. Getting pregnant and staying pregnant is something that I think many people take for granted because they don't realize what kinds of challenges some women face in order to conceive and to carry the pregnancy to term. So I see this child, and every child I have, as a gift...another opportunity to stretch my heart (as Jaymee says) and teach me how to love more deeply than I did before.

Meleana is growing very well and very quickly! She is now starting to walk on her own, though she does not yet have the agility and balance to prefer moving upright as opposed to crawling. It's so cute to watch her hobble across the living room with her arms stretched out in front of her, grinning from ear to ear. She is also very affectionate - like her dad - always giving me kisses, and kissing all of her stuffed animals. Ati Leilani is her favorite playmate, though she is getting more and more and more comfortable with JJ and Jacob. She loves to tug on Jacob and follow JJ around wherever he goes. It's great seeing the kids together...I can't wait for her to have a sibling so she'll have someone to play with at home, too.

Work has been busy lately, but I'm holding up pretty well so far. My classes have been going well, and my students are super-involved in our discussions, which is always nice. There's so much about our faith to share with them, and it's pretty amazing to see them want to grow and pass on the knowledge they gain at SJS. I'm also enjoying my Literature and English classes because I feel like I have a better handle on the curriculum and can do a whole lot more integration than I have in the past. There are some days where I don't quite get a minute to myself, but I must say that I'm having tons of fun doing what I do. There's so much that I learn from the kids and their parents every year, and I always appreciate being a part of their lives in such a special way.

So that's my update so far. Other than hooking up with Lyn-lyn and company to perform at Oktoberfest, there isn't much more going on with us. The weekly hula practices are great catch-up time for me and my sisters...definitely good for us since we don't see each other as often as we would like. We'll move back someday...someday...right, God? =)

Catch up!

Long time no blog...

Started school on 8/27...great class...awesome first few weeks of school...lots to do but trying to pace myself better this year. Third year at SJS is so much more comfortable...finally feeling "settled" and daring enough to try even more new ideas. It's pretty exciting. This is what my third year at St. Paul felt like, and I really did enjoy the experience of not having to acclimate so much...just growing my roots deeper in a place that encouraged me to share the Faith.

Then there was SCRC...SO NICE to be there...saw coworkers, old friends, people who had walked with me over the years...met a wonderful Carmelite Sister - Sr. Catherine Marie - who was a Candidate when I was discerning...met and intro'ed Charles Whitehead (who I only knew from all the articles I read as Servant Leader)...visited Jesus in the Adoration Chapel...always calling me closer...remembering what He gave me through the Charismatic Renewal...thanking Him for those who keep it very much alive.

Facebook...finally joined after Jenn's coaxing and I'm so glad I did. Reconnecting with high school friends who I never thought I'd see again...Katie, Anahita, Angela...it's crazy to realize how fast we've all grown up after graduation 14 years ago. Found out Katie lives not too far from us and Anahita has a baby, too! Can't wait to see them again. And it dawned on me that when I was younger, my group of friends was so incredibly diverse - different ethnicities and religions, different experiences and interests - but we loved each other because we were friends. It's something I do appreciate about going to a public school...developing that respect for differences...drawing upon our shared humanity that bound our friendships together. A microcosm of the world in a way...

LSS...praying for another outpouring of the Holy Spirit...asking again for conversion...sharing with Chentel that the gifts need to be nurtured in an environment that encourages their use...otherwise when God calls you, you tend to be more hesitant...wondering if it's something you "should still be doing"...healing, prophecying, interceding...when once I knew the kind of community the early Church had been...seeing miracles happen...watching hungry souls being fed. There is a reason why I was brought to that group...there is a reason why we all were...He wants us to understand the Church for what and who She truly is...in all her fullness...with all His power...strengthened by the Sacraments...grounded in the Word and Sacred Tradition...and flourishing when Her members are empowered by the Spirit to do as Jesus did, to love as Jesus loved, to serve as Jesus served. No, it isn't about the feelings anymore. It's about what I know and believe to be true based on the promise of Christ to send His Advocate...as the Apostles were called forth in the Upper Room...it's about continuing mission of the Christian Church in the New Testament.

Yes, life happens and it is quite busy...but each day is an offering to Him and I want to live it as such. Praying, Lord...please help me plan my days that I might go and bear fruit that will last (Jn 15:16). Amen.

Fire tries iron

So interesting what sparks and inspires the soul to get up and move again...to realize that something needs to be done for its own renewal...even if its "coming around" is triggered by a flood of tears flowing through the cracks of a broken heart.

CONSECRATION...nothing without You, Lord...stay humble and little...let Thy Name be praised, not mine; let Thy work be magnified, not mine; let Thy Holy Name be blessed, but let nothing be attributed to me of the praise of men....seeking to be poor in earthly things, but rich in grace and virtue...precious and beloved in the sight of God...as my life on earth continues facing the temptations that show me who I truly am...striving to learn what is the acceptable and perfect will of God for the beginning and the perfection of every good work.

ONCE UPON A TIME...has come and gone. Life, in all its dynamic changes, is never the same. We can wish for the simpler days to return, but what wisdom we would lose in the experiences we have gained. I want my relationship with Him to be what it needs to be for the stage and vocation I am in right at this very moment. How I longed for the "self" I had been when I had first fallen in love with Him, when everything was so exciting and new...but I now understand that I must desire a deeper commitment that reaches beyond the feelings...a faith that keeps me FAITHFUL...a love that I continue to choose every day, no matter which direction the winds may blow. And this relationship cannot be dependent on the people in my life...though they are so special and helpful in my walk with Christ...but when they leave or take different paths, in the end it's just Him holding my hand...keeping my eyes set on the promise of Heaven.

How incredibly blessed I am because He loves me. I am smiling because He is filling the God-shaped hole in my heart with Himself. And that's exactly what I needed...

Thank you, Jesus.

Tidbits

CONSECRATION...Day 1 - asking for a pure heart...Day 2 - asking for humility...Day 3 - judge not, and don't be afraid to seek from God what I need. Praise God for spiritual munchies. My soul was hungry, and I'm so happy that there's always food around to satisfy us. It was really nice visiting Jesus at St. Dominic's for the first time with Meleana, even if it was for just a few minutes...

CHOICES...not everyone is going to agree with what we do, how we raise our families, and decisions we make in life. When we started our journey as parents, I had to accept the fact that certain family members would be in stark opposition to the direction we were headed in. Sometimes I have to beg God for the patience when we are told that our methods are wrong or we are making poor choices, and I constantly need the humility to just zip it when I am personally being criticized. Honestly, it hurts because we don't try to intrude into other people's business...we only offer support where we know it fits best and is most needed. I think every family feels what I feel to an extent...some maybe more than others...and it's hard...but thank God for good advisors and priests...and most especially for the peace that comes when you know you are really okay in His eyes. So (*sigh*) I'm letting it go...

E-PORTFOLIO...I actually finished it two weeks ago. It's not the most elaborate website, but it sums up the last two years of my educational experience at LMU. Since my core subject (Religion) isn't part of the CA Credential Subject Requirements and Standards, I focused much of the evidence and assessments on Language Arts, but since I am a Catholic school teacher, I had to sprinkle it with mention of God's place in this particular ministry. He's why I'm here, so of course I had to give him credit. =) Now I'm officially done with my Master's program, but I just have to finish up two more portions of the credential. This means I need to continue teaching for another two school years...which wasn't in the original plan, but it'll all work out somehow. All in God's time... Here's the link to the ePortfolio, if you want to check it out! http://msdyogi.googlepages.com/

VACATION...is almost over. =p I've needed the rest because the past two months have been exhausting without having to teach, for various reasons...I'm hoping that I'll get a burst of energy when I'm back with the kids, but I will miss being with my baby. How the heart aches...moms who work know what I'm talking about!

Okay, time to go. Nice to blog a bit again...I'll be back again later!

Just let it out!

I used to be really good at holding things in. When something would bother me, I wouldn't want to let the other person know because I figured that if I said anything, they would a) get mad at me, or b) think I was being stupid. Some years ago, 90% of the time this was true...so as time went by, I just learned to keep my mouth shut and no one ever knew anything was wrong.

Now that I'm older (and a little wiser), I know that it's best to try and communicate how I am feeling because I remember that when I'd just stuff my issues away, they'd eventually blow up in my face...or rather at the person I was upset with. It's really nice to be open and honest...to have a good, productive conversation about how a situation can improve if both parties are willing to listen to one another.

Thank God for the grace to spill my guts without running into a brick wall or having it get emotionally messy. Gary noticed I'm getting better at it.

I also very much appreciate the fact that SPC has confession every day. I just went last Saturday and needed to go again yesterday because I uncovered MORE issues I was dealing with...stuff from the past that I never let go of. It felt great to be there...to see Fr. Ed again and get his advice...to visit Jesus and hang out with Meleana in the courtyard.

Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately. I've been super-busy working on this ePortfolio for my credential. It's a lot of work but definitely a GREAT way to reflect on my career and what I do for my kids. I'll share it with you guys when I'm done!

Before I go, I have to give you a Meleana update. As of today, she...

• climbs up and down the futon all by herself
  
• stands by herself for a few seconds with a huge smile on her face and her hands above her head to keep herself from falling over
• takes my hands and makes me clap for her when she knows she did something to be proud of
• takes my hands and squishes my cheeks...she loves it when I make a chipmunk face and she pushes the air out of my mouth
• can now find me in the bedroom when she knows I'm in there working
• does this feet-stomping dance, like she's in a hillbilly ho-down
• crawls away when we try to change her diaper...I am now mastering the lap change
  
• tried to feed me her bottle...haha =)

Amazing how she's growing so fast. I will be so sad when summer is over, but I'm very, very grateful that I've had these past couple of months to spend with her and Gary. Teacher vacations are AWESOME. But of course, being home with her full-time will be AWESOM-ER!! =) God willing, someday soon...

Nothing is impossible with God

A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?' The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'. They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together. One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together.'

To which, his father said 'Yes'

For those who don't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island .

Father and son went on to complete the race together. View this:



We often take for granted the grace that God gives us to get through our struggles. Paralyzed by our own fears and psychological handicaps, we tell ourselves that our goals and our dreams are unreachable...our problems too big...our self-esteem too low...never good enough to "shoot for the stars". God is like this father - yet infinitely even more loving, more powerful, more determined to get us to the Finish Line. He wants us to trust that He can get us there...that He will see us through to the end. He wants us to believe that WE will do it together - with the grace and the strength that HE ALONE provides.

Before watching this video, I honestly felt stuck in a number of possible personal endeavors - telling myself that I couldn't do it because of this excuse and that uncertainty. Knowing that these "projects" are things He wants me to do in order to help people wasn't enough. I was too afraid of failure...of judgment...of not making it there. This story shows that truly NOTHING is impossible with God. He has been our Source of Life since the beginning of time...orchestrating our creation long before we walked this earth...just so He could love us. How can I look at Him and tell Him that He's too limited to help me and and all those who say, "Dad, will you take part in this race with me?"

MY GOD, I LOVE YOU. PLEASE HEAL MY UNBELIEF...