Beloved

Life is beautiful.

Family...friends...opportunities...talking about falling so deeply in love with Jesus...accepting our imperfections...forgiving mistakes...transformation...reconciliation...something happening in the Church.

Lots to contemplate, and even more to appreciate.

I'm also praying for a baby named Niko to meet the world with a loud, healthy cry...for his mommy to lift up every minute of labor and childbirth out of love for this child God has given to her. 

These are good times.  So much to look forward to! =)

+AMDG+

Bedtime routine

Tonight: 1st sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, girls are squirmy. 2nd sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, Lea is rolling around, Therese is squirmier. 3rd sorrowful mystery - I stop in-between to try another hold with Therese, Lea wants me to hold her, too..then starts singing and dancing the "Disco Roll". 4th sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, Lea lies down next to me and strokes my arm singing the "Goodbye" song...halfway through 4th sorrowful mystery, Lea starts praying the Hail Mary's with me for the first time!! 5 in a row - whoohoo!! Then Lea looks tired and I tell her she can go to sleep. 5th sorrowful mystery - I'm praying, both girls are asleep. Praise God! It works (almost) every time. =)

Grace is flowing like a river

I just got done chatting with one of my former students from St. Paul of the Cross.  She found me on Yahoo!  and we got to talking...I haven't seen her in 5 years, and she's starting her first year in college!  It was a really nice dialogue...very God-centered...and I was so happy to know that she was doing so well.

Funny thing that I mentioned Gary working at LMU and she was floored because that's where she wanted to go...also to be an athletic trainer!  So I suggested that they talk so she can learn more about the different routes she can take.   It was just weird how I was just thinking of her the other day, and she said she was thinking of me, too...then all of a sudden she gets in contact with me!

It's been such a blessed summer.  So many things have happened...to the point that it's been almost overwhelming in a good way.  Making rosaries...teaching a couple of my students and a grandma...knowing that they want to continue and show others how to make them...coming back to SJS and seeing kids loving to learn during VACATION!...being inspired by friends...learning to dance for GOD...anticipating new additions to the family...

But alas I must go to sleep now,  More rosary making plus a doctor's appointment in the morning, and hula practice at night...so we're up for another long day.

Good night! =)

+AMDG+

Conversation

Prayer. Communion with God. Going to Him for everything...consolation, advice, direction. Sometimes it's hard to remember that we don't have to work too hard to "figure things out"...that it's God who is in control of all the things we're trying to figure out.
"The Lord himself will fight for you; you have only to keep still." That is incredibly encouraging...from the 
Exodus story but very relevant to our own lives. We have no power in and of ourselves, so we must trust Him to work miracles and move mountains just like He said He would.
Yesterday's first reading from the book of Jeremiah talks about "the remnant" that the Lord will gather to Himself. I felt my heart smile as I thought of all the friends I had made over the years who had been part of my journey...scattered but being called back so that "none shall be missing." It was so nice to see familiar souls last week as we came together to pray for baby Bella, Mark, and Micah. Tonight we are heading to Holy Family to help the youth group prepare for their rally...later next month it will be LSS...in September we'll be back at SCRC to actually attend talks again (I'm SOOO excited!).
I've also since been in touch with others along the way...sharing and reconnecting...because we need each other...a phone call, an email, a text just to pray and to let each other know that the Mystical Body of Christ is still very much alive.
Praise the Lord!
+AMDG+ 

Ati and Lea

Leilani is spending a couple of days with us, and Meleana is having SO much fun with her! She arrived yesterday afternoon with Lyn-lyn, Mommy, and JJ and we had lunch here from Versailles (mmmm...). Before falling too deep into a food coma, we all went to the Bridge and played glow-in-the-dark mini golf at Putting Edge. Leilani hit a beautiful hole-in-one, and so did Gary...but I missed his because I was feeding Therese. They gave Meleana and JJ little putters and golf balls so they could participate, too, and JJ was doing so well with trying to hit the ball into the holes. =) It was so cute watching them playing with each other! I was excited over how everybody's clothes glowed. Leilani asked me what glowed on me, and I told her that only my toes glowed...haha! But the putters and golf balls glowed, and we even got little glow bracelets. Very cool! We had some time to walk around, so we swung by Game Stop for Leilani and Gary, then ended with shakes and smoothies from Ben & Jerry's (mmmm again!).

Back at the apartment, Leilani and Lea spent some time drawing/coloring, blowing bubbles, and playing in the watermelon box-turned-clubhouse that Gary made for Lea a few months ago. Leilani thought that we could decorate the inside, so I printed out pictures of Jesus and Mary, curtains, clouds, and a sun (totally her idea). She cut them all out and we taped them to the inside...complete with a "Home Sweet Home" sign to also put up.

As soon as Gary was finished making dinner, they all sat and ate while I took care of the baby. I eventually fell asleep and stayed asleep (which is why I'm up right now) and they played in the house some more, roasted marshmallows, played again, practiced Lea's ABCs on Starfall, and gave her a bath.

My niece is so sweet. Before Lyn-lyn left, she said Leilani was our third daughter. I said she was my daughter even before I had the two girls. I know Emeline feels the same way. We all helped raise her, and Lyn-lyn was so generous to share her with our whole family. I used to take her out whenever I wanted and we'd hang out - usually at Downtown Disney during the summertime and go to daily Mass during the week nights after I'd pick her up from preschool.

I'm so glad she loves our children, and that Meleana gets along so well with all her cousins. The day after seeing them, she's saying over and over, "Ati, Jacob, JJ! Ati, Jacob, JJ!" They're all challenged to learn to share with each other when they play, but that's just a part of growing up. Most of the time, though, they LOVE to laugh together and have Yo Gabba dance parties in Em and Rob's family room. I have such a great time watching them enjoy the time they have as little kids...and Gary has a blast playing with all of them. It definitely keeps us young. =)

Praise God for family!!!

In Your arms

Life is so precious. For as long as we are here, we need to see it for the gift that it is. We just left All Souls Cemetary for Baby Bella's viewing. When Em told me that she died, I wanted to cry. My heart hurt so painfully for Micah and Mark because I couldn't imagine going through such a loss...thinking that everything was fine for most of the pregnancy and then realizing that you would soon have to say goodbye and let her go. It was hard for Gary and I to lose our first baby too, but we didn't have to plan a funeral for him.

Oh, Lord, we are so grateful for the strength you have given them through their faith and the prayers of their family and friends. Thank you for putting it in my heart to give them the picture of You holding the baby in Heaven. It brought so much comfort to us when we lost little Gary and it just seemed like the right thing to do to pass it on to them. And to be there with the family praying the rosary...to ask for healing as we laid hands on them...because we didn't have the words. No one ever knows what to say but You somehow always show us what we need to do.

Please continue to hold Micah and Mark in the shelter of Your loving embrace, and grant them the consolation in knowing that their little girl is with You loving them with Heaven's love. Amen.

Making it work

When I was single, I was very selfish with my time.  It may not have seemed like it because I was always involved in ministry or some kind of service, and I spent so much time at work.  But ultimately, I did what I wanted when I wanted...and when I felt like I needed to get away, I took a long drive...when I wanted to spend time with Jesus, I hopped in my car to go to adoration during late night hours at churches all over SoCal.

Yet parenting has to be one of the greatest opportunities to grow in virtue. Now that I am a mom, I find myself making sacrifices all the time, and I cannot do what I want when I want.  I must meet the needs of my children, make them happy, dry their tears, entertain them when they are bored, feed them, clothe them, change their diapers, and take them with me almost everywhere I go.

A drastic change from what my life was like just less than two years ago.

I complain sometimes (when I really shouldn't) and I get frustrated when days (or nights) don't go as smoothly as I would like them to.  But Gary brought up a really good point last week when I was having a hard time with the kids.  He said that all animal children stay with their mothers until they are ready to venture out into the world.  The mother carries them on her back (or in her pouch)...or for the water-dwellers, the young are found swimming right alongside their mommas...as natural as can be.

I needed to hear that again because I have had to readjust to being at home for summer vacation.  Gary spends most of his time with the kids when I am at work.  So they (especially Meleana) gravitate toward him more then they would to me.  Therese actually enjoys his shoulder much more than mine.  But over the last couple of weeks, Meleana has been very attached to me and it kind of took me by surprise.  I've always been the kind of person that needs "space", so I had to get used to all the attention she was giving and wanting from me.

When I had the conversation with Gary about animal babies and their mothers, I asked God to give me the grace for the kind of mothering I needed to give my girls.  Made in the image and likeness of God, we - more than any animal - have the capacity to love our children the way He loves us.  

I've had to beg for even more grace during Mass when my little toddler wants to run off and play outside rather than sit quietly next to me.  Last Sunday, I spent almost the entire Mass outside with her because she just couldn't hold it together inside.  But I remembered the advice my cousin Jaymee gave to take the kids to daily Mass to help them get used to the routine.  Daily Mass last week was a struggle still since it really depended on whether we were able to get a nap in, but I told Gary that we needed to keep going and taking the kids no matter how difficult it was because the day would eventually come when Meleana would sit there quietly and we would be able to participate.

So today - Sunday - we decided to take another shot at going to SPC.  We were anticipating another challenging Mass because Meleana was constipated and couldn't sleep on the way there.  I read the Mass readings and Gospel on the drive so at least I knew what I might be missing and prayed super-hard for patience in the next hour with her.

You wouldn't believe...

She was PERFECT.  I held her in my arms...she laid on my lap...she watched the kids behind us...and found things in my purse to quietly play with.  When it was time for communion, she held my hand and waited for our turn to go up.  No squirming, no crying, no whining about how uncomfortable she was.

After receiving the Eucharist, I thanked God profusely for keeping her calm and for allowing me to be there in the church the whole time.  As soon as Mass was over, I thanked Meleana for being so well-behaved.  She clapped for herself because she seemed to understand that she did a good job and it meant a lot to me.  I know not every Sunday from here on out will be like today, but I'm so glad I didn't have to wait another 3 years to see it happen.

Day by day...I'm learning how to be more self-giving and loving...less selfish and impatient.  I love my children - I really do - but I have to keep reminding myself that in order to truly love them, I have to deny myself and do for them what my parents did for me.

So yes, I really am enjoying my time off being able to spend so much time with my family because I know that in September I will be sad to leave them again.

+AMDG+

Prepare for revolution

"Every revolution, big or small, requires a change of mentality, and even before that, a change of heart, in order to overcome any resistance there might be to the new situation." (p.169 - A Life with Karol)

*****************************

In true appreciation of the journey...

From Altar Server to Bishop (By Bishop Frederick Henry)

A beautiful life

I shared a lot of stories with my students last week...about a lot of things...marriage, parenting, life. As I reflect on my own journey and see where God has brought me today, I'm able to appreciate the different ways He has called all of us to use our gifts and live our lives.

And as I spent this past weekend with my family in Las Vegas, I looked around me and noticed a whole lot of goodness in each and every one of them. Again realizing that there really isn't "just one way" to be...that we were all called in our own special ways to follow God's will.

One of my nephews graduated from Serra Vista High School this past week, which is why we were all up there. He's planning on going to a JC for now and his brother is going to be a junior at UNLV. They're both AMAZING young men...very respectful, intelligent, talented, so good with the little kids. I had to complement my cousin and her husband for doing such a wonderful job in raising them. Their lola (my ninang) also plays a huge role in their lives, supporting their education and praying with them every night.

What was so nice was that my cousin-in-law Robert noticed I was teaching Meleana her ABCs, and he smiled. He asked me if I was going to homeschool the kids and I told him that we were planning on it, if Gary and I are able to make the switch down the road. He told us that he saw the graduation for homeschoolers in LV on the news and there were 600 kids in attendance. I was surprised because I didn't expect the numbers to be so high...but it was great to hear that there was a solid community of people who decided to go the "unconventional" route and that the city was taking the time to acknowledge them publicly on TV.

We also went to church out there on Saturday evening at this BEAUTIFUL parish called "St. Joseph, Husband of Mary" (wonderful name, isn't it?). Everything about it was unique - even the artwork and architecture - Byzantine style icons and relief paintings of the saints. The priest was really good, too. He did a great job of reminding us all of who Jesus is to us in the Eucharist...that we unite ourselves more and more to Christ in His Mystical Body whenever we receive Communion. And he also said that we should never be afraid to go out and bring His message to others...to serve them in love.

Gary even said that he felt something "different" there...that it was a truly holy place...that the congregation was sincere in their faith...that it was just special. I think it hit him the most through a young disabled teenage boy who was seated near him, singing with his whole heart and soul, truly participating in every part of the Mass.

Yes, I met Jesus in each moment of this weekend...

• in all the little cousins running around with each other
• in each smile Therese gave to her lolos and lolas and the 15 smiles she gave her Ati (yes, Leilani counted them all!)
  
• in the hospitality of Auntie Mary June, Ate Nene, Robert, and the kids
• in my ob who lets me call him on his cell phone on Sunday morning to ask him questions
• in Gary's patience as we sat in traffic long enough to miss the Laker game on TV

A couple of weeks ago, I asked the Holy Spirit to send me into the desert to pray. Well, technically we were in the desert, and I WAS able to pray! Praise God!

Two days of school left! I'm excited for the summer. =) But now it's time to go to bed...

+AMDG+

Swimming upstream

God calls us to be faithful to Him. Not everyone is going to agree with the path we take or how we go about living our lives, but it doesn't really matter what the popular opinion is. What matters is that we live in His will because we know HE LOVES US. There isn't anything He asks us to do that will ultimately bring us harm. God ALWAYS brings us to a better place, even if we sometimes have to make temporary sacrifices.

******************************

On Sunday April 24th 1994, Pope John Paul II recommended this prayer be used by all Catholics as a prayer for the Church when he said:

'"May prayer strengthen us for the spiritual battle we are told about in the Letter to the Ephesians: 'Draw strength from the Lord and from His mighty power' (Ephesians 6:10). The Book of Revelation refers to this same battle, recalling before our eyes the image of St. Michael the Archangel (Revelation 12:7). Pope Leo XIII certainly had a very vivid recollection of this scene when, at the end of the last century, he introduced a special prayer to St. Michael throughout the Church. Although this prayer is no longer recited at the end of Mass, I ask everyone not to forget it and to recite it to obtain help in the battle against forces of darkness and against the spirit of this world."'

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.

Love at all cost

Once upon a time, I asked Jesus to help me love like Him. I asked Him if He could take my broken heart and replace it with His.

This week I was given the opportunity to truly love so many people in my life.

My husband.

My children.

My students.

Each of them was asking me to love them in so many different ways. All 111 of them. That's a lot of people.

I needed to forgive, to accept, to sacrifice, to hug, to listen, to advise, to even reach back into the darkness of my own past and draw out lessons that would teach them who they really are.

And today happened to be another one of those days that cost me. Like I told Mirella, I love these students of mine so much...I pour out my whole heart and soul into everything I do for them...and when they aren't willing to receive, it hurts. I get frustrated, and sometimes I wonder why I try so hard.

But I can't give them any less than this. Every day I choose to come straight home to my family and spend as much time with them as I can. Every morning I leave my family to serve my students and take care of educating them, forming them in the faith, praying with them, and sitting down to talk when they really need me.

Yes, I'm exhausted.

Yet St. Ignatius tells us not to count the cost.

At the end of the day, I am grateful. I'm grateful that God gave me enough grace to get through and love despite the difficulties. I'm grateful that I can still give even when I'm hurting inside or struggling with uncertainties about my own health. I'm grateful that I can still listen when I myself need to talk, and that I can remember the importance of "taking one day at a time."

I really need it to be June 16th, but I don't want these next few weeks to fly by without appreciating the reasons my students give me to stay at SJS.

What did Jesus do when He was this tired?

He went off by Himself to pray.

Maybe He wasn't married with two kids, but He sure did have A WHOLE LOT more "students" than I do. And they followed Him everywhere He went.

I can't imagine.

So I guess it's not so bad. It just means that I need to take a little more time by myself (or with a sleeping baby in my lap) to pray and REALLY talk with God. I've been too busy asking Him for stuff - mostly for other people - that we haven't been doing much conversing.

To the desert, dear Spirit. Please send me to the desert to pray.

Examen

At the end of my day, I find myself replaying every mistake and every blessing...asking myself how I could have done better and being grateful to God for His sustenance and grace. Sometimes I'm weighed down by incredible guilt over little things, and I suppose that can be good if it drives me to change. But I do have to literally cry out the name of Jesus so the bad feelings don't overwhelm me since I'm really good at being hard on myself.

I think in my own mind that even if I was awarded Teacher of the Year, I can do so much better than I have been. It's been so tough lately because in my heart I want so bad to be home with the girls, but after work I still have to grade papers, put together lessons, and make powerpoints. And yet when I'm at SJS I really enjoy helping my students learn about their faith. It was so much easier to be a teacher when I was single because I could devote more time to the school...but if I wasn't working, then I can be more present to my own daughters and care for them the way I think I should.

As God's will has determined, I signed my contract for another year at SJS. I was okay with it since I left it in his hands, and I was happy that I can continue working with my 7th graders as they move on to their 8th grade year. There is so much I want to do with them...so much they haven't yet been exposed to. They like to learn and they remind me every day why I came back to be a full-time teacher three years ago.

Maybe God's allowing me to stay at SJS so Gary is able to build a solid relationship with our kids. When he goes back to work, it will more than likely involve some traveling again and he may not be able to spend as much time with them. So if I look at it that way, I am willing to make the sacrifice right now. At least I have long vacations so I still get my chance to be home for part of the year, which is wonderful. And perhaps through all of this I will be able to better understand how Mommy felt when she was the main breadwinner for our family when Daddy couldn't work.

There is a purpose...actually more than one...and I'm sure God will reveal more to me later on. But like I told my two girls who didn't win the Student Council election, God has a plan and we may just have to wait and see what He has in store.

Made in His Image

I'm teaching the Family Life Unit for the 8th graders this week and next...and I'm not using a book because Scripture, CCC, JPII, Jason Evert, Pam Stenzel were better resources than any widely used "Family Life" books that were out there. Thank God EWTN decided to do a review...praise the Lord for Mother Angelica and her people.

The 8th graders wrote down questions for me the other day. After I was done reading and sorting them out, I looked down at Therese in my lap and said, "Wow, baby, these kids asked some really tough questions." Then she smiled at me with her sweet, comforting, chubby-cheeked grin, and it was as if God was trying to tell me that it was going to be okay.

And at that very moment I was SO glad that she wasn't going to be 13 years old any time soon...

Please pray for us! =)

+AMDG+

The Power of Love

I showed this video to my 7th graders today.

Like Karina said, you don't really see it as actors in a movie...it's as if you're watching the real thing...all the events unfolding before your eyes...the love of Jesus Christ poured out for every single one of us.

For the May Crowning Mass, I'm supposed to do a short reflection on what Mary means to me as a mother. So many thoughts come to mind... And I chuckle to myself because when I was pregnant, I really had no reason to complain because I never had to sit on the back of a donkey for 80+ miles to travel anywhere.

Mama Mary is AMAZING.

I will pray on this tonight...

Memories

Time has healed me, as over the years I have been wrapped in the arms of Jesus. I keep bringing my pain to confession because I've had to dig out the roots of my own shortcomings. It feels wonderful to be able to revisit old memories and not hurt anymore...

And looking back, now I understand.

Why I'm here

"...not because I get rich from this job, but because I love you guys."

The Weight of the Cross

At Therese's baptism some weeks ago, Fr. Sean said that we parents need to help our children carry their crosses...because if we don't they might be too heavy for them. It was such an eye-opener for me because my responsibility as a mom really hit home. As much as I don't want my girls to suffer or ever see them with a broken heart, I understand that unexpected things happen in life and someday they will know and feel very deeply the sorrow that I want to shield them from. Hearing Fr. Sean's message, I knew that the best thing I could do for them is what my parents did for me: teach them who Jesus Christ is and how He is powerful enough to bear any pain or grief or sadness.

Both my mom and dad taught me how to suffer. Granted that I still find myself complaining when I'm tired or frustrated, I try to remember the grace that they received from the Lord to bear their crosses. When my dad had a stroke, he fought for his life. He tried to stay as positive as he could because he knew he was able to get through it 40 years before. He could have died at the young age of 28, paralyzed and put on his deathbed, but he told himself that God could heal him and he did. Before his health took a turn for the worse in March of 2005, I would attend his therapy sessions and I would watch him work so hard to regain his muscle strength. I remember walking into the hospital, seeing him working with the OT and holding a pencil so he could learn how to write again. It was like he was a little child in kindergarten...my heart fell when I thought about how capable he used to be. But he never gave up, and he was so patient through the training we had to go through just so I could help him get in and out of the car, how to use the bathroom, how to get up out of bed.

Mommy has also gone through so much - losing her husband, her job, and her eyesight - those only being some of the trials she has had to endure over the course of her life. She has taught me how to trust in God...to know that He has a plan for us, even when we no longer have what means so much to us. When Daddy got sick, I watched her care for him at night and on the weekends after working at three different clinics. There was no break, especially when she still had four teenagers to raise. I saw in my mom Mary standing at the foot of the cross...through her love and service, our family was able to survive such a difficult time. The Eucharist was her strength - I knew this because she always told me that when no one else seemed to understand what she was going through, she would always pay a visit to the Blessed Sacrament and turn to Jesus because He would never abandon her.

If it wasn't for the faith of my parents, I wouldn't be where I am right now (literally, in my classroom at SJS). If it wasn't for their prayers, I wouldn't have given my own life to Christ and renewed my relationship with God. It was the foundation that they laid for me and my brother and sisters that allowed us to bear the crosses that we have carried and still carry today.

And so will I do for my own family. Yes, it's hard but what other option are we willing to choose? By His grace alone...through the love we have for one another...

Amen.

+AMDG+

Baby Think It Over

I used to work for March of Dimes a long time ago and would go to junior highs and high schools all over the OC with these dolls. This article makes a really good point...you can read for yourself...

Catholic Schools Rethink the Use of Dolls to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

Especially when I'm back to square one with another newborn baby while trying to figure out how to raise a toddler, I have days when I honestly have to remind myself that children are NOT a burden but the greatest gift anyone could ever have. I hate that I don't always remember that when Gary and I are running off of just a few hours sleep each night...but this is where I've been during the past month and a half.

Don't get me wrong. I LOOOOOOOVE my little girls so much...even when Meleana is in time out and I'm having to hold her poor little screaming body at arm's length so she understands that she cannot talk back or do things she knows she is not supposed to do. I wouldn't trade the experience of being a parent for anything in the world. When I come back to the reason why I wanted to be a mother in the first place...how heartbroken I was when we lost our first baby...how much laughter and love our firstborn brings into our home...how our second daughter smiles at me with her chubby little cheeks...I thank God for all of it. ALL OF IT. Yes, even the hard days.

So basically what I'm saying is that we need to teach our young people who may be parents some day that while parenting is a HUGE responsibility, it is also an incredible JOY. I'm glad I got to read this article before putting my Family Life units together for my students in the junior high. I need all the positive messages I can get because exhaustion makes me...umm...not positive.

I wanted to do an update since the last post, but that'll have to wait for another day. Gotta get home to mi familia...

+AMDG+

Resurrection

Basking in the spirit of Easter...

I haven't been blogging lately for a lot of reasons. One being that my laptop has been at SJS for two weeks, so it's forced me to take more time in silence to face myself without a whole lot of distractions. Do you know how hard that is to do? I'm so used to hopping on the computer whenever I have a free time, and when it wasn't available to me I didn't know what to do with myself at first.

I should've given up the internet for Lent. Given the fact that I was working when the season started, I didn't think it was possible...but I could've limited it to work purposes only and told my friends and family to just call instead of email. That's what I'll do next year (after being inspired by Jenn to plan for Lent 2010). In the meantime, I can at least stay off the computer a few days out of the week and use it when only absolutely necessary on those off-days. I'll figure something out. Feels good to be able to detach...

There's a lot to catch up on, and I don't think I can really cover it all. I think yesterday was most monumental, though, so I'll start there.

Last weekend, I told Gary I needed to talk to an SPC priest. I've been struggling in a number of major areas of my life - mostly in the way that I see myself...being afraid to fail...needing to trust God again...surrendering everything to Him...etc. Initially I planned on seeing Fr. Ed, as I usually do, but I decided that I would just go to confession and talk to any of the priests available. When we got to SPC, the big church was closed for repair so we went to the old church and found out that there was no 6:30 English Mass. The Spanish Mass began at 7:00 and since we were already there we decided to stay and just wait for our baptism class to start afterwards. Fr. Ed's homily was about living a life of holiness and being prepared to die at any time. He talked about the Angels pitcher who just recently passed away at 22 years old and reminded us that the saints were always ready to meet the Lord (that's how far my high school Spanish classes got me!). I was really grateful for the message because it helped me realized that my rut was keeping me from counting my blessings every day and doing the most I could to live the kind of fulfilling life God meant for me to have.

At 8:00, we attended the second baptism class for parents. Danny gave a talk about the 10 duties that Catholic parents have for their children. It was a great follow-up to the lessons I relearned when I was cleaning a couple of days ago (I'll have to post about that another day). I needed to hear again what we need to be doing for Meleana and Therese. As young as they are, they need to me immersed into a life of holiness...not neceesarily being taught extensive theological ideas...but learning what it means to love God through the example that they see from us, through the images that they see in our home, through the type of media we expose them to. We need to protect our children from any bad influences that come from the secular world and form their consciences so that they know truly what is right and wrong in the eyes of GOD. From their youth, we need to prepare them for Catholic marriage and foster any call to religious vocation that may come about. All things that I already knew, but I NEEDED TO HEAR IT AGAIN.

I forget so easily, therefore I get discouraged so easily...which is why I needed to talk to a priest. All the couples had the opportunity to go to confession, and I was so happy to see Fr. Larry to receive the sacrament. I wanted to talk to Fr. Ed, but God's providence always reigns supreme - Fr. Larry it was. As soon as he began advising me, I realized that at the darkest moments of my life, he has been the priest I end up talking to...not because I seek him out, but because he just happens to be there. Fr. Ed keeps me on the right track...Fr. Larry helps dig me out of the hole. Why? Because the first thing he always says to me is "God loves you very much." Now, he probably says this to every person he sees, but it's times like this that I need to hear it.

He went on to give me the encouragement I needed, and he said that I cannot let the devil take away my peace. How profound that statement was. Many years ago, a friend of mine committed suicide and it saddened me for days on end. I was working at Kaiser Bellflower at the time, and one pf the nurses there noticed I was down. Irene was her name, and she was very much like a younger Mrs. Triplett (from Verb). She sat me down and after talking with her for some time, she looked me in the eye and said, "Marianne, do not let Satan steal your joy." The memory is a very powerful thing...we store these treasures in our hearts and remember what is most important for our souls because in times of sorrow and darkness, these moments of grace come back to us when we need them most.

I always understood that we battle with the enemy when we fight against temptation and sin, but I forgot that we also battle with him when our peace and our joy are threatened by discouragement and doubt. I made a commitment not to lose, and I begged God for the grace of His peace...of His joy...of His presence in every aspect of my life.

I need Him to take over again. I really do. My salvation depends on it. The salvation of my family depends on it. The salvation of my students are so greatly affected by it.

At all cost...whatever it takes...we have to get to Heaven.

+AMDG+

Renewal

It's Holy Week. This has probably been one of the most enlightening Lenten seasons I have ever experienced. My soul went through a deep-cleaning of sorts, and I must say that I'm glad I finally let go of the fear...the shame...the guilt...the pride. I would imagine that somehow there is still some residue left, but when I start to notice the build-up I need to let God give me a good scrubbing.

Confession before Palm Sunday vigil Mass was so refreshing. I always walk out of the confessional feeling so much better than I did when I walked in, but there's something extra-special about participating in Mass and receiving Holy Communion with a clean heart.

Our second daughter, Therese Hope, was also born last March 13 at 3:17pm...another Lenten blessing. She is a beautiful baby and such a wonderful addition to our family. Meleana loves her so much! You can already see her taking on the big sister role: throwing away the diapers after we change Therese, giving her kisses and wanting to hold her. It's so nice to see her enjoying the presence of another child at home. =)




There have been many opportunities for prayers, sacrifice, and self-denial accompanied with abundant graces and blessings that I did not deserve. And so during the holiest time of the year, I renew the offering of my heart - as imperfect as it is - in a recommitment to the Cross so that my children may know who Jesus Christ is in the love that I give them, in the patience that I show them, and in the faith that I share with them.

"Be not afraid..I go before you always..."

+AMDG+